<p>oldfort---WOW! I stand corrected. The info that you posted goes against everything that we were told during numerous college information sessions over the years. Why in the world then do colleges make it a point to tell parents that when their kids turn 18, any information about them will only be given with written consent from the student (via a waiver)?</p>
<p>
[quote]
When a student turns 18 years old or enters a postsecondary institution at any age, all rights afforded to parents under FERPA transfer to the student. However, FERPA also provides ways in which schools may share information with parents without the student's consent. For example:</p>
<p>Schools may disclose education records to parents if the student is a dependent for income tax purposes.</p>
<p>Schools may disclose education records to parents if a health or safety emergency involves their son or daughter.</p>
<p>Schools may inform parents if the student who is under age 21 has violated any law or its policy concerning the use or possession of alcohol or a controlled substance.</p>
<p>A school official may generally share with a parent information that is based on that official's personal knowledge or observation of the student.
[/quote]
<p>I wouldn't think that a kid playing a video game a lot in the first few weeks of school would constitute a health or safety emergency. And skipping some classes either on purpose or by sleeping through them is something routinely done by many college students. There are some classes where students still end up with 'A's despite only showing up for tests - classes that are easier and where the prof posts lecture notes online.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Yes, his professor did call and said he had been to 2 of his classes but didn't go the third and since there is a long wait list for that class, he needed to reach my son and couldn't' reach him on his cell so called our home number (possibly not realizing it was our home number) and told me he was trying to reach him to see if he was dropping it or staying in it. Doesn't' matter if it is or is not supposed to happen, it DID happen.</p></li>
<li><p>He did have a debit card, and did have money to buy the system, clearly a mistake. The balance has been removed and now we agreed we will put 20.00 in a week, and monitor all activity and for everything else he can use his own college card.</p></li>
<li><p>He is attending classes, and is getting his work done, but since he doesn't' know what the word moderation means, he cannot have a system period.</p></li>
<li><p>We had a long conversation last night and he did open up to me that he was feeling anxious about socializing, meeting new people and those that were reaching out to him are big "partyers" (heavily into drinking which he is not) and that he wasn't' sure if he wanted to hang out with those types. He said the reason he bought the system is that it was familiar, gave him something to do, it all made perfect sense and I commended him for his honesty, we had the best conversation we have had in months. I spoke to him about seeking a counselor and he first said he doesn't' believe in them, but afterwards said that he would consider it. I told him he is not the first nor the last to be going through something like this.</p></li>
<li><p>So.....he said he is going to focus on classes, knowing his professors and keeping up his grades. In addition he said he will start running again and reaching out socially.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I know this is not the last bump in the road, but for now I feel better knowing the "poison" is out of the picture, and he understands that he cannot have it. He does not have a job, and does not have extra money to buy a system.</p>
<p>Now I was thinking of calling the counseling center myself and just briefly explaining the situation and maybe asking if they can reach out to him? Do you think they will do that?</p>
<p>Most counseling centers will reach out to your student. You can also stay in touch with your son via phone and e-mail and make it clear that you need to get feed back from him. Counseling maybe one of the conditions that you make for paying his college. Do let him know that you are calling the center. Also be aware that video games are on computers, other kids have systems, the college may have systems so you are not out of the woods. It is tough when you are in unfamiliar surroundings and you have an out that puts you to ease. He needs another way to cope and counseling may help him that way. Good wishes to him and for you. It is so tough with a kid out there on his own.</p>
<p>Thanks, I will call over there this morning and maybe get something going....knowing my son as I do he will not readily reach out to someone but if someone calls him I think he would consider meeting with them, goodness knows plenty of kids take advantage of this and should. I know we are not out of the woods, but since this is relatively a new thing in my sons life (in other words he was not withdrawn and antisocial for most of high school but in fact was active and social) he does see that this is not "really him". He does want to be the way he used to be, so with some support I am fairly confident he can get there. It is hard when they are on their own and we are not famliar with their new environment. I am hoping someone over in counseling can help steer me in the right direction. Thank you for your concern.</p>
<p>You might want to delve into the schools's website and try to find some clubs and activities that you think your S would enjoy. Then when you talk to him you can make some suggestions for where he may find kids and activities he would like. Encouraging a return to running is a good start.</p>
<p>I want to comment on the FERPA rules. Though a college may be permitted to contact the parents, the fact of the matter is that they rarely, rarely do. My college kids have had situations that were quite serious and I was never contacted. The only correspondence we ever received and still receive from them is parent specific and usually has to do with money. Everything else goes to my son. Any trouble, incidents, probations, counseling issues, police issues, drinking problems were NOT reported. And when we sniffed out trouble and called, we were not entitled to the info from the school.</p>
