<p>Wife wanted to visit S this 3 day weekend but he is too busy trying to join clubs. There has to be something of interest to your D. Visits are good but I teach my wife how the be “chill” as the youngsters like to say. A few years ago I visited a freshman and asked if he missed us. He said, no, and I said said that’s the right answer. I didn’t flinch but I sure was torn up inside. </p>
<p>Time for your game face?</p>
<p>Has he read the book “Happiest Kid on Campus”? There is also a parent version called “The Naked Roommate”. The author talks about what is realistic to expect in college and that there will be rough times, and that is normal,etc. He notes that knowing to expect these rough times up front helps students avoid having unrealistic expectations. I imagine, since he has wanted to go to GT for so many years, he has developed a lot of expectations. I worry about getting these phone calls once my D heads off to college too.</p>
<p>I was 17 when I started college. I guess I was still nerdy enough that I really didn’t care about not making friends. I certainly didn’t have any long-term friends from my freshman dorm, but I had one that year who ended up going into town with me about once a week and we’d shop and get something to eat. Never heard from her after that (completely different backgrounds didn’t help). I don’t think being younger mattered at all.</p>
<p>Anyway, I stuck it out freshman year, but beginning of sophomore was really tough for me. I had done well first semester freshman year, a 3.4 (for engineering at an Ivy that’s doing well), and then second semester dropped to a 2.4. I was having such a tough time first semester sophomore year, that I felt I had to get away (I never thought about dropping out). I called my parents and said “I’m going to Florida for a few days during mid-semester break”. I was all set to go alone, but my parents ended up insisting on going with me. It was a good way to recharge, and I went back to school and ended up adjusting just fine. I only found one really good friend at college, and I married him, so that was different than most students who generally had a group of friends. For the most part, people found friends either through pledging a frat or sorority, or other campus groups. It was more common to find people outside your major as friends.</p>
<p>Point being - I’d try to convince him to stay at least a semester, but that Escape program sounds like a must-try:
<a href=“ESCAPE | Campus Ministry | Georgetown University”>http://campusministry.georgetown.edu/escape</a></p>
<p>I do think that physically being on campus, sitting in your dorm, and trying to figure out what you need to do can be daunting. Getting away for a short time helped me a lot. I don’t think going to the campus would help, but you could consider, if he is totally against the Escape program, doing your own “escape” with him and having a mini-vacation within an hour or so of campus with him and your family (or just you as you see fit) to give him a chance to regroup (I wouldn’t recommend doing anything more than picking him up on campus and taking him away, I would not meet with him on campus more than that). I was very lucky I loved my room freshman year, I did not have a roommate, and to be able to be alone on a 20,000 student campus was very nice. (Some people with roommates will schedule “out time” where they leave their roommate alone for a few hours regularly. Some kids are really needy and will stay in their dorm and talk to their roommate and drive them nuts.) All IMHO and YMMV.</p>
<p>Hope things are getting better.</p>
<p>GREAT advice and feedback here.
Not exactly our personal experience, (knock-on-wood, so far) but I have heard this exact thing from <strong><em>many</em></strong> parent-friends. Always surprising because it involved kids I would not have guessed would have such openly wrenching transitions.</p>
<p>The worst thing a new freshman college student can do is to, in fact, go back home and retreat. So this is in no way an option. The option to come back and do a re-do begins after (a completed) freshman year. Maybe in extreme cases after the first semester.
