<p>DS has now been accepted for transfer to McGill, as well as JHU and others which I think he has probably discarded from consideration. Lehigh might still be on his radar screen. McGill and Montreal have always intrigued him. JHU was long at the top of his list.</p>
<p>Mom and Dad have a definite preference among these three, but all are good schools. </p>
<p>If your S appeared to lean toward a different choice from your own, what would you do?</p>
<p>While not pressuring my S to go to a certain school, and listening to his reasons of why he favored one over another, I would definitely express my personal opinion. I would tell my son MY reasons for ranking the 3 schools the way I did, whether it be size, cost, programs, distance, student body.....</p>
<p>If all are good schools and meet his needs, I probably would not state my preference. My S chose a different school than I would have picked for him, but his reasons were sound, and I think he made the right choice.</p>
<p>In our case, his top choices impacted our family the same in terms of cost and distance from home, so I didn't feel comfortable expressing a preference based on more of a gut feel of where I'd prefer to go.</p>
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but all are good schools
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<p>Given that, I would keep my opinions to myself.</p>
<p>Oh jmmom, I am sorry. You have had the longest college saga ever. I can't believe that there is another school in the mix.</p>
<p>I also have a son who is crazy about McGill and all things Canada. In fact, I would not be surprised if he does a graduate degree or a job search there. However, if engineering is the career goal, I might opine. Hopkins has the edge in engineering and if your son has the resilient temperamant to make himself happy anywhere..which he has demonstrated amply, I might believe he will be the kind of young man who can make Hopkins a liberating not overly oppressive college experience. Life on the Chesapeake waters can also be very fun if you are basically a person who pursues balance. And job and internship opportunities in the DelMarVa region are excellent for budding engineers looking for project experience. We look forward to his reports from Wherever, regardless!</p>
<p>I kept my opinion to myself.The school my D chose is a real good one though not the one I wanted her to attend.We set financial parameters for her and after that she was free to apply and attend where she wanted.</p>
<p>deb922, not too worry. This is not a "problem." All truly are good schools and I am very pleased that he has choices. Just trying to decide how I will or will not play my cards.</p>
<p>As a parent the big thing I did was REALLY make certain their choice was something they could live with for four years. Sure, I had preferences, the biggest one was finding a school where they could get a good education, have a great time socially and grow up a bit. College isn't a girlfriend you can break up with after a couple of months when the "glow" wears off. </p>
<p>What I didn't want to see was them home after a semester wanting to come home and look elsewhere. Alot of money has been offered, into six figures. Mess that up with a bad choice, and that's kinda hard to recover from. </p>
<p>So my influence was really driving the finanical aspect home, bringing things into reality because Grad school is on the horizon as well. </p>
<p>That said, it doesn't mean the cost is the most important. Where you will be happy and thrive and cost are very close in the mix. If you're unhappy the price isn't going to matter, you won't get your money's worth.</p>
<p>Is there any reason you couldn't have a family sit-down, first asking to hear his pro/con on the schools he's still considering, and then asking if he would like to hear your thoughts on the matter? I don't get the impression he's the sort to automatically run the opposite way if he senses his parents are pointing a particular direction, and he might appreciate an honest conversation.</p>
<p>I know what you mean jmmom. My S didn't have any bad schools, only good schools to pick from and he had a dickens of a time picking. It's great to have such an embarrassment of riches. </p>
<p>Let him smell the roses so to speak and savor all of these great acceptances. He deserves it. Then if you want to, give him your opinion. I'm sure if he doesn't agree, he'll have no problem telling you. LOL!</p>
<p>I love to have an opinion. My S loves to ignore me. It works out.</p>
<p>It's partly that we can't have a "sitdown", mootmom, that has me trying to figure. He is at Tulane for lagniappe term through June 30 (last day of class) and flies home on 7/1 late. 7/1 is the postmark date for JHU, 6/10 for Lehigh (I think that one will just go by) and ??? for McGill. McGill sent the email late last evening with only a link that said "Admitted", more info to follow by letter.</p>
<p>So we're left with phone and IM; makes it a little harder to have give and take. And he's the reticent type, if I haven't mentioned that before :rolleyes:. I do think he values our opinions. It's more that I don't want him to be too swayed by our choices than that he would be oppositional.</p>
<p>I'm thinking I'll ask him if he'd like me to do any legwork on qx of concern to him (eg, I think he wants more info on how McGill houses transfers as most upperclassmen live off campus, etc.). That might open the discussion a little more for this non-talkative kid.</p>
