Need Sincere Advice for Post-FR Year Meltdown

Parents Forum
1

<p>I need sincere help trying to develop a way that our family can survive this summer. Please don’t try to read much into my post; it is what it is. Our DS just completed his freshman year of college. Although he had decided to enter college, he was very apprehensive to the point of paralysis a year ago when he first entered school. He sobbed when we left him. He is a disability student (ADD, slow processing speed, executive functioning problems), but presents as a normal young man. During the year, he encountered many difficulties (some anticipated, others not). Prior to entering college, he had a little social experience with kids his own age, but he never seemed to move easily among his peers. He always interfaced well with adults; he can be a very polite, innocent, and charming young man – though a bit quiet and shy.</p>

<p>During the first semester, he struggled academically…some due to his disabilities, some due to his average to above-average IQ, and some because he procrastinated and was lazy. He found his first real girlfriend, who is highly intelligent and steadfastly maintained that their relationship would be very long term (promise ring caliber), but after about 3.5 months regardless she cheated on DS during a trip abroad and ended up dumping him upon her return and immediately continuing a relationship she had flirted with early on; those two are still together and are a John & Jackie type of Camelot couple…everything going their way. First semester grades improved, with lots of help. Since GF broke up with DS three days before start of spring semester, he started the term shaky. He came home and sobbed about the loss; couldn’t understand it. Everyone sided with him and believed her behavior was selfish and reprehensible…but no one will ever know. Soon after, DS was encouraged to rush and was invited to pledge a fraternity. He found it difficult to keep up with the demands of school and the demands of the pledge period. He was upfront with the frat president and was assured that it could be worked out. However, bottom line was that they dumped him three days before initiation. Again, it broke his heart. There was a lot of drama about the frat and other girls trying to hit on him (interesting turnaround) and I could sense that DS was becoming hardened and cynical. Grades were a problem once again, but with a lot of help came around by term’s end.</p>

<p>Our son has been in counseling for his disabilities and college fears for several years. Because we had agreed that the goals of his first college year would be different from those of most young students, I was to keep fairly hands on that first year. It was clear to me that being away from home became attractive to DS because of the freedom it gave him. And, I respect and welcome that…so don’t read anything into that, please. And, when it came time to pack up and come home, DS kept putting off the task. When I drove there to complete the work, I found he had done nothing. While I urged him onward, he became mean and verbally abusive to me; even his friends commented on that. Since DS was no longer involved in his varsity sport (which required heavy summer training hours), he was free to pick up a summer job. I stumbled across a great one quite by accident and let him know about it. He applied and was hired immediately. </p>

<p>Now, to the problem…and I’m sure it “ain’t” new…my son seems hostile and angry and miserable and out of control and disrespectful, etc., all at the same time…and my husband and I aren’t doing anything wrong. In fact, we’ve bought concert tickets for him (as a belated gift) and arranged a long-overdue family vacation. He acts like he hates us for no reason. He had a college-related activity that he was required to attend, and so I drove him there over Mother’s Day weekend. After making a pleasant weekend for him, he totally ignored Mother’s Day (a simply marvelous feeling)…not forgot…ignored. Because I am physically disabled and cannot easily shuttle back and forth to school, we bought him nice safe transportation. Now, all he does is stay up all night, get up (after many alarms and my calling) to go to work, arrive home to a prepared meal, basically ignore me, not walk our dogs unless pressed, and be a generally bad citizen.</p>

<p>Since my husband and I are so confused…(what did we do to deserve this?)…we don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to escalate this…I had actually thought this might be a pleasant summer…but something must be done. You’d think we killed him or something. He swears at me at a whim. He drags his feet doing things, if he does them at all. He never eats with us. He tells me what a loser I am (and let me tell you, folks, I am not…I’m well educated…pursued a fine career for many years…and I am a very spontaneous and supportive person). I am at a total loss. Please, without trying to judge or pursuing a hidden agenda, can anyone tell me what’s going on?? This is my only child, I and feel such incredible pain. I absolutely support my son’s individuating and everything else, everything…but I just don’t understand why we are being cut out of his life and his love like we are a cancer. The very fact that this is happening is painful enough, but DS is aware of (and apparently uncaring about) the brain disability that I have developed. Please help me to understand this so that I can go forward with my life. Truly, folks, I had no unrealistic expectations for the summer, but I feel like DS has targeted especially me for this awful mistreatment. Can anyone enlighten me about the cause, and even give me tips how my husband and I should deal with this and how we should act ourselves? He's always angry...do we stop talking with him? Ignore him? Cook for him? Go on our planned vacation with him? It's like we don't know how to act in our own home anymore. He says he does not plan to give us any of his earned money, but his earning it will hurt our financial aid and make us end up paying more. We already gave him two credit cards (he had always been very responsible), but now is charging to them (not terribly excessively, but still unnecessarily). We pay for the car, the gas, etc. How can we salvage this situation. We always tried to be fair and nice to him, but now he's uncaring, inconsiderate, and disrespectful to us.</p>

