<p>It would cost about the seem (a few hundred) more for your D to attend BYU-Idaho. Has she considered applying there?</p>
<p>I can understand your fear of letting your daughter attend a college that is not affiliated with your church. I'm sure your church and your beliefs have played a large part in forming her opinions and giving her a strong moral foundation. Letting go can be the hardest thing for a parent to do but giving her the freedom now to spread her wings is very important. Trust that the solid foundation that you've given her will guide her. </p>
<p>I have 2 S's who attend college. Yes, there are parties but there are also many kids who enjoy hanging out in the dorms talking, playing games, going to movies, going to athletic events, participate in clubs, volunteer in the community, etc. To shelter our kids is to do a disservice to them. Perhaps you are "just slightly" using the financial reason as the main reason for wanting her to go to the LDS college because you don't want to come out and admit that you want her to go to the LDS college because of its LDS affiliation. It's just a thought and I admit that I may be totally wrong in my assumption. Trust her--giving her choices in this matter gives her the power to choose her path to the future. As long as her choice fits into your financial situation, give her your blessing. If she really wants to go to another college, help her find a way. Call the financial aid offices and ask a few questions. They will be more then happy to give you financial information based on your income. I'm sure you have taught her well.</p>
<p>Well what I dont have a problem admitting is my youngest is kind of a follower and im not happy to say that about my daughter , its about the enviroment and the tuition so theres three reasons right there.</p>
<p>yeah and she has a friend hopfully from church in our area thats attending BYU Idaho
there both seniors this yr too.</p>
<p>Chances are, because she was brought up in such a strong , moral LDS environment, she will keep those values no matter where she goes. Not every college student indulges in the drinking that often times occurs at college. plenty of other things to do as well...again, when you place such restrictions on them, sometimes they can't wait to be given the opportunity to make their own ( often times destructive ) choices .</p>
<p>I kind of got the impression (reading between the lines) that there was a bit more to this than the tuition alone. Have you had an honest heart to heart talk with her about your concerns. It could be a stress relieving conversation for the both of you and it could bring you two even closer. </p>
<p>My only suggestion (as a Mom with 2 college aged sons) is to have a nice, calm, conversation with your daughter about your concerns. Listen to her without judgement--I'm sure she has fears too. Trust her and the strong foundation that you've instilled to guide her. All kids make mistakes---all adults make mistakes as well. She will grow a lot over this next year. I hope you will reconsider and give her a couple of choices. I'm a strong believer that kids need to find their own path and that the lessons we've taught them over the years will help to guide them in the right direction. There comes a point in time when this becomes their journey and we as parents need to let them find their way. Our role isn't gone---it's just changed a bit.</p>
<p>I agree, she has left the home. when we expressed our disagreement about her and her boyfriends plan to go out west together, she took a its my life and im going to do what I want. shes staying with the girlfriend that keeps quiting college, she still lives with her parents she 19-20 both her parents are gone her father has cancer and hes at a cancer treatment center in ILL. I know shes being a support for Katie right now so im not totally flippingout, but shes not coming around at all. we did discuss not putting so much stress on her and she was glad to hear that. </p>
<p>The stress wasnt about what college to go to it was the fact she wasnt filling out applications for scholarships shes an A student so I know she would get some money, also we payed 600.00 for her to go to Sylvans for her to get the highest grade possible on her SAT, that being for scholarship money since shes going to a two yr college at first. And she missed the test date im not sure if we would have to pay another 45.00 but im not going to pay it I did once.</p>
<p>The whole thing is fallen apart and she doesnt want to talk about anything, her only choice is to go to school with Katie thats it.</p>
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>Those are pretty harsh words.</p>
<p>Do you honestly remember what a scary time this is for kids? Because you're not acting like it.</p>
<p>You're acting like she's doing all this on purpose. In reality, she's most likely AFRAID out of her mind. The whole summer before I left, I put on a brave face for everyone. But I was terrified. And as soon as my mom brought it up, I broke down and started SOBBING.</p>
<p>You need to talk to her. Honestly, it sounds like you really just don't trust her, but you're using tuition as an excuse so you don't have to actually talk to her about it. I'm sorry if this offends you, but this is what I'm getting out of your posts.</p>
<p>I don't think it is fair to label her a "terrible parent "
She is a parent who is having some significant power struggles with her daughter over the issue of college...
I agree with the other posters here that suggest calmly discussing this with your daughter. Sounds like she likes to push your buttons as much as you like to force your will upon her.
Hopefully, you can reach a common ground and compromise in a way that both of you can be happy, and your daughter will succeed.
Something tells me that if your force her to go to school you want, she will be defiant and fail , just to spite you</p>
<p><<why would="" i="" want="" her="" to="" attend="" a="" college="" with="" parties="" every="" weekend="" ,="" im="" not="" paying="" for="" the="" bells="" and="" whistles="">></why></p>
<p>You need to understand that if your daughter is going to 'stray' from her morals, nothing is going to stop that from happening short of locking her in her room. </p>
<p>The more you force her to do something, the more she will rebel. Once she is 18, YOU HAVE NO CONTROL or SAY over her behavior. Your only recourse is to not give her money or a place to live. That's it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Well what I dont have a problem admitting is my youngest is kind of a follower and im not happy to say that about my daughter
[/quote]
</p>
<p>How many opportunities have you've given your daughter to make decisions for herself? If you or your older kids are always leading her, how do you expect her to learn how to lead? How to make decisions? How to live with her decisions?</p>
<p>Im not forcing her to go to LDSBC and yes we are concerned about the bars being a every weekend thing i wasnt rasied in the church i was in 10th grade dating a college guy and going to college bars staying at the dorms the whole nine yards. The guy I was dating didnt make it he partied too much and failed along with about 7 of his friends. </p>
<p>I understand she isnt the guy I dated or his friends but I know my daughter and she likes to push things , she has already had her first drinking experience , im not going to send her somewhere she faced with it everyday, if she wants to go to another college we have decided her father and I she can pay for it we are not period.</p>
<p>She has one sister 20 it was kind of the other way around in shool before my oldest graduated my oldest (Sara) wasnt as popular so my youngest was the leader , but my youngest is hanging with a 20yr old named Katie and is now the follower.</p>
<p>Maybe because her friend Katie accepts her for who she is and for what she wants, something she's not finding at home?</p>
<p>Ah, wait, I get it: you think she's you as a teenager.</p>
<p>Forcing her to go somewhere because you think that she will fail anywhere else will DESTROY your relationship.</p>
<p>I not you I spend my money were it does the most good , she can spend hers where she wants I think thats fare.</p>
<p>And if you want to come off as though you have never said no or I dont agree with that then you keep living that lie.</p>
<p>There's a difference between "never saying no" and forcing your children to do something (telling her you're not paying for her to go anywhere else is force, by the way) that will make them miserable for the next 4+ years.</p>
<p>Everyone runs there house differently she is raised in a conservative family why would that change, our church has housing in the top three colleges in Michigan but the tuition is over 35,000.00 a yr , she wants to major in Business Finance the community colleges in our state is over 45miles away that has BF as a major LCC and KCC to far to drive everyday and one of them you have to get your own housing not sure of the other</p>
<p>You may not have to worry about where she goes to college because she may not allow you a place in her life.</p>