Multiple Choices--Siblings and College Decisions & Tuitions

College Search & Selection
41

<p>I am one of three children. From the oldest to the youngest is only 5 years. We weren't rich, but middle class or perhaps a little better, but I don't recall money ever being discussed as it related to college. (Of course this was 25 plus years ago.) We all went, it turns out, to out of state universities, which were more expensive than our in state options, but those weren't acceptable back then anyway. I applied to a huge range of schools, from big privates to small ones, and several out of states. Again, money was never an mentioned as a decision factor.</p>

<p>However, I am the oldest and the youngest in my family had far more "things" that I did at her age, designer clothes and purses and a car in high school! (I didn't have a car until I finished college.) I can presume that my parents had saved for expensive private schools and as each child choose less expensive options they had more spending money!</p>

<p>We have three children and our investments have taken a huge hit. However, our children are very spread out in age (we are looking at 13 years of college with one year off, once the first one starts) and we have already told them that unless they go for a program that gets both an undergrad and grad degree at once, we are only funding 4 years. It is very possible that each child will have different contributions from us because we may have more or less money at the time.</p>

42

<p>2college- I figured they would have joined the crowd, back in 2002-2005 many of our choices had loans and now they no longer would do that- just glad we did not take the loans then only to see subsequent groups not have any!</p>

<p>Srsx country is sounding rather appealing!</p>

43

<p>I am the eldest of four siblings who all went to college in the '70's. The joke in our family was that "the youngest kid gets to go to a school that somebody's heard of". The three older siblings went to the local "directional" university, while baby brother went out of state to The University of Texas. We still occasionally call him "the little prince".</p>

44

<p>Back long before the economy went south, it was not uncommon for a family's income to increase substantially between the matriculation of the oldest and the matriculation of the youngest. That is why my younger sister had a horse when she was in high school and I, first born, had a different experience. ;)</p>

45

<p>Thanks, somemom. The Cayman Islands is a wonderful place. Feel free to visit anytime!
It's almost funny, actually. I'm in North Carolina for a scholarship interview and it was freezing earlier this week. When people found out where I was from, they looked at me like I was crazy for leaving the 80 degree temps. behind, but I'm purposely looking for a change in scenery and, so far, I like what I see. :)</p>

46

<p>When I talk to my fiance about having kids he advocates spacing them apart 4-5 years just for this reason. He and his sisters are all 5 years apart and none of them will be in college at the same time. When he left, his sister went in; and when she graduates, his youngest sister will begin. I don't like the idea of my oldest being 10 years older than my youngest, so I likely will not do that, but some space (2-3 years) is still good. I am two years older than my brother and 4 years older than my sister. I finished college in 2008; my brother didn't go, and my sister started the semester after I graduated.</p>

<p>But the thing is, none of our families ever thought it was more important or better to go to an Ivy League university or an expensive private college. And although they never said anything to us about not paying, my siblings all saw it as primarily our responsibility to find money/pay for college, and he and his siblings realized the importance of finding scholarships.</p>

<p>Both of us (me and my fiance) accepted full ride scholarships to small private liberal arts colleges that have good reputations, but aren't necessarily Amherst/Swarthmore. Later, he transferred to a small regional university. I don't regret my decision for a minute -- I'm a doctoral student at Columbia, and he's serving in the Air Force.</p>

<p>My younger brother went to college for a semester before deciding that it wasn't for him. He paid for that semester out of his own pocket, at a community college, and then when it was time for his job training he paid for that out of pocket too. He now works at an electrical company and he makes a nice-sized salary (more than the average salary in my field for a BA).</p>

<p>My sister chose to go to the same small regional university my fiance went to. We have a program in my state that if you graduate with higher than a 3.0 GPA, you get free tuition at our state's public schools, and she thought it a good idea to take advantage of that. She wants to be a nurse, so she's majoring in nursing there. His sister, the same age as my youngest sister, also went to a state public university on the same scholarship. Both of our sisters love their colleges and are happy with their choices.</p>

<p>The point of all that is to say -- yes, I will encourage my children to be cost-conscious when considering universities, when I have them. Columbia was my dream university when I was in high school, but I knew that my parents would not be able to afford it and neither would I...so I shrugged and moved on to the next place. I had a wonderful time at my undergrad LAC and I'm at Columbia NOW for graduate school (which is much better, IMO -- your grad university is far more important than your undergrad one). I don't think it will ruin a kid's life chances to not go to the top top university in the land if their parents can't afford it.</p>

<p>And if I have more than one kid, they're close in age, and they both seem driven to go to top universities, I will have to have a sit-down talk with them around that age so they come to an understanding. I don't anticipate being in an income bracket in which I can afford all of my children going to top universities. I would never have expected my parents to take on supreme debt for that course (shoot, I wouldn't have even expected them to take on any debt for my college degree -- had I not gotten that scholarship, I would've also gone to a public university, probably the University of Georgia or Georgia Tech) and although I'm not my parents and do expect that some debt will come my way should my children decided to go to college, I'm not willing to have the equivalent of a mortgage saddled onto me in my 40s and 50s.</p>

