<p>I agree fully witn NSM. Your son has to be willing to get help for himself. You can make it a condition of his continuing at college to go to counseling but empty compliance is not going to cut it. You may just be putting a temporary hold on his problem. </p>
<p>One good thing about them being in college is that their semester grades give you some indication of how they are complying with their requirements. If they are not making it to class or not getting through the term, they do not belong in school. That failure is often what is needed to get help that is needed. In the meantime, do get someone experienced to work with you so that you know what to expect and what to do and not to do.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that he may not be 'addicted' to the game or anything else. It could just be that he's occupying himself with playing a game that he likes in lieu of socially interacting with strangers in a new and unfamiliar and possibly for him, uncomfortable location. Some kids aren't as social as others and some of them 'really' like these games. Others might spend an inordinate amount of time watching TV, on Facebook/Myspace, IMing, web surfing, or even on CC. Other students spend an inordinate amount of time sleeping. </p>
<p>I'm not saying he doesn't have addictive behavior but it's possible he might not as well.</p>
<p>"He's 18 and as far as I know, a parent can't withdraw a student who is of legal age. The student must be the one to do the paperwork. At 18, whatever parental control you had on him in the past is legally gone."</p>
<p>Not true -- if the parents are paying for his education. If the parents stop paying, the college will kick out the student for nonpayment. It's next to impossible for a student under age 24 to file for financial aid by becoming an emancipated minor. So, those who control the gold have lots of power.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, what's preventing the S from buying yet another gaming system. He'd sold one over the summer, and bought another in college. If he really wants a gaming system and is addicted to gaming, he'll find a way to replace the one that he gave to his granddad -- even if it means he'll have to sell his textbooks to do so.</p>
<p>You are right again Northstarmom. But, I think I'm right too when I say that a parent can't withdraw the student from the college. If a withdrawal from college is something that this parent is considering, it can't be done without the student initiating it and doing the paperwork.</p>
<p>I wonder if this kid has a credit card and if so, is it his credit card or is it an additional card under the parent's credit card account. If it's the latter, the parent's may want to call the credit card company and have the card closed out.</p>
<p>nysmile and northstarmom -- I was just reading through this thread and realized that noone else had commented that the young man had gone out and bought another system once he got to school when I saw your posts. </p>
<p>Curbing his spending $$ may keep him from getting a new system temporarily -- until the need is so strong he decides to get a job to pay for it with his own funds.</p>
<p>OP, glad your dad was able to have a good conversation with him, but agree with the others, S needs to make the next move towards getting help. You're not alone.</p>
<p>"Then, I got a call from a professor who was trying to find him, to see if he was staying in a class he had been to but didn't' show up one morning, second clue. "</p>
<p>This is very odd as it's against the privacy law for professors to do things like say a student hasn't been attending class.</p>
<p>Don't know what the situation is regarding this student and a credit card but I was wondering if he had a credit card in his possession.</p>
<p>I can't figure out if this thread is based on a real situation or some weird need for the poster to get attention and sympathy from CC. Truth is, it's too similar to last year's thread. Same story line but different setting. </p>
<p>I'm not trying to be mean but there are some strange things about this story. As northstarmom pointed out, it would be extremely unlikely for a professor to call home regarding attendance. I'm going to bow out of the thread for a while and see how it plays out. If it is a real situation, good luck to all involved.</p>
<p>If he is so addicted to the game, he will find someway, somehow to play. There are kids at school that have a system that may lend it to him, he can play computer games, he can hock his books, get a loan,...lots of ways. I would talk to him, e-mail him regularly, send him letters and lots of encouragement to stay in class and do what he should be doing. If he does not make it through the term or fails his classes, the support should end with strong advice to go through some heavy duty counseling. It's a tough road.</p>
<p>There may be a privacy law for professors not to talk to parents, but in reality, they do. As a matter of fact, they are more responsive to parents than to students.</p>
<p>When we went to a small LAC a few years back for accepted student day, the school specifically said they would pay attention to students' attendance record. They would check up on students if they do not go to classes. I don't remember if they said they would contact parents if necessary.</p>
<p>In my experience, I've never had any problem speaking with school's administrators, professors, or health professionals even though my daughter is over 18. She has never signed any waiver. My sister, as a lawyer, has told me that as long as I could prove she is my dependent and I am paying for her expenses there is no need for the waiver.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Truth is, it's too similar to last year's thread. Same story line but different setting.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Those of us with S's in the 17-27 age range are very familiar with this game addiction. 2 of mine have flunked out due to this addiction, as have their friends. The story line is the same for many of us. If you have not lived it you do not realize how prevalent it is. They are adults and if they drop or flunk out and you do not support them, they can and will continue, even if they work low level jobs to afford it. . The only bright note I can give is that at age 25 S2 is finally getting his act together and is going back to school. Of course he has to pay for it himself now and is managing. Now if only S3 would get there, too.</p>
