<p>“We allowed her to use the second one…”
“the mount of red ink we used to mark it up”</p>
<p>It is clear that families have drastically different ways of interacting over these things. In fact, the kind of involvement hinted at above is one reason that colleges don’t really make essays as big a factor in admissions as they used to.</p>
<p>Also, applying to 10 schools or more greatly changes the stress level involved with essays and applications. I think that 4 carefully chosen schools is enough. Six tops. Any comments about my own kids doing applications in late December, reflected the lower number of applications done in our house versus what is done by many students now.</p>
<p>We have twins going through this process right now. One applied to 10 schools, one 9. DD had a compressed timeframe because she had to pick her school by November 1st (athlete). They had everything in and done by the first week in September. Applying to more schools doesn’t make it more difficult, just a little bit more time. What DID make it easier on our kids was that they were not allowed to procrastinate nor are they allowed to give teen attitude to their parents. The OP just needs to suck it up and FINISH. Had they procrastinated like the OP, DS would have been rejected from one of his top choices, he would have missed out on MAJOR merit awards. DD would not have gotten the athletic funds she got to the tune of over $20,000. It was just not an option at our house. They knew their fall was extremely busy with every weekend taken up as well as practices for 3 hours after school. Add in homework and they had very little free time. They are very thankful to be DONE while their friends are struggling to finish.</p>
<p>OP–on top of all of this, if there are any delays from your GC in getting your information off to the schools, you may end up at a community college come next fall…</p>
<p>People- can you try to remember you are talking to a kid here?</p>
<p>I’m actually astonished by how much chest-thumping and trash talking is taking place in this thread- even by some generally helpful adults.</p>
<p>Do YOUR kids appreciate being compared to the perfect, uber organized kid down the block and berated that in comparison they are really lazy slugs? Of course not.</p>
<p>So tone it down.</p>
<p>OP- you will not end up in Community College. You will end up somewhere great. Get your Mom off your back by telling her that every 48 hours you will shoot her an email giving her a status update and that you are on track to finish your applications in time.</p>
<p>Then get “unblocked”. Your essays do not have to be perfect, and they do not have to wow the adcom’s, and they do not have to be ready for publication or equal to a famous writer or celebrity’s eulogy.</p>
<p>Your essays need to kind of/sort of follow the prompt that is given; they need to be within the word limit; they need to be grammatical and have the words spelled correctly; and they need to be done on time.</p>
<p>That’s it. Don’t shoot for brilliant, shoot for complete and without error. I know you can bang those essays out this weekend if you lower the bar a bit for yourself. Many kids struggle to write perfection when all that’s required is something that shows your voice, your personality, your unique DNA. And then have an English teacher review it for typo’s (sometimes you can miss mistakes in your own work when you’ve revised or edited it several times.)</p>
<p>Great advice, blossom. Thanks for bringing sanity back to this thread.</p>
<p>OP, if you have a friend (or a dog) willing to take a walk with you, you might find this works to “unblock” you. I’ve known a number of kids who can’t sit and write, but can walk and talk. Limit yourself to telling the story you are thinking you want to tell in your essay. Try and hang on to that voice you use when you are telling your friend the story. And as everyone else has said, just write it down. Don’t try and get it perfect right out of the gate. That’s what editing is for.</p>
<p>Hey, OP, one more idea. When my D is stuck (wails of, "I don’t know what to write… emerging from her room), I have asked if she wants to brainstorm on the topic. We sit on the couch with a cup of tea and talk over the essay prompt that is giving her fits. Sometimes it is a LOT easier to talk about it than write about it (my D is very strong in verbal discussion, has a harder time with writing anyway). We will both throw out suggestions of how to approach it, reminisce about visiting the college for “Why X”, etc. Sometimes D jots down thoughts on her computer so she doesn’t forget the conversation. Mostly she rejects suggestions I make :), but often it prompts her in another direction and “unsticks” her brain to come up with a creative idea. Once she has an idea on what to write from talking about it, then creating a first draft goes a lot easier.</p>
<p>So you could ask your mom to brainstorm with you. It would make her feel like she is helping, and might help you get “unstuck”.</p>
<p>Someone upthread suggested looking at books on college essays. We have a book of essays. After reading it, D and I agreed that the essays are almost all terrible in it. It gave D some confidence, though, since she figured if those students got accepted with those essays, she has a chance!</p>
<p>blossom–I would be saying the same thing to my kids that I have said here if were were sitting in the first week of December with no progress on college applications. No, I won’t tone it down because I think the OP needs a kick in the pants to get off her rear and get moving. I think there has been too much coddling of the OP by her parents and other posters here. This kind of procrastination will kill her in college, better learn now then after paying a $50,000 tuition bill next year.</p>
<p>Gee, that’s funny Steve… I’m a procrastinator who wrote all of my essays for both undergrad and grad and admissions on the day they were due and somehow I still have over a 3.8 GPA. I’m not sure why some people don’t understand that different people work differently. The OP seems to have his or her life very much under control and needs no “kick” from strangers.</p>
