<p>Oh, you really don’t want to go there. It’s not for the faint of heart.</p>
<p>Teenage sex! What?! Pass the smelling salts. <puts head="" back="" in="" sand=""></puts></p>
<p>I got a little dose and logged off, but not with an easy stomach. </p>
<p>I forget who posted above about our own generation being more cavalier about these things. I think not so much sex, but I remember having “spin the bottle” parties in 8th grade. My own child has not yet had her first kiss and she is 14, older than I was. </p>
<p>@Pops2017 I never meant to imply that a city has people with lower morals. In fact, when people talk about open drug markets they describe how many of the buyers are not from the suburbs. Poor people do not lack morals. They are subjected to more stressors. A city tends to be more heavily populated. If you have ever been on a subway during rush hour than you may have witnessed the “bump and grind” that will occur without consent. Yes teenagers will find a way and this leads to finding mattresses in the oddest places. Yes they are sexually active. I was referring to the responsibility of the BS. Is the whole idea of building character a moribund concept? </p>
<p>@skieurope Thanks for the post and link. I am glad that the school newspaper puts in the effort to gather data and opinion on the subject.</p>
<p>The article is refreshing because it illustrates that even the faculty are uncomfortable with supervising the dances. I found it interesting that seniors had a bigger problem with the “Hook Up” culture. Maybe they are speaking from experience?</p>
<p>“In 1988, half of boys 15 to 17 had experienced sex; by 2010 that number fell to just 28 percent. The percentage of teenage girls having sex dropped to 27 percent from 37.2 percent.”</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_031.pdf”>NCHS - 404 Error - Resource Not Available;
<p>It’s not an isoloated study. It seems that this generation’s social media bark is worse than its bite. Anyway, as I said earlier: if your kids decide to have sex (or dirty dance, <em>gasp</em>), BS faculty are not going to prevent it at school anymore than you would be able to prevent it at home. Help your kid make their own decisions well and be prepared for either. </p>
<p>@choatiemom - exactly.</p>
<p>“Where are the faculty? Why aren’t they preventing hook-ups?”</p>
<p>Well I might be talking to a student who is in tears because his/her parents are getting divorced, or trying to get a kid who is suffering from depression to agree to go to the counselor, or mediating a roommate fight. I could be giving advice to a student who is feeling hurt because of racist comments by his/her peers. Maybe I’m working with a group of students on a project, or occasionally talking to a gay student who is trying to figure out how to come out to his parents, or I might be sitting in my house grading papers, planning lessons, or–God Forbid!–spending a little time with my own family. It could be the night I am holding club meetings and doing work to set up our next event. I might be at a faculty meeting or a committee meeting, or it might be my night for dorm duty, where we often get into discussions questioning our school’s hook-up culture (no grinding at dances here though). I might be prepping something to do with my major sport/activity. Or I might be in my classroom trying to get work done because when I work at home I get interrupted constantly by knocks on my door from students needing help, comfort, or to borrow something for a school project. Of course, when I work in the academic building, I have to keep jumping up when I see furtive teenage couples walking by my classroom so I can chase them on to wherever they are supposed to be. I then get to contact their advisors to give them a heads up so the advisor can have an appropriate conversation. And sometimes, I’m just sitting at home reading a book or cleaning the house, or doing nothing because I’m tired.</p>
<p>I strongly object to how constantly and casually the phrase “teachers don’t care” is getting thrown around. Teachers are not superheroes. Teachers cannot be in every corner of the campus 24/7. In my experience, we are supervising and discussing and challenging and caring for our students as much as we can. I had to re-figure my travel time for walking from my home on one end of campus to my work building on the other because I know I will be stopped along the way multiple times and will need to have chats with kids. I have strong relationships with at least 30 kids on this campus, but as I sit here writing this, I don’t actually know where they are this instant. It doesn’t mean I don’t care.</p>
<p>The numbers aren’t in our favor. Most parents have 1-4 kids. There simply aren’t enough faculty at a typical boarding school to have that level of supervision. I take “in loco parentis” seriously, but I’m a human being with limitations. </p>
<p>I just checked out prep confessions. The stories there are not more hair-raising than what I understand goes on among kids in day school. Wherever they are, teens are going to find a way to do what comes naturally to people whose hormones are more active than their judgment. </p>
<p>This isn’t to say that boarding schools should just give up and let it be a free-for-all. I think “in loco parentis” is just that. We as parents can only guide our kids toward good decisionmaking at this stage in their lives. Boarding schools should do the same.</p>
<p>The trouble is, “good decisionmaking” has different definitions. A 21st century boarding school in the US will not guide students to a 19th century standard of “good decisionmaking.” Is it appropriate for a girl to have a boyfriend in high school? I know there are parents who would say “no.” </p>
<p>There are students who do not date and do not grind in any high school. The actions of a few do not imply that all students grind. </p>
