My daughter is not off to a good start at her chosen college. Classes started on Thursday. She declined a scholarship offer at an instate school that was based on SAT scores. This scholarship is only for incoming freshman. If she were to withdraw, would she be able to reapply as a freshman for next year, or does going to a few days of classes make that impossible?
Two days of classes is really too short to determine what a “good start” is, unless something really traumatic like an assault happened (and even then, withdrawing may not help).
I don’t disagree with that at all. I guess I just want to know what the options might be. It’s hard seeing your kid so disappointed. From what I’m gathering, there does seem to be a financial advantage to withdrawing in a timely fashion. If she stays past 2 weeks, she would then have W’s on her transcript and would be considered a transfer applicant at most schools. That would make aid problematic and we can’t do this without aid.
The easiest way to find out (and to get the correct answer) is to call the in-state school and ask. There’s no need to say she’s off to a bad start - just “circumstances have changed.”
What issues is she having? Why the doom and gloom so early?
Check with your school to determine what their policies are regarding withdrawal. If it is a physical/mental issue, then a medical withdrawal might be the answer. I don’t know if you can get a withdrawal for “I just don’t like it here.” But you need to know the requirements that her school will make you follow. Be sure to follow them to the letter.
Also, before you make a final decision, you also need to ask the original school if they will accept her as a freshman and give her back her scholarship. It might be they have room for her now in the current semester, or it could be she has to wait another semester, or another year. Or they may tell you she is no longer eligible for scholarship no matter what.
I’m wondering what she’s disappointed in. If classes just started on Thursday, there hasn’t been enough time to be disappointed in the academics. In terms of the social scene, the first week might not be representative.
Some schools allow students with limited college credit to apply as freshman. For example, Yale writes:
“If you have a high school diploma or GED and you have less than one year of transferable post-secondary-school college credit, then you should apply as a freshman candidate. If you have at least one year and no more than two years of transferable post-secondary-school college credit, then you should apply as a transfer student.”
Wouldn’t you lose a lot of money from the current school by withdrawing at this time?
Great point, @milkweed. Find out the current school’s policy on tuition/room and board refunds.
Umass Amherst “Freshman: A graduating high school student (regardless of number of college credits taken while in high school) or a high school graduate or GED/HiSET recipient who has attempted fewer than 12 college credits after graduation and is applying to a four-year bachelor’s degree program.”
I’m sorry she is so disappointed. I would caution, however, against making plans to leave right away. The first few weeks of college are a BIG adjustment. So baring something traumatic having happened…I would let her ride it out. These things can turn around so quickly when one makes some friends and gets into a groove. I remember during my first week escaping from college to go visit some family that lived nearby. It was a much needed respite from an overwhelming change. Maybe someone can go for a quick visit with her in a few weeks?
She chose a school far from home and just feels very alone. She feels like the other students are very cliquey and it feels like middle school. She’s in a triple room that really should be a double. The roommates aren’t a good fit, but she feels she could get past that if she had one friend there. Her professor noticed she had been crying and made light of her red eyes in front of people. This is a kid who has spent a lot of time away from home before and never had a problem. I know these are very common problems, I’m just nervous about the finances if she decides to leave later on. She says she would feel embarrassed if she left, and would hate to have to explain herself to everyone. But she’s really miserable.
Grrr…I’d like to have 2 minutes with her professor. What a jerk. :-w
Hopefully, this will pass and she will make some friends. The first weeks can be hard.
OP, I do feel for you. I’d be so worried if my kiddo were having a hard time. That being said, it’s really early. She doesn’t need to be besties with her roommates, they just have to live together peaceably. I understand the small space issues - D is in a double and it’s the smallest room in the dorm.
Has she gone to the club fair? (Has it even happened yet?) Has she met other girls in the dorm? She will have tons and tons of opportunities in these next few weeks to meet people, so long as she pursues them. Is she open to this? There is a reason she chose this school. I would remind her of that before talking about getting out so early. Good luck to you both.
Why did she orginally pick this school? Can you gently remind her of the specific things she liked about it? Did you originally think it was going to be a good fit for her?
Freshmen in college are adjusting to so many things. It is built up to be the greatest time in your life, but homesickness and overwhelming academics and the strangeness of a new city can all pile up on a new student quickly. It takes time to adjust, and parents can help readjust expectations.
Is your family religious? The campus ministries of numerous faiths are very active, especially in the first few weeks. They usually are offering free food at their gatherings, and are very welcoming of students from any (or no) faith with no pressure to commit to anything. Attending a few of these events might help her meet some friendly faces.
Best of luck to you. I know you hurt when you hear your child hurting over the phone. Be sure to allow some thought to the long term picture of what is best for your child.
As a student who is hundreds of miles from home who didn’t know anyone at my college, I can sympathize. The best thing to do is find someone who is also alone if she’s thinking a lot of people are in cliques. In the dining hall, she could try to sit with another student who is sitting alone. They are there, I’m sure. I’ve met my best friend that way, just sitting with her because she was sitting alone. And now we have a group of friends from her floor we’re a part of, and I’ve made other friends doing the same thing. Now, I’ll admit at my college everyone is insanely friendly, but I’m sure there are nice students who are equally as lonely.
You can always call the instate school and ask.
But really she hasn’t given her current situation much of a chance.
She had three financially viable options when all was said and done with admissions. She flew out an visited this school on her own last fall and liked it. She had great test scores while being a B+/A- kind of student, not an elite type applicant. She was rejected from the one reach school she applied to that might have been a better social fit. She’s not a partier, not into superficial things, just a sincere kid who misses home far more than she expected.
She said she emailed about a club or two but hasn’t received replies. I think her present state is keeping her from feeling confident socially, which just makes her feel more lonely. The roommates seem to be super popular types who have hit the ground running and already have close friend groups. When my daughter has tried to chip in on conversation, her comments are met with silence.
Can she request a room change? She doesn’t need to say she doesn’t like her roommates maybe just that she wants a double not a triple.
I don’t think a room change would be easy to do. I think my daughter expected first week activities like her siblings had at their schools. There were no orientation trips where you would get to know a small group well. There were no trips to the dining hall as floor-mates. She could have used a little more hand-holding the first week. She has largely eaten alone in the large dining hall. She said she walked back to her dorm in tears after the comment from her professor and no one stopped to see if she was okay. She misses home and is upset with herself for having a hard time.
@electronblue , I’m sorry your daughter is struggling with her transition to college.
I’d like to write a strongly worded email to that professor. Surely I’m allowed without being accused of being a helicopter mom because I’m not your D’s mom! What a jerk indeed. Reading about that incident makes me livid. What if the student’s eyes had been red from crying because of some recent tragedy in her life and she still managed to get herself to class. Who can possibly be that insensitive. What an effing imbecile!
You are welcome to quote me to her, if that might make her smile a little.