<p>my dad and i had another confrontation. the first time it happened, i just let it go. this morning though, i got really angry at something he did and brought this up to make him angrier. my dad said "i did not raise you to be with another boy" (his phrasing was actually worse). i don't even know if i'm in love with this other person or not, but the point is that my parents shouldn't be able to tell me who to love. i should be able to love whomever, whenever. </p>
<p>i think have an idea of what to say to him next time (this should be a no brainer), but any good arguments you can come up with? i would appreciate it- thanks.</p>
<p>You should let your dad know that a parent's love is supposed to be unconditional. Your sexual orientation shouldn't matter to him as long as you're not acting inappropriately in front of him it shouldn't matter to him who you love. Maybe if you can both calmly discuss his expectations about your behavior when you're with him you'd both feel better. I know that my parents don't expect me to be making out with anyone in front of them or discussing my sexual activity with them, but they would probably be fine with whomever I brought home as long as the person was nice and respectful. Also, you probably want to let your parents get used to the idea that you're dating someone, if this is your first significant other it might take them some time.
I hate to suggest it, but if worse comes to worst maybe you could not discuss your love life with your dad. I wish you the best of luck with your situation, having seen the judgement that can happen by bigoted people I really feel for your situation. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.</p>
<p>Wow Maize...that's extremely rude. First off how do you know if people choose to be homosexual or not? Personally, and this is just my opinion, why would anyone willingly subject themselves to the prejudices out in society like that? It doesn't make sense. To me it is a genetic trait, just like anything else.</p>
<p>Rebel, tell your dad that this is who you are and that as your son he should accept you for who you are. Simply put. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>I agree that you are free to date and love whomever you wish. If your father does not like your actions, I suggest you be discrete.</p>
<p>I have no idea about you in particular, but my concern about people who pursue both genders is that they are sometimes dishonest in their relationships. For example, I have seen a number of men pursue women and make them fall in love without telling the women about prior or ongoing male relationships. Once the woman finds out, the degree of hurt and betrayal goes well beyond what would occur in the typical breakup. As a relationship matures, full disclosure is a must, in my view.</p>
<p>Rebel, out of respect to your parents, you should not rub it in their face. They know you are gay, and that's hard enough. Let us be honest here, that is not what they had hoped for. Yes, parents have dreams for their children. That they will grow up to be well educated, have good careers etc... Their child being gay simply was not something they had hoped for. As we all know, when a plan somehow goes wrong, people get disapointed. And what greater or more personal plan is there than one's own children? </p>
<p>To most parents, it takes some getting used to. Your parents will accept it and love you no matter what, so do not feel like you need to prove anything. Do not push for them to accept your sexual orientation...they will accept over time. </p>
<p>My advice for now is simple. If your parents bring it up in conversation, tell them that it is a painful subject and that you have no desire to discuss it. That's my opinon.</p>
<p>I would follow what Alexandre has posted. Good advice.</p>
<p>And Maize, you should stop posting your rude comments all over every board. As most people have pointed out, you have very very flawed and intolerant beliefs.</p>
<p>The only intolerant beliefs are views that don't bash President Bush (at least on this board it seems sometimes)</p>
<p>Seriously though this reminds me of the person who says that they don't care what race their daughter dates until she brings home a black guy. All parents love their kids unconditionally, but the thought of their son being a gay is not exactly like saying you wrecked the car. Imagine if rebel's father's coworkers or drinking buddies found out about this. They would never let him live it down. It harkens back to the daughter bringing home a black guy argument, everyone says they would be cool with it if their son was gay until it happens to be your kid. My advice to you rebel<em>by</em>choice would be to keep it in the closet for a couple years until you are in your mid-twenties. At least keep it away from your dad for now. Men are very weird aboot this sort of thing, and if you flaunted homosexuality around him, sad to say, it could make him feel like a failure in raising you. Everyone else will probably say not to do this, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good.</p>
<p>Huh? Maybe it didn't come out the way I meant it - It seemed like he was fighting with his father a lot and he was acting homosexual in an act of rebellion.</p>
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but the point is that my parents shouldn't be able to tell me who to love.
