<p>It's a lot different in the UK. I doubt alcohol and drugs is a problem at all with Indians in America, at least up until college. Most don't even have the means of finding any booze. UK Indians are nutty, or queer as they would put it. Awful accent as well. As you can tell, I didn't like Bend it like Beckham at all.</p>
<p>Although I haven't seen this movie recently, I just remembered how great it is. And it looks as though not too many people have seen it since it's not on any of the previously posted movie lists. </p>
<p>The movie is simply called: The Game</p>
<p>It came out in 1990 and it stars Michael Douglas. The movie is a great psychological thriller. I highly recommend it.</p>
<p>Uh, sorry, wrong thread.</p>
<p>i tried to convince my parents dating was ok</p>
<p>i see a therapist for clinical depression and she was really the one who pushed them to say it was ok.</p>
<p>even so they slowly started to hate me but STILL said it was ok</p>
<p>they found a picture of me and my boyfriend kissing (my boyfriend is spanish)</p>
<p>and i almost got kicked out of the house
they verbally harrass me
my extended family cut off relations with me</p>
<p>im a highschool senior im grounded my last year at home will be remember as the worst year of my life</p>
<p>more than anything in the world i wish i wasnt indian.</p>
<p>that is a sad fact but these conservative parents have pushed me to it.</p>
<p>aaratimonster… I think I understand your feelings. Only I am a little different. The boy I am in love with is Indian, and I am white. His parents recently told him that if he were ever stupid enough to date a white girl they would slap him. It’s really hard, feeling like you are hated by people you want to impress. They’ve never really spoken to me, and have no idea about my relationship with their son. He wants to marry me, but he is scared of discussing this with his parents… His mother has said, “white girls are just a bunch of stupid, gold digging, slackers.” so this is a bit of a problem… More than anything, I wish I could be Indian. If only there were a way to make his parents see that I’m not just looking for an “easy ride” but that I truly care about him. Is it impossible?</p>
<p>Aww you guys. I feel for you. Really, I do. It’s hard being Indian. Our parents have so many expectations, but you have to show them you’re old enough to figure out things like this…point to successful examples maybe in your extended family or friend circle.</p>
<p>I’m having slightly similar probs. The girl that I like & I are both 2nd gen. Indians, but her parents are totally opposed to her dating. They haven’t met me, but it seems that they can’t even handle the concept of her having a ‘boyfriend’. I don’t want to do anything behind their backs, because I totally agree with what Viash88 wrote ‘in my experience you will get caught eventually. And when you are caught, its so much worse if its all hidden…’
It’s just so frustrating to like someone & have them like you; but not be able to see them freely because of all these outside influences!</p>
<p>ahhh so restricting being an Asian.
Cant dye your hair because “what will aunty think?”
Cant have more than two piercings because “what will aunty think?”
Cant hang out with too many kids of the opposite sex because “what will all of damn india think?”</p>
<p>IMHO, desis are too obsessed with trying to get their kids married…and food.</p>
<p>lol. my parents are constantly restricting me on everything. they panic if i even have guy friends.lol. i went through hell last year when I liked this guy and realized i could do absolutely nothing about it.</p>
<p>i just read the original post and i know exactly what you’re talking about… indian mom gossip circles are vicious. </p>
<p>i’m dating a white guy now (in college) and my parents seem to like it a lot better than the indian guys in high school. i was surprised haha.</p>
<p>hahahahaha. yeahhhh. the indian mom gossip cricile is veryyy vicious. It’s always about “my daughter or son or your daughter/son” lol. it’s hilarous. and quite annoying.</p>
<p>and…you have to pay attention to all the aunties sneaking around to ‘get you’</p>
<p>I lived in Bangalore, India, until I was 7 before moving to the US with my parents. My parents are very strict and say I can’t date until I’m 23, 24… I don’t really mind it because none of the immature jerks at my high school interest me anyways 
So my parents are verryy strict on dating, they say they don’t want me fooling around with random guys I’m not going to marry and actually spend my life with. And I guess I’m fine with that because I understand it. On the other end of the spectrum, I have an Indian friend who’s dating a black guy and her parents are ok with it. I think it depends on the parents and their values, because I know many Indian parents and the rules change from household to household.</p>
<p>I think this is a great message board.