<p>Steve (and others), clearly you have no idea of the work style of right-brain thinkers. External pressure does not work–it only builds resentment. (Frankly, if the only way ANY student gets college apps or other assignments done is with nagging from parents, there’s a problem. Just how can they be expected to manage their responsibilities once they get out from under their parents’ wings?)</p>
<p>To the OP, your mom is asking you every day because she is NERVOUS!!! You say that you have another month, but what she see’s is that you’ve already had several months and haven’t yet finished a single app. That doesn’t inspire confidence that suddenly things will change.</p>
<p>My son’s senior year was one of the most stressful years of MY life. Keeping him on task to retake and prep for standardized tests, getting apps completed, completing the FAFSA and tracking deadlines for scholarship and school financial aid apps, worrying about the upcoming graduation and ordering announcements and planning for incoming relatives and an open house, plus all the regular life stuff…and on top of all that I was in class myself at the time finishing the classes for my Master’s. If my son hadn’t finished a single app by December I would have woken up daily hyperventilating!!!</p>
<p>But I got him to apply to his financial safety with rolling admission EARLY (I think that app was submitted in September) and not only had he applied, but had been accepted before December. Just knowing that he definitely had an option if something tragic happened…if there’d been an accident…if there’d been some type of disaster to deal with that would have interfered with the process made breathing much easier.</p>
<p>Help your poor mom out, focus on getting at least one app done and submitted, once you show her one acceptance lettter, even if it’s not your top choice, she’ll be able to breathe A LOT easier.</p>
<p>That’s probably true, although gentle reminders can help, because right-brain learners can “lose themselves” in whatever task they are currently engaged in, with little regard for what else lies ahead. </p>
<p>OP, right-brain learners are notoriously bad at time management and at estimating time-to-completion, both of which are linear left-brain activities. For your own sake, make your internal deadline several days to a week before the actual one to allow for final tweaks and, perhaps, an unexpected flu bug or other last-minute surprise</p>
<p>Sally305- I have a right brain thinker and am one myself. I know that setting a deadline is helpful to me and having to do lists is critical. The OP and her parents need to discuss and make realistic deadlines so that the OP can have her time to think, and mom can give reminders of the due date. I do not think it is a good idea to set the deadline for application to the actual college addmissions due date. As another poster stated you never know when something can come up and surprise you, loss of electricity, family emergency etc. </p>
<p>I will give you an example… My friends son was NMSF, he was busy with EC’s, school and work and kept putting off doing the final application for NMF. He sits down to complete it the night before its due around 5 p.m. at 5:45 (midnight deadline) we have bad storms in the area and power goes out. Power does not come back on til 12:15 a.m. he logs back in to complete application. He gets message that the process is closed… He does not get NMF. Cost his family lots of scholarship money </p>
<p>OP - I am sure you will get into a fine school. Don’t stress yourself out over the essays, the best thing is to just write one down to get thoughts rolling then go from there. Sounds like you have a lot to offer and I don’t think the essays will be the key part of your application package, so give yourself a break and try not to stress out. As I suggested before, have an honest conversation with your Mom on how you feel about the constant questions. However have a plan to help ease her worries as well. She just wants the best for you. I am sure she is just worried you won’t get it all done. Not to mention she most likely wants you to be able to enjoy the Holidays and not have application deadlines looming. </p>
<p>As a parent we all stress over our kids welfare, I have more gray hairs then I can count… lol Even as a procrastinator myself I would be nervous if my D still had not completed most of her appications by the first week of December. So I understand where your mom is coming from at this point. </p>
<p>@LoremIpsum & rushedmom (apt name, by the way:)): I agree. For myself, my right-brain son, and my staff with this trait, “fake” deadlines are a very good idea. But ultimately it’s up to the person to decide which kind of pain is worse–having to focus well in advance of a due date, or scrambling at the last minute to get a project done. And sometimes choosing the latter can backfire, as in the NMF story above.</p>
<p>I make lists. I make spreadsheets. I like deadlines; I am usually early to meetings. Most years I have to file an amended tax return because when I file on April 5th or so I inevitably get a corrected 1099 or some late information on April 6th. That’s the way I’m wired. My H is worse.</p>
<p>Our kids like to let things stew in their own juices. They all pushed “send” at pretty much the last possible moment on their applications; I’m sure they handed in papers in college at the last possible second although I don’t know since I didn’t get to nag once they left the house (and frankly didn’t know what they had due when). They all attended their first choice college; grad school; are out in the real world having a ball at jobs/careers they adore, and it still aggravates me no end that they can’t manage to do stuff “early” which in my mind is “on time”. So aggravating.</p>
