Maybe high calorie nibbles/snacks like cheese or soft nuts like cashews?
The memory care unit where my mom lives has high calorie snacks out at all times. It does work having foods front and center.
Thanks, but she just won’t eat. We put out things she normally likes, but she can’t make herself eat them, which worries me. Sometimes she will drink ensure. And sometimes she will mention something crazy like pizza, which or course I go out and buy and she eats a tiny slice of. Not on her low sodium diet, but any calorie is a good calorie at this point.
Scary and challenging when they won’t eat. When my mom was in that situation we actually got her to eat … reddi whip. Either sprayed directly into her mouth, or sprayed into a bowl and fed to her by spoon. She loved it and it has more calories than you might think…
My mom won’t eat wither @MomofJandL. But with dementia, she is in a different place.
My mom also isn’t eating to the point where her AL has asked us to call in hospice. It’s a very tough situation.
My folks ARE eating, to the point they keep needing new, larger clothes. They also don’t exercise much nor partake in the activities their facility offers. 
I’m so sorry @ams5796.
I struggle with how much to “force” my mom to eat and drink, vs. just letting her do what she wants. She’s been steadily eating less over the past year and has lost weight (although she still weighs enough). She tells me frequently that she is "ready’. Ugh. I hate that. She enjoys some of her life, but is just tired and has had enough, much of the time. I feel like I did when I had toddlers, constantly repeating myself over and over. “Please take another drink” has become my most hated phrase since I repeat it no less than hundreds of times each day - with the end result of her drinking maybe 24 ounces.
Although it’s difficult to witness, I think it’s okay for people to check out of life, including by eating and drinking less, as long as they know that’s what they’re doing. But it’s also hard to have the heart-to-heart conversations about whether the person knows what he or she is doing; and really wants the end result (death) or instead wants to feel better but can’t figure out how to (e.g., is in pain and thinks pain can’t be treated). Sometimes there isn’t a way to feel better, but sometimes there is.
@rosered, I agree. I know it can be very hard to let go, but stopping eating is one of the only ways someone can keep control of their life.
My mother wants to die. She tells me and my brother quite often. She is in very bad shape, but who knows how long she will hold on. As I mentioned her AL has requested that we get hospice for her. It was tough to tell her that, but I did and I told her the reason was “failure to thrive.” I hate to act like this is her “punishment” for not eating and not drinking, but that’s probably how it came across. She told me that she doesn’t want to thrive. I don’t know what it’s like to be 92 and to be pretty immobile. She will probably need to be moved out of her AL and something with more care soon, but we worry about that move. As you all know because so many of you seem to be in a similar place the situation is emotionally draining.
@Psychomama. I’m sorry for what you’re going through too. Thank you. I needed that. I also feel like I’m dealing with a toddler. It doesn’t help that she can’t hear and I’m yelling most of the time when I’m with her. She told me the other day that I’m very bossy.
@ams5796 we’ve been trying to discern whether my mom is ready to give up, which is of course within her rights, or whether this is just a bump in the road that she can get over with some rehab. She’s been teetering on the brink for a few weeks, and although her kids never again want to let the doctor who gave her permission to give up treat her again, it has to be her decision.
A few positive notes this week. She has started telling more people that her goal is to get back to her apartment, she told me today that rehab has made her arms and legs stronger, and tomorrow is her birthday so everyone who loves her will call or stop by or send a card.
On the other hand, balancing her heart and kidney function and medicines (enough diuretics to keep her from bloating, but not so much that her kidneys almost shut down again) is becoming more difficult. And she still needs help getting out of bed and dressing.
So we’ll see what’s in store for her and us.
It’s been touching at her rehab center to see all of the people (mostly women but a few men) my age going in and out of the rooms with laundry and food and doing exactly the same things I’m doing. It’s a big club we’re in.
My ex’s mom has Alzheimer’s disease. She has been under hospice care twice, and although it might be an exaggeration to say she thrived, she definitely improved and she’s still alive (age 92, visibly affected by Alzheimer’s for at least 10 years).
I get that my mom has given up. Her life is miserable. She is immobile and practically bedridden. She was a capable brilliant nurse practitioner. Now she has to have people change her Depends all day. She can’t do anything for herself. I don’t really argue with her about it. I’m just frightened about how it will happen. She’s about 85 pounds now( 5’6").
It is a big club we’re in. I had no idea. It helps reading the posts on here.
My mom started praying over 5 years ago for the Lord to take her. Now her ALZ is too far progressed for her to realize what’s happening. I promised her that the least I would do is not prolong her life. It’s still heart wrenching.
I feel for all of you.
My dad died yesterday. The end of his life with Alzheimer’s was really hard.
He had wonderful 1:1 aides and was in the same building with my mom, who still is recovering from the botched surgery in July and still in a wheelchair. When she finally was able to return to her apartment on 12/17, he even got to go back home into the apartment with her for a couple of weeks before he deteriorated more. And he recognized all of us until the very end, which is rare at the end of Alzheimer’s. That was all good.
But his “lifetime community” (nursing home equivalent with independent living, assisted living, and skilled nursing) did not respond well to the fact that when people tried to move him when he wandered places like behind the serving area at meals or into someone else’s room, he would become agitated and push or swat at them. I spent lots of hours waiting with him in the ER where they kept sending him, only to keep having the ER doctor look at him for ten seconds and say he was fine to go back home. And then there was the last day, as he died with terrible rasping breaths for hours, no longer able to speak or swallow, his arms flailing and hands swatting, following his plan and ours to avoid any artificial prolonging of life. It was beyond horrible. So horrible that it is hard to get past those images and concentrate on all the really wonderful memories of him. I will, in time, but wow, it was brutal.
@TheGreyKing - I am so sorry for your loss and especially for the final hours spent with your dad. How emotionally traumatic. I hope you have a strong support system to get through the coming days and weeks.
@TheGreyKing I am very sorry for the loss of your dad.
@TheGreyKing so sorry for your loss, both yesterday, and long ago when you lost the dad you knew to