<p>I have posted before, and became discouraged that some posters misread me. I have no agenda. I have no bad behavior. I have been told my many professionals who have worked with DS and the family over the years that I have been a stellar parent…beyond the call. So, what’s wrong? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated…though please recognize at this time that I am a really broken women, both emotionally and physically. So sincere help only. Thank you all so much. :O)</p>

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<p>My sympathies. I definitely would have him evaluated for depression. Irritability is a sign of it. Good luck!</p>

3

<p>I would have him evaluated for depression, but it also sounds like you are too nice. You have given him everything and more, possibly to overcompensate for his disabilities? Have you insulated him from consequences of oversleeping, etc? You found him a job, you are the one making sure he gets up in time..you make sure he has meals and transportation. What do you expect of him? It sounds like you are give give give and he is take take take.</p>

4

<p>My immediate reaction is that due to your son's learning disabilities and general difficult time of it through his younger years in school, that he is extremely close to you and is now trying very hard to make the break away from Mom, that all boys do at sometime during their teen years. His is a bit later, and perhaps more severe because of it. He's making up for lost time, perhaps. They can break your heart. </p>

<p>As for what to do, if he is being unbearable, ask him to leave the house, or some variation there of. No one should be allowed to abuse another this way. What are you teaching him as a parent if you let this continue? I realize that this sounds harsh, but I think he will respect you more because of it. I am sure he loves you deeply, but is also struggling hard to become an independent adult and you as the seemingly closest person to him are bearing the brunt of it. I am also sure that your illness is affecting him deeply, also, and he is very afraid for you and for himself. Fear manifests itself in strange ways.</p>

<p>As people say, this is just my two cents. Time will take care of things as it always does, but a separation now might be a good idea.</p>

5

<p>The keys to college student growth are challenge and support. Parents and college personnel need to provide both, but it's difficult sometimes to find the balance in dealing with students who have disabilities. Since their daily lives as students can be so challenging we tend to feel that they need support more than they need additional challenge from us. But I agree with the responses above - it may be time for his challenges to require that he come up with the coping mechanisms rather than having them provided. And I wholeheartedly agree with the depression concern. The anger and resentment are not unusual symptoms.</p>

6

<p>I agree with all the above, and also suggest that he go into counseling. Besides depression, he seems to have specific issues that he does not want to share with you but cause him to lash out at you. </p>

<p>He also needs to be reminded of the rules of living at home. You are not a hotel with room service. He needs to do his share, especially since you yourself are in bad health. Good luck!</p>

7

<p>Sage44- </p>

<p>Having no personal knowledge, experience, or training regarding ADD and the associated issues, I'll make no comment on that part other than to ask if he's on meds, been taking them religiously, or following your physician's instructions.</p>

<p>Most of the other issues can be seen as typical of many kids in the high school/college age years. The angst of separation from the home involvement, the new experience of college with the increased personal freedoms it brings, the issues of "facing adulthood" and the additional responsibilities all weigh on one's mind. The breakup of with the girlfriend and the disappointing frat pledging add to his issues.</p>

<p>As examples, my 2 are college graduates as of this month. Both high achievers, at the top of their class in their majors. Both are good kids, but as with most kids, there are issues. Both kids got into situations in college that we never anticipated. At the point of each incident we made it very clear that a repeat incident would result in the immediate termination of our financial support for education. Each kid had a clunker car we provided, we paid the majority of their necessities while in school excluding recreational and discretionary spending.</p>

<p>My son is not a communicator. He can be oblivious to other's feelings. He's missed birthdays, Mother's Day's Father's Days, etc. Can I change him? I doubt it. But he clearly knows the limit on how far to push before all hell breaks loose.</p>

