Yes, I understood that. Sorry for the humor. (My daughter has epilepsy and once went in the fridge, got ketchup and then spread it on a muffin. She stopped, looked puzzled, and then did it again. Lamictal has stopped her seizures. Unfortunately there is no med for dementia that is effective for this kind of thing.)
For my relative it makes sense that you would sip the leftover salad dressing out of a condiment cup like you would the last of the soup or the milk in the cereal bowl
Costco now has hearing aids with rechargeable batteries — lasting 6 years (lithium ion). They are $2500/pair. Our folks’ insurer will cover about 80% every 60 months, so taking them in tomorrow to get tested and fitted, as they last got it 60 months ago.
For my folks rechargeable is MUCH better than constantly replacing the tiny batteries.
My dad had the Costco rechargeable battery hearing aids. They were good for him because he couldn’t handle the tiny batteries. The downside was that they only held a charge for about 8 or 9 hours.
Let us know how they work out @HImom
Yes, my folks were unable to handle the tiny batteries and remembering to change them.
Costco told me they can try them for 6 months and see what they think!
I really need a break. It’s been one year since I’ve spent more than a couple of hours away from my home and my mom. I’ll probably call the nursing home I used last year and try to do another respite weekend. It’s ridiculous to feel so conflicted about leaving her there - she is well cared for and seemed to adjust last time after I left, but I just feel so guilty at the idea of her feeling scared or nervous or unsafe (due to her dementia, not reality). (Also, it costs a fortune.) After last time, I thought I would get in a pattern of taking time off every 3-4 months, but I just never did once we were back in our home routine. I have apparently never outgrown my propensity for procrastination.
I hope you let yourself take a break, @psychmomma!
Go for it, @psychmomma. That sounds like a long year.
@psychmomma Nothing ridiculous about feeling awful when your mother is scared or agitated. If you’re confident that the nursing home addresses her situation with as much kindness and care as possible, then try to let it comfort you. I have no idea, except in the smallest way with MIL’s final illness, what it’s like to have a loved one distraught and unable to understand the reassurances around them, so I get your dilemma. Again, if you feel good about the way they treat her, let that be enough for a weekend if you can.
This is the mental health equivalent of paying yourself first – please take and enjoy the break!
@psychmomma Hugs. Please know how much you do for your mom. I suspect if she was in her “right mind,” she would want you to take a break. I’m wondering if just a weekend is enough for you both? It seems such a quick transition which may confuse her more. Is it financially possible to take a break for a week or two?
Just sitting here crunching numbers. We are scheduled to close on my parent’s condo next week, I will be free of condo fees! I am fortunate that it will pay for about 4 years of their care, maybe a bit more if I can find a conservative investment that will give me a little interest. I have a meeting in November with my investment adviser.
They get good care where they are, but I am starting to see a decline in their previous good physical health. They are both falling. Dad just fell this AM. Mom falls and hits her head (about 4 times in the past 8 months or so). The last one about 3 weeks ago has taken a toll with what I see as greater cognitive decline evidenced by lack of motivation and interest.
I am successfully on my work trip. Of course, I have been creatively arranging things and working toward this since last April, including hiring a shower aide over the summer, plenty of time to get used to her, etc. Within a few hours of leaving the house, I got word that the caregiver quit, effective immediately, because she got a full time job X( Really? No notice? Not even offering to come do the showers in the evening until I could hire someone new? Seriously!
Lucky for me the home PT person had already been watching out for a good person for me and was able to set up the new person to come in 48 hours!
The bad part is that my mother frets & worries herself, literally, sick; and when she really frets, she loses lucidity, goes “crazy balls” my kids say.
So, having a new caregiver for 4 hours once a week sent her into a panic, they got her through that and then she was completely exhausted, mostly in bed, needing help to walk, etc for about a week.
My second team member has arrived to take her turn and when my mother was told she would be coming the next day, she got it into her head to start packing to go to that person’s house, at 2AM, 3AM, 4AM, 6AM. So she had a crazy night and morning, followed by an exhausted day and she’ll probably sleep all weekend.
Mom is so afraid, just terrified, of what we do not know. But when she works her self up the difference is night and day. She is physically exhausted and physically debilitated after a crazy day ;(
I wish we could figure out how to address whatever the underlying issue is.
@psychmomma , I know my mother would have the very best days if I was with her 24/7/365 and holding her hand, and sitting with her and eating every meal with her. My head would explode. After nearly a decade, and especially now that she is doing so much worse, I have come to a point of understanding in my mind that helps me to let go of the guilt. This was her choice to attach only to me, to have me be her magical person, I neither asked for it nor offered it. She has been afraid all her life, it is irrational, I cannot fix it. So, in order to take best care of her, I must take care of me and my marriage. I must have time away to remain compassionate. If that time is bad for her, well, that is the pathway she lay down in her mind by depending on me, way way way before she needed to do so.
Not that I am discounting her needs, they are real, but they were created by her choices in life. So, I have to do what’s right for me, I am making incredible sacrifices that are being asked of no one else and that I would prefer not to have to ask of my kids, so sometimes I just have to get away so I can be better when I am there.
@somemom =D>
I am my dad’s magic person. But I realized with Hurricane Florence, we had an unusual situation. Caregivers were told to stay home (or allowed to evacuate) or they were sent to care for the elderly who did not have family close by. Thus, having caregivers for the normal times means I have the energy to do the heavy lifting when a crisis erupts. We evacuated, and we returned home with no real damage to our homes. I have a lot less guilt now, having gone through the hurricane and evacuation.
@psychmomma – I love @somemom’s explanation and hope you can find the way to believe what she has written.
@DeniseC — question about the rechargeable hearing aids…What happens after eight or nine hours? What does your dad do then?
My mother also struggles with the small batteries, and also not wanting to pay for the hearing aids because they are not covered by insurance.
Costco is inconvenient but the in-town place quoted her twice the Costco price.
My dad handled the short charge time by not putting in his hearing aids until after noon. Not a great solution but the best we could come up with.
Costco says you have 180 days to decide whether you’re satisfied with the hearing aids. I hadn’t heard from them that the batteries only last such a short time. Maybe it depends on the setting you have them on? I will inquire. The brochure said they were tested to last 6 years and said nothing about them only lasting a short while when worn.
My folks probably won’t wear them except when they leave their independent living unit, so 8-9 hours would likely work OK for them. In any case, it will be MUCH better than the cheap-o hearing aids my brother bought from CVS that actually don’t amplify anything (I tried them on when mom said they made NO difference–they really didn’t).
We are fortunate that our BCBS PPO plan that my folks have as a retirement benefit because dad was a state employee for a long time DO cover hearing aids @ 80% for up to $1200, with a $100 deductible. To me, that’s pretty reasonable.
In any case, I’m still waiting for SOMEONE in the family to step up and volunteer to take them to Costco for the 2 hour fitting when I’m out of town. So far, no one has offered. 
Costco said that in our state, the hearing aids are 2-3x the price at outside vendors versus their prices and I believe them.
My mom has the Costco Hearing aids and likes them. Somehow you can set it so you can hear your iPhone through the hearing aid. Phone calls, driving directions, etc…
Oh yeah, the $1200 is per hearing aid, so that’s pretty close to the Costco price!
Interesting (long!) article about care environments for dementia
The Comforting Fictions of Dementia Care
Many facilities are using nostalgic environments as a means of soothing the misery, panic, and rage their residents experience.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/10/08/the-comforting-fictions-of-dementia-care
I have been sharing that article. The history of approaches to dementia was interesting and explains the conflicting advice we run into.