<p>"I know this will disappoint many of you, but my daughter has made the decision to come home. SHe is meeting with her dean tomorrow to sign her withdrawal papers."</p>
<p>Best of luck. While caring people here give varying opinions on this anonymous board, what's important is that you and your D do what you feel is in her best interests. How anonymous strangers feel about your decision is inconsequential.</p>
<p>It's very hard to understand the entire situation through message board postings. I'm sorry this isn't going to work out for crissie's D -- but I think it's important to honor the student's and the family's decision. </p>
<p>I know one young woman who left (a distant, OOS) college even before the first day of classes a few years ago -- and is now successfully enrolled in her third year in a more local college.</p>
<p>Sometimes our best guesses and best choices just don't turn out just the way we thought they would. </p>
<p>Good luck to Chrissy's D.</p>
<p>I,too, have decided to withdraw from my college (McGill) tomorrow -- I am a freshman, too -- as I had very similar feelings to that of chrissy's d. I will try a more local college at first as it seems homesickness/dorm life/social aspects (not academically) caused me to question my college decison to the point where I'm returning home.</p>
<p>gexxman,
Specifically what kinds of things did you have a hard time with at McGill? How far away from home is it for you and are you Canadian or American? Looking back on your decision to go to McGill were there any red flags that you overlooked before, but that stand out now?</p>
<p>Yes, I am an American (livin' in southern NY, about 7 hrs. away from Montreal). I am an extremely shy person so making friends was never going to be easy for me -- especially since my dorm is a converted 4-star hotel that was never intended to facilitate a typical dorm-room way of life. I have had a near-mental breakdown already (I have a history of depression) so I felt it is better to go home than be miserable far from my parents. </p>
<p>In retrospect, these are the things I missed:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Drinking: The Drinking age in Montreal is 18; I don't drink (nor am I 18) so this was a big social-turnoff for many potential friends. I thought that McGill being a realitively-prestigious institution that there would be a reasonable amount of students who don't drink -- boy, was I wrong! </p></li>
<li><p>Friendship: Considering that this is a public university a lot of Canadians come here with friends already so it is easy for them to find someone when they're lonely; again, being extremely shy does not make it easier for me. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>IAgain, I live quite a distance away by car so I only visited McGill once, and it was only a day, so guess I never really knew much about its social aspects.</p>
<p>i must say, drinking is probably pretty prevalent at any school...</p>
<p>Chrissy, and anyone else who is making a change. It's O.K! Life is full of unexpected events, and sometimes you just need to make a course correction. Taking a break, or transferring to a different school, is just fine. In fact, although my husband didn't really agree, I told our son that it was O.K. to transfer if he felt he hadn't made the right choice for him. He loves his school, but if he didn't I'd help him find an alternative. Lots of people have a little less linear approach to education, and it can work out well. I transferred after freshman year, to a school where I received my B.A. I worked for a couple of years and then enrolled in a different degree program. It worked out very well for me, and I ended up in a better career than I would have had after my first degree. Good luck!</p>
<p>gexxman,
I see why you are leaving. I wish that you'd start a thread about your experiences because I think it would be helpful to seniors who are applying to college.</p>
<p>I think that many students underestimate how difficult it can be to go so far away from home. Students also don't realize the impact of being in a different culture (while Canada has similarities to the U.S., it still is a foreign culture). I also think that many students who have depression underestimate how they'll be able to cope with the stresses of moving to a new area -- something that requires a difficult adjustment for almost anyone, including people without a history of mental health problems. I've moved to different states at least 6 or 7 times as an adult, including when I went away to college, and it took me at least 6 months to adjust to moves, including feeling comfortable and finding a social group.</p>
<p>In addition, shy students sometimes think that their shyness will magically be cured by going to college, and they don't realize that it still will be a challenge. I was extremely shy, and finally did get over it, but it took lots of time and effort. I don't know if I could have worked so hard on overcoming my shyness if I had gone to college as far away from home and to a new country and a not optimal dorm situation like you did.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you! Thank you for taking the time to describe your situation.</p>
<p>Got to this party late, but I wanted to chime in about a the daughter of a close friend. She left USC after just over a week and was able to transfer in to a UC immediately since she had been previously accepted. She just wasn't ready to live away from home. She graduated in four years and is heading off to med school. Everything turned out just fine. Everyone is destined for different paths. Few are wrong, just different. It's a good thing. Best of luck to your daughter. Reaffirm her ability to make a difficult decision. That takes a lot of courage.</p>
<p>Crissy,</p>
<p>Learning that your daughter has decided to return home is not a disappointment. You and your family support your daughter's decision and, ultimately, that's all that matters.</p>
<p>Chrissy, I just want to also lend my support. Even though I tried to be very reassuring in my post to you -- because very often kids do complain a lot during an initial adjustment -- I think that most moms know their kids pretty well, and you probably sensed something was very wrong from the start. I know I have spent half the day on the phone with my daughter griping & upset, but the tenor of the conversation is very different -- she is upset about logistics of class scheduling and figuring out course requirements, and a teacher she doesn't like in a course that is required of her, so can't be dropped.... so its been a stressful day. But the whole tenor of the conversations are of someone who wants to be where she is. I called her tonight with a suggestion as to how to resolve one of her problems ("Honey, this maybe a really stupid idea, but I was thinking.....") and she told me I was a genius, my idea was brilliant, and she started singing to me. </p>