<p>My daughter is more socially sensitive, but is often brusque, tactless and argumentative in family matters. She values her friends/peers advice and observations above the assessment and advice of those with far more life experience and is steadfastly stubborn in this. </p>

<p>My take on my own kids' behavior has been pretty consistent. I advised each when they turned eighteen that they were adults, and would be treated with the respect due that title so long as they acted in an adult manner. Should they not, I would simply revert to treating them as children.
It's basically worked.</p>

<p>If you feel the behavioral change is temporary, try and talk it out. Make your points. Set your guidelines and expectations. Be very clear where you draw the line and the consequences of him failing to abide by them. Do not deviate from what you state to him. Apply the agreed upon "punishment" immediately if necessary. If you do this once or twice, it makes him see you're serious and will tolerate no more. And, both you and hubby have to of the same mind before you set the standards of behavior, otherwise he may well play one of you off against the other.</p>

<p>Some kids can be insensitive and manipulative without realizing it. Other kids turn milking their parents (and others) into a science.</p>

<p>If you're confident the medical issues are not the cause, you might want to try that approach.</p>

<p>Additionally, do not eliminate the potential of drug or alcohol abuse.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

8

<p>Hey sage, I wish I had some wonderful advice to help you with this situation, but honestly, this is so much more advanced than the typical man/child rebellion, in my opinion. I know, from your previous posts, that you've been a wonderful and thoughtful mother for your son, particularly given the circumstances of his LD's. Is your son currently in his counseling now that he's back from school? It does seem like his behavior may be partly due to depression, but I'm in no way qualified to say that. I just wanted to tell you that I very much respect all you've done on behalf of your son, and that all I can do, is to offer a shoulder to cry on. I do hope and pray that you're able to resolve this situation with your son, before it escalates further.</p>

9

<p>Play tough love. And get him re-evaluated for his behavior to make sure there's nothing seriously wrong. He is your only child and parents of only children have a very hard time being tough and setting their foot down for the fera of them running away. You've been too nice to your son- you don't mention any groundings or privileges being taken away.</p>

<p>Let him screw up a little- don't wake up him for work every once in a while and let him get screamed by his boss. </p>

<p>Though he'll probably get worse by you getting tough all of sudden, he'll respect you at the end for finally giving him some structure and ground rules to live by. </p>

<p>Though you think that nice parents will always equal sweet, caring children. Not necessarily- just children who end up taking advantage of them. I've seen that happen and it does hurt me.</p>

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<p>imho..</p>

<p>Unfortunately, having a disability could mean he's being ostracized by his peers. He could be having a horrible time at college, and he doesn't want to admit it to you. Because of that, he might have a lot of built up anger and he's taking it out on the closest people to him--his parents.</p>

<p>Therapy is always an option, but it sounds like you've already consulted a few professionals. DEFINITELY have him evaluated for depression as well as other possible mental illnesses.. for your safety and his.</p>

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<p>Anger and resentment come from a place of hurt. Obviously you and son are hurting. The cause? Probably a combo of many tangible and intangibles.</p>

<p>I have 3 sons, 2 college-age (one a rising college sophomore) and a high school junior and am a single mom. I think being a single mom drew us closer than I would have anticipated. So I do understand about being close to your son. (Also have 2 daughters).</p>

<p>My youngest son has LDs and other issues, so being a strong advocate for your son also developed a very strong bond between the two of you. So your pain and hurt and thusly anger is expected. I know I would be if one of my boys treated me as you have described. Heart-broken.</p>

<p>And as compaasionate and understanding as I would want to be with my son, I would also draw the line. No matter what, YOU are his MOTHER. A level of respect and love is to be expected and demanded even if he is hurting. That is the accountablility of being an adult.</p>

<p>I cannot say that as a parent I have given my kiddos the same "priviliges" your son has. I have not purchased any cars for the kiddos, no gas, no insurance, no trips, no cell phones, no computers. Yes, it was financial partly couldn't give what I did not have. But also had no desire to give them those things. </p>

<p>They earned the money for their computers for college, their scholarships for tuition, room and board. The sought their own internships, jobs and awards. We have one car. Have had 1 for more than 15 years, same car. They have fixed it to keep it running. We share the driving responsiblities. We are a family that works together so that all can succeed.</p>

