<p>I’m wondering if Heron has the support of DD’s dad. Somehow male wiring often let’s them be the better leader in situations like this when we mom’s can only focus on our job as nurturer.</p>
<p>First, I want to add my best wishes to Heron. You have been and are continuing to go through a really tough time, and I feel for you. I have to say that while many of these posts are thoughtful, I feel that many of the posters are very assumptive. We really don’t know what going on with Heron’s daughter. It could be some or all of the things mentioned here, or it could be something completely different, such as an undiagnosed learning disability. I would never presume to tell Heron what to do, or to know what is going on in his daughter’s head. But we need to remember that while her behavior can be construed as manipulative, she is no doubt miserable. Bringing her home, for instance, and instantly making her responsible for her own health insurance sounds like, forgive the pun, a prescription for disaster. I agree that both Heron and his daughter should get professional help, but I have no idea whether or not the D should finish the semester or just come home. In any case, please know, Heron, that you have another person out here who sympathizes, and please let us know how this develops with you and your daughter.</p>
<p>Just in case she does have to take a med. withdrawal, many schools carry the student health insurance through the end of the semester. Afterwards, though expensive, there are COBRA plans available. Heron can also have her daughter drop down to part time while being classified as a full time student for academic and insurance purposes, if she thinks that will be helpful. Maybe her daughter is having trouble adjusting and could use a part time schedule to take some stress off. Whatever the problem is, it is probably a good idea to see a therapist, who can diagnose depression, stress, LD’s, and can refer to appropriate doctors for other possible medical problems.</p>
<p>Heron, I am so sorry that you are going through this. If only kids came with instruction manuals!</p>
<p>Your D’s late night calls can be so many things. She may need to simply vent when she feels the need. She may be punishing you for her unhappiness. She may have some mental issues that manifest themselves when she turns off the lights & her mind kicks into overdrive rather than resting. There is no way to know without going to see her. If you can, I really think you should go see her. You will get a better feel for what is happening if you talk to her in person.</p>
<p>I have a couple friends who had big problems freshman year. One young lady’s parents actually took turns going to class with her & sitting by her side as she did her homework. She refused to withdraw from classes, yet she couldn’t function on her own. Her parents got her through the semester & brought her home. Soon after they came home, her mom found her sitting in a corner in a restroom during her sister’s baseball game - she was crying uncontrollably. The young lady had therapy several times a week, plus meds for awhile. She got back on track over the summer, returned to school in the fall, and made it through the rest of her program successfully. She has not had any issues since the breakdown freshman year. The mind is a strange thing.</p>
<p>Another friend’s roommate called to say that her son stopped doing everything, including attending classes. Dad drove 10 hours to get him & bring him home. They put him in counseling, but he only went to a couple sessions (his choice). This was 3 years ago. He tried CC, but has dropped all classes he started. His parents have had a very rough time with him - they finally paid for an apartment for him for a year, insisting he get out on his own to grow up. The year is up, he still doesn’t have a job, and they won’t be paying rent past this month. He obviously hasn’t hit bottom yet.</p>
<p>Heron, our kids are what they are. We can only do so much for them. When things get as difficult as your D’s situation, therapy is necessary - for you, too. I understand trying to keep her in school until the end of the term. I have been through hand-holding from afar to get a kid through the semester, so I know how hard it can be. Your situation seems a lot worse than mine was, though, and you may have to bring her home. You may not know “for sure” what to do, but you have to follow your instincts. Therapy - SOON - can help you figure this out.</p>
<p>I agree that your D should NOT go off to another college next semester. She is definitely not ready.</p>
<p>Being a parent can be so tough sometimes. If they told us how hard it can be BEFORE we had our kids, we might not have had them … and no matter how hard it is right now, the sun WILL come out soon (yeah, I know - not soon enough).</p>