<p>Dharma, condolences to you and your family for your loss. How wonderful that you can now appreciate her gifts and strength. </p>
<p>Eyemamom, you are pretty far and I would think a once a month visit is doing pretty well visiting your mom. I have parents who never ask for anything so I have to “force” my visits. I call about once and sometimes twice a week inviting myself over. If I don’t, things happen that they don’t remember how, what, when, where. </p>
<p>I wish I could tell you how to nurture your sibling relationship. At this point, with the recent death of my brother, I can tell you that even an uninvolved brother (mine was trying to be more involved but lived on the other coast) can be a support just by shared historical perspectives. No one else can give you that. I am feeling the burden of the only sibling. It’s worth resolving conflict rather than let it harbor inside you. </p>
<p>Knitkneelionmom, I’m so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about unexpected waves of sadness. Be good to yourself and draw your loved ones close for the holidays. </p>
<p>Dharma, I’m sorry for your loss. I hope the road ahead is more peaceful for you.</p>
<p>To Knitkneelionmom, Dharmawheel, and all others who have lost a loved one this year, my sincere condolences as you approach your first holiday season without your loved one. It is especially hard when the death is so close to the holidays. Tears are OK anytime - even in public. (Been there, done that.)</p>
<p>My condolences to those who have lost a parent.</p>
<p>Update on my mother - she was asked to return her driver’s license and did so. She didn’t sound upset; I think she might be secretly relieved. She felt OK to drive but was concerned about walking through snowy parking lots etc. Currently she is reviewing other options - there’s a volunteer group plus very cheap taxi service in her town. She’s also looking into grocery and food delivery. So far so good!</p>
<p>Marilyn, that sounds like excellent news. Congratulations. I understand the “secretly relieved” part. I think that’s what happened to my dad when he got lost for the first (and only, that I know of) time. After that, the car stayed in the driveway.</p>
<p>I’ve posted infrequently to seek advice since my father’s stroke 4 years ago but I’ve followed the myriad of journeys here with the knowledge that we are walking the same path, in one way or another. He died very suddenly and unexpectedly early this morning at 87. He developed pneumonia with no warning and we lost him within 3 hours of arriving at the hospital. We are lucky to have had 41/2 years with him post the very massive stroke that left him debilitated but still very much a part of our family. Just recently we were all together at Thanksgiving, so I know his eight grandchildren will have wonderful final memories. I live 8 hours away and could not be there at the end - even had I left when they went to the hospital I couldn’t have made it, but my sister was with my mother. My mother lovingly took care of him at home and will be lost…their 60th anniversary would have been next Friday. This community shares so much, I wanted to thank you for the support a person feels even when not active on a regular basis. </p>
<p>I’m so sorry for your loss, runnersmom. What a blessing that you were together at Thankgiving. Thinking of you and your family in the days ahead.</p>