<p>Finally: Think outside the box a little. You will never get a chance like this again to get to know your father as an adult. You are going to liberate yourself from him as soon as possible, but in the meantime embrace the opportunity to deepen your relationship with him. Because you are immature, he seems permanent now, and a powerful impediment to your own growth. But really he’s not permanent at all, he will be gone before you know it, and in a few short years, only months, really, he will completely lose any power he exercises over you. So stop treating him like a tyrant to be overthrown or undermined, and start thinking what you can do to build a loving, honest relationship with someone who will always be emotionally important to you, and is far more vulnerable that you understand.</p>
<p>Here’s an idea: When you come home after class, and after you have done your studying, make him watch all those Bollywood movies about unreasonably strict fathers with you. Talk about them. See what happens.</p>
<p>I think some of these comments are little over the top. I mean college is a time where kids make mistakes. I can’t tell you how many people I knew drank “illegally” during my time and I did as well. During prohibition we didn’t lock up millions of adults who violated the law. Have you ever gone above the speed limit driving? That’s illegal too. Now its his parents so they get to decide the course of punishment but is it unreasonable? In my opinion yes.</p>
<p>I hate to keep saying the same thing but some parents just kept missing the key word. DRUGS.
Not drinking, not driving fast, DRUGS, people, DRUGS. </p>
<p>You have to realize why your parents are really doing this. What you did probably TERRIFIED them. It’s a shock, my brothers have been getting into trouble a lot and they’re younger than I am (I go off to college next year), and one of them has been exhibiting really bad signs (moodiness, snacking on unhealthy foods in masses when he’s at one certain place only (the munchies), constantly going to the skatepark where suspected drug exchanges have occurred, becoming desperate for money). From the side of family, and just thinking about it, it kills me inside. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear. But the prospect of drugs and alcohol, and their addicting tendencies is a nightmare for me to imagine. I don’t think this is merely an ‘embarrassment to the community sort of thing’, I think it’s a “let’s keep him safe and healthy” sort of thing. </p>
<p>I mean…all parents worry. My mom is seriously considering moving with me to school, even though I’ve never gotten in trouble at school once since I started Kindergarten and hardly get in trouble at home. Parents worry. Especially when given a reason to. So please think of it from their perspective, they love you and can’t bare the thought of losing you. And drugs and the like is a very real possibility for making that happen. They love you, and trust me, losing someone to this sort of thing is one of the most agonizing things in the world. I lost my Aunt to this. They’re not trying to be mean-and I’m not saying that you’re saying they are-but just think about why they’re doing it.</p>
<p>I apologize if this has been mentioned as I haven’t read all the replies, but it sounds like you have some really strong computing skills and your own business already. I understand you aren’t generating enough income (yet) to pay for living expenses and college, but are you generating enough to pay for just living expenses so you could move out and live on your own? Could you land a job based on your existing skill set? Frankly, the situation you are describing sounds oppressive to me, and I think I would prefer to support myself and finish college later or one class at a time at night and have my freedom. Most college students don’t really have that option, but you sound like you might be able to do it. </p>
<p>Maybe because it only showed up in past #82:</p>
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</p>
<p>Which pretty much explains why neither of them drinks at all, and why they react strongly to even moderate alcohol consumption.</p>
<p>Just to be clear, I don’t think the parents are being reasonable here. I’m not defending them. But the OP is stuck with them. He needs a positive strategy for managing his relationship with them over the next few years more than a whine-fest about how interfering and old-fashioned they are. It can start with having some compassion for them, and realizing that maybe their trauma about their alcoholic fathers counterbalances to some extent his understandable desire for college fun and “bro talk” that’s lubricated within the normal range by currently popular means.</p>
<p>One of my kids’ best friends in high school had an older brother who died of a drug overdose, after a lot of years of drama over his various addictions. As a result, this kid didn’t touch drugs at all – which was very unusual for his social group. For most of the kids, and most of their families, modest recreational drug use that didn’t interfere with school (it didn’t) was no big deal; for him and his family, it would have been a big deal. No one held it against him, of course, and his friends went out of their way to make certain drugs were not part of the program if he was around.</p>
<p>And I will say that one of my biggest regrets in life is how much I enabled the emerging alcoholism of one of my college friends. By the time I and his other friends realized how much drinking was impairing his functioning, and how completely he lacked control over it, he was already too far gone to help. He never graduated from college, had a long period of abject poverty and homelessness before he finally dried out, and had a pretty difficult life even after that.</p>
<p>Lol nah @EuropeanMom15 could sound like my mom, but it isn’t. See guys at the moment I am not making enough to live on my own AND pay for school. My first priority is to get an education. I figured I may try to ride this out and see if he just gets bored enough to let me go on my own. See my dad is also combative at times. Like if I even show a bit of unhappiness on my face with something he says he starts yelling saying “Why are you making a face about this huh? Im not going to let you spread your legs again in college”. Like I dont even say things to the man sometimes and he just gets mad for no apparent reason. He is like that with my mother as well with no reason as well. </p>
