Parental Advice Needed: Roommates Boyfriend Over Too Much!

<p>*I'm an opinionated person, and when a guy is calling his girlfriend rude names because she accepted a guy from her chem lab as a myspace friend, I almost want to say something. *</p>

<p>Sounds controlling to me-
Neither one seems to a have a good sense of personal boundaries.
they are intruding on your space- and that is enough to say it is a problem.
I feel like if he is controlling when you are there- and they are still obviously in the "honeymoon" stage of their relationship- what is he like/going to be like when a third party is not around as a witness?.
Jealousy is not love- it is possessivness and controlling.</p>

<p>Is this someone she knew before college?</p>

<p>
[quote]
*** Don't equate spending a lot of time together and somewhat controlling behavior to an abusive relationship. That may just mean that they are in love and he really does know what is best for her.

[/quote]
***</p>

<p>Ok I will ingnore all of the psychology classes where I have studied narcissistic personality.......</p>

<p>SuperSarah - the point of my post wasn't to label and complain about the couple. I do know a thing or two about relationships, and understand the desire to spend a great deal of time with someone you care for and love deeply. I never said he was incredibly abusive - he is just manipulative and controlling. I don't really believbe there is every a 'good time' to give up your dignity and be controlled, even by someone you love. If they know what is best for you, they will offer advice, but not insult you until you do something their way. But, this is afterall, my roommate's choice, and I will keep my mouth shut unless she is every seriously hurt (mentally and physically). </p>

<p>Emerald - no, they met in college.</p>

<p><3,</p>

<p>Izzie Bear</p>

<p>SuperSarah,</p>

<p>I was emotionally abused under the guise of someone saying that he was in love with me and wanted to spend every minute with me. I was stressed and suffocated; had physical problems from the stress; my grades fell; hated the thought of him calling; knew that I couldn't leave my room at night because he would yell at me if I went to the gym or the library; and had to fight to keep relationships with my friends and family. He would physically force me out of my chair if guy friends IMed while he was over - and would take over the computer and talk to them (note that he didn't know these people except having met them once or twice). He was always over - even when I had finals. He wouldn't leave or get off the phone when I wanted to go. He called the police when I (as had stated earlier) stopped by a friend's house on the way to his house. Instead of calling my friend's house, he called the cops and my parents and said I was missing...</p>

<p>...because he wanted to spend every minute with me.</p>

<p>No, it's not cute. It's not puppy love. It's not even love - took me a while to realize that the guy hated me. Deep down hated me, my life, my friends, my family, my principles, and my intellect. </p>

<p>My gut says that people outside of the relationship have a great sense of abuse in a relationship - they are just too cowed by the "Oh, they are in love" group to listen to their intuition. </p>

<p>Sure, you can give full control and trust to another person - AND HE SHOULD GIVE HIS CONTROL AND TRUST TO YOU. Bi-lateral is fine. Unlateral is not.</p>

<p>Is the roommate also making decisions on when to spend time together? Does she feel like she is sacrificing her friendships and other interests, or is she happy to be juggling?</p>

<p>IMO, no one who loves you asks you to give up your sanity, friends, or well-being (which includes academics) for the relationship.</p>

<p>I agree that it should be a MUTUAL decision to spend time together & neither person in a relationship should be MADE to sever other friends, family & ties. You should not be accountable 24/7 for your time & have to ask "permission" to have interests & activities that do not include the loved one.
A lot of what passes for "love" is power & guilt-tripping. Love should lead you to encourage your beloved to do & be all s/he can be, nourish relationships and inclusive of the other loved ones in your beloved's life. All of my healthy long-term relationships shared these characteristics and both I and my beloved grew in each relationship. I have also remained good friends with all my ex-boyfriends.
HImom</p>