If this sinks in, a student will buckle up. A kid who got into Georgetown has the inner resources to transition, and it won’t be the last major transition & stress in his life.</p>
<p>Tell yourself this and it will change your demeanor. And I agree with “be firm and calm.” Apply this to yourself also. You can do it, Mama!</p>
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<p>I think it’s far better to take a leave than to withdraw. If the student changes his mind, he can return after the leave. But he can’t un-withdraw.</p>
<p>I do agree that there’s nothing wrong with starting over, at the same school or a different one.</p>
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<p>In the vast majority of cases, yes. However, there are unusual instances in which going off to college triggers a serious mental health problem that was probably just waiting to happen. In these rare cases, leaving school early and getting appropriate treatment may be essential.</p>
<p>The difficulty, of course, lies in identifying these unusual cases and distinguishing them from the vast majority of students who have a difficult transition to college, most of who will either adjust to life at the college they are attending or transfer successfully to another college after successfully completing a semester or a year.</p>
<p>Marian’s point is a good one - even if meeting him on campus and hanging out in what will be “his territory” might be a bad idea, if you can swing it, meet him and take him off-campus and actually see him to make sure there isn’t something really huge going on.</p>
<p>Of course you mentioned 2000 miles, so Skyping is a good short-term answer to see him, especially if money and time are an issue. If you haven’t Skyped before, it’s actually pretty easy to set up. My son and husband went away on a week-long trip down South and Skyped daily. They also got a chance to see our pets while away 
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<p>How is he he doing today? Update please. We are there for you all. We care. He can get through this…he is not alone. Its actually quite normal. But he must reach out and talk about it to his roomies, his RA, counseling, Professors etc. Then eat right and sleep right. It does get better. </p>
<p>FWIW, I personally know someone who dropped out of college the first week, and then took the year to work/think. She went back to a different school the next year and graduated at the top of her class. Continued on to eventually get a degree from law school. All is not lost if the kid feels like he needs some time to regroup and think about the future. I’m not saying your kid should throw in the towel. Only you and he can figure that out. But, if it comes to that, he still has a future. So, do what fits your situation.</p>
<p>I wish OP would come back. </p>
<p>Of course a re-do is always possible, but I would not present this withdrawal option to my kid. *Not at this junction. * </p>
<p>I’m reminded of one child I knew who developed serious “schoolitis,” as in severe stomach aches, after being allowed to stay home. This lasted from second grade to the sixth. Parents meant well, and were unsure if the initial stomach complaints had an organic cause. :-SS </p>
<p>Learning to buckle-up may be as important a skill as anything else our children will learn that first year.</p>
<p>At DD’s conservatory the Dean mentioned to the parents that no real assessment of a new student’s adjustment is possible until November first. I think this is probably true for most. Of course there are exceptions, but it’s a good starting point.</p>
<p>For those wanting an update, I’d imagine it’s way too soon for OP, just as it’s way too soon to assess OP’s son’s prospects for this year. </p>
<p>Again – i want to stress that if some time out is determined to be the best thing, it is NOT necessary to withdraw! Colleges will allow the student to take one or two semesters as a leave of absence.</p>
<p>If the student takes a leave, financial aid remains in place. If the student withdraws, it’s very unlikely there will be significant FA in his future, either at the original school if he re - applies OR at a new school if he transfers.</p>
<p>There is no downside to a leave. It freezes everything in place for the duration of the leave. Withdrawal, OTOH, is permanent. It would be foolish to make this far-reaching move so soon. </p>
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<p>I think this is good advice. It seems like we see a lot of posts this time of year from kids and/or parents whose kids are unhappy once they arrive on campus. Either college in general, or the specific college the kid is attending isn’t what they expected, and they are having a hard time adjusting. I think a lot of what needs to happen first semester is for the student to come to terms with the reality of the college (vs what they thought it would be), and navigate that reality to find their niche. I think it is okay to validate with your kid that things may not be exactly what was expected. </p>
<p>Maybe his roommate isn’t going to be a buddy (or is an active jerk), or people party too much, or everyone has a lot more money than the OP’s kid does, or some planned EC isn’t what they were hoping (my D2 told me a story today about walking into her most cherished HS EC at college and finding an ex-boyfriend from a summer program that she had dumped sitting there as a fellow freshman – the poor kid left the EC and never came back…). Maybe the food isn’t to his liking, or he isn’t able to sleep because of noise in the dorm, or his classes are tougher than expected (my D2 sure hit that one last fall!), or he can’t get the classes he expected, or he got lost on campus, or missed a meeting with a prof or advisor.</p>
<p>Lots of things can get our kids down in the first couple of months on campus that aren’t what they expected. You just have to be steady for them, encourage them to work their way around or over their roadblocks, and help them look for the positive aspects where possible. Odds are good that they will find their niche given a few months.</p>
