<p>I liked the comment to fly out, then unliked it because I remember reading time and again to not race to their side. He needs support from afar, and should join clubs, etc. It should get better but it might take a month or two. </p>
<p>I am the mom of the kid who decided he was transferring after less than 48 hours at college. Heās better now, and the one word of advice I would give is: Tell him to hang on until the Activities Fair ā or whatever youāre calling it on your campus. Our son needed to meet likeminded people and once this event occurred, he began filling up his calendar with events where he was likely to meet people that he liked and it helped a lot. </p>
<p>One of the issues that he faced was that his roommate came from an expensive prep school and therefore already knew a lot of kids on campus. (I remember feeling this my freshman year as well - I was the only one from my small catholic high school to go to my college, or even to go that far away ā My roommate in contrast, had gone to Stuyvesant and she knew a ton of kids at Wellesley, Harvard, etc.) When one individual starts out with a vibrant, premade social life, it can sort of augment the contrast with your loneliness and feeling at sea. Although it turns out that his roommate was actually having too good a time, and is already in some trouble as a result. Sometimes hanging out in your room watching Netflix isnāt the worst thing in the world.</p>
<p>My husband and I also realized that my son kind of likes having quiet and time to destress at the end of the day, and we think he may just have been freaked out by not really having anyplace to get away to when he was feeling overwhelmed. I encouraged him to explore the library and find a quiet corner, to get to know the woodsy parts of campus, to find a bench by the lake, etc. Heās also found his way to the music practice rooms and that is helping a lot as well.</p>
<p>The student activities fair was yesterday. I hope he went.</p>
<p>I love how everyone has jumped in here, offered great suggestions, and shown concern. Hope everything is going better for confusedmamaās student. </p>
<p>Yes I would like parents to know that if a child is depressed, or has another medical condition, most colleges allow a medical leave, that means there is no penalty for leaving the campus, and the student does not fail his or her classes. But there needs to be a doctor or psychologist letter. </p>
<p>Marian, is correct in her comments, that is why if any student continues to be distraught for a long period of time, stops going to classes, and stays in his dorm room sleeping all the time, has suicidal thoughts, etc., an evaluation by a psychologist is in order. It does not happen often, most kids bounce back quickly after the initial period of adjustment, but a few students do not and need to go home. Usually when they get home they are fine, in treatment and on meds. As I stated in a prior post, I worked in a student counseling center and conducted these kind of evaluations.</p>
<p>OSUmom, besides medical leave, there is also personal leave. So a student need not be sick or depressed to hit the Pause button. </p>
<p>Does the original poster have an update?</p>
<p>Confusedmama2014 - sent you a PM, but in short, sometimes the right choice is to transfer. </p>
<p>Wellā¦if that is the decision of that family, so be it. But I have to say, cases like this usually have hints of disaster early on. Its vital that parents and students pick colleges which are a good fit for the kid, and that includes scores, but also maturity, location and personality. Some kids arent ready for college regardless how smart they are. Some kids are coddled and overprotected. Some kids are shy. Some kids have social disorders or impediments, like anxiety disorders. Most of the time its no secret. Its a huge disservice to send a kid to a college for āprestigeā alone. I know people who went to Harvard and hated it and were miserable. Bad fit for THEM. </p>
<p>It can happen at state flagships, it can happen at bucolic rural setting liberal arts colleges, it can happen at urban schools. </p>
<p>Not blaming the parents here or the kid, per se, only saying I would bet there were issues/doubts/signals early on and Georgetown was a poor fit. </p>
<p>For some kids they are such homebodies and so sheltered that going away to college is just not going to work. Parents and students need to understand thisā¦and discern carefully if forcing them to go away is a good thing to help them grow, or a bad thing causing distress, blowouts and lost semestersā¦or worse. </p>
<p>I am very sorry this is what happened here. But I have heard it before at a lot of schools for varying reasons. I wish the OP much success in college and to pull it together somewhere else. </p>
<p>Georgetown is not a laid back school in a laid back location. Its hyper competitive, with east coast kids, many of whom are from uber wealthy or uber powerful families. Its in a city which views credentials as extremely important to open doors and then they all are clawing at each other to get ahead. </p>
<p>Of course many schools are like thisā¦not just Georgetown. </p>
<p>Youāre assuming a lot of facts not in evidence. </p>
