<p>No, mules are the ones reputed to be stubborn. I thought oxen were docile, though I may be wrong, not having known any. She is docile and easy to lead, as well as strong and hard-working but not spirited like a horse. That’s the reason for the choice. I felt that image was preferable to some other characterizations that might have given a clearer picture, but which would have been seen by the PC police as more negative. I needed to make clear what sort of person she is to head off all the “just let her follow her passions” sort of comments (which still came anyway), because she is, in fact, not particularly intentional. I won’t say she is just to make someone happy. </p>
<p>If you have identified some colleges she might like (or you feel will be good for her) see what they want. Would they rather have a student with a high gpa or IB/AP? Would they like an eagle scout/gold award rather than school activities? Do those schools have a drama department where your daughter might shine while taking biology or French?</p>
<p>I think of it more as unwrapping than packaging. You want to show people what’s inside, what she’s really made of, not just decorating the package to make the outside desirable. </p>
<p>GFG - I keep thinking about a school like RIT, they have a heavy tech influence and are very supportive of learning differences. And I totally get what you are saying, and there is nothing wrong with having a solid understanding of your child’s abilities and trying to figure out how to maximize her opportunities.</p>
<p>Yes, but the point of the OP was that colleges are unlikely to rush to accept a low ability student who just works really, really hard because they’d fear her ability to handle even higher level coursework. That’s why I’m speculating that too much unwrapping could hurt her in admissions, though I’m not certain of that. What makes her compelling to me as her mom, may not make her compelling to a college.</p>
<p>Are you religious? Or at least affiliated with a religion? What you added reminded me of a friend with an Asperger’s kid. He is a good student, more due to hard work than native smarts, struggles with the social stuff, doesn’t always have a realistic picture of his true strengths. He went to a very small, church affiliated school and received a good sized scholarship. (We can have a separate conversation on how he has faired. Academically pretty well, some problems with money management…) The school was one of those more ordinary places that other posters have described. It was happy to get a kid who had played a sport for four years, taken some APs/honors, done some volunteering and held some jobs. He was consistent and reliable if never a star. I am guessing that is how he was sold to them, as a hard worker and a good person. </p>
<p>GFG, I applaud your honesty and think you have done a fantastic job of parenting with what has surely been some challenges along the way. I know your characterization is not PC-- but I give you hugs for that as well. I have a close friend with a daughter who sounds a lot like yours (but with some physical challenges as well). Their MO was to let the daughter figure it out. She’s now in her mid-20’s, is still in the same not-so-challenging job she got after she graduated from HS, and is bored out of her skull. Her friends from HS have dispersed; she is slow to make new friends, and her job doesn’t offer a lot of interaction with young people her own age. I think suitably “packaged” she’d have made it both in and out of a not-too-stressful college, and could have handled a certification program as a radiology tech or another allied health field. They never wanted to steer her- and to their credit, love and adore and support their child, so I’m not being snarky here, but I suspect this young woman has untapped potential which only higher education could have found.</p>
<p>So kudo’s to your D.</p>
<p>She emphatically doesn’t need “leadership” if by that you mean club president or someone starting a non-profit. Being an assistant girl scout troup leader, working in your town’s recreation program as an aide, helping the librarians who run the reading programs for toddlers and caregivers, working behind the counter at the local little league games selling bottled water and energy bars (my town does this- the parents hate it because they are supposed to take a turn and are always trying to find HS kids to take their shift), all of these show an element of initiative and might be interesting and fun.</p>
<p>Are you near a science museum, children’s museum, aquarium? If she is interested in physics, she can volunteer with young children in their science programs. If she loves physics but is struggling with the math, these kids programs are typically heavy on the concepts and devoid of the calculations- which might speak to her interests without putting her into a situation which she can’t handle.</p>
<p>I think you keep doing what you are doing. She might be getting dinged on the GPA for reaching with the classes but where ever she ends up going to college it is the “plodders” that know how to get down and study and often do quite well in college once they find a major that they can enjoy. I’d take a plodder anyday over a kids who flames out freshman year of college. Plodders are predictable more often than not…it’s hardwired into their personalities. The nice thing about plodders is you CAN push them…because they simply “take it” and keep on swinging. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t “unwrap” her too much…make a typical college list - one with some reaches and matches and safeties and see what happens. If a college is “afraid” because there is an IEP on the record then it’s not the college for her. Be truthful with yourself about the reaches - or come back and ask for assistance when the time comes. </p>
<p>I might push this kid to get work experience rather than try to steer her towards a different kind of EC (obviously, if she wants to pursue the EC, that’s a different story). I went to school with a couple of people who sound a bit like the GFG’s D - did better in high school than might have been expected given certain cognitive limitations by dint of hard work, but struggled to break 1000/1600 on their SATs. Both wound up doing OK in respectable colleges - in fact, one got into an OOS flagship, which was a substantial reach for her (she graduated in 5 years, which her family had anticipated). They’ve also, however, both had considerable difficulty finding and keeping jobs in the 4-5 years since graduation. In one of the cases, I think it is because of pursuing a career that is probably inappropriate given her issues - she wants to be a dietitian, but is someone who really needs supervision and clear instructions, she would probably be much better off as an assistant of some kind, and frankly even that could be dicey for someone who doesn’t always have a great sense of what is socially appropriate. </p>
