<p>I think your Dad meant “spread your wings” in college. He is confusing the statements. When he’s in a good mood you might want to discuss the meanings of the two phrases so he doesn’t continue to misuse them.</p>
<p>For reference : spread your wings - an analogy to a bird leaving the nest and flying away. </p>
<p>Your parents let you do this once and don’t feel ready to do this again at the moment. </p>
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<p>Oh please. Stop blaming others because YOU screwed up. You thought it was OK to “do some things” that were not legal? And could have some potential danger to you? And then you actually sent text messages about it? </p>
<p>I’m sorry, but I think you need to look at your own judgement here. And look at it in a serious way.</p>
<p>Your parents do not have to pay for you to attend college…at all. It is their choice how they want to leverage this payment. </p>
<p>Your choices are pretty limited, obviously. A strong reaction by parents is understandable when they are afraid of losing a child to drugs or alcohol. That will not change, whether you are 19, 29 or 39.</p>
<p>You are essentially an employee, who has been put on probation. As a business owner you understand this. My advice, FWIW, is to take the apartment with your dad and focus entirely on having the best semester you can. It’s only 15 weeks. It is what an employee who is on probation would do. You might even contribute a little to the rent, to show some added responsibility. </p>
<p>And yes, the intrusion on your social media is annoying, embarrassing and an invasion of privacy. But employers would monitor your social media if you were doing it on their dime, and if it were affecting your work. Again, for the next semester just live with it. Tell your friends you are going off it for a while. Get a land line and an answering machine. They can reach you at your apartment, the way people used to. I would caution against getting a secret prepaid phone or a secret FB account. You gotta take the high road here, and just be transparent about everything.</p>
<p>You’re in a tough spot. But you have successfully started your own business, and from your postings there is no doubt that you have what it takes to get through this successfully. I certainly commend you for wanting to get the best education that you can, despite adversity. Please let us know around April or May how it has worked out. We’re pulling for you! </p>
<p>OP: even if you’re not an alcoholic, the fact it runs in the family means you’re predisposed, which means you should not drink alcohol.
Let us say you don’t get drunk and don’t do drugs every again because you’ve learned your lesson: you’ll still be going to college. As you show them you’re able to be responsible, your parents will trust you a little more. Deal with living with your dad for a semester. It may be a pain, but if you show you’re responsible in that setting,
Or, live at home and commute to DePaul. But since you’re <em>already</em> living with your dad, I don’t see how living with him at UIUC is going to be worse. You’ll be gone at 9 in the morning, you’ll be back at 9 or 10 in the evenings when you have study groups and clubs, or 6-7pm when you don’t. You won’t be able to party. You won’t be able to have parties at your apartment. Big deal. It’ll go fast. Go to the movies, meet friends in a restaurant - if your dad sees you’re being responsible, he won’t prevent you from going to a movie and a dinner.
After a semester, I’m quite sure (as most adults here) that your dad will be ready to go home; it may not seem like it to you, but while it’s annoying to you that he lives with you, it’s a sacrifice that he will live with you.
Annoying, yes. But survivable. And I doubt it’ll last more than a semester. Instead of trying to get out of it, why don’t you try it for Spring, and see where it gets you?
Or would you rather stay home and commute to DePaul?
As of now, you should request privacy on your phone (texts and all), since you’ve been on your best behavior.
As for Facebook, create a business account to keep it running.</p>
<p>And if you don’t text or post anything of concern, your parents will likely stop reading your accounts. </p>
<p>And predisposed means you may not be able to later exert the control you think you have today. It can mean a genetic issue with tolerance or some emotional pattern we may learn in our families, when stressed. So we often ask some younger people to be aware, especially when they know relatives have or had problems. </p>
<p>I think the OP has gotten all the advice he needs. It’s up to him to decide what to do now. Good luck!</p>