First, thank you for all your comments and the private messages.
My comments were too long so the other 1/2 is below.
Second, I heard from him 3x in 24 hours complaining about the cut in money. Ridiculous bs stuff like I won’t have enough money to buy gatorade during the week.
So, far I see him using his credit card to buy food on campus ( store there) which is just wasteful as he has an unlimited food plan. He can literally eat non stop - he has an option for 5 meals a day. I can see he is going to run out of his money early this week which should be a wakeup call.
“OP I forgot to make something clear when I said that S will text a letter or two (“K” for ok etc) The “texting” I am referring to is Facebook messaging.”
No FB account here.
“My mother wrote letters like that to me when I was in college. Trust me, it was the wrong way to go. Guilt is a very dangerous emotion to play with. You really don’t want the link between you to be guilt. My mother never learned this lesson, and it destroyed our relationship.”
Wow…. Thanks for sharing that. I can’t say that my parents have ever used guilt. However, I was thinking of going that route, and so I am glad you told me the flip side.
“You’ve cut down the money and now you’ll just have to wait and see if things change. Can’t you go to see him in this activity at some time during the fall? Are they competing at a school close to your home? You said his school is about 2 hours away, and that’s close enough to go down, watch, and return home in the same day.”
Honestly, I am not as interested in his activity as I am in his school work.
My husband did reach out to him via phone and asked if he could come and watch. My son said he was working on being independent, and didn’t want him to come, and yes, my husband was hurt about that.
“To the OP, not to beat up on you but you shouldve covered some of this stuff before he went to school.”
Agreed. I feel like I am in a Chem class, but have been reading the Bio book. This wasn’t an issue with my daughter. She communicated even more her freshman year due to her roommate
( who put pepper on ½ of her food during their first meal together, the first red flag there was going to be problems). And while the communication has lessened, I still hear from her during the week about a paper being due, and am updated on her grades. Although, I don’t hear that much about social, etc.
So, this was not on the horizon that I would be excluded.
“We have a son who is an upper classman in college who had been fairly high maintenance in high school – a lot of parental involvement and support. The first few weeks of freshman year, there was a wall of silence. I’m sure I pushed some boundaries and made some mistakes, but mostly we tried to give him space. I was mournful (hadn’t seen the dogs turn into cats story at the time, makes perfect sense now). Then, somewhere about 8 weeks into freshman year, he asked us all to come visit him over a weekend.”
Thanks for sharing that.
“They have the new world, and new experiences, and we are the ones looking at the empty chair at the kitchen table.”
Very poetic and sad and true.
“your childrens’ .edu accounts are not separate from your bill-payer account?”
Separate.
“Talk to the resident manager of his dorm to make sure someone has seen him and that he looks well (that is about the most I think anyone is allowed to do for you, believe it or not), and then do the uncommon thing: step back.”
I did ask for that when I was inquiring about grade access, and was also met with silence, and then transferred to the register’s office.
I wasn’t planning on calling, but I thought I should just have the number.
“When I was in college, my grades were not good my freshman and sophomore years. It was kind of a shock, becuase I was valedictorian of my high school class; but it was also liberating, because I got Cs and the world didn’t end.In those days”
But, back then, if you are my age, the economy was different.
There are less jobs and almost everything can be done for cheaper in another country today.
“So while the university will bill you and expect you to pay for your kid’s tuition and your kid can’t apply for loans in their own name because they are considered your dependent while they are in college, on the morning of their 18th birthday, they suddenly know it all and you are legally cut right off.”
Yes, ironic.
“By the way, you will not be contacted, nor will a doctor of nurse talk to you on the phone if your over-18 child is in the hospital—unless your child consents at the time, or if you have a medical power of attorney signed in advance (in case he is incapacitated). This is because of medical privacy rules of HIPAA.”
Yes, I had been asking him to respond if he went to the health services to get his last shot of an immunization ( 3 shots ), and he is not responding.
Not responding as he refuses to answer my the questions in my emails.
I did call up the school’s health services as was told they couldn’t tell me.
“Are you a native-born American? I’m sensing that maybe you’re an immigrant???”
Yes, I am a native born American. Few generations here in this country.
“How is the CC limited? Did you call and have the limit reduced? What do you mean by saying that you put $ on it? It’s a CC. What’s to stop him from charging more?”
The credit card is in his name. However, he is not the primary card owner. Therefore, I can put a limit on the credit card.
ttp://www.buzzfeed.com/pablovaldivia/18-texts-your-mom-definitely-sent-you-during-college?utm_term=.uvNOEyE4Nj#.ojMgdzB8P
Very funny.