Oh @rhandco that is terrible. 
Sorry your dad experienced that and that you have to figure out another care option.
Oh Rhandco, I am so sorry to hear that .
The “if he survives” makes me wonder if you can get hospice care in while you work on getting things figured out. Plus they are connected into the community of caregivers and would know if someone great is looking for a full time positition.
I’d also talk to the hospital social services/geriatric people.
And I know you don’t really want to take the time, but please report the incident to the appropriate authority in your state. In ours, you can do it on-line and they check. before making it an incident that others can see. I found out after the fact that the place I put Mom let someone die of sepsis, from improper care. The RN left and the med director may or may not have been fired. But the incident report popped up 3 months later.
oh so sorry, @rhandco
A friend had her husband with Alzheimer’s at a Nursing Home. She was unhappy with the care, so she hired her favorite caregiver full time to assist with his care. It was a win/win as the friend paid the caregiver more than the nursing home was paying (typically a low salary job) and it was less than the cost of the nursing home.
The friend could also choose where she and her H lived if she had full time assistance, I would guess. It can be very comforting for folks to remain in familiar surroundings rather than go to an unfamiliar setting to live.
I’m wondering, if family costs go up because of the need to bring him home, based on the nursing home’s fault in some accident, wouldn’t that be some claim against the NH? I realize lawsuits take time. But it may be worth discussing with an attorney (elder specialist?,) to see what options there are for some compensation toward costs now being incurred for home care.
IF it can be established this is the nursing home’s specific fault (as opposed to ordinary risk.)
I guess it’s complicated in that if he can be cared for at home, not a specialist facility, some might question the decision.
My ex-husband is full-time caregiver for his parents. It’s extremely stressful and might shorten his life. His dad finally agreed to have some professional assistance with certain tasks every day but only because the services are paid for by their health insurance or Medicare.
If hiring and paying a family member, make sure to have a caregiver agreement; otherwise, the payments to the family member (above a relatively low amount) will be considered divestments for Medicaid purposes. If hiring someone who is not a family member, make sure to follow all applicable employment laws.
@rhandco - sorry for all your father and your family are going through. There are hardly words…
As to future home care, IME, building in extra support in a transition and reducing any excess as needs are determined has worked better than trying to up the support in an urgent situation.
We would love home care for my MIL but she can’t move, much less transfer, at all on her own. So then there is liability/risk for the caregivers (back injury, etc.). The skilled care facility uses specialized machine lifts to move her around, bathe her, etc.
Also, medicaid won’t pay for in-home care (the waiver funds always seem to be out in Florida). It drives me nuts because she has a nice condo and would much prefer to be there.
Yes, when you are using LTCi or Medicare or Medicaid, you have to follow their rules, whether it’s best for the patient or simply administrative convenience or whatever. Some of my online friends got much better care once they enrolled in hospice or palliative care. YMMV.
@rhandco that is a shame. The Medicare/lawsuit thing is a pain. I had a similar situation where Medicare made sure to get money from an insurance claim before my parents were able to collect anything. We had a lawyer help us work thru it all.
Just spent the day packing the folks up for the second time in less than 2 years. It’s amazing to me how little they throw away and how much nonsense accumulated in that short time I think it must have to do with being Depression babies - mom saves every ketchup packet and sugar packet, scraps of wrapping paper that she swears she’s going to use for a small gift, bottles with a centimeter of lotion or shampoo still in them etc. It was exhausting!
A relative is an attorney who represents insurer to collect worker’s comp liens in the event of a lawsuit against the responsible party. Generally, the W/C insurer settles for a reasonable sum so that the attorney representing the injured party AND the injured party end up collecting something to make it worth their while, and insurer is happy to get SOME of itsr money back that was paid for medical expenses, lost wages, etc.
Thank you for your sympathy and kind thoughts. I was told that the same bacteria was found in his blood and urine, which supports the case. He’s slowly getting better, but keeps having some setbacks that are frustrating.
I will have my son to help me, who can move my dad by himself but it will be better for me to help. Yes, we should draw up caregiver contracts, one reason being that several of my siblings are perfectly happy to not help at all, to the point of being “too busy to visit” even when my dad’s health is so poor and he isn’t out of the woods yet. It’s not that I want to get paid to take care of my own father, but I refused some contract work because of it and the thought of my siblings who don’t help reaping the benefits of me “volunteering” whereas my children will suffer from me being less available, well, that’s just too much for me.
At least I have one sibling who has promised to provide respite care when I need to go away for work or vacation. Vacation as in a weekend…
I am also getting different advice about “start as soon as possible with the case” vs. “you have two years to file a lawsuit”. And I also am not sure about contacting the State about the nursing home - the law office made it sound like I should do a lawsuit or contact the State protection agency.
@rhandco, do you have any trusted friends who are lawyers? I’d ask them for recommendations for a law firm to consult. This is an area of the law in which I’d want a specialist and someone who has a good reputation among other lawyers. Of course, the firm you’ve talked to might be such a place, but in case it’s not, consider talking to other firms, too. This is not to say that you necessarily have a winnable case. But I think the best personal injury lawyers will be very open with you as to the strength of your case.
If you set up caregiver contracts (and yes, I agree that you should), consider having an elder law attorney draw it up for you. These contracts need not be complex, but for them to “work” for Medicaid purposes, they have to comply with certain formalities; for example, at least in my state, they must be notarized.
Take care of yourself!
Incontinence is a problem, especially when the elder who has it is clueless that he has it and is smelling badly. When the others around him (spouse and progeny) are in denial and don’t notice anything and won’t do anything, it doesn’t improve.
Just read “The 36 Hour Day,” by Mace & Rabins. It is helpful AND scary.
Looks like we are not alone fellow CCers . . .
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/well/family/health-care-daughters-know-all-about-it.html?_r=0
I am reading the comments to this article. Every story more heart-breaking than the last.
Wow, they really are @BerneseMtnMom.