<p>Maybe the time has come for your son to be a part of the family, rather than your charge. Figure out what you want and how you want to communicate it to him. Many of my peers say I run a tight ship but those that really know our family see it differently. I wanted each member regardless of abilities, potential, motivation to become and REALIZE that they are an integral, necessary and irreplacable part of the family. Not that they are to be taken of, but rather we are all needed to take care of each other.</p>

<p>Maybe this different take would change your son's perspective as well as your own. He would be able to verbalize and act upon how he is feeling regarding your medical issues. Articulate his going away to colege, his break-up with his GF. His not being in the frat, his academic struggles.</p>

<p>And most importantly figuring out what will make you all happy individually and as a family.</p>

<p>Not all my children wanted to go away for college. Most but not all. It was my error assuming my oldest and most mature, most assertive and organized wanted to have the "typical" college experience. She was able to tell me after her first year away she was unhappy and why. And I listened.</p>

<p>In turn, she transfered close to home, with a better major to a "better fit" university. Better in the sense it had so much more research opportunities in her specific field (pre-vet) with a vet school. She graduated with high honors and onto vet school. Her other siblings are flourishing 3000 miles away. </p>

<p>Different kiddos' different needs.</p>

<p>Sounds like your son had lots of new expereinces this year. Heavy-duty GF with a heavy-duty break-up. Being independent, academic struggles...all tough stuff.</p>

<p>But and the BIG but, he cannot and will not speak to you or treat you in that manner. Your house, your rules. Said like that it sounds like tough love and it is. Being a single mom of 5 teenagers it had to be, no choices. And they know I love them, they know how hard it was sometimes for me to say no. Saying yes is easy.</p>

<p>If you want to prepare his meals and expect him to eat with you, say so.
If you want him to get himself up and to work on time say so.
If you want him to not charge on the CCs, say so.</p>

<p>And stick with it. The natural consequences are if he doesn't eat with you, he doesn't eat with you or your food....he can buy his own. He charges without permission on the card, his name is off the card. He puts X dollars of his summer income aside to pay the difference you will have to pay in financial aid next year. Or you just DON'T pay that missing portion.</p>

<p>The key is to be upfront and tell him. You can have a discussion about his anger and hurt. There is no discussion about your rules. At least not until his perspective of you and your family is changed.</p>

<p>When his attitude changes there will be no need for the rules. </p>

<p>He has been given the gift of a wonderful, supportive mother. With great gifts come responsiblity. As his mom its your job to see that he knows and honors his gifts.</p>

<p>It will stop when you say it stops.</p>

<p>Hang tough and he will know how very much you love him.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

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<p>Sage,</p>

<p>Can I ask you a question? If your son were to post here, let's say just for a minute he wanted to do something like that, what would he say? From what you tell us I see absolutely no reason for him to be acting the way you describe. But I assume he has some justification that he gives himself. Some story he tells himself about what has happened. What does he tell himself about why he ignored Mother's Day? What does he tell himself about how he can call his disabled mother a loser? If you have been close, and this behaviour at this level is new, he must be telling himself some story about what has happened. Do you know what it is?</p>

<p>I am very sorry. How awful to be disabled and having your only son be so hateful to you. You have my sincere best wishes that things improve.</p>

13

<p>Awww Sage.....it's really hard to figure out all the possible nuances of your situation, but I truly feel sorry for the bad start that your summer has gotten off to.</p>

<p>Is it possible that your S is angry about things that happened at school, like the GF and the rushing, and is taking it out on you? Sometimes we hurt the ones we love because we can. It feels like we deserve to inflict the same pain on someone else that was inflicted on us. I don't know. </p>

<p>I fully agree that tough love is the best. If he is earning $$, he should pay for his own gas and his credit card bills. Perhaps his LD led you to be as generous as you were with him, but you should draw the line now, and not get pushed around. I find that my kids respect me far more when I am tough with them.</p>

<p>He needs to be told to shape up now. Lay down some rules about what you expect from him, including respectful language, behavior and some household duties. Good luck.</p>

14

<p>Sage,</p>

<p>You sound like a wonderful, involved mother who has tried to always "be there" for your child. Some of this may be the pulling away--but I agree with others who have said that this seems extreme. Since your son has done counseling and evidently is not averse to the idea--what about some family sessions where all of you can hear how the other(s) are feeling?</p>