<p>The point is, college isn’t the issue, IMO. Since colleges don’t ask you for your IQ anyway, schools aren’t going to look at her achievements, whatever they are by then, and assume that she’s going to hit a wall freshman year; they’re going to look at them more or less the way they would look at any other student with a similar record. Frankly, assuming you’re in a reasonably good school district, if your D is doing well in honors classes, I have to wonder if the 80 IQ is accurate anymore, or if it is painting a full portrait of her abilities. Neither of the students I referred to above managed that; their accomplishment was doing reasonably (and in one case very) well in regular college prep courses. Is it possible that some of her learning issues are skewing the results in a way that wouldn’t necessarily reflect on overall intellectual capacity? </p>
<p>In any case, with college, I’d say don’t try to game things as you might with a kid aiming for uber-selective schools, but see where she is come the end of junior year and make a list more or less as you would for anyone with a similar profile, albeit with extra consideration given to her possible need for things like closeness to home/support services/small campus environment, etc. To me, the issue will be walking that balance, once she gets to college, between encouraging her to follow her dreams, whatever they are, and making sure that she’s also preparing herself seriously for plan "B"s. That’s why I think getting some employment experience under her belt during high school and perhaps during summers of college might be more useful than thinking about what club she should join, if she isn’t already inclined toward the club.</p>
<p>I agree with earlier posters who encouraged you to pursue accommodations for your daughter’s standardized testing. Processing disorders do not go away - smart kids often learn to work around and through them in the classroom and with homework, etc., but she will be terribly disadvantaged without accommodations on the SAT/ACT. Please start looking into that now since it may take time to satisfy the documentation requirements. </p>
<p>Also @apprenticeprof makes a good point by questioning the validity of your IQ results. Frankly I can’t believe that a kid with that level of ability could possibly manage honors/AP classes - or especially HS physics! - and as a freshman no less! Heavens I have a fairly bright daughter who probably would have been crushed had she been forced to take a physics course. </p>
<p>Realize that kids with processing disorders are necessarily very difficult to assess, so your daughter’s potential may be much greater than previously thought. Keep loving and encouraging her to follow her own path and expect to see her gifts emerge over time. </p>
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<p>Yeah, I was surprised by this also.</p>
<p>Now you get my thoughts. Sorry this is long. If she was previously diagnosed, but has overcome, found her own ways to manage- or is giving hints of this- you watch the next two years to see what strengths she really does develop. You know that. Many kids don’t easily fit into the square holes of typical education formats; as things get more complex, they can start to bloom, in their own ways. You’ll learn more about what directions she is capable of.</p>
<p>The question was about the rest of the story though, right? How to decide whether (or what) to steer her toward. Community service. It’s not challenging, but fruitful. Adcoms like to see long term commitments. You said her people skills aren’t naturally strong, but this is a low key way to practice the basics- smiling, serving, doing the work. </p>
<p>I tried to get every kid who would come along to join us at a meal site. My kids got the point, liked it, and continued their vol work through college- in both cases, it developed a life skill (and awareness) that they enjoyed. They branched out from their simple starts. BUT, you have to go with her, guide her through that, help her learn the interactive or work-related skills. You and she don’t have to go every week- even once a month is a nice start. You get to see another side of her, she gets to do some good, pay it forward. </p>
<p>The advantage to CSvc over a team is the performance expectations can be easier, but her role can increase if she takes to it. The advantage over a job is the contribution itself is valued. But find a venue where she rolls up her sleeves and does work for the people it helps, gets to interact with others- not just the walkathon or collecting coats or cleaning a park. And the two of you stick with it. It can be posed as a family commitment, “what we do.”</p>
<p>I do agree parents often have to guide their kids. After all, until they catch the pace, they are kids. </p>
<p>GFG, I do know kids who are similar to your daughter and who are progressing through/have graduated from college. All have started at our local community college, which provides excellent support for kids like your daughter. I believe our CC is well known nationally for that support. After successfully completing the first two years of undergrad at CC, these kids have guaranteed admission to our public state colleges. None of these kids who I know personally has gone to our state flagship, but they have gone on to the state directional schools. Every one of them has been successful in school and successful after graduation. Some (most, actually) have needed longer than 4 years to get through college but they have done it. Is there a reason I missed that your daughter can not or is not willing to go this route? </p>
<p>A long term job during high school is every bit a great EC as any school related EC, as far as I can see. The manager of our local supermarket hires high schoolers, appreciates and promotes those who work there for years, and writes terrific letters of recommendation for them when the time comes. </p>
<p>Your daughter is so lucky to have your support. She will be fine. She knows how to work hard, and in life, that is defining.</p>
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<p>So true! </p>
<p>Also I wanted to mention that I do have some personal experience with these issues as my son has processing disorders and he needed accommodations for testing. He requested and received extended time AND marking answers in test-book for SAT and ACT testing. The marking answers in the test booklet is an important but sometimes overlooked accommodation and I mention it because kids with processing problems often get mixed up when going back and forth between an exam and scantron sheet. They may know the answer but forget which letter corresponded to it - or simply slip and mark D instead of B or vice versa. Hopefully you get my point! </p>
<p>Talk to your school’s learning specialist and check out the documentation requirements posted on the College Board and ACT websites. </p>
<p>Help your daughter over the next few years understand her own strengths and weaknesses so she can become her own advocate when she gets to college. </p>
<p>I would agree with you completely eastcoastcrazy - except again, I suspect most of the people you are talking about didn’t “do well” in honors classes. </p>
<p>I mean, it is all premature since we’re talking about a freshman, but if she somehow continues doing respectably in advanced or even regular classes and gets a reasonable SAT score, I don’t see why she would have to think of CCs.</p>
<p>What Ive noticed is that schools want a mix of students.</p>
<p>Optimally ( imo) students should be on the journey to for want of a better term " become more their authentic self".
