My vote: Pull the plug, get the 90% back. Heck, a friend of mine quit law school after 2 weeks. Your D can take a Gap Year, and I don’t mean one of those Go abroad gap years, I mean minimum wage, while perhaps doing a MOOC. I’m beginning to think going straight to college should be the exception, not the rule.
I’m a big proponent of dealing aggressively and quickly with issues like this. Life is too short for a child to be miserable at school. And the lack of support from the roommates, teacher, and Dean is an indicator that she can do much better than this elsewhere.
In my family, my older sibling and I loved school from day one, and thrived. Younger brother, however, struggled. Stuck it out first semester in an LAC, hating every minute of it. A year later went to State U and loved it.
I wish your daughter all the best.
Wondering if this school has a large percentage of in-state or regional students. There have been a number of comments regarding your comment of her being “out of step culturally”, so I think people are making the assumption that the school attracts mostly in-state or regional students. You obviously do not want to mention the school, and haven’t even indicated if it’s state or private (unless I missed that).
It might help people who read this post in the future if you could comment on the in-state/regional composition of the school, since it may be a detail many don’t consider but may want to take into consideration as they search for the right school.
It is easy to find #instate/#out-of-state composition of schools (e.g. College Navigator), but the only one I have ever seen that really showed how ‘regional’ a school might be is the Chronicle article from 2011 (the data is a few years old, but I imagine the statistics don’t change much). It’s another bit of information that some might find useful. If a school is 80% out-of-state students, but they all come from the neighboring state(s), that’s very different than an OOS composition that is spread across the nation.
http://chronicle.com/article/Where-Does-Your-Freshman-Class/129547/#id=130794
She has made the decision to come home and we support that 100%. Honestly if I had to guess I think the administration is happy to see problem students leave early. There was really minimal intervention on the part of the dean’s office to help.
Yes, this school proved to be quite regional. It seemed very cliquey, just a coldness there, no one seemed to want to get to know her, like the friend groups were somehow already set from day one.
We will get her home, process this, and start planning for a new path.
Wishing her all the best, @electronblue!
I hope when the dust settles you’ll share the name of the school.
Wishing her the best. Hope she finds a great place to land and lean.
Wishing your daughter the best, @electronblue. This had to be a hard decision for your daughter and you. I don’t think your daughter is a “problem student”; she seemed to have experienced some natural (and expected) homesickness that was not only ignored but mocked. That probably made it far worse than it needed if the administration was truly student-oriented. I would say it was a “problem administration” and “problem college”.
I hope she finds her place.
I haven’t commented, just followed the thread, but I totally feel for you and your daughter, OP. My oldest D had a difficult time transitioning when she was a freshman, which I found very out of character for her, but she gave it a semester and now is thriving junior. My youngest D who is a freshman, and a classic introvert, has completely surprised me and DH. She took the bull by the horns so to speak and has really put herself out there and is very happy.
On the other hand, my freshman has seen kids on her floor that are having a very hard time. It happens. Each kid is different. You know your D, and it’s good you tuned into this as quickly as you did. She will find the right place, rest assured.
I have been thinking about your daughter and am so glad you’ve made the decision to pull her from the program. I would be sure to let the school know in writing why you pulled her, including the comment by the instructor. I hope your daughter is able to find another program that will be a better fit for her and to look back on this and realize it was all for the best. Best wishes to both of you!
@electronblue - Wishing you and your daughter the best. Your daughter is fortunate to have supportive and caring parents. Both my kids took a gap year after high school and there is so much to do and learn outside the classroom that I am sure she will have a productive year ahead of her. It’s ok to step off the treadmill that everyone seems to follow lockstep, and take some time to regroup and reassess, especially when dealt an unexpected situation.
Yes, let’s hear it for Gap Years!
Sounds like you’ve made a good decision. I hope that your daughter is feeling better already and that it’s onward and upward from here 
Let your daughter know that all of us on CC are rooting for her!
Thank you all so much! It’s very helpful to have a sounding board. Definitely not what we expected but it’s going to be okay, life goes on.
Wow, that’s horrible. Horrible. Hope you can eventually share the name of the school. They should be outed.
Wishing your D every success in the future. This is NOT her fault!
^Let’s not presume that’s what the administration really feels, it’s a projection from electronblue, not what the administration said/did. Personally, I think they’ll feel the sting of losing a student’s tuition/room&board much more than any inconvenience to one dean.
It’s bad though because there are only 3,500 students so there should be a measure of personal attention.
It was terrible enough when a first gen kid (“cameraphone”) had this kind of problems and had to drop out because he just couldn’t get anywhere with anyone, financial aid, the Dean, anyone. It was at Texas Tech which is a huge public university.
I assume your university is a regional public, because smaller private colleges have extensive orientation sessions in my experience, with ice cream socials, Playfair activities, “entrering the fold” traditions (with arches or candles or whatnot), performances/presentations/skits, trips/adventures, etc. Is it a state whose universities have recently (or not so recently) suffered from budget cuts? Because the student experience may have taken a cut too. 
Is the student:faculty ratio decent (below 1:14) and can you check if many professors are adjuncts (ie., tenured/tenure track, ie., transient and not as carefully vetted)?
Was your daughter in mostly small classes or was she in large lectures? Lectures can be very anonymous and can make it very difficult to create meaningful relationships.
There are myriads reasons but clearly everything combined to create a perfect storm.
Hopefully it was “just” a perfect storm and nothing really traumatic has happened. If it’s “just” homesickness and a poor fit, it’ll be hard at first but it’ll get better quickly. It’ll be an opportunity to reflect and learn, and a way to find a better fit.
HUGS to your daughter.
Please do write to the Dean of students to explain why you pulled your daughter from their school.
A gap year isn’t the end of the world.
I think CityYear is still taking applications!
http://www.cityyear.org/
I hope everything works out electronblue. That had to be a tough decision.
electronblue - hugs to you and your D. I’m sure that your D will regroup and be able to move forward and have a much better future college experience. I know where you are coming from as my D came home after a semester. She was 2,500 miles away and had a terrible roommate situation in addition to finding out early on that the school was not a good academic fit. My D is now much closer to home and very happy. Sometimes it is just homesickness and kids do get over it, but other times kids do need to come home.
@electronblue “She has made the decision to come home and we support that 100%.”
Glad you have resolved it.
" Honestly if I had to guess I think the administration is happy to see problem students leave early."
That is really awful. I am removing that school from DD2’s list. I had heard good things, but their inaction here is very disturbing. There is no excuse for the administrations behavior.
" We will get her home, process this, and start planning for a new path."
I love your attitude. Please come back and update us!
@electronblue - congrats on a great and loving decision. From your first post, it seemed deeper than the typical adjustment period. Momma knows. And momma did good. Hugs.
Everything happens for a reason, you just don’t know what it is yet, but it will show itself eventually.