<p>I have a D Jr. and a S Soph, and I've found that initially, neither of them had any interest in where they went whatsoever. So I spent an enormous amount of time researching and adding/eliminating schools by what I felt was a "best fit" for what I thought they were looking for, made a list, and told them to check it out when they got a chance. Well, actually only my D at this point so far, because the sophomore thinks I'm a complete psycho to be worrying about this now. :)</p>
<p>By the time D was in the beginning of her Jr. year, we had a pretty extensive list which got added to/subtracted from based on lots of different criteria. I sweetened the pot a little by offering a couple of scouting trips (which when you consider we're going from one coast to the other, is a pretty sweet pot!). And now she's taking a much more active role in choosing schools that not just have the major she wants (archaeology, which doesn't seem to have very many undergraduate schools offering), but others that may interest her based on other selling factors. And I am pleased to say that one school she had initially eliminated is now her top choice because I insisted she check it out.</p>
<p>S, on the other hand, is going to be trickier to place.</p>
<p>deb922: ROFL!!!! </p>
<p>My son and I had the same relationship during the college search process. I resorted to emailing his GC and asking her to put a few bugs in his ear about specific colleges. They listen, eyes rolled, and then do what they were going to do anyway. </p>
<p>Jmmom: I think you are taking the right strategy to offer to do some more legwork if he needs it. If he's torn, I would offer input regarding your preference and your reasoning. But if he seems to be decided, and can explain his choice to you, I would not try to talk him out of it even if the reasons for your preference are compelling to you.</p>
<p>I would offer up your opinion. I have always been bothered that my mother will never tell me what she thinks, supposedly for fear that I will resent her later if I follow her advice and am then unhappy. I interpret it as not caring. If he agrees with your advice, great. If he goes his own way, that is empowering and proves to him that he is his own person. As long as you say, this is YOUR opinion and let him take it or leave it, there is no harm in speaking your mind, in my view.</p>
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Just trying to decide how I will or will not play my cards.
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<p>I guess my feeling is that since he's a college student already, they're really his cards to play. </p>
<p>I would probably email him and say "let me know if you want to hear my analysis of your choices or if you want to just talk over any of the schools" and then wait for his response. It may be hard for him to leave his school under these circumstances, so if he can "own" the transfer decision 100% (with you guys supporting that decision 100%) it might give him more confidence to start over at a new school. I would be worried (depending on his personality) that he might try to please you and dad rather than himself.</p>
<p>I know they're his cards, mom of incas :). I just meant how to play or not play my opinions. You have hit the core of the matter in a couple of ways. He is happy to have such great choices, but this is not something he wanted and it is a sad process in many ways, as he loves Tulane and New Orleans. And while neither his personality nor our family dynamic has a strong "pleaser" component, I want to avoid any such pressure. Your comments are perceptive and helpful.</p>
<p>Wasn't it just the other day that you were upset because your S would not consider one of your favorites since it is full of preppy frats? As I remember it you did not like that terminology even though that choice has very little cultural or racial diversity and has a very strong Greek presence. Now your S has three very different schools to chose between. Since he already has college experience, I would think he has the experience to decide the type of school which fits him best.</p>
<p>Well, every parent, and every child is different. Some kids really want their parents to back off, hold their tongue, and not comment on their choices, or offer opinions. Other kids may not ask for it, but actually appreciate the input, if it offered in a meaningful and open manner. And yet others may actually solicit the advice of their parents and consider it. So far, my 2 older kids seek out my counsel, and consider most of what I say. I am therefore very cautious and balanced in my discussions with them. I don't tell them what to do, or even what I would do; more like an analysis of each option. And then they usually go do whatever they want.</p>
<p>Well, edad, just to set the record straight. I wasn't "upset" that he wouldn't consider one of "my" favorites. I didn't like the idea that he would dismiss a possibly good option because of stereotypes he heard which might or might not be accurate characterizations (even though you are happy to repeat them) and might or might not be his own perception had he had the chance to visit the school on his own. </p>
<p>As you say, he has experience. In fact, in his case, a little more than most of his peers, since he's already attended two very different schools in his freshman year.</p>
<p>Doesn't mean he's full of all knowledge and wisdom in the universe. I have a corner on most of that :rolleyes: and was just kind of wondering out loud how much to weigh in. I also have an opinion of which school is best for him. Haven't decided whether to even share that with him. Hence, the OP.</p>