<p>The mistake that Andi realized her son made was to not “show the love” to any of the schools they deemed to be “safeties”. It wasn’t just bad luck, it was her not knowing how the system can work sometimes.</p>
<p>That’s true - their biggest mistake was taking schools like WUSTL and Oberlin for granted…</p>
<p>And gee, have I learned from those who tread these waters in previous years… This process has been much easier and successful than we dared hope because of the wisdom of you long-timers! :)</p>
<p>"Some also pointed out, for good or bad, that I am a very tpical “asian parent”. I think all parents would like to talk about their kids. WHen we were attending the state U scholarship competition, I experienced it the first hand. In the conference center, there were two white couples sitting a row apart not far from us. Their voice was so loud that 1/2 of the people may have heared them. “she wants to go to Harvard.. our EFC is …, what about xxxx U? etc etc. In other words, it does not matter what race we are. We all talk about our kids very proudly.”</p>
<p>Well, they’re tacky too, then, I guess. </p>
<p>BTW, congrats on Vandy for your daughter! It’s unfortunate that what made you feel good about the Vandy acceptance was that you thought it meant she was competitive for other schools, as opposed to just being happy about the Vandy acceptance.</p>
<p>Vandy’s an excellent school. Even if nothing else rolls in, she has Vandy and she has OSU Honors, and you have $112K in the bank to pay for this all. What is the problem, again? It’s a problem 99% of parents would love to have.</p>
<p>“It’s unfortunate that what made you feel good about the Vandy acceptance was that you thought it meant she was competitive for other schools, as opposed to just being happy about the Vandy acceptance.” </p>
<p>Pizzagirl: thank you, I’ve wanted to say that all day… it’s too bad that Vandy doesn’t track demonstrated interest; maybe they would have realized that DadII’s d was only applying to ensure that they were “competitive for other schools”…I feel bad for all the others who have Vandy at the top of their list while those admitted do not really care (but I guess that could also apply to OSU!)</p>
<p>aawwww, not worth it. :)</p>
<p>Oh, c’mon. You jump on this guy no matter how he turns a phrase. It demonstrates respect to Vandy that he realizes if she’s competitive there, it’s indicative, hopefully, that she might be in the running elsewhere also. Early-ish acceptance news while waiting for many results is simply feedback. We all muse upon new information trying to put it into a pattern. No insult to the new information.</p>
<p>Parents facing this process for the first time don’t have a clue how their kid will fare. Then in early Spring, a result comes in here or there so they get a “glimmer” if they’re on the right track or not. That’s all I read into this particular comment.</p>
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<p>Where does this come from? Have posters opined that this is not a place to bring questions and concerns? Was this ever an issue?</p>
<p>Fwiw, the questions of DadII were answered and his concerns addressed. Ad nauseam, I’d say!</p>
<p>“In other words, it does not matter what race we are. We all talk about our kids very proudly.”</p>
<p>True. At the same time, I’m hoping that I’m not doing anything that is going to totally embarrass them. Maybe I should say that I’m trying not to do anything else that is going to embarrass them!</p>
<p>Makes me think back to when I was doing the rounds of the local elementary schools before D1 started kindergarten. One school in particular had a super-hothouse reputation, and there were a lot of very, very eager parents. One couple in particular caught my attention: seated in the front row, they held a large binder, prominently labelled “Roderick’s Education” (Roderick’s name has been changed to protect the guilty). </p>
<p>I wonder occasionally about how Roderick is doing 
My kids, who think this story is hilarious, wonder about how Roderick is doing! When I went to the first meeting at D1’s school about college apps, both kids and my spouse all independently asked why I hadn’t labelled my notebook “D1’s Education”. I live in fear that some day my kids will be telling someone this story, only to have the kid say “Hmm, that’s funny, my name is Roderick, and I went to that school…”</p>
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<p>It’s subtle, I realize, but the key word left out from what I wrote is, “his,” as in Dad II’s, unique questions and concerns as he expresses them. </p>
<p>Does it have to be overtly stated — as in hey, stereotypical parent with unacceptable way of expressing yourself DON’T post your misguided concerns and problems here, not in Parents Forum and not anywhere else for that matter, or else! — for someone to get just that message after reading some of the responses to his comments. And don’t post your issues too often, lest someone feel they are being forced to open your thread and read your posts “ad nauseum.” </p>
