My father will not let me visit colleges

Parents Forum
21

<p>Is you are not needing significant FA, and you do your search well, then applying to 6ish schools is not unreasonable (Thats the top number our private school allows. Any more and the parent pays $50/app and the paperwork gets put at the bottom of the pile). That said, I am a big believer in school visits. Many schools liek to see “demonstrated interest” and some schools that my s’s thought they’d love they did not when they visited. Of couse many people dont/cant visit, or wait til they are accepted before visiting.</p>

<p>If you hve the funds, pay for your own applications and apply to as many as you feel comfortable with. That said, 8-10 should be more than enough. But many kids apply to only a handful and they do just fine.</p>

22

<p>Go to the common data set for any school you are considering. Under first-year admission, there is a section that rates the importance of various factors, including interview and applicant’s interest. If any of the schools indicate these to be a factor, I would show this to your father.</p>

<p>If a school is in driving distance and says interest is a factor, and you have not visited the school during the application process, then yes, this might be a negative in your decision (probably not a big one, but if it comes down to picking you and someone of equal competitiveness, then you might not get the nod).</p>

<p>For schools that are a plane ride away, I wouldn’t worry so much about visiting (at least in terms of showing interest), but you should ask for an alumni interview if they rate the interview as a consideration.</p>

<p>Just google common data set and the name of the college. Most colleges make the CDS publicly available, but some don’t.</p>

<p>In any case, I do think it’s important to visit a school after you are admitted; there are real differences in schools and student bodies that discernible from websites. Some schools seemed perfect from the websites, but got scratched off upon visiting…</p>

23

<p>OP—I see from your post that you are in Illinois. Where are you considering applying? The good parents here on CC are never at a loss for giving our 2-cents’ worth in opinions!</p>

<p>Also, having originally come from Illinois, I think there are far fewer students who go out of state for schools than in other parts of the country, esp here on the east coast. Had I kept the same point of view that I had back in the dinosaur ages when I went to ISU and DH went to EIU, the whole concept of competitive college applications that D1 went through, interviews with alumni, etc. would have been totally foreign to me as well. Though I was at the top of my class, my only decision process was which instate U(s) I was going to fill out the application for. In the area where I lived, no one went anywhere else.</p>

24

<p>I’m another that doesn’t think that quantity apps are necessary. 5 or 6 ought to do the trick especially since you know what your budget is. We limited our kids and one has graduated, one is on his way and one is in the process of “picking”…it’s really not that difficult. You’ll need to do your research on-line but there are tons of videos on You Tube, visit reports, web pages that will give you at least a small feel for the colleges as well as some understanding of what it might cost you. After that you can narrow the geographic location, the urban vs. rural, big vs. small and all that before you apply. Perhaps you can compromise with your dad and visit your number one choice after the acceptances are in. This whole sort of “finding college as life changing quest” is a tad over rated. Do ask everyone here for help and suggestions if you like. You are fortunately in the heartland of the midwest with lots of great colleges of all shapes and sizes and opportunities and in your budget. Best of luck!</p>

25

<p>Theoretically I disagree with him wholeheartedly. My son applied to 10 (a similar strategy as you outlined) and we visited 13-14 …on both coasts and in between. Yes those visits weeded out some. And yes, we can afford it. But I also have to believe he is responding out of financial concern. He’s probably stressed–significantly stressed–on how to pay for it all. You didn’t really mention the cost involved in the colleges you are thinking about…how far they are etc. If he cant afford it, he can’t afford it. And he likely feels bad about it so he’s trying to somehow reduce their importance…because it really really sucks to feel like you cant give your kids something important that they want, especially when you are talking about a college education (vs something frivolous). Do your homework on line. Reach out, ask ask ask about specific colleges here on CC, go on line, look at other websites, talk to friends with friends, reach out. You can also reduce your applications down 2 reaches, 2 fits, 2 safeties. Find a way to compromise…dont lose sight of your dreams…but be kind to him in the process too.</p>

26

<p>Thank you everyone for replying and offering your perspectives on my situation. I’ve learned quite a bit just from reading these posts. I’ll try to answer any questions that were asked.</p>

<p>For clarification, some of the colleges that I’m looking into are – UIUC, CMU, Cornell, UMich, UPenn, Princeton.
My stats, I suppose, would be considered less than stellar when considering ivy league schools. Here’s a brief summary. – 33 ACT, 730 Chem, 750 US Hist, Hardest schedule possible, 3.8UW GPA no real “hook”, played trumpet for 7.5 years, abundance of performance awards and top spots in state/regional orchestras.</p>

<p>The reason I would like to apply for so many reaches is because its always been my dream (at least since I can remember) to go to a top school. With my stats it seems like I don’t have that great of a chance to get into top schools. The way I see it, if I apply to more reaches, I have a greater chance of getting into at least 1 of them.</p>

<p>Also, both my parents only applied to one university because their parents were both professors at them.</p>

<p>@parent56
I go to a rural public school usually never send ANYONE to top schools (I think we’ve sent 3 to the ivy league in 60 some years). I’ve spoken with my gc and he knows very little about any of the schools I’m interested in with the exception of UIUC. I do not believe a meeting with him and my father would help things. I may consider it though.</p>

