I wish you and your daughter the best. I agree that everything happens for a reason.
I don’t think that “everything happens for a reason”, but I do hope this will be a time for growth and discoveries - gap years can be great for teenagers, especially if they find meaningful volunteer opportunities or have a steady job with colleagues etc.
Take advantage of this time with her. Do not rush her to the local university: the scholarship will still be there next year, since thanks to your prompt move she can re-apply as a freshman, and perhaps she’ll want to explore a new list of colleges based on her newfound insights. She may be more ready next year - perhaps even to tackle the horrible university (yes, this has been known to happen. 
)
Best wishes to your daughter and yourself. Reassure her that she hasn’t failed. It just wasn’t the right time, the right place for her. She’ll find the right place and this year is going to be great for her despite this rocky start.
Do write the Dean though, about the instructor mocking homesickness, the powerstruggle in housing and the housing situation that wasn’t resolved, the lack in responsiveness. Someone seriously dropped the ball at the school
(and inquire as to whether it’s the norm there, or a freakish problem induced by sudden budget cuts - the first to go are administrative assistants and support staff, people who help/counsel, tenure-line positions turned into rock-bottom-pay adjunct positions - all of which would likely contribute to such a “perfect storm” of a nightmarish college start. So you may want to inquire whether support staff was cut or whether it’s their usual policy and behavior…)
@electronblue good luck to you and your daughter with moving forward and finding a good place for her, whether it’s a gap year activity, Spring admission at another school or whatever works out for you.
And I have to say that I’m curious as to which this unwelcoming cliquey school is?
Is there some CC policy against outing the name of the school? I for one would like to know which school it was. Readers can judge for themselves whether the events were accurately portrayed (electronblue, I don’t doubt it’s all accurate! Just addressing any concerns anyone might raise re: naming the college).
In no way defending the school, but I think most colleges are cliquey to a certain extent (it’s sort of the nature of 18-year-olds). And most schools probably have a professor or two that somehow missed out on the empathy gene. I also suspect that the first two weeks are the hardest on the Dean of Students staff. So I’m not sure it would be fair to “out” this school. Just my opinion.
Having said that, this school obviously failed this particular student in a big way. I think colleges are especially asking for trouble when they cram 3 people into rooms built for two. There are federal courts that order prisons not to do that. I’m not sure how colleges charging $60K per year get away with it.
Agree with that. Way back from my intro to sociology days, I recall that in a group of three, you almost always have an odd man out which is sounds like happened here.
I don’t think my daughter’s experience is typical so I don’t want to drag the school’s name through the mud. I’m sure it’s a fine place for many students. My daughter just felt right off the bat that she had made a mistake and it wasn’t right for her. It’s an emotional situation, being far from home and feeling trapped by the choice of school.
Yes, it would have been better if she had not been in a triple room that should have been a double. The professor’s comment was the tipping point, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he had no idea how bad things were, just a flippant remark at a vulnerable time.
This has not been a fun week but I’m just trying to keep a big picture, grand scheme, point of view. We’re okay, just need to process and reconfigure things in time.
Thank you so much for the update. Hugs to you and your daughter.
Is she open to CityYear or more unstructured volunteering? Does she have ideas on the ways to fill her “gap year”? Or is it too early? Is she okay now that she’s home?
I am going through a different story with my son this freshman year, so I can relate to the uneasiness.
Just wanted to say you seem like a great mom, and knew what was best for your daughter in this situation.
For her next school, maybe a plan in place would alleviate some issues.
When I first got to college, out of state and knew no one, I was really lonely.
Quite frankly, it’s tough to be an out of stater in an instate school.
I didn’t like my roommate ( nothing wrong with her, but we were from different planets).
The first semester was pretty miserable.
I ended up joining a swim and running club ( I should add I was a terrible swimmer and runner, but always enjoyed it). It was so much fun, made friends, and I actually learned the crawl stroke correctly, was still a terrible runner though. Today, they call it club sports. Anyone can join.