<p>My lawyer sister said it is because most schools do not have the correct understanding of privacy law. My daughter's school has no problem giving out information whenever I have called. Other parents have called the health center and were able to get information on their kids' medical treatments - that's how some of them have found their kids are sexually active.</p>
<p>I will just add that when my S did have academic issues, we absolutely were contacted. He does not recall signing any waiver.</p>
<p>Most colleges do not want to bother. Also kids go in and out of trouble regularly and it is difficult to determine when to contact parents. You end up operating as a high school if you are not careful.</p>
<p>I am surprised that Columbia contacted you, Garland. Friends with kids at Columbia had the opposite experience. I know that Barnard was not very proactive either as my close friend had some nasty surprises this year.</p>
<p>Maybe it depends on the type of issue, cpt. The letter we got seemed pretty standard for what it was dealing with; I assume it was the norm for that particular issue.</p>
<p>Both of my boys have been on academic/disciplinary probations at times at college. Neither college ever let us know and the one time we got wind of it and tried to get details, we were stonewalled. Had to haul myself up there and get to the bottom of it. Most of the times, the kids did dig themselves out of their problems without our involvement, but the issues could have been very serious and led to suspension, expulsion, incarceration, hospitalization (actually did), death. Two very different schools, same reactions.</p>
<p>" We had a long conversation last night and he did open up to me that he was feeling anxious about socializing, meeting new people and those that were reaching out to him are big "partyers" (heavily into drinking which he is not) and that he wasn't' sure if he wanted to hang out with those types. He said the reason he bought the system is that it was familiar, gave him something to do, it all made perfect sense and I commended him for his honesty, we had the best conversation we have had in months. I spoke to him about seeking a counselor and he first said he doesn't' believe in them, but afterwards said that he would consider it. I told him he is not the first nor the last to be going through something like this."</p>
<p>Please make an appointment today with a therapist experienced with working with families affected by addictions.</p>
<p>What addicts of all kinds are excellent at doing is rationalizing and justifying their behavior. That's exactly what your S is doing. He is telling exactly what he thinks you want to hear. There's no evidence that he thinks he has a serious problem. If he did, he would be running to the school's counseling office.</p>
<p>Think about it: From what you've posted, he had indicated before that he didn't believe in continuing to play Warcraft. Yet, after his system was taken away allegedly with his approval, he bought another one. </p>
<p>"Thanks, I will call over there this morning and maybe get something going....knowing my son as I do he will not readily reach out to someone but if someone calls him I think he would consider meeting with them, goodness knows plenty of kids take advantage of this and should."</p>
<p>I highly doubt that any college counseling center would call a student because their Mom called expressing concern that the student was playing Warcraft too much. It's not as if his life is at risk.</p>
<p>If you S wants counseling, he'll go to the center. </p>
<p>The best thing that you can do for him and you is to get counseling for yourself so you get support, learn about how to help him while not inadvertently harming him or yourself. </p>
<p>Here's a link to a site, On-Line Gamers Anonymous that includes help for families as well as the addicts. It seems to operate similarly to groups for other types of addicts and their families.</p>
<p>You can not make your S check this out, but you have the power to check this out yourself and get support and knowledge related to your S's problem.</p>
<p>"We are On-Line Gamers Anonymous, a twelve-step, self-help organization and web site dedicated to helping those addicted to computer/video/console/on-line games. We also welcome the gamer’s friends and family, by offering our support and sympathy. Regardless of involvement or severity of excessive gaming, these web pages and message board forums are always open to those in need."</p>
<p>From an article on their site that gives advice for parents of gamers who are 17 and older:</p>
<p>"A word about education: When many kids turn 18, the expectation is that they will go to college, particularly the ones who are as intelligent as these kids usually are. If your child has been actively addicted or has recently quit gaming and has not yet developed a full life outside of the games, do NOT send them to college if it involves living away from home in a dorm or apartment. 24/7 high-speed internet two steps from their bed, classes they do not necessarily have to attend, and no parents around to tell them when to shut the computer down for the night makes this a recipe for disaster. Unless the child is willing to pay 100% of tuition and fees up front out of their pocket, you are risking a significant amount of your money if you send a gamer to college. Athletic and academic scholarships can be lost forever in one semester if your child does not maintain an acceptable GPA....</p>
<p>A final word: Be sympathetic to your child. These games were designed by experts using well-known paychologic principles to draw your child in and keep him there. This is not his/her fault. It is also not your fault so don't waste time beating up on yourself with what ifs. Most of us have done our best for our kids all their lives, but this addiction came out of the blue and blindsided us. You are not a bad parent. If you were a bad parent, you would not be here looking for a way to help your child. Welcome to OLG-Anon. We are here for you."
