Since times have changed, what’s the latest version of etiquette 101 to meet parents of people you are dating?
Is there a need to meet at all?
Should you wait until it’s a relationship?
If yes then when or where?
Do’s & dont’s for the occasion? Any tips?
Meet them when the dating couple says “we’d like you to meet!” Doesn’t have to be serious - but is probably not casual dating. Don’t read more into the situation beyond what the dating couple tells you - some may want to arrange a meet early, some not!
I would really just take the couple lead on all your questions. Do’s and don’ts - the same thing for any new couple/group of people you are meeting! Be cordial, don’t get overly personal, keep conversation light but meaningful!
Timely because we met the parents of both S’ girlfriends in the last few months.
Older S’ is likely more serious. She graduated in May 2.5 hours away, so we drove up to give her a present and went out to lunch with her parents. They seemed nice and we liked them a lot.
We went to Maine for vacation this summer and younger s’ GF lives a few hours away. They hadn’t seen each other all summer, so we invited her to join us for a few days. We met her parents for dinner. They were also very nice, and we liked them a lot.
I don’t see the need to meet them unless it just happens like it did for us. As for tips? Well we each paid the bill for our family members. And nobody got drunk 
I don’t know what OSS means, but here are my thoughts (informed by my wife, who is more knowledgeable than me in these matters):
(1) Yes, there is a need to meet, IF (see #2 below)
(2) There is a relationship – although not necessarily for a casual relationship.
(3) The other partner should invite you to meet his/her parents at an appropriate point (after there is more than a casual relationship). My wife tells me that she does not have a good opinion, for example, of young men who do not invite their girlfriends to meet the young men’s parents after a certain amount of time has elapsed and the relationship has advanced to a certain point – and you will know when (I know that she was thinking of our daughter in this instance, although she could have been thinking of me at an equivalent point in our relationship). Dinner out somewhere – not too expensive, but not a dive – is a good place to meet; it also allows your parents to observe your date’s social skills, and how he/she treats you in front of others.
(4) If you go out to dinner, allow the parents to pick up the tab – they should but if they don’t, then pay for your date. If the parents pick up the tab for dinner, offer to pay the tip (“Thank you for paying for dinner; would you at least allow me to pay the gratuity?”); chances are the parents will graciously decline the offer, but they will appreciate the offer being made. And if you pay the tip, don’t be overly cheap.
OSS= Out of state school
It’s different as you’ll unintentionally meet their SO at campus or at home if it’s a local college. OSS would require planning for you to visit or them to visit your town.
Thanks! (I know many but not all of these abbreviations.)
What’s the average timeline to consider something serious or “non-casual” in times of Tinder & hookups?
In our family,we don’t meet the parents of BF/GFs unless they are very serious and engagement is pending.
There is no average timeline IMO. It’s situational. Are the couple in a same city, same campus, seeing each other daily situation? Or are they apart? Age? What are they telling you?
Are they inviting you to see the S.O. parents or are YOU the ones who think this needs to happen and you’re bringing it up.
There is a lot of relationship(s) status between zero and Tinder/Hook Ups.
This is a a general topic of interest for my friends group as everybody’s kids are in late teens or early 20’s living at colleges and experiencing different levels of romantic interest in opposite (some same) gender.
Our meeting have just been natural, not a specific event to meet each other. I can’t even remember when I met my 25 year old’s boyfriend, maybe after a year at an event she invited him to (they’ve been together about 4 years). My 23 year old son has only been dating his girlfriend for a few months, but she joined our family vacation down the shore (lives 20 minutes from there) and stayed several nights (in his room). I met my 20 year old’s boyfriend before thanksgiving break, he dropped her home on the way here. He’s slept here many times, we are in between his home town and their university. They were only dating a few months when we first met, but the only reason was convenience.
I think every family is different. Both of my girls understood we would meet people they were dating pretty early on.
We were living overseas when D1 had started dating her now husband. During their first midterm break together she asked him to come visit us. We paid for his trip because it wasn’t his issue we didn’t lived in the US.
We had moved back by the time D2 was in college. We met her BFs when we were on campus to visit her. If they were very serious, the BF would come to our house or come on vacations with us.
My rule of thumb was not to meet the parents until they were really serious (living together or engaged).
I usually paid whenever I went out with my kids and their friends while they were not self supporting.
My girls’ BFs didn’t sleep in their rooms while they were in college. After they moved of my house I didn’t care any more.
What sort of questions would help you understand their relationship or build connection with this new person who might become a family member? Would you ask about their future plans?
“Ask” out of interest is one thing. “Drill” upon meeting is another!
I feel like you’re overthinking things. The only person (IMO) that this person needs to “audition” with is their prospective partner - not the prospective partners family!!!
First off - I initially misread this thread with my initial response. I thought it was about meeting the PARENTS of the SO, not the SO. oops.
We let the kids dictate when we met their GFs. We are always happy to include them in our plans if that’s what our kids want. Anyone who loves my kid and treats them well is good in my book.
I wouldn’t grill them at all about future plans. I have asked my S’ about things like “What are they studying? What do they want to be?” When older S’ GF got serious and I suspect (hope) she will become permanent, I did ask S about school loans. But really, that is all between them.
I do ask them about interests. What do they like to do. What do they want to do. What TV shows do they like to watch. Light & fun topics!
Edit: this is why I like to DO things with people. Go on a hike. Go to a museum. It’s easier to let the conversation flow vs. sitting around a room looking at each other in a grilling Q&A session.
The initial question DID ask about meeting the parents of the SO. I think it’s sort of now morphed into both - meeting the parents OR meeting the SO. I think???
Original question is about young generation’s take on meeting their SO’s parents. What us parents need to know to be socially correct on such occasion?
My apologies about creating any confusion.
ALSO this is me exerting my personality.
I dislike the use of “younger generation”. To me you are already building a wall with this statement. Aren’t we all humans and/or family? Isn’t caring and being kind and respectful generation-less? I prefer no lines between ages.
Well, it’s a fact that different age groups do things differently. For example, kids even use same emojis in a different manner than us. What was a norm when parents dated, could be a taboo now or vice versa.
I didn’t even find out about my son’s significant other until they’d been together for almost a year. Shortly after that she stayed with us over spring break. My son made a special trip to Hong Kong to meet her parents. We met them a few months later when they were in the US to see various family members who live here. We got to know them better when my DH took a sabattical in Hong Kong after my son and girlfriend had been together a few years. We really liked them and did some hiking with them. My son finally got married last year. We totally let the kids lead, but I will admit that once I knew there was a girlfriend, I did let my son know that she was welcome to visit.
Back when I was in college, my parents were the ones who were overseas and my aunt and uncle would often take me out to dinner and always invited me to bring a friend. I’m pretty sure a few boyfriends got checked out and reported on!