I’m glad to see that so many of your parents are okay with you dating in high school. That was not true for me. I would be curious to see how many of your parents would be okay with you marrying the guy or girl you are dating. For example, Vaish, I’d be interested to know if your parents would be okay with you marrying a non-Indian. Would they? Even if you’re not thinking about marriage for yourself, I find that parents are more restrictive about who you marry than they are about who you date.</p>
<p>I see this choosing someone else’s destiny, even if it is your child’s, as ethically wrong.</p>
<p>I think that, in order to feel like you are your own person, with your own rights to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” you should be able to make your own decisions. Of course you should consider how these decisions affect the people you love, but the decisions are yours to make and no one, absolutely no other human being, is allowed to take that decision making power away from you.
This is especially true for something that so radically affects your life. I remember once my father told me, “This family is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship.” It was said in anger, but it was felt all the same.</p>
<p>How many of your parents do infringe on your human rights?</p>
<p>I hate that many Islamic women have to wear the Burka to cover themselves because if they don’t, they are disappointing their loved ones. It’s just a piece of cloth. Tradition and culture have given it meaning, one that I find oppressive. But, as I see it, in order to keep their loved ones happy, the children of these families willingly oppress themselves.</p>
<p>I think Indian culture can be similar. If you want an arranged marriage, more power to you. But if you want an arranged marriage just to keep the peace at home, please look deeply into the situation. Your parents are probably not the ones who will live with this person for the rest of their lives. You are the one who will spend every day, every dinner, every night in bed, with this guy. So when this one person affects your life so completely and entirely, do you really want someone else to make the decision of who it is? And if you find someone who you want to spend most of your moments with, do you really want them to have the veto power?</p>
<p>Family is important, one of the most important things in life. But your ability to live a human life is more important. If family stones you to death for not hiding your face, it is an injustice. An injustice that even organizations are built to fight against. Similarly, if your parents kick you out of the family for not approving of the man/woman or career you love, it is also an injustice. They do have the right (legally), but they are in the wrong.</p>
<p>^ I don’t think the Topic Creator really goes on her account anymore… I can’t state any definitive opinion but it seems that intra-racial seems to produce more stable relationships than inter-racial ones a vast majority of the time, especially with the cultural standards that both will be abiding by… me being Indian, I’d like to keep it that way (even though I’m a first generation Indian-American for my family)… and I definitely agree that you need to be able to make your own decisions, but sadly it will take decades to alter cultural standards, especially in Islamic countries. Living in a civilized country like the USA makes it easier to break away from those demands… of course you’ll still see honor killings, but they’re far more rarer than Middle Eastern countries. I saw an Indian movie where an Indian family in London took the family to India, and while they were there, they found a matching husband for their daughter. The only problem was, the daughter didn’t want him. Now the parents, being in India and having grown up in India, implied they were going to force her to marry him, or else… consequences, some of which could be physical because a country like India doesn’t enforce the type of laws that the Western world had… she married him in India but when they arrived in London, broke up with him, saying there was no paperwork to say they were married and therefore she can do whatever she wants in London… nevertheless they marry in the end (happy Indian movie ending lol). But yea you make some good points</p>
<p>Most Indian-American parents are still in the stone age as far as dating/sex/romantic involvment is concerned. Mine aren’t fortunately. They’re quite progressive actually. They know I’m sexually active and they know my previous girlfriends have all been white or east Asian, which isn’t of any consequence to them. More than anything, they’re mildly curious about my romantic life, same as any average American parent.</p>
<p>As far as getting married, how the hell would they even have a say? What are they going to do about it? Maybe I’m too whitewashed relative to you all, but my parents don’t dictate who I date/marry/hook up with.</p>