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</p>
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i don't even know if i'm in love with this other person or not
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<p>My only point was to make sure it's a decision he really wants to make, and not one he is making to embarrass/upset/anger his dad.</p>
<p>...but thanks for the personal attacks guys</p>
<p>M&B, you have already written several anti-gay posts. I suspect that is why people lashed out at you. I hope you change your outlook. Students at most good universities, Michigan and Brown included, are very opposed to all sorts of prejudice.</p>
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M&B, you have already written several anti-gay posts
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<p>Really? I think I have argued that being gay is a choice and that gay marriage should be legislated or not legislated by state govs and congress (but not be determined by activist judges - as in: today we found a guarantee to gay marriage in a 250 year old constitution).</p>
<p>I don't think holding either of those positions is particularly anti-gay.</p>
<p>M&B, I do not think you understand what it is to be gay. Would you become gay just to anger your parents? I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be able to kiss another man if you held a gun to my head! Just the thought of it sickens me. Clearly, if Rebel, or any other person, likes a members of the same sex, they are gay...it is a compulsion and an instinct, not a choice and not done to be cool or to make a statement.</p>
<p>I don't know about UAE specifically, but doesn't the middle-east in general have a very low rate of homosexuality? If it is purely genetic, why is this so? I mean you can look back across history and geography and find places where homosexuality accounted for roughly 0% of the population (China for 3000 years, for example), and you can look back and find places where (accourding to our definition of homosexuality), homosexuals accounted for nearly 100% of the population (classical Greece, contemporary Brazil).</p>
<p>I think it proves society and choice plays a huge role in the formation of homosexuality in a person. Obviously some parts may be genetically determined (risk tolerence etc), but I think nearly everyone has the capacity to be straight or gay (as seen in the societies that had/have 0% or 100%) - you become one way or another through societal influence and choice.</p>
<p>Either way, I don't see how that's an argument that gays are bad people.</p>
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Would you become gay just to anger your parents?
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Nope, like you I couldn't even kiss a man before my stomach began to turn, but I think you may have forgotten what life is like for some 16-18 year olds. Kids will/can do/have done some craziliy over-the-top things to get back and their parents.</p>
<p>..and it sounds like that's exactly what's happening here. He talks about how much he's been fighting w/ his father and how he's not sure, but his prevailing issue is how his parents can't tell him one way or another.</p>
<p>Even though dude goes to that school up north, he does make a good point. I cannot think of one gay person I know (ok know somebody who knows) who did not become that way in college, when in the "environment." It is highly probable that homosexuality is a product of ones environment, not genetic. </p>
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I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be able to kiss another man if you held a gun to my head!
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<p>I was arguing this with some of my Air Force buddies. Fox had this show where they would pay dudes do kiss on the lips for 3 seconds. They would start out at $20 and go up in ten dollar increments until the persons buying price was found. Alll of the people on the show kissed each other for between $40-$50. My buddies said they would never do that for any price. I told them every one has a price, they disagreed. I would probably never do this either, but drop 200 grand in my lap and see how quick I kiss a dude. What would your price be?</p>
<p>I dont want to turn this into a debate, but to an extent, M&B you are correct. As science has discovered almost everyone is born with bisexual attractions, however, a vast majority ignore these and consider themselves straight (which I guess could be an argument of choice). However, science has shown and proved that those who are homosexual are such because of genetics. If you have read the past editions of Time and Newsweek, they say 10% of the population are born inherently homosexual, 80-85% straight but with same-sex attractions, and a very small population can be considered "purely straight". of course the 80-85% choose to be straight, however, the 10% ARE genetically that way. thats how it is. M&B, accept it or not, for these people, it is not a choice. They can choose to surpress their feelings, but underneath it, they will still be homosexual. </p>
<p>Homosexuality is not 0% in china. lol. Homosexuality is so condemned in the asian culture/lifestyle that I think most asians would agree that if someone had "come out", they would be figuratively "slaughtered" and most likely, 99% of the time, disowned. Asian culture, as you might know, isn't so much built upon religion, but is built upon heritage/ancestor. Asians in the past and even today grow up hoping to fulfill their family name, "bring honor to it", become a proud-standing member of society. "Blackening the name" as they would say by coming out would destroy not only the person, but the entire family.</p>
<p>"Alll of the people on the show kissed each other for between $40-$50."</p>
<p>That's funny. Two of my straight guy friends kissed each other last night...but that was to see two girls make out naked. I dunno, is that about $40-$50?</p>