<p>My son had a friend who acted out much like your son. He treated and spoke to his parents (particularly mother) terribly and often in public situations. It became worse and worse until finally the father had had enough and asked the boy (young man of 19) to leave and not return until he could treat everyone civilly. They went through some pretty rocky times, but after family counseling, the setting of limits and some follow through when the "lines" were crossed, things now seem to be on an even keel.</p>

<p>Good luck. I know that this must be so very painful.</p>

15

<p>Sage,
there is a song "we always hurt the ones we love" .....</p>

<p>my gut is telling me that everything you are doing to help him is resulting in the exact opposite....and my gut says that logically one can accept things that don't go the way we want....but emotionally, each hit is cumulative... </p>

<p>so it sounds to me that he is floundering and won't/can't ask for help... because he doesn't want to be dependent on others. His experience this past year, or past few years has taught him that he was right to be afraid. He needs to be in an environment that he can be successful at...and an environment that he can be consistently successful at... and I am not talking about an independent environment where not much is expected of him. </p>

<p>His indifference to hurting you or anyone at this point is the symptom of his own hurt. Resiliency, flexibility, confidence....these are important life skills that can be impinged on... along with many other traits that allow someone to be loving, caring, considerate of others. If one is hurting, one can't focus on the nice attributes in life because one is hurting, so it is easier to be harsh or short .... not patience and cognizant of others. </p>

<p>The best example I have ever come up with is the concept of a person having 100% of energy. When they are in perfect form, all the energy is getting allocated correctly and they feel good. Introduce an issue, and some energy has to go towards managing the problem.....add in a disability, a girl friend challenge, college life and reentry into home life and all of a sudden, one has a young man who is kind of thrashing in his ability to allocate his own resources. He doesn't have the energy to control his thoughts and actions on the good things, because he is trying to overcome the challenges and obstacles he has been handed. So he is difficult to be around....or worse, hurtful company. </p>

<p>I think you might have to let go of your dreams for this summer..... you have to give him space to find his way back into balance....back into and under control. He wants love and acceptance. I bet he doesn't want to be different. I bet he is tired of being different. And, while I am not sure he is depressed, my guess is he is exhausted. </p>

<p>Another way to think of this is your family is a mobile....all perfectly in balance. One issue pulls the mobile out of balance.....others take on new behaviours to pull it back into balance.....which can result in other behaviors that throw it back out of balance again.....and on and on as a struggle to deal with the original issue......</p>

<p>I wish you an outlet for your wishes and hopes......and I wish you patience to see this thru because your son has to do the heavy lifting now in understanding what are the best choices for him going forward. I know he has to work very hard to be seen as an equal.....harder than others.... maintaining that pace in life is a legitimate challenge. </p>

<p>Everything I have said is sincere.....and not intended to be a "final answer" ... just rather a perspective from 1 more person on CC...... I hope you can find peace of mind.....</p>

16

<p>I have not read all the replies so if I am just repeating everyone else I apologize. You said your S has been in counseling. I would call the counselor and make sure he/she is aware of this new development. If he does not currently have a counselor, insist he see one. There is no reason for you to have to tolerate a child calling you names, etc. I would also take those credit cards, he has a job. </p>

<p>Your child may be hurting and lashing out at those he loves the most because he knows parents will tolerate almost anything. But there is a line and it sounds like he has crossed it. He truly needs to call his counselor. If he refuses then you might need to resort to tough love.</p>

<p>I am so sorry that your family is in turmoil and I wish you the best during this difficult time. And one more thing, please repeat to yourself several times a day, " His actions are no reflection on me. I am a good parent/ person."</p>

17

<p>My neice came home from her freshman year depressed, with her self esteem at an all time low. She had had a very difficult adjustment to freshman year. First, don't believe it was as bad as he says, depressed people can rewrite history. Second, immediately get him into counseling...not feel good type but cognitive therapy. Get him the book, FEELING GOOD, I don't remember the author but it is a thick book, paperback. A good counselor will recommend it.</p>

<p>Also go see a psych so that if necessary , he can prescribe anti depressants. However, they do not like to do less than 6 month. That helped my N and she is no longer on them.</p>

