<p>Dad II, I agree with all the above people who said that it is especially painful when it’s your own kids. Thank heavens for CC, though…Last year, during the Feb-April timeframe, I kept close watch here for when others started getting info from schools, and then scholarship notification. Then, if D got mail, I could have an idea of what was inside it, and still stay out of her mail!! She gave me full permission to monitor her college website/status pages, so I pretty much kept an eye out there, too.</p>
<p>For the disappointments, I could get through the disappointment, indignation, and/or disbelief and then get everything put back into proper perspective BEFORE she got home from school. Usually, she wasn’t nearly as bothered as I had been!!! For the rejection she received, she was “expecting” it, although had still kept her hopes up. When she received the dastardly news, we took on a “well, it’s THEIR loss” attitude. In terms of scholarships, in the end, she didn’t get the top scholarship the school she sometimes considered her #1, she didn’t get the top scholarship at UNC-CH, which is where we wanted her to go (and she desperately did not, but told us that she would go there if she got the $$), and ended up at the school that showed her the most love…and she has constantly said that she can’t imagine having made a better decision.</p>
<p>Whether it’s divine intervention, or karma, or whatever, on important decisions like this, things usually fall into place the way they are supposed to. Good luck getting through the rest of the ups and downs ahead in the next couple of months.</p>
<p>My son and I went throught the same thing. He fell in love with Skidmore and went ED1. Much to our surprise, he was deferred. We were both crushed and both felt horrible. A funny thing happened over the next couple weeks. Offers from other colleges started coming in. Nice Merit awards, personal letters from department chairs and an invitation for our family to spend the weekend at a college to congratulate him on winning a nice scholarship. What was a horrible weekend (when we got the deferrment news) has become an opening for him to explore other colleges. We are waiting on four other colleges, but what crushed us at the beginning was actually a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason. If he had gotten in, none of these wonderful things would have meant anything to him. Keep your head up, I am convinced everything happens for a reason and it will all work out!</p>
<p>I’m not surprised your D was less upset than you were. And now that you know how resilient she is, maybe things will feel easier for you too, going forward. She sounds wonderful–try to enjoy all the good times in these months.</p>
<p>Oh, and I agree that you may not hear things exactly at the same time as others on CC. My son got most of his notifications 2 days later than was being reported here. We just get our mail slower in VT, I guess.</p>
<p>Am I wrong in assuming that D is definitely accepted if she was in the running for this scholarship? If so, isn’t getting accepted to Vandy a reason to celebrate all by itself?</p>
<p>Stickershock: No, just beng in the running does not guarantee acceptance; all are invited to apply…that being said, given DadII’s perspective, I don’t think admittance in and of itself would please him without a scholarship…the rest of us would be thrilled with “just an acceptance”…</p>
<p>Dad II, you do know that a tiny percentage of applicants get these particular scholarships, right?</p>
<p>Our S was in the running for 2 of the above. For your mental health, I suggest that you assume that she will not get any of these, and then celebrate wildly if she does. (Crown Royal will work)</p>
<p>Midmo,
I’ve been on CC since 2003-04 when our eldest was applying. Now it is D2’s turn. I’m sure all her friends and interested parents have read my posts! In fact, I posted once on D1’s college thread and one of the posters actually named my daughter and asked if I was her mom! So, beware…</p>
<p>Oh my gosh..don’t we all know that some parents only expect perfection in all things for their child, that their child needs to have ALL options open, that even one non acceptance is seen as failure></p>
<p>why we feed that neurosis, I don’t know</p>
<p>when you kid has many good options, is healthy, isn’t in trouble, for the parent not to be able to function is just strange…imagine the pressure on a kid to not “fail” in order to keep the parent mentally healthy</p>
<p>She didn’t get rejected. She was part of a tiny, tiny group of kids who are in the running for incredibly competitive scholarships. She wasn’t picked to move on for consideration in this particular one. Lock up the liquor cabinet.</p>
<p>“If one student did not make the cut at one similar school, does it mean basically the student is not that competitive overall?”</p>
<p>Why would it mean that, Dad II? Why would you have any reason to think that dd isn’t just as competitive as anyone else applying to those caliber schools? She is easily competitive – but there are simply not enough slots at those schools to take everyone who is qualified, so it becomes a lottery.</p>
<p>DadII, I have followed your posts for awhile now, and I stand by what i said</p>
<p>Sadness is one thing, being so upset you don’t think you can handle a meeting because your D wasn’t picked from an already very competitive pool is something else</p>
<p>my kids have had disappointment, and I feel really sad and bad for them, but then i look at the other side, and so do they…</p>
<p>my D lost an election in middle school to the Mean Girl…it was really hard…i felt terrible for my D, it was crushing for her, for those few hours…then we picked up, brusher ourselves off, and said, hey, we can do this instead, and you know what, it was probably one of the best things that she didn’t win that election…other doors came into view and opened wide</p>
<p>and you need to be prepared for LOTS of disppointments, rejections, not getting everything, etc in your Ds life- getting dumped, not getting straight A’s, failing a college midterm, having a not perfect roommate, someone in life dying, D not being perfect…</p>
<p>your d will be just fine, and its okay to be sad, but if THIS makes you feel this bad, i can’t imagine what you will feel like if she doesn’t get accepted to YOUR fave school</p>
<p>"CGM, I felt hurting when my kid got rejected. it is not about failing nor expect perfection. </p>
<p>Based on many replies, I would say this type of reaction after a bad news is normal."</p>
<p>I think there is a happy – or perhaps unhappy? – medium here.</p>
<p>To be disappointed is perfectly normal. To be devastated to the point of being unable to work all day indicates a level of over-investment in the process, especially when so many decisions are still pending. </p>
<p>If your dd is reading your posts, then I want to say Hi, Daughter II! You sound like an amazing kid.</p>
<p>CGM, if your point is that you are a better person than I am. Then you win. </p>
<p>My point was that I thought I were prepared to handle things like this. But the fact I were not and the impact was much greater than I expected. </p>
<p>I know will be many more to come in our life time. So we learn from each time and one beer may get me over the next one.</p>
In fact, I posted once on D1’s college thread and one of the posters actually named my daughter and asked if I was her mom! So, beware…</p>