<p>My guess is that your daughter's frustrations ran much deeper. I remember my son's last semester at his first school, when he first started talking about not returning the following year, I thought it was just sophomore slump and he'd soon get over it. I even insisted on making a nonrefundable housing deposit for the following year, despite his telling me that he "probably" wasn't coming back, because I figured that as soon as he was home for few weeks he'd change his mind and be eager to get back in the fall. Well, my penalty for not really listening with my heart is that I lost my $500 deposit. I probably should have been more open, less in denial about my son's sense of dissatisfaction. </p>
<p>So kudos to you for being a sensitive and supportive parent. I also hope you give us all an update if your daughter tells you of specific issues once she gets back, just as a cautionary guide for other parents and students.</p>
<p>crissy,</p>
<p>I'm glad your daughter was able to make a decision she felt good about. As my son has struggled with some college decisions, I have told him (as klmcpa says also) that no choice is wrong. And only he can know what feels right to him--we are here to support him and offer advice when asked--but not to make the decision. He, like your D., is the one that has to live with it.</p>
<p>I can actually say that I learned an important life lesson from my 18 year old daughter. SHe has taught me that life is full of unexpected events and that it IS ok to make a change. I admire her for the courage to make this life change and to know what is right for her, and I am so grateful that she made a decision that she feels good with and will be able to live with.</p>
<p>Thank you all once again for all your support. I will keep you updated!</p>
<p>I agree with posters who said it's hard to know all about a situation on a message board, and parents do sometimes have to trust their guts. I do feel disappointed, but it's probably because "there but for the grace of God..." - I see how it could happen to my family, and hope for the magic solution and happy ending.</p>
<p>I do hope you'll come back and update us on where she lands. I hope this is just a bump in the road for her, and an opportunity for growth. I'm guessing she's going to need a bit of a boost for her confidence, and I hope she gets it in her next school - Some sort of validation for her decision.</p>
<p>Chrissy-I also want to extend my best wishes to you and your D. As others have said, you and she know her and the situation the best; it sounds like she is a mature young woman who figured out what was right and not right for her.</p>
<p>My D was also very unhappy her frosh year. She did finish out the year, but then transfered to a school which was a much, much better fit than the first one, and ended up very happy. Like your D, she learned the lesson that it is possible to make changes and find a new course when the one you're on is not working--rather than just "sticking it out". Sometimes in life we don't have that choice, but often we do, and figuring that out is a very valuable experience.</p>
<p>My DD did the same thing last year. We moved her in Sep 2nd and moved her out Sep 9th. She enrolled in the local U in our hometown (it was still add/drop period) for fall semester and commuted from home and then went to the state flagship U spring semester and lived in a dorm (came home every weekend). She enrolled in a better fit private this fall and is now thriving. It was not easy for any of us last year, a lot of tears,anxiety etc. She grew, we grew and we survived. In hindsight she told me she just wasn't ready at that time. This is a kid who was an all star in high school and left a college most kids get rejected from. Sometimes in life you find yourself not on a straight path but on a very circuitous route.........you still end up at the same place.</p>
<p>Congrats crissyp for totally supporting your daughter's decision. That is undoubtedly what she needs at this point in time. And, if for some reason, she is not able to enroll in a local college this semester it is absolutely no big deal. In fact most of us can honestly say that those hs and summer jobs during college were Exhibit 1 in convincing us of the benefits of the college degree.</p>
<p>Best of luck to y'all!!!!!</p>
<p>She did make the late registration for Adelphi Unveristy, and because she never formally declined her acceptance, she is still considered an accepted student. Her scholarship money is still available to her. SHe seems so relieved, and to just hear the joy in her voice, makes me happy.</p>
<p>She is still in the nursing program, the only slight problem might be that the nursing classes for this semester could be closed. If that is the case, she will take all the core classes and get them done with. </p>
<p>Sacred Heart was wonderful with her this morning, and supported her decision. Her books are returned, full credit for those...thank god!
Her laptop has to be returned tonight, along with her ID's, and then it's back to packing.. Now if I could only figure out how the hell I'm going to get all the stuff back home, and were we're going to put it when it gets here, I'll be ok! I actually feel happy today, it's been an emotional roller coaster!!</p>
<p>Give your daughter everyone's best wishes.</p>
<p>A few days ago, I was one of the posters urging you to try to get your daughter to stick it out a bit longer. But I think now that I misread the situation. Sometimes in life, one just gets the feeling that a certain situation is just plain wrong. It happened to me once at a job, and I probably should have quit before I ended up being fired a few months later. Perhaps this "wrong" feeling is what happened to your daughter at Sacred Heart. </p>
<p>In any case, it looks as though she has a Plan B, which is great. For some people, commuting to college is the better choice. It's wonderful that she has the option.</p>
<p>However, I do think that your daughter should pack for you on your next dozen or so trips to make up for this. ;)</p>
<p>This is a totally off topic aside, but my great-grandmother was part of the first graduating class of Adelphi.</p>
<p>There was just an article in NYT about what a comeback it's made from problems a few years ago, and all the neat things going on there.</p>
<p>Sounds like your D really figured out how to work things out!</p>