<p>I honestly think my parents are setting me up to end up like Principle Skinner from the Simpsons living with his mother, or a fat guy who lives in his parents basement reading comic books. I WANT TO BE SOCIAL AND MEET PEOPLE. Even my mom understands its natural for me to want to be around young people.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids They ran the costs roughly, but said that i will share a studio or 1 bed with my dad. Never in a million years will they ever let me share an apartment or dorm again. They think the people who live in dorms are “trashy”.</p>
<p>There seem to be some genes that predispose people to addiction. If OP had this problem running on both sides of his family, it is better that he learn to abstain and pay heed to his parents’ caution.</p>
<p>I know lots of Indian families who have absolutely no issue with family members having a drink or attending parties while politely refusing a drink when offered. Many of them seem quite ok when their children have a drink once reaching the official drinking age. However, I rarely hear of incidents where underage kids are throwing parties with alcohol and drugs when their parents are not around after they have started attending college. </p>
<p>I could be wrong but OP should really watch out for himself or else he might be emulating his grandfathers soon once he has some freedom. His parents are right to worry about him.</p>
<p>None of this matters. It doesn’t matter if the parents are irrational, being mean, not getting it, making bad parenting decisions in not letting the OP grow up, not forgiving him even though he’s said he’s sorry, overprotective, and just wrong. It’s THEIR money. It’s THEIR decision. We can sympathize with the OP, support his decisions. We can’t change the parents.</p>
<p>OP, live with your father. Have a nice apartment, a maid, good food. Nope, you won’t get the ‘dorm’ experience, and you won’t be able to bring dates home, store liquor under your bed, be a screw up. If you want the tuition money, that’s the price.</p>
<p>Are you male or female? Either way–the comment above is a wretched thing to say to your kid. It’s completely inappropriate. Your parents aren’t going to change their behavior or their attitudes and if you continue to take their money, you’re going to just have to learn to live with this until you can go out on your own. My advice would be to make the break now and don’t put up with physical or verbal abuse, even if it means you take a leave of absence from college until you can save the money you need to move out.</p>
<p>OK GUYS I AM GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE AND ONCE ONLY. I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. If I drank it would be in moderation, but I definitely did have a few nights where I did have a bit too much. Also I never threw a party at my house. I invited literally 3 people to comeover to hangout and they wanted to do things. I thought ok fine, but it ended up with my parents finding out and then reading through my phone to find out about my partying. I am very sorry for doing this to my parents, but don’t make me out to be a screw up or addict because I am not. Also you should probably know that my dad’s dad had an alcohol problem, but corrected it later in his life. Also my mom’s dad was a very loving man from what my mother tells me and was extremely successful, but he definitely did come home drunk sometimes although never hurt anyone. You make it out to be a huge family problem . </p>
<p>The people in my dorm were screw ups and somehow the university wanted to gather the craziest people on one floor. </p>
<p>I just talked to my mom privately since my dad gets defensive and she agrees with me that having my dad there won’t do much. Like if he leaves what happens? He said eventually children are going to have to make their own decisions. I know when I go to this school I will continue to be doing what I did at DePaul and just put in hours studying. Idk if she is just playing with me and just saying this for now.</p>
<p>Basically the quote was in context when he told me I could go this school and he would need to stay with me to “not let you spread your legs”. Idk if it is the way he meant it, but guys I am a MALE. He has lived in the US since the late 80s and his English is very good, but there are always some gaps in slang I guess. </p>
<p>None the less not going to school is not an option. I really need a degree to at least have a guarantee I can get out of this trap. </p>
<p>Also my parents aren’t the bad guys in this situation. They have literally always given whatever i have wanted, but there are always rules to follow. At times they can be very old school like this situation, but they can also be nice. Like I personally don’t think my dad wants to live with me but at times he seems excited. I feel like he had his time and really need my time to grow up and leave the nest. They will always counter me saying " we let you leave and this is what happened", but they are going to have to stop hiding behind that.</p>
<p>theeliteps3: Of course you aren’t an alcoholic. No one is an alcoholic when they start drinking. You’re only an alcoholic when you need to stop drinking, and you can’t. It takes a little while to get to that point.</p>
<p>Look, I have no idea whether you are really in danger of being an alcoholic or not. Check that: I know you are at risk, and you should know it, too. What I don’t know is whether you have inherited your grandfathers’ trait. I don’t want to find out. You don’t want to find out. Your parents really, really don’t want to find that out.</p>
<p>And stop whining about Principal Skinner. He’s a cartoon character; you’re not. If you get the education and the degree, you will be able to support yourself, rent your own place, and engage in any type of entertainment you want. You will meet people, drink, toke, engage in bro talk to your heart’s content, bring women home, whatever.If, instead, you choose to live in your parents’ basement; it’s on you, not them.</p>