Also optimally, colleges will help them further down that road.
If they are a hard worker, they should embrace that and not be ashamed of knowing a key piece of who they happen to be right now.</p>
<p>Students who know how they learn and are willing to put in a little effort will go much farther in life than those that acquired achievements more easily, but are stymied by small obstacles.</p>
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<p>Well-stated emeraldkity! </p>
<p>My younger son probably has some processing issues. He was tested in 4th grade and was off the charts in some areas, very average in others. He had a 504 plan which he dropped on entering high school. His feeling was that real life wouldn’t give him extra time. This meant lower grades in Latin (which he was just not good at) and math (which he’s very good at, but incredibly slow because he doesn’t memorize formulas). I asked the GC to mention that some of his high school grades might have been impacted by his decision to drop the 504 plan. He didn’t mention it otherwise. His experience in college has pretty much mirrored his experience in high school. He gets A’s and B’s. He’s only gotten good at Arabic after spending an entire year abroad there. His math oriented course grades have been B’s. He’s grown up tons in the last four years and we are very proud of the young man he’s become. </p>
<p>I don’t think TheGFG needs to worry too much. There are lots of great colleges for B students with normal extra-curriculars where she can continue to flourish. Many are test optional if that’s not her strength. It will be clearer by the time she’s a junior what her needs are.</p>
<p>I just like the fact that @TheGFG is not burying his head in the sand. Given his eyes are wide open, his DD will be fine. I think @mathmom gives a clear perspective on the situation. </p>
<p>I really like lookingforward’s post about community service. (I <em>really</em> wish we had post numbers!)</p>
<p>Above, people have mentioned Mitchell College in CT and Johnson & Wales. A friend of mine who has a D with significant issues is considering both of them for her D, who is interested in travel and leisure activities as a major.</p>
<p>This girl has language problems stemming from a severely deprived pre-adoptive background. It seems that she was hardly spoken to during the key language acquisition years, and completely unschooled before she came here at about the age of 6 or 7. She is a lovely girl, and works very hard, but reading and some associated things are very difficult for her. She has a very good GPA–something like 3.7 or higher–but she gets a lot of accommodation from her HS, and her SATs are reportedly terrible. Conventional timed assessments: quizzes, midterms, etc, are extremely difficult for her, but she shines at portfolio-type things. In a way she is the reverse of your D, since she has good social skills that are one of her strengths.</p>
<p>In their case, they are worried not only about her getting in, but about her <em>staying</em> in. Applying to test-optional schools she might get in over her head. The don’t want her to go too far away because they think she will need support. They were impressed with the disabilities head at Johnson & Wales, who totally got the situation and told D that she would be supported and they would help her make it **as long as she made her appointments and followed through"". As someone said above, the staff is not going to chase you to help you in college. There are other schools where she might get merit based on her GPA, but the parents fear that she would be unable to meet the GPA requirement to keep it, which could be devastating to her confidence.</p>
<p>Clark and Green Mountain are two schools reputed to have good support for kids who are not neuro-typical.</p>
<p>Anyway, things to consider.</p>
<p>OP, your daughter will grow and change so much over the next few years, do keep us up to date. </p>
<p>I just thought of another kid I know of who has always done well in school, but not so well in testing because she has a lower IQ. The girl has always enjoyed strong support from home. She graduates next spring. I will have to keep my ears open as to what she will be doing next. She makes As in regular classes, no Honors, and participates in pep squad. I think of her as socially awkward, but she does have some girlfriends.</p>