<p>But I have to admit- unlike Steve’s prognostication, my kids did beautifully in college; racked up all the right stuff academically even though they didn’t adopt my deadline- driven spreadsheet method; they’ve soared since then even though they don’t work the way I work. They are all wired differently than I am which is one reason why they are doing so well in their chosen professions. I imagine the frequent all-nighters in college, grad school, and work create some stress-- but truth be told, even though I like deadlines I find finishing a major project at work stressful as well even if it’s done early.</p>
<p>At grad school commencement, one of my kids professors commented on said kids “Exceptional time management skills” which had us rolling on the floor. If by time management he meant “never did anything until the last possible second”-- yes, exceptional. Professor noted demanding work schedule, high academic performance, volunteer work, publications not required by the academic program, etc. and thought, “hey, here’s a person who is on top of things.” To us- he was a sloppy procrastinator.</p>
<p>So having kids has humbled me. To all of you predicting that the OP will crash and burn in college if she doesn’t finish her essays the way your kids finished theirs- Namaste. I’m sure you’re all better parents than I was. If you think this kid is wasting her tuition or going to end up homeless because you don’t approve of her work style- Peace.</p>
<p>To the OP- you’re gonna be fine just like my kids were fine. Get something down on paper (even if you hate it now) and your anxiety level will decrease 50%, and so will your mom’s.</p>
<p>I admit I nagged my S about his essays and apps. We decided he’d have them in by the end of October though the actual “real” deadline was December 1 (music major, then onto audition prep). He did meet them. </p>
<p>We made a deal…after I stayed on him about getting apps in and keeping fall grades up, I agreed not to even look at his grades that spring (we have a parent internet viewer for tests, papers, etc with running grades). </p>
<p>He’s a college freshman now, I notice he gets his essays done without me looking over his shoulder just fine :)</p>
<p>Understanding a person’s learning style, or work style, is not “making excuses.” Everybody is different–somehow, my daughter is the only non-procrastinator in our family. We all drive her crazy.</p>
<p>One of my kids discovered when applying for (and winning) a prestigious fellowship, that there were no points given for being early. The application deadline was a hard stop deadline, no question. But during his interviews, nobody asked, “so, did your parents nag you to get the application in on time?” Nobody noted, “hey, you were the first completed application we got. That is really significant.” He wisely didn’t tell us he was applying, knowing that I would have nagged him at least twice a week to get the application in early.</p>
<p>Everyone got evaluated on the merits. Period.</p>
<p>Steve, you are lucky if you have kids who allow you to tell them what kind of behavior you will and won’t put up with. My suspicion is that once your kids are out in the real world they will ignore you- or humor you- like most adults, who manage to get stuff done on time even if it drives their parents nuts that “on time” often means “nail biting deadline”.</p>
<p>I’m not coddling and I’m not suggesting spreadsheets. I told the OP ( a couple of times now) to just get something down on paper. I really don’t have the right to tell the OP “not in my house young lady” since she doesn’t live with me. Or to yell, “Listen buster, you get your butt into your chair and you’re not moving until those applications are done”.</p>
<p>What I can do is suggest that OP lower the bar (and the anxiety) and just write an essay- good, bad, indifferent- and then get a teacher to look it over, and then do a re-write. Pretty simple next steps.</p>
<p>Does “cracking down” really work outside of training dogs or getting someone who is incarcerated to cooperate?</p>
<p>One time this summer I overheard my oldest (sr in college) telling youngest (sr in high school), “Okay, this year, Mom is going to do things like say, let’s make a list. Sit down with her and let her make the list. It makes her feel better.”</p>
<p>I burst out laughing. Not one word about, “It will help you.” Just, “it makes her feel better.”</p>
<p>LOL</p>
<p>OP-- all writing is rewriting. Get something down on paper. In fact, start with, “I can’t think of anything to write.” keep writing it over and over if you have to and then your right brain will kick in. Then, just pull the essay out of what you end up with. In fact, I have nothing to say at all on this subject is one way to start saying what you DONT have to say. I’ve seen great pieces written about what CANNOT be said. </p>
<p>My daughter submitted an essay which started, “The reason I hate this kind of question is…” </p>
<p>I fall somewhere in the middle of this argument. I have left brained and right brained children in my house. </p>
<p>I have created spreadsheets FOR them, and placed them prominently for BOTH of us to work on when we have super crazy, multiple tasks, fast deadlines, really important things to tackle - complex tasks in other words.</p>
<p>I have noticed that now, in their lives, when things get crazy…guess what they do? They stop, and plan. Sometimes they make spreadsheets, sometimes, it’s just a list to cross things off of. And we all laugh together.</p>
<p>Replace nagging with training. It only takes 30 minutes to do some really valuable planning that saves a lot of frustration in the end.</p>
<p>Consider talking with your mom about a gap year if you are truly undecided.</p>
<p>If you decide to apply, I suspect you are a perfectionist re the essays and do not want to write until everything is laid out. Once you have picked a topic, try stream of conscious wriitng and just make sure the first paragraph has a hook in it that will interest the reader (eg, if writing about overcoming an illness, start with your thoughts on the hospital bed; if about a cross country meet, your thoughts/feelings as your rival passes you down the stretch; or a favorite book/movie – briefly describe the scene you especially like and why it has a hold on you).</p>
<p>Then just edit the work to a fare-the-well. You can do it. Good luck!</p>