<p>My DS moved to art school last Sunday. He was out of sorts all week – classes don’t start until the Tuesday after Labor Day, and there was just too much unstructured time. So after five days there, he came home for the Labor Day weekend, but we only live an hour away. </p>
<p>I actually think it did him a world of good to come home and see: a) nothing has changed here – it is very unexciting, he is missing NOTHING; b) his friends are all gone by now to their respective schools, so like I said, “very unexciting”; and c) this is still his home, and he is always welcome here. He is going back to school tomorrow and he said he’s looking forward to classes starting. </p>
<p>The schools he’s in is very urban, too – no campus, not even a cafeteria. So it’s not just the usual adjustment that comes from leaving home and going to a traditional college setting – it’s also the weirdness of being in a noisy city and all of that. </p>
<p>Yesterday morning, I went to our farmer’s market in town and as I was looking around, I overheard a lot of conversations between parents of kids who just started school. I chuckled to myself because one year ago, everyone was comparing notes about applications and schools and early this and supplemental that, and now they were all trying to figure out whose kid was managing the adjustment and whose was not. I suppose the unspoken premise is that if we have done our jobs as parents well, our kids can handle the transition just fine and don’t get homesick. </p>
<p>Well, I’m sure we all wish our kids could rise to meet every challenge with maturity and aplomb, but I remember my orientation week at college, and I was homesick, too. If it makes people feel better to judge me, or my son, because he came home for the long weekend, then whatever. It worked for him and college is a long four years, and a homesick reaction to the first week is not necessarily a harbinger of doom. So…I hope the OP can take this advice and figure out something that works for their student, without too much guilt or anything else. </p>
<p>I really feel for you. We were in that position last year this weekend. It was HORRIBLE as a parent. However, one year later and things have changed. We have a thrilled sophomore. We planned to talk to our D as much as she needed us to, but not to allow her to come home or drop out mid-semester. (Had we suspected mental health issues, it would have been a different story.) I encouraged our D to exercise daily, join a group, and to attend campus activities, as well as to meet with a counselor and reach out to our RA. Most of the time, the situation improves over several weeks. Then, your child is fine, and you have to get over it. We received a text this weekend which expressed the difference a year makes. Our D thanked us for encouraging her to stick it out. Good luck. </p>
<p>I worked as a counselor in a college counseling center, and helped students adjust to college life and/or made the decision that they had to be sent home. Some students are just having mild to moderate adjustment issues and do fine with some help and support. Other students have a more serious situation and need to go home, and typically do fine for a year attending a local college. I would recommend that at some point, if your son does not respond to some of the suggestions outlined by other folks on this thread, that he go in for an evaluation by someone at the counseling center. You can call the the head of the counseling center and discuss the situation.</p>
<p>I know Georgetown pretty well as I lived in DC for 18 years, worked in some Georgetown bars while in college and later took some adult education classes when I started working. I found that G’town has a strong culture and is pretty rah-rah. (as an aside, I took my son there for a college tour and he hated it). The OPs son will eventually find some friends and fit in somewhere. However, in the meantime, he should try and enjoy the fact that he is vry fortunate to live in a great town like DC. He must have some interests that he can enjoy off campus if being around the campus makes him uncomfortable. Some suggestions - go to a Nats game, see the museums, take a walk in Rock Creek Park and stop by the zoo and see the baby panda. Then, he can decide when he comes home for Christmas he can decide whether or not to transfer.</p>
<p>It takes most of the first semester to adjust. It’s why MIT is pass/fail for the first semester. I’ve gone through this twice - and always say - wait until Christmas. By then, they’ve found the other “out of sort - new to campus” kids and formed a posse and start calling the dorm “home.”</p>
<p>But the other thing I’ve found is that even very strong students in high school are not necessarily acclimated to college rigor, the challenge of managing the schedule and navigating a campus. Add living in a dorm with people from all over the world and it’s a recipe for culture shock and stress.</p>
<p>It’s possible that some students are just home-bodies. But if this is your child’s first time away from home and learning to be independent - then it’s normal. It’s normal if they’ve traveled - but harder on those who have stuck close to home most of their lives.</p>
<p>Also harder if the campus culture is different then home (i.e. going from one area of the country to another).</p>
<p>Mine lived abroad - survived - and still had a bit of an adjustment to college. A few months in, life settled, friends happened, and classes evened out.</p>
<p>Go for parent weekend and spend time together. Then re-evaluate at the end of the semester. But yes - most colleges grant leaves of absence if the adjustment doesn’t happen. Worth exploring because you don’t have to reapply to start classes later.</p>
<p>When Cortes landed in the New World, many of his men felt the same way. They wanted to go home to Spain. Cortes burned his ships and as a result, his men were highly motivated. </p>
<p>I suggest you take a similar approach. You don’t still want him living at home when he’s 40, do you?</p>
<p>Lol… @mandalorian, while I don’t think your approach is appropriate in all situations (if the kid is having mental health issues, for example), it did make me laugh.</p>