I agree but in the spirit of this thread, bringing too many people to move in is inconsiderate. Mom, Dad, siblings, grandparents, is too many to bring if your kid has a roommate. Say your goodbyes at home and bring the grands for a visit some other time or face time, or whatever.
2 Likes
There was a mix up on the dorm assignment for one of my kids. Her coach had asked her to room with a new teammate and she agreed, bu the housing people never reassigned and D was still assigned with 3 other teammates. Those 3 had spent 2-3 months chatting online about what they were bringing from TVs to rugs to lighting.
We arrived to them all moving in and their dads assembling furniture with power tools. We spent the day trying to fix the room assignment problem but nothing changed so my daughter moved in around 5 pm to an entirely full apartment. Luckily, each girl was assigned (and it was assigned) her own room and cupboard in the kitchenette. Of course all the girls got along, but everything in the suite belonged to someone else - the shelving in the bathrooms, the furniture, the rugs, the vacuum, all the cleaning supplies.
My daughter was always a very popular roommate because 1) she’s a minimalist and had no stuff and 2) she bakes.
1 Like
Dang! What was the resolution of that? Did your kid end up just putting up with it or did they at least get to share the closet?
1 Like
My kid kept the stuff in the plastic bins and duffle bags we used to move (in a very passive aggressive manner since it blocked access to the roommates side of the room, I do admit) until the roommate persuaded the family to take back the winter boots (it was August and 90 degrees), down jacket, extra comforters, and a year’s supply of contact lens solution, shampoo, etc.) to be shipped once the weather changed. I’d say the closet was 2/3, 1/3 split but since we’d already sent a kid off to college before and knew how small the rooms were, we showed up with a modest footprint “just in case” there was no storage.
2 Likes
Two years ago I was amazed that orientation was in person over the summer. I didn’t have that for me. At least one parent had to go.
Freshman year we didn’t have normal move in due to D19 moving in about 6 days early. We missed the craziness. That being said to save on hotel cost we did the drop kid off unpack partially, eat a meal and left. Early move in meant no helpers around to cart stuff up to the room.
Last August due to covid school allowed sophomores to move off campus. D19 moved into an apartment with 3 others. We just packed up her car and sent her off. We were the only parents of the 4 that did not come.
With the apartment I am out of the move-in business now as she kept the same one for junior year. Not sure where she will live senior year.
Back in my day Dad dropped me off Freshman year. Mom came and got me at the end of Freshman year. Parent didn’t step foot on campus until graduation.
Back in the olden days when I was but a wee grasshopper I remember lugging a big armful of textbooks up to my sister’s 4th floor dorm room. I definitely remember visiting my brother’s dorm room too. I will out myself and not that this was in the 1970s! (They are much, much, much older than I am). I don’t have clear recollections of my parents moving me in, but I’m sure they did. I do remember a girl down the hall had her whole family come to move her in or out one. Stuck in my head because her dad was really old. He was like in his 80s! I asked if he was her grandfather and she said, “no, he’s my dad.” He wasn’t doing any heavy-lifting, just leaned against the wall outside.
We did not have a family orientation back then, but it was not at all unusual for whole families to help move students in, especially first years.
3 Likes
My parents told of their parents helping them move in to college - back in the late 50s. It was a road trip, though for my mom none of her siblings came. Not sure with my dad. His brother was older and might have already been at his college.
1 Like
I think we all agree moving your child in is not infantilizing them, but doing their schedule, setting them up on “playdates”, and calling res life because kids’ room is cold is a bit much. They have to learn to fend for themselves and college can be a great place do it (if they haven’t already).
I had a friend call res life because her daughter wasn’t getting along with her roomie. And back when you had to register in person, a neighbor drove to the community to register her son…while he slept. (You can imagine how well these two kids fared.)
2 Likes
There’s a lot of nostalgia on this thread about ‘the olden days’ but let’s face it… times have changed and will continue to do so.
Our first will be heading off to college across the country this fall and we too have been pretty shocked by the level of parental engagement, both by the college and the parent community. We don’t love it and are more inclined to drop him off and wish him luck, and not attend parent events and certainly not post questions on the facebook group about how much time it takes to walk across campus or what kind of rain boots to buy (yes these are actual questions posted by parents).
