<p>Victory! We got the preliminary yes! I took her to the bank today and call all her financial info, found her taxes and brought them back to her. I get the final official approval tomorrow. This place is beautiful, dining room and cafe, hair salon that will do nails, health services on premiss including cat scans xrays. Her doctor is the practice that goes and treats there. They’re also ranked in the top 2 percent of deficiency ratings.
I will have to hog tie my brother as he undermined me all day.</p>
<p>Need some help??!</p>
<p>Congratulations! That’s extra nice that they have health services on site, and extra extra nice that she can see her own doctor. </p>
<p>Wow! I could not be happier for you or your mother. Sounds just right. Hard won peace of mind. </p>
<p>And isn’t there usually one who just doesn’t get it? So aggravating and somehow you have prevailed. Bravo! </p>
<p>Excellent, Eyemamom!</p>
<p>Fabulous news!!! Bring your (*%&<em>&W</em>$ brother over here and we’ll take care of him!!</p>
<p>Fantastic Eyemamom! I think the fact that you had a calm and factual discussion with your mom was so helpful. You must be so relieved. </p>
<p>Wow, great job, eyeamom, and so quick. </p>
<p>I had been having discussions with this facility before I even mentioned it to my mom. She’s been home now about 2 weeks and it’s obvious she can’t live alone, even to her. However I also knew to strike while the iron is hot. I’ll get this done so fast there won’t be time to seconduct guess.
I have to tell you all what my brother did yesterday. He’s the poa so after no answer I text him asking where mom’s taxes and banking info was. He had no idea. Then he says you need to just put mom in a nursing home. I tried explaning that they cost 12,500 a month and you have to prove financials for 2 years at any place plus a down payment. She can’t afford that and isnt quite ready for that but if she goes in to this place through assisted living then moves over, it’s affordable. What we’re doing is guaranteeing a spot down the road and getting her from here to there in a great environment. Then I said, if you have a better idea and can get mom to agree and do all the application and get her in, then step right up. Otherwise butt out.
I was telling mom last night how relieved I was to get this figured out now and she tells me she was never worried because she knew one of us would take her in…yikes.</p>
<p>Aren’t siblings lovely?</p>
<p>Eyeamom- sheesh! Your mother has been managing all her bills independently through this health crisis? Amazing to be POA for someone that frail and not know bank info. I have paid our elder’s bills on line for over a decade and it is quite efficient. Best to you and what great foresight you have. Great to be capitalizing on the moment. </p>
<p>Does she have an accountant? Can you get the tax info from him/her?</p>
<p>Just in case it’s necessary, you can order a tax transcript which I think arrives almost immediately, electronically:
<a href=“Get Transcript | Internal Revenue Service”>http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/Get-Transcript</a></p>
<p>I dug through her filing cabinet and all around where things piled up and found the taxes. What is the point of having your name on the accounts if you have no clue? I’m sending out a message that I left the bills on the dining room table, moving forward brother needs to pay those bills. I know a bunch of her bills are electronic, but it’s not my name on anything.<br>
But boy, my mom is something else. The increased narcissism is breathtaking at times. My other two sisters just cry over the situation and the guilt and everything else. As far as I’m concerned I don’t know anyone who takes better care of their mother, while she just demands this and that, runs people all over, has people dressing her, doing for her and worrying and crying while she refuses to get up and move around and do for herself. She’s all for people coming in and paying homage and doing everything for her.<br>
She had aides 3 days a week, I’m paying for the other 3 days so she’ll have someone there 4 hrs a day, 6 days a week. Plus she has a lot of friends and family around not to mention all her doctor appointments.<br>
I’m so happy to be home right now I could drown myself in the bottom of a wine bottle. </p>
<p>Red or white, eyeamom? I’m buying.</p>
<p>Cheers, eyeamom. </p>
<p>How good to know she is on the road to the right elder care. Lots of elders hit the point where they need it, though some do it ways that are more endearing. Tough to feel blamed and misused in the process. </p>
<p>Once your mother is well tended outside her home, hopefully the family will feel relieved of not only care, but guilt. We found my parents a great elder care place as needs arose and honestly, I hope I am lucky enough to be as well situated if the time comes. No need to feel guilty for addressing confirmed needs, yet so many people do, especially if the pattern has been some ongoing form of parental criticism and hostility, coupled with unreasonable demands. </p>
<p>Raise that glass and put up your feet. You need a rest! </p>
<p>JYM, which is the larger bottle? I am drinking. …
I got to the point up visiting Mom that even the picnic size cheap merlot tasted just fine, medicinally speaking.</p>
<p>Eyeamom, I know the type… </p>
<p>Actually my mom is a nicer person with dementia than she used to be. She has kind of given up trying to be the boss of everyone and is more compliant. Still a huge energy drain to be here. Took her to the dr. , paid taxes, tried to get a delinquent renter to pay, got small claims form for suit against said renter, got excavation estimate for final demolition of our childhood home that burned LAST DECEMBER… Brother had a hard time letting so. And signed the guardian report that summarized a year of stuff like that with “I handled all her finances and visited her nine times last year.” yup that was it…only every vist was at least that hectic.</p>
<p>We can open as big s bottle as is needed, eso</p>
<p>You’re doing great, eyeamom. And you’re reminding me that I need to re-start my clean-out. I really hope to spare D the burden of trying to sort out my affairs someday.</p>
<p>Woohoo!! Final approval was given today! I was afraid I’d have to be a guarantor but she qualified on her own. </p>
<p>I could cry with frustration, someone needs to bring her over there to give them the deposit check and neither of my siblings will do it. 
I guess I’ll have the aide take her, but I really wanted her having encouraging support as she does this.</p>
<p>She’s putting 10% down which she has liquid, but then she’ll need to break a cd. Apparently when you move into these facilities you get a break on the taxes as long as you break the cd and she moves in the same year. Since we’re looking at December we’ll just have to be aware that it doesn’t go into January.</p>
<p>The woman at the facility told me, friend to friend here - you need to get the power of attorney, you seem to be the only one in the family on the ball.</p>
<p>Wow, sorry the sibs can’t help, but congrats!</p>