I also joined two clubs, I ended up dropping one. But, through the sports and clubs, I met like minded people with shared interests, and made my friends.
So, maybe the next school, she could look at the sport clubs and regular clubs, and plan in advance that she will join. That way any trepidation getting on campus , she has a plan of action that she will just follow.
Best of luck.
Hmm, my D’s favorite schools right now are OOS directional, or regional, state schools. So this thread makes me a little nervous for her…
On one hand, she can be a bit of an introvert - she basically just needs some occasional solitude.
But, she’s also a joiner, always has been - if there’s something going on, she wants to be in on it. I have no doubt she will join at least a couple of clubs (if not too many, at first) and attend as many school-sponsored social events in the first month…
OP, best of luck to your daughter in finding the right place eventually, and I hope this turn of events ends up being a great blessing in disguise for her.
Something really positive will likely come from this - unfortunately she just has to get through this rough patch first. That’s how it usually works…
In the FWIW department, a friend of mine freaked out and dropped out of college on day 1 or 2 back in the day (back in the 1980’s), went home, worked, applied to a different school and tried again, graduated at the top of the class, went to art school, then to law school. Has been a lawyer for years, has two adorable boys. It worked out. Maybe it was the school, maybe she wasn’t ready, but it worked out.
Best of luck to your daughter.
Both of my kids knew of folks who withdrew in the first week of school. It happens, and I hope that they moved on to a better fit. Count me as another parent who wishes she had asked one of her kids to pursue a gap year.
Electronblue – if your D decides to wait til next fall, let the school who gave her scholarship $ know she is interested in coming to them next fall. If she has already been awarded the $$ for this year, they may let her do a gap year and start next fall without reapplying. Who knows what might happen re: scholarship $$ if she were to apply in a different admission cycle.
Is she home?
I still think most of the blame lies with the school. When we were visiting schools we noted that some schools had great orientation programs and some did not. The huge state school my S is attending has a particularly good orientation program - they had one for registration during summer and then a 6 day program before school started. In the latter they grouped all students into small groups but from the same floor so it was easy for students to get to know each other in a less overwhelming setting. He is also in an LLC specifically for out of state students (happens to be in a dorm with all singles so no room mate issues to deal with). Additionally they have an office for second-year students so that support continues through the second year. I noticed special activities for transfer students as well. If this school had done any of these types of activities then I doubt she would have been feeling the way she did.
^^I have to say that this is one reason why American colleges cost so much. Everyone is always shouting that European colleges are free, that who needs the frills. Well, here is one school that gives the frills and then some. And singermom4 liked it and was willing to pay for it.
I don’t think it is the school’s fault. The school offered what it offered, and I didn’t see anything in the OP’s post that the school didn’t help. The dean even called the student. I know a student who decided to leave immediately although stayed through the first semester. Why did he leave? School was ‘too preppy.’ School was just as preppy when it was recruiting him, he just didn’t want to see it.
There doesn’t have to be blame - it just didn’t work out.
@singersmom4, the school one of my sons attends had the same thing, including the second year program, although the second year part was much less rigorous. Orientations and freshman special programs can certainly make a difference. I’ve only known one person personally who pulled her student out within weeks of first semester. I don’t think they got much back from school, and her daughter wound up going to CC.
OP here, yes, she’s home, in good spirits, and exploring options. I’m in the “it just didn’t work out” camp. It was a very big surprise to us but we’re moving on.
Good for you and your daughter @electronblue, it is a powerful example of unconditional love and that is a wonderful message.
Thank you for your update.
Remember that while she decides what she wants to do, she must NOT take any college class (local, community college) or she’ll lose any chance at a sizable scholarship. She can, however, take community education classes (first aid, evening language or it classes, etc…) as well as Edex or Coursera.
You have to check how the new target colleges treat any cc classes taken. The difference is when a kid matriculates, not just taking an interesting academic class. Some colleges set a limit on the number of hours. It can certainly look good to take something academic.