That said, our society has been changing dramatically. Kids are on their parents insurance until age 26; parents are draining their life savings to fund their kids college; many kids live at home well past 18; etc etc. It’s just a different world and pining for the old days doesn’t really achieve much other than some shaming and finger pointing - sort of the ‘darn kids get off my lawn’ vibe. To each his own.
4 Likes
I read my student’s parent FB group for entertainment. I sometimes will screenshot a post and some comments to my D19 for her entertainment. We get a good laugh.
We are definitely a ‘teach a man to fish’ type of family. I am so happy when I don’t have to do things for my kids. Just yesterday my D23 drove to the hardware store to by chicken wire to keep the bunnies out of some pots where she is growing lettuce for her tortoise. She was upset that she couldn’t buy a specific length of wire like one would buy fabric at a fabric store. She had even calculated the circumference of the two pots thereby actually using math.
My wife sent D23 to the doctor’s office by herself to try to get a booster shot she was due. Sadly she needed a parent present.
I think these extreme cases are the exception not the rule. I don’t think most parents have the time to post random questions on the parents forum. The parents I knew who were on the parent Facebook groups for their child’s university were just on it to check out info and maybe pass along info to their kids if they thought it was important, but then again, who cares?
As for colleges encouraging parent involvement…well, it’s not mandatory, parents can decline to participate. Also, in many cases parents are the ones paying quite a bit of money to send their kids to college…universities want to keep their customer’s happy. Is that bad? I don’t really know. We never called our kid’s universities except one time when I had to call D’s school because there was an issue with the tuition payment going through…but that’s it. It was solved in no time at all and I only talked to one person.
We always encouraged the “if you act like an adult, you’ll be treated like one.” and “being an adult comes with adult responsibilities.”
We told our kids we would pay for 4 years of college and we expected good grades within their abilities. We expected them to put in the effort in their classes. If they weren’t doing well in their classes we expected them to get extra help and bring their grades up. We also expected them to make good choices. If they failed a class, then they had to retake it and hope it didn’t affect their graduation in four years. Any semester longer then 4 years would be on their own dime…unless it was something like a major illness that was out of their control
2 Likes
Once my kids reach the magical age of 18 they are on their own for medical appointments (unless serious), including the scheduling. My twin seniors just got their second meningitis shot and a copy of their vaccination records for college this week. I also admit that we told my daughter to lie and say her dad was on a business call in the parking lot before she turned 18 (she goes every 6 weeks).
Obviously, bright yellow Wellingtons to match the Paddington Bear toy you’re sending them off with. (It’s hard to resist a snarky answer to that question.)
To be clear, I’m not against parents offering a reasonable level of help. It’s a judgment call.
The trick is knowing the difference between teaching them to fish and throwing them to the piranhas.
4 Likes
It doesn’t have to be throwing them to the piranhas. Simply tossing them into the water saying, “sink or swim” will allow several to drown. I’ve seen it. The alternative isn’t plastic floaties around their arms for life though.
8 Likes
Just curious why anyone cares what other parents do. I didn’t read through this whole thread but it seems kind of judgey. You do you. Why so much concern about anyone else?
12 Likes
Because, without it, this site would die. 
8 Likes
The more I read this thread, the more I wonder about the title and the judgment going into it. I’ve come to the conclusion that any parent with an account on this site is probably more involved in their child’s college search/choice than most of the country/world would think is normal and are certainly part of the infantalizing of High school juniors, seniors and college students - even those who proudly assert that their parents never stepped foot on campus until graduation or they themselves never stepped foot on their child’s campus and, in fact, they aren’t even sure where their child goes to school - they just sign a check and let the child fill in the name of the school to ensure they, as parents, aren’t too involved in the process - remember - you still have an account on college confidential.
12 Likes
That is because most of the world has a far more transparent and affordable university education system, a stronger social safety net, and more vibrant middle class than we do right now. Given current conditions, it is rational for parents to over-involve themselves in their children’s lives to afford them a chance to acquire and maintain a middle class lifestyle themselves. The question for most is how to accomplish that best.
8 Likes
so well said!!