<p>Edit: And -- oh yeah! I would have NEVER expected my parents to pay for GRADUATE school. NEVER! In my opinion graduate school is the student's responsibility, both living expenses and the actual school costs. Although I'm sure that had I needed it and if I had stayed home for grad school, they would've let me live with them for a couple of months until I found a place, but I wouldn't expect any graduate school payment from my parents.</p>

47

<p>I may have cost my parents more than my brothers did in UG education, but I was very proud to be able to pay for grad school myself, between a fellowship & an assistantship.</p>

48

<p>we are looking at the top LACs and we are possibly on the wrong side of the margin for aid. We are Americans living in and paying taxes in Canada and are just beginning the whole process of choosing and applying. We have 2 sons 2 years apart, so when the younger starts maybe that will help.
Any thoughts? Or experience from north of the border or elsewhere?</p>

49

<p>We let DD pick from among many wonderful small LACs and colleges since all the financial aid packages were good. She did turn down a full-ride to a large public U. because it just did not seem like a good fit. When DS came along, the only school he was excited about attending was her university. We jokingly talked about having him attend his full-ride public U offer, but we wanted him to have the same opportunities and environment she had. Even though it will cost us more to have him attend than it did her (due to rising income, smaller family size since she has now graduated, and only having one kid in college), we are so happy that we can afford to send him. It would not have felt fair to him not to have this option, and I would not have been able to live with the thought that I had shipped him off to "free", when we are able to afford the other.</p>

50

<p>Living in California, state schools have always been my option. That's it. The UCs are such good schools, why should I go to a private on the east coast, which would cost more in addition to air fare. My older sibling is also attending a state school, a community college.
So handling 2 college tuitions at once is difficult, but somewhat manageable. Of course with the current state of the economy, that has become a different story.</p>

51

<p>Our Ds are 5 years apart, so we don't have 2 in college at the same time. PHEW!</p>

<p>D1 was full pay at an expensive college. She graduated without loans, but the understanding is that grad school is on her own nickle.</p>

<p>D2 is a senior in high school and we've told her that we can send her wherever she chooses to go to college--we are committed to her getting an undergrad degree without any loans on her part. </p>

<p>We haven't had to constrict our kids' choices, but we can only afford to do this for 2 kids. Had we had more kids, we would have had to constrict choices.</p>

<p>One interesting question brought up by D2: if she went to a much cheaper school, would we be amenable to her using the money we didn't spend on grad school for her?
Does fairness mean that both get undergrad degrees without debt or that a similar amount of money be spent on both?</p>

52

<p>Well we are knee deep in this right now. My husband is very frugal and has saved enough money (prior to the recent economic bust) to pay for (twins)their college. His goal from the beginning was that they would be able to attend the best school that they got into.</p>

<p>He has said that the money is there for them whether they use it for grad school or undergrad but that if they use it for undergrad then they will pay for grad school. He also claims that they are responsible for their travel and spending $. (I think the travel was largely to keep California off the radar.) </p>

<p>Both my kids are very diligent students. They have both earned equal financial backing for college. However, I can see that if one child worked very hard and the other was remiss in their studies that would warrent different treatment. </p>

<p>And yes- I say fairness = same amount of money if needed</p>

<p>By the way both my kids think the other one gets favorable treatment....so I can't win anyhow.</p>

53

<p>My sister and I are 6 years apart so it is not as much of a problem compared to others.</p>

<p>Advice? Start saving early. My parents are extremely smart people and somehow already paid for two years of college for me....and my sister for a school in our state. It is a relief to know that my family doesn't have to stress over paying for the 4 years of college already paid for. Some may not like this because your children are limited to the schools they could go to, but it hasn't bothered me because I love the colleges in my state. By the time I was 12, I had two years of college paid for. :D</p>

54

<p>2by2 I have very similar experience...my two older children are one year apart in school, and we've talked lots over the course of their high school careers about my supporting them thru college, while their part would of course be working hard academically in hopes of merit scholarships to help. So grateful to say, my oldest recvd a full ride merit scholarship to a top cc private lac, and is an active freshman, my second who wanted to stay in state, just decided on a top small public university, also with a merit scholarship. As other parents here have said, I told my kids that the college funds saved for them can now be used for their graduate education. (providing same amount for each of my three kids)</p>

55

<p>Interesting thread and still theoretical to me as my oldest is a HS junior and we are just starting the process. With all due respect to prior posters, it isn't always possible to save 100% of tuition for your kids, even if you realize how important education is from the day your children are born. We started our family while living in NJ, and made the decision that I would stay home with them. Cutting our income in half and living in one of the most expensive states doesn't equal a good saving scenario. We were able to start saving once we moved to the South, but an 8 or 10 year delay (depending on which child) is tough to make up. Luckily, we planned on my finishing my graduate degree and beginning work in time for #1 to attend college (so far, that seems to be working out :)</p>