<p>@annasdaad
My mother is not in the picture. She does live with us, but whenever I try to converse with her about anything college related she automatically says the ole “talk to your father about it.”</p>

<p>@rachelfran
My high school does have an admissions seminar. However, as I stated early in this post it will not be focused on any top schools. From what I’ve heard, they talk about directional state Us with very low qualifications.</p>

<p>@proudwismom
You mentioned other ways to show interest? Do you have anything specific in mind? Do you know how I can get in contact with current students?</p>

<p>@Schoomcgoo
I have had that discussion with him, and finances are a non-issue. My grandfather gifted me with a great deal of money for my education.</p>

<p>@turbo93
Thank you for the information. I will definitely be looking more into those details in the coming weeks and narrow down my list that way.</p>

<p>@mom2collegekids
That could be it, and that is what I suspect part of it to be. I’m not quite sure why he wouldn’t simply come right out and say it though. Financial issues in my family are usually kept out in the open for all to talk about.</p>

<p>@Idwendy
No, he is not an immigrant, he went to a state U (which was the only one he applied to). I’m not quite sure why he has this view on the admissions process. Thank you for the information about virtual tours though, I will look into those.</p>

<p>@getalifemom
I’ve tried to get my parents my parents researching and helping me out in my search, but they will not. It often seems like they don’t even care which school I go to.</p>

27

<p>

</p>

<p>This (except for being at the top of my class, lol) describes me as well. I am from Iowa, and I think that the college search process can be very different there. IMO, it’s a good thing. When I was in high school, only the very rich or the very religious went anywhere other than Iowa or Iowa State, and if you graduated in the upper half of your class, you were guaranteed admission. The day I moved in to my dorm for freshman year was the first time I set foot on campus. Can you see where your father is coming from a bit?</p>

<p>I would encourage you to shorten your list a bit and apply to a couple of the dream schools using whatever information you can gain to narrow your choices. It is also very difficult for parents who have been working and saving for all these years to see the price of college for those who are full pay (I did not read every word, so I don’t know whether that is you or not).</p>

<p>Good luck with the process.</p>

28

<p>OP, to show interest you can contact your admission rep, request information from the school, attend a local college fair, follow-up any contact with a sincere thank you and express yourself well in a supplemental essay if one is required. </p>

<p>To contact a current student you can utilize the school specific forums on CC, contact the admissions dept and ask if they can put you in contact with a current student or you can contact the head of one of the religious organizations (Hillel, Newman Center etc) and ask if they could put you in contact with a current student.</p>

<p>In previous posts you say you have $30,000/year but you also say money is not a factor. Is the $30,000 from your educational trust or is it in addition to it? If $30,000 is the total you have to spend per year then some of the pricey OOS publics may not be a viable option.</p>

<p>If UIUC is an academic AND financial safety for you AND you would be willing to attend then use your 4 other applications for your reach/dream schools.</p>

29

<p>That’s interesting…so you have a list. Your state school is on it and your neighboring state school is on the list. Two excellent universities. Tops in the nation. Money isn’t an issue… so why don’t you apply to those six? What more are you looking for?? So I’ll play devil’s advocate. Why do you need ten? Negotiate the visiting part after your acceptances.</p>

30

<p>which of the schools on your list are the “best” for what you want to major in?? what major are you interested in…maybe you can negotiate based on that quality… you may not get visits to all, but can maybe convince that you need to compare the facilities, opportunities between your top 2-3?</p>

31

<p>@proudwismom</p>

<p>I will definitly look into those options. Thank you. </p>

<p>The money that is going to pay for my education is from my grandfather. We’ve decided that 30k/year could be managed without having to take any money from my parents income. However, It is not problem if we do need to dip into our yearly income (ugh, I hate talking like this when finances are a problem for so many people).</p>

<p>@momofthreeboys</p>

<p>I mostly want to apply to 10, because I live in extreme paranoia that I will not have any options of where I want to go. There are also a few other top schools that I didn’t list.</p>

<p>I’ve mentioned briefly in other threads that my local state school is not my preference at the moment. I live VERY close to campus. I wouldn’t consider myself a “party person.” All I hear from my friends is about how huge the party scene is, and it’s all I see when I go there in the evening. It has the largest greek system in the nation (something else I’m particularly fond of). Basically, if it wasn’t for the unfavorable atmosphere (from my point of view), I would have no problem with it.</p>

<p>@parent56</p>

<p>Right now I’m trying to pinpoint my interest within engineering. I’m also very much considering astronomy and physics.</p>

32

<p>Since money is no problem, you want a good engineering school, and you don’t want to go to UIUC, why not drop UIUC and substitute Purdue? </p>

<p>Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using CC App</p>

33

<p>As your safety, I meant to add. </p>

<p>Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using CC App</p>

34

<p>Hmm, only a couple on here you could visit in one day (UIUC and maybe U of Michigan, depending on where you live in IL). I disagree with those on this thread (and your dad) who say that the visit isn’t important in making a good choice for you. Believe me, my kids have changed their minds both ways (positively and negatively) based on campus visits.</p>