<p>Let him go through some psychological counseling for 6 weeks or so before you make big decisions on his college life. Some kids just adjust differently.....My neice was fine her second year and if anything has too high of self esteem now....lol, </p>

<p>Not sure where you live but i would get him someone who deals with that age group. He may do better with same sex therapist.....you all probably need to go the first time, try not to be negative but, praise him for all he did accomplish this year.....but you want him to reach his potential..... </p>

<p>A good cognitive therapist can get through the bs. and depression....and as a team YOu, your H, Psychiatrist, Psychologist and your son, you can work through this.</p>

<p>Thoughts and hugs.</p>

18

<p>This is such a difficult situation, and I feel so sorry that you need to go through this. I've skimmed the posts, and you have some good advice already. I wanted to add a couple of things.</p>

<p>First, do you know that he has close male friends? Have you met or talked to or seen pictures of them? If not, then that is a very bad sign. It could be a cause of some of this or a symptom of it, but it wouldn't be good. Friends are extremely valuable for a variety of reasons. Not having friends not only means he doesn't have that support, but it also means that for some reason he didn't want to make friends, couldn't make friends, or couldn't keep friends.</p>

<p>I'm also wondering whether part of his acting out could be because of your illness. People react to emotional stress in very different ways, including acting out. Hopefully therapy (which I'm assuming he's still in) is helping with that.</p>

<p>I would, as everyone else said, have him evaulated by a professional for mental illness of all types. I would not limit this to depression. Some serious mental illnesses hit around your son's age. His emotions and actions could go far beyond what you know.</p>

<p>I would strongly suggest family counseling with you, your husband, your son, and possibly younger siblings. At these meetings, in addition to private therapy with the same therapist, as a family you can discuss your illess, your son's behavior, family rules, family customs that should be followed, etc.</p>

<p>I cross-posted with Altmom. I agree with finding someone who deals with that age group, finding someone male if that's what he wants, and seeing someone who does more than ask open questions and sit and listen. He should be evaluated by a medical professional, hopefully a psychiatrist, as soon as possible. Many areas are booked up, so you should try to call as soon as you can.</p>

19

<p>First, you have my sympathy! I have dealt with some very similar issues with my own S (also a freshman home for the summer) and although I agree with much which has been said, I wanted to offer a slightly different perspective, which may or may not apply in your case. </p>

<p>My S has Asperger's Syndrome, and aside from the social/communication issues that are common with AS (although there may be some similarities with your S in this respect as well due to his shyness, lack of social experiences), I think there are some commonalities in the personalities and behaviors of individuals with AS and ADD. Like AS, many individuals with ADD often have difficulties with empathy and in understanding others' perspectives, and frequently respond to stress or disappointments with anger, and tend to blame others for the bad things that happen to them. Rudeness seems to be a daily part of life for individuals with AS especially among family members or the people closest to them since they do not need to expend as much energy trying to figure out how to behave around people who know them the best (my S constantly tells me that he is polite around other people, I of course rarely get to see this side of him, although I have fortunately seen enough glimpses to know that it is true!). It is very easy for them to take family members for granted and not think as much about their own behavior and how loved ones might react to it when they are around them. </p>

<p>I do see many similarities between AS and ADD and some of this might explain your S's behavior. For me, at least it is much easier to understand his behavior coming from the perspective I have gained in dealing with my own S. This is not to excuse such behavior, however; I am just offering a way to possibly explain it as being the way certain people are wired to react to various situations. </p>

<p>I definitely agree with the other posters who suggest that you need to lay down the law at home and make your expectations very clear to your S, and to also begin to treat him as an adult who is responsible for - and capable of taking charge of - his own actions and behavior. In addition, and I think partly because of their "hard wiring," individuals with both AS and ADD are at a higher risk to develop depression, so that would be worth checking out in your S especially if his current behavior is out of the ordinary.</p>

<p>Good luck to all of you!</p>

20

<p>He sounds depressed. He sounds hurt inside. He needs counseling, and the family needs counseling. We have been through an angry, brooding, disrespectful high school teen and counseling went A LONG WAY in helping us. </p>

<p>You will also need to be a bit tough with the love/perks. Time to put a hold and the credit cards. He had a job and doesn't plan on sharing "his" earnings, so time not to share the cards. He could get you into trouble FAST. Time to channel some of his earnings into gas/insurance/car expenses. In some ways you are enabling his behavior.</p>