<p>I remember reading stories about grinding at dances at local public schools at least 10 years ago. This is not a new phenomenon. I remember horrified talk-shows discussing the book “Rainbow Party,” which was published 9 years ago. As far as I can tell, US culture associates “overt sexuality” with the teen years. That doesn’t mean all teenagers participate. </p>
<p>I’ve had many kisses.*</p>
<p>*with either my dog, cat, or an older relative</p>
<p>@stargirl3 And who would not want to kiss that beautiful little dog of yours? Looks like he/she is getting ready to give you another in that pic.</p>
<p>One advantage to boarding school is that there are clearly stated rules in place. At my D’s school students are only allowed in rooms of students of the opposite sex during tightly prescribed hours, and then only with the door open. I’d have no way to guarantee similar restrictions at the homes of boys she knows at home. There are regular dorm inspections at school, with possession of alcohol cause for suspension or dismissal. Most families I know in town have a readily accessible liquor cabinet. School dances are chaperoned. Local parties? We have to trust the host parents when they tell us they’ll keep an eye on the kids. At school my D can’t have a car and can’t take off in one owned by a day student unless we’ve given specific permission. I’ve heard of too many drunk driving incidents among teens in my town not to worry about letting my D ride to a party with her friends.</p>
<p>I say all this in faith that my D is a good kid, with a good head on her shoulders, who has made solid choices in the past and has never been in trouble. I also recognize that she’s a normal teenager, and normal teenagers make mistakes.</p>
<p>In my experience the biggest issues with BS kids arise during weekends home. The kids are so eager to let loose that they sometimes do foolish things.</p>
<ul>
<li>Adding-
The faculty at my D’s BS know my D well. They know her peers-who’s been in trouble, who’s getting good grades, who’s rumored to be involved in something shady, who’s a hidden gem. My D’s advisor was a font of information about my D’s social group.</li>
</ul>
<p>@Sue22 Yes I am glad that your D’s teachers are informed of her social life at her BS. This is what I meant about the in loco parentis. I read an older article written in 2003 where the author described BS and then ended that many BS graduates remember the BS more fondly than even their colleges. The article described how parents want the character building aspect of the BS and to take the in loco parentis more seriously. So many responses have been about how this can happen at home etc. You would have to be an ostrich with your head in the sand to not know this. Even the Andover article described that teachers there would not supervise dances because of this issue. Boy, I know the “Bump and Grind” has been around forever! I recall it from dances when I was a teenager and that was more than twenty years ago. I also feel vindicated because the article in the Phillipian said they would ban it.</p>
<p>@Sue22 There have been many tragedies in our area where kids got into the parents’ liquor cabinet and drove or fell off an embankment. There is the belief espoused by some parents that “I would rather have the kids getting drunk at my house where I can supervise them”. This is the justification used for supplying underage kids with alcohol. I also love the restriction at BS that the child can’t ride in the car of a day student. At one BS my child attended the students were never allowed to ride in cars driven by fellow students. Parents were not even given the choice. I think this avoided the other tragedy of losing several students in a car crash due to DUI or even just inexperienced teenage drivers dealing with hazardous road conditions.</p>
<p>
This is not universal, and it is not the case at my school.</p>
<p>@albion - thank you</p>
<p>OP - You may be happy to hear that my daughter reports that many of her friends are really quite innnocent and inexperienced. Several have never even been kissed! (at 17!)</p>
<p>Somebody said, “Is the whole idea of building character a moribund concept?” </p>
<p>Not everyone considers sexual activity to be indicative of weak moral character.</p>
<p>My son is a freshman. He went to the first dance, and didn’t like watching any of it. He felt awkward and hasn’t been back. that may change, but I think there have always been and will always be kids who push the limits on sexuality. It’s ingrained in their nature. If we’re really honest with ourselves, parents of 8th graders should already know if their child will be at risk of these behaviors as freshmen. It won’t matter if they’re at BS or at home.</p>
<p>My two cents on the faculty: They are rock stars. You couldn’t pay me enough to do what they do every day. It must be a calling like the priesthood or something! Do they ever get time alone or with their families?</p>
<p>@neatoburrito I did not mean that it was weak moral character. I meant more that the school dance could provide a sense of school spirit/cohesiveness. Kids would remember when everyone danced as one to a song. I don’t think the other type of dancing engenders this. The article I referred to spoke more to development of character. I know one BS where they do not walk through the quad because it is like “cutting corners in life”. Not all students are comfortable with the display as @Leafyseadragon noted.(I like your avatar. I feel like I need a pic of a stick bug) I know this was true for kids I knew. I also give a lot to the teachers. They are a big part of the BS experience and are a big draw for the concept of BS. I can’t help but wonder if some of this will stop when the whole idea of consent/sexual harassment hits BS. If you read the articles about Swarthmore it might give many pause. I can’t believe that a fourteen/fifteen year old is better at deciding on consent than a college student.</p>