For</a> Parents Of Older Children (17+) With Gaming Problems | On-Line Gamers Anonymous - Gaming Addiction Resources & Community For Gamers and People Affected by Gamers</p>
<p>ITA w/nsm. He's painting the gaming as a better option than socializing with the "party hearty" crowd.</p>
<p>NSM, what is the difference between playing alot and an addiction when it comes to gaming? How do you tell the difference? If this kid when "addicted" as mom notes still went to school and kept up his grades, would that be more on the lines of spending too much time doing this, but not an actual addiction? I am honestly curious, as the word addict is being used extensively in this thread and others without any real definition (unless I missed it).</p>
<p>Addiction is when it becomes obviously harmful. If the kid is going to most of his classes, eating, showering, then even if the RA suggests he does other activities, it is the kid's choice. If he has stopped showering, eating, going to class, doing his work, that is a harmful addiction. I agree that there are other college activities more harmful than video gaming. </p>
<p>Also if he is playing all night, or even studying all night and interfering with the roommate's sleep, it is an issue that needs to be discussed.</p>
<p>Thanks for the post, I will read up on that site, it sounds like it might be informative considering my situation.
I consider myself experienced and have been through much of what teens go through though this is a first, I have 2 older boys and believe me I know this problem is not over by any means. I know this behavior indicates he has a problem, likely an addictive one.
Actually we spoke via conference call to the counseling services, spoke to the head of the dept. and he has an appt. tomorrow. They seemed helpful, eager to assist and made it quite clear they deal with these kinds of issues day in and day out. I feel like if he can start talking to someone once a week or so and develop trust with this person, that maybe they can help him.
I know knowledge is power and I also am eager to get help for myself, so have contacted someone that my doctor recommended and waiting to hear back from him.
This is all still such a shock to my system that I feel like I am taking so much at once. Will let you know how things go. Thanks.</p>
<p>I know you asked nsm, but I'll add that there are plenty of functional addicts. Just because a kid manages to keep up decent grades doesn't mean he doesn't have an addiction or a problem.</p>
<p>No he is not missing classes (confirmed this morning) and is eating, sleeping and showering, though he said he has a hard time sleeping....another issue I want to ask you parents about.
Anyone have experience with their kids and insomnia? He has been plagued with this for years off and on....any ideas/suggestions? I hate to suggest a sleeping aid but his sleep is so important.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"Then, I got a call from a professor who was trying to find him, to see if he was staying in a class he had been to but didn't' show up one morning, second clue. "
[/quote]
</p>
<p>About whether this is a privacy rule violation - </p>
<p>I would assume the professor was calling the student at a second phone number the college had on file for him, and that it happened to be the home number. Leaving a message for the student ("Let me know if you are staying in or dropping Spanish 201") at the student's phone number isn't a violation of any privacy rules. </p>
<p>I doubt that the parent was intending to call the boy's mother.</p>