<p>"My sister, as a lawyer, has told me that as long as I could prove she is my dependent and I am paying for her expenses there is no need for the waiver."</p>
<p>Sorry, I said that I was backing out of this thread but I need to respond to this statement. I don't want parents thinking that this information is correct. Oldfort, you may have misunderstood what your lawyer sister told you.</p>
<p>Fine to look for a student, but not fine to reveal the student hasn't been in class. So, it would have been fine for the prof to call the parents to find out if the student was there, not fine to say why the prof called.</p>
<p>Taught at a nurturing public where the Privacy Act was drilled into profs. H, who still teaches there, had a student who had been absent for a while, and the student's friends approached H out of concern for the student whose behavior, they said, was alarming. H eventually called the student's parents, who took the student out of school and got him help. H didn't call the parents, however, until he had talked to H's dean to get permission since it seemed the student's life was at risk.</p>
<p>It ended up that the student was having severe emotional problems. After getting help, he returned to the school and thanked H.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, parents don't realize that students can even go to jail for legal problems, but schools can't inform parents about this. This happened to some students at H's college. The dean bailed the students out. Unless the students told their parents, they never knew.</p>
<p>How could the dean make that exception? I would think if it is a privacy issue, there is a set course of action that needs to be taken. A dean can give permission or call, but not a prof? I'm not sure at all how the rules work at this. If an adult does not show up at work, co workers, bosses certainly can call and ask where he is. Any adult can call another adult's family when he is not where he has committed to be. I don't think a prof or employer can discuss a student/employee's performance with others but either can ask where a student is and express concern for his absence over time.</p>
<p>This ABCnews story might be helpful to the OP:
At the height of his Internet addiction, Ben estimated that he spent at least 16 hours a day surfing the Web.</p>
<p>"Days would pass before I would shower, shave or eat," Ben told ABCNews.com.</p>
<p>The college student, who asked that his last name not be used because of privacy concerns, said that he simply could not get off the computer.</p>
<p>Ben said he would play computer games until the sun came up and then sleep for a few hours during the day. Eventually, he simply lost interest in the world around him and flunked out of college.</p>
<p>It wasn't until his online obsession drove him to attempt suicide that Ben sought help at the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery -- the only in-patient facility in the country that treats patients for Internet addiction. ABC</a> News: Can't Stop Web Surfing? Go to Rehab</p>
<p>When I went to college, there was a kid who did not shower, shave or eat for days. He was zonked on pot. He stunk up the room so badly that his roommate moved out and his hall mates threw him in the shower. He was out at the end of the semester, and the room had to be fumigated. He was the talk of the campus.</p>
<p>nysmile - I asked my sister if it was necessary for my daughter to sign a waiver before she left for school. She told me no. She told me it was an misinterpretation of privacy law concerning dependents. It's late, but I will contact her tomorrow to get further clarification. Once I heard her said no, I just heard a lot of blah, blah, blah from her.</p>
<p>When may a school disclose information to parents of dependent students?</p>
<p>Under FERPA, schools may release any and all information to parents, without the consent of the eligible student, if the student is a dependent for tax purposes under the IRS rules.
Can a school disclose information to parents in a health or safety emergency?</p>
<p>The Department interprets FERPA to permit schools to disclose information from education records to parents if a health or safety emergency involves their son or daughter.
Can parents be informed about students' violation of alcohol and controlled substance rules?</p>
<p>Another provision in FERPA permits a college or university to let parents of students under the age of 21 know when the student has violated any law or policy concerning the use or possession of alcohol or a controlled substance.
Can a school disclose law enforcement unit records to parents and the public?</p>
<p>Additionally, under FERPA, schools may disclose information from "law enforcement unit records" to anyone - including parents or federal, State, or local law enforcement authorities - without the consent of the eligible student. Many colleges and universities have their own campus security units. Records created and maintained by these units for law enforcement purposes are exempt from the privacy restrictions of FERPA and can be shared with anyone.
Can school officials share their observations of students with parents?</p>
<p>Nothing in FERPA prohibits a school official from sharing with parents information that is based on that official's personal knowledge or observation and that is not based on information contained in an education record. Therefore, FERPA would not prohibit a teacher or other school official from letting a parent know of their concern about their son or daughter that is based on their personal knowledge or observation.</p>
<p>I would think a student not showing up for class but not dropping it sufficient reason for concern, but few professors will bother calling the student, much less parents about the lapse. But if a student is not leaving his room to a point where something is clearly wrong, a parent should be notified. It is the job of the RA to make that call after observing the student. The roommate is concerned, which is enough of a reason to give the situation a good looky see. It may just be that he is spending every bit of free time in the room playing video games. Or he might truly be addicted. That has to be determined. I knew a kid who spent most of his time in bed. Always tired. Something was wrong, but not enough to do anything other than express concern to him. He was getting to class and eating and doing the bare essentials, but otherwise was in bed. He somehow made it through college despite spending most of his time in his room.</p>