<p>When you do make a visit (say he lets you borrow the car to go to UIUC for a day), be sure you do more than the tour and info session. Try to sit in on a class in an area of interest, or meet with a professor in the department if you are there when classes aren’t in session. Also try to eat in one of the school dining halls.</p>

<p>I do think you need to do what you can to show interest from where you live – get on the mailing list for all these schools, email the admissions rep for your region, attend a college fair and chat with the reps for those schools. </p>

<p>See if you can get your dad to agree that if you get admitted to these schools, that you would like to visit for an admitted students day for your top 3 choices that you are admitted to. He might see that as a more efficient approach than visiting ahead of time (I don’t agree, but it is sooo hard to change a man’s mind once they have taken a stand on something like this).</p>

35

<p>Hi I think you need a couple more safeties and ones you are interested in attending. Your stats are good but your choices are fancy right now. Also with your stats you might be eligible for merit from some of them. This is the argument I would use for your dad. With the common application it isn’t substantially harder to apply to more schools.</p>

36

<p>One more thought: It’s likely that some of the schools you will apply to do not guarantee on-campus housing for all four years. Can you suggest to your dad that you would like to visit these schools to get an idea of what the surrounding area is like (the area where you would be living when you’re forced off campus)? This is valuable information, and of course, you could spend an hour or two on the campus at the same time (though if your dad goes with you, he might not allow you to participate in a tour and information session).</p>

<p>By the way, with your grades, scores, and ECs, you are a viable candidate for Cornell, but if you’re applying to the engineering school, you need a math SAT Subject Test. If you’re applying to Arts and Sciences, you don’t. What you would learn if you visited: It’s big, transportation in and out of there is a nuisance, the winters are long, the food is better than average, the freshman dorms are generally nice (if you want a single, you can probably get one!), and the area where you would eventually live off campus is not scary (Cornell only guarantees housing for two years). What you already know: It has one of the best engineering schools in the country and very good programs in the sciences as well.</p>

37

<p>Maybe I just love visiting colleges but we saw every college our kids ever considered and we started early. They had each selected at least 10 schools even my kids who applied early. We looked at some schools twice and another school a third time. Fit was very important to us, and to our kids, especially since early decision was in the picture. </p>

<p>I haven’t read all the post and maybe someone suggested this but could you introduce your dad to College Confidential. He may find it helpful in understanding how most things have changed since our generation went to college.</p>

38

<p>I agree with the people who say to have your dad talk to a college counselor. Maybe they can set him straight. His ideas are very out of date. When we went to college, those rules were true, but the collegiate world doesn’t work that way anymore.</p>

<p>Don’t worry so much about visiting if you can’t get him to take you. You may want to try and go with other people who might be going somewhere you’re interested in. But maybe you can save your visits for only the ones you get accepted to, which will make it easier. Learn as much as you can about the schools online and ask questions through email or by phone to admissions people. Also, go to college fairs and talk to them there. Not everyone can make visits to their schools, and they know that.</p>

<p>I understand your anxiety about only applying to a few schools, especially since you want to apply to some really selective ones. I worry about the same thing for my S. Just make sure that you have more than just the reach schools on your list. Maybe you can compromise on a number with your dad. He wants 5, you want 10, so settle on 7.</p>

<p>I feel bad for you because I know you’re probably really worried about the whole process, and you feel like your dad is not hearing you. All I can do is to tell you to take a few deep breaths, remember that somewhere, some college WILL accept you, and all of this will be a distant memory soon.</p>

39

<p>First, perhaps you can talk to your father about you paying for the additional application fees either from your allowance, savings or earned income from summer jobs etc…</p>

<p>Second, someone previously mentioned other ways to tour the campuses. You tube and other sites are really good. We liked the dvds we purchased from collegiate choice. Yes these are not the best quality but it helped my kids narrow down their lists. (the dvds are shown from the perspective of someone on a campus tour)</p>

<p>Lastly, try to visit some colleges close to your home that will show large vs small as well as other factors you might be interested in seeing on your true list of colleges.</p>

<p>Good luck! Also lots of excellent discussions on each of the college pages on CC so you can ask questions and get feedback from students and parents that know something about the college.</p>

40

<p>switters you only need one safety that you are willing to attend. Why would you need more?? I know I’m being alittle snitty, but really I totally think kids apply too many places and certainly if the finances are not an issue you only need one safety school. </p>

<p>And, most kids think their state school is a “party” school, really, it’s such a common theme. In the big 10 I rarely hear Illinois called “a party school.” The OP has so many opportunities and I do believe he can negotiate with the dad for a visit or two after the acceptances are in. </p>

<p>OP I know you are nervous and reading this particular forum can be nerve wracking for kids, but the vast, vast majority of college bound students have a fairly short list of applications. </p>

<p>The really only plausible reason for applying to so many colleges is if dollars in financial aid will make or break a college decision that would be the strongest argument you could probably give your dad and even that might not win you ten college applications. You’ve got a fine high school record and a year from now you’ll be wondering what you were so concerned about.</p>