<p>Don’t do it unless you enjoy being openly insulted (though sometimes those posts are deleted).</p>
<p>Don’t do it unless you don’t mind being compared to a bratty recalcitrant 2-year-old.</p>
<p>Don’t do it unless you are willing to be skillfully ridiculed and raked over the coals …in other words unless you have a pretty thick skin. </p>
<p>For some people, the villification of another poster tends to have a chilling effect on what they themselves might consider posting. That makes it less of a place where people are comfortable bringing their questions and concerns. JMHO. That’s where “this” was coming from.</p>
<p>To clarify my point – I do not share DadII’s values, and I would never pull the plug on a child’s work. I don’t behave this way, and I don’t have these expectations of my children. I’m grateful about this, not smug.</p>
<p>However, I have felt despondent, plenty of times, for things others thought were trivial. I was trying to shed light on that phenomenon.</p>
<p>And I have felt anxious, very anxious, for my kids at times when others could see no source for anxiety. I remember when S was little (under a year) and a little butter ball and the doctor said I was nursing him too much. Since I have a weight problem I was really bent out of shape. Cousins whose son was a premie and teeny tiny were really critical toward me because I was worried about something so “trivial”. </p>
<p>Now both boys are healthy, thriving, slim, and at colleges they love.</p>
<p>Yes, DadII has some regrettable ideas, but I can recognize parts of myself.</p>
<p>I would like to apologize to the students and applicants to OSU. I’m sure your school is wonderful, and to those waiting, good luck!</p>
<p>Even as a University of Michigan alum, I hate to see OSU trashed this way. Well, not really…wait, yes I do!</p>
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LOL. Well, if we WERE talking football, and OSU was playing Satan"s Own Henchmen --I’d have to take the Henchmen but I’d have to get a couple of points too. ;)</p>
<p>But sports rivalries aside, it’s a school worthy of my daughter had she chosen to apply. I’d be a proud OSU Parent. Maybe even buy another T-shirt. ;)</p>
<p>Trashing of OSU and pulling of plugs almost no one would advocate.</p>
<p>But, on the other hand, I for one will join the few confessing to harboring some thoughts similar to Dad II. Doesn’t matter which ones. Actually I have no issue with OSU myself:).</p>
<p>At a high level however I can see some of my attitude in his posts. </p>
<p>It’s not an attitude I want to be supported in. I know I should do better. I try, with all the legacy of generations of the WASP definition of good behaviour, not to manifest my bad attitude. At least not too much.</p>
<p>But it’s there, lurking. Or occasionally yelling, but I hope mostly only privately to myself. So when Dad II posts, it makes me feel better that someone is copping to some of the feelings I try not to have but do anyway. At least he’s not pretending to be all righteous. Which is not BTW a reference to any poster here.</p>
<p>I live in the region of simultaneous smooth-mouthed ambition is an evil thing let’s all eat granola AND killer achievement obsessions. Sometimes both in the same person. So from my perspective some times it’s comforting to see someone who isn’t second-guessing his or her own opinions. Some one who seems to feel that a little base humanity in all its weakness is OK.</p>
<p>However, beyond my own selfish need to know I’m not the only one, it really only comes down to Dad II’s daughter. If she is rolling her eyes and knows he really loves her, fine. If she is wounded, totally not fine.</p>
<p>So there you have it.</p>
<p>Exactly alumother,</p>
<p>I think and hope she does know. And I have trouble when so few people here know of my son’s school, even though it is an amazing place. This is human nature. Eww!</p>
<p>Edit: decided it was really better as a p.m. . Sorry.</p>
<p>Well, if you want to hear something really stupid, I felt bad when a linked article said Wellesley and Smith are “have to get into places” and Barnard wasn’t even though its acceptance rate is lower.</p>
<p>Talk about a ridiculous reason to feel bad. Geez.</p>
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<p>Try again, Jazz! The image of the two year old was in direct context and in direct answer to a comment about hand holding. </p>
<p>Why don’t you quote the substantial advice and support offered by … the same author?</p>
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It took my husband most of the summer to learn how to pronounce D’s school correctly. Geesh.</p>
<p>Xiggi: You’re right in that you have posted helpful and constructive responses to DadII. But I don’t think those earlier posts makes being compared to a 2-year-old who bites and jumps up on the bench for more attention any less belittling, if not insulting. That’s how I see it, as I said, imo. DadII seems to have a pretty thick skin, so maybe he doesn’t see it that way at all.</p>