<p>Hope all goes well for this student. It is so difficult for a lot of students to leave home and enter a new environmentā¦way of lifeā¦cultureā¦etc. Itās like jumping into a pool of ice water. Believe meā¦I know. 35 years ago I went away to a large university 4 hours from home. It was quite a shock for me going from a small town atmosphere to a large city and large university. I didnāt know anyone and I was shy at the time. Needless to say I didnāt last very long there. Ended up coming home and finishing my degree at a local college. Back then there was little in the way of college counseling and social services provided by schools. You were pretty much on your own. Iām just glad my D is very outgoing and makes friends easily as well as independent. So far sheās fitting in nicely with her small southern LAC.</p>
<p>Hugs to OP and the student!! </p>
<p>Similar situation with my niece. Maybe her story will help you. Her parents told her to stick it out 1 semester, then she could decide whether to transfer, or take the Spring semester off. Just knowing she had that option, and only had to stick it out 1 semester, was all she needed. I guess she knew she could make it that long. But by Thanksgiving break, she was eager to head back to college, and hated to leave when it was time to graduate. </p>
<p>LasMa: I;m assuming nothing. I think you may be assuming that I was assuming. I stated clearly I wasnt accusing anyone, but when its posted by the OP he was freaked, 17, 2000 miles from home, begging to come home, and then little to nothing else posted by the OP, except that the decision (reported by others anecdotally from PMās) was made to pull himā¦one week into the semester (and at most schools the first 3-4 days are orientation days for freshmen), then it appeared like cases I have seen over and over through the years. I offfered several possible scenarios, not to blame and point fingers and ridicule, but as a learning experience for other parents. I also said it happens at every school. I know a case where it happened to a kid in a local schoolā¦couldnt transition from high school to college, dorm life and came homeā¦all of 5 miles away. In those cases sometimes a gap year is best. </p>
<p>People post here for many reasons. I try and post on CC to be helpful to anyone asking for help (the OP) and to others facing similar problems or beginning the college search/application process. </p>
<p>My m.o. has always been to keep prestige in checkā¦we all look at itā¦but keep it in check. Some kids actually are better off going away to collegeā¦it forces them to grow up, become independent (my kid). For others, that is disaster. </p>
<p>I wish the OPās kid all the very best. And having lived and worked in DC for years (not there now), I do know Georgetown and who goes there. ;-)</p>
<p>sovereigndebt, did I miss something? OP told others she had pulled him? I ask because I PMād OP, never heard back and see that she hasnāt been on cc since the day after she posted.</p>
<p>Though OP did not respond, these comments have been very informative for those of us with kids that just went away and are experiencing the same thing. The reason why I love CC is that I can see others in the same position. Whether it was the high stakes application process, the high fives when they got in, or now the adjustment for all of us to their first weeks away.</p>
<p>I hope OP and her son make the best choice for them. Reading varying points of view is very helpful for all of us.</p>
<p>Thanks.</p>
<p>Momzie, Iām really glad your son is happier now. I have two friends whose children now have singles because their roommates dropped out the first week. In one case, the young lady was the first in her family to go to college, and she was crying everyday about missing her boyfriend back home. She walked away from a lot of need-based aid. Unless there is an actual psychiatric problem going on, I would strongly encourage a student to stick it out and give things a chance to improve. </p>
<p>sovereigndebt, I havenāt been privy to anecdotal PMs. We do not know if the OPās student was seeking a laid back school or not; at least, I donāt know that. All I know is that he was begging to come home 5 days in.</p>
<p>It may be that a transfer is the best solution. Or it may not be. There is really no way to know so early on. Homesickness is not exactly a rare condition among freshmen, and it usually abates with time. That was the case with my D, who desperately wanted to come home in the early weeks, and yet ended up thriving at her school. Barring concerns about mental illness, IMO the student should at least try to stick through the first semester. If it really is a bad fit, transfer is always an option. But if a student withdraws because of the intense emotion of the moment, they may come to regret it.</p>
<p>Thank you for that reminder, Tperry, that others benefit even if the OP doesnāt. One of my pet peeves is when OPs donāt come back and update a situation, especially when multiple people have PMād them and their issue has attracted, in this instance, six pages of responses. But, yeah, we never know what kind of impact our words might have on others who are lurking.</p>
<p>I do hope things have gotten better and OP hasnāt come back because that crisis was yesterdayās news. :)</p>
<p>So much good advice in these replies. YouDonātSay is right about others being helped.</p>