<p>For us this is how I see things working out: DD#1 will be NMSF. As we've been working on her list of schools, we have been very open with her about finances, especially since we know that she will have a few acceptable (to all of us) close to free rides. We've told her that we will not, nor will we let her, take out loans when she has those kind of offers sitting on the table. We have a number that we are willing to spend per year (a combination of her sad 529 combined with a percentage of my current income) but we have told her that if she chooses to accept one of the full ride merit offers, we will help her with graduate school (she tells us now that her terminal degree will be a doctorate :) If she chooses a school where our out of pocket will exhaust her 529, then she's on her own for grad school. And she's OK with that.</p>

<p>For #2, it may be tricky in terms of fairness. If I continue with my current employer (a university) the dependent tuition reimbursement program (which applies to any college/ university) will kick in during May of her senior year of HS so she will have more money available to her, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she has had (up until this point; she is in 8th grade) better grades than her sister, along with higher test scores and a much more competitive work ethic. I am anticipating, based on past performance, that she will end up with a higher class rank, gpa and test scores than her sister. However, she is not looking at the types of careers that will require a doctorate. The reality is that she will probably have the opportunity (both in terms of chances of acceptance and financially) to attend a higher ranked school than her sister will. </p>

<p>That's as fair as I can see making it. Will it be equal? Possibly not, but it's hard to compare apples to oranges. I think they will both be content with their options, especially since we've been open and transparent with what our thought process is regarding tuition.</p>

56

<p>We have two kids six school years apart. I refer to them as my "two only children." (We had thought it was smart to space them so that they would not overlap in college, but had not looked into financial aid formulas way back when we were planning our family in the '80s!) ;)</p>

<p>Each kid applied to both state and private schools. We did allow each to attend their top choice/best fit school, which in each case happened to be a private school, for which we were full-pay. Each was expected to "chip in" more for the private than they would have needed to for a public. They are responsible for the modest Stafford loans. Had they gone public, and needed less for their undergrad education than what was in their college accounts, they would have been able to keep any remainder for other future plans (a car, a down payment, grad school, etc.)</p>

<p>Grad school is on them. Kid #1 worked for three years after college and lived at home to save for grad school and is applying now for next year. </p>

<p>I do not see the issue as equal money for each kid so much as we the parents trying to do our best for each of them. It so happened that for each of them a particular private school was an excellent match and we were in a position (so far, ask me after additional market tumbles! :( ) to handle it.</p>

<p>"From each according to their ability, to each according to their need" is a phrase that occurs to me. We have family friends who sent the first and third child to state school honors programs and the middle child to his dream private, and so far as I know all are happy. It was simply a case of different situations suiting different kids.</p>

57

<p>I am the second of six children, living off of what, for smaller families (and evidently smaller families are used to calculate financial need) would be an upper-middle class income. </p>

<p>My parents will do everything they can to ensure we end up at "the right" schools, but, giving that they squandered several thousand on an expensive school for my older sibling, who dropped out after the second year, there is little left. College savings are borderline nonexistent.</p>

<p>I do not think this is unfair. I will, when all is said and done, probably end up at a large state school instead of the ivy (yale) I have had my heart set on, but as this is what is best for my family, this is what I should do. Attending a private would probably eliminate any chance of my younger siblings, who are all at least as smart and hard-working as I, going to an expensive school. I do not resent the fact that my parents, if they hadn't had to pay for the years of school for my sister, probably would be able to afford sending me to a top school. They have and will do their best for every one of us, and that "best" will vary.</p>

<p>I would never, ever, think of asking my parents for help paying for grad school. I work long weeks now, and plan to continue through undergrad and potentially end up earning a higher-level degree from somewhere other than a state school.</p>

58

<p>I just have a quick question...</p>

<p>My sister attends UVA as a 3rd year. I also applied to UVA this fall...</p>

<p>Will her being there help or hurt my chances in any way of being admitted?</p>

59

<p>I'm the third kid in my family going to college. The process was quite different for me than for my 2 older brothers...Both of them applied ED to Cornell and knew that they were shoe-ins. I on the other hand looked at tons of schools (not Cornell by the way), visited a bunch, and applied to 10. My mom has been really excited during the whole process because I've gone a more traditional path so she's interested in seeing all the choices.</p>

60

<p>I'm the third of four going to college</p>

<p>My parents saved enough for each of us to attend a private university for four years. </p>

<p>However, they feel like they're getting shafted.</p>

<p>Apparently their income is low enough for financial aid, but because they have the money in the bank they don't receive any financial aid.</p>

<p>So...they sacrificed luxuries for the past 20 years and saved for their kids to go to college. Other parents decided not to save, or did not save as much, but their kids receive financial aid. Basically, both scenarios get their kids an education, but one enjoys luxuries while the other doesn't. Why save if your kid could attend a college anyway because of financial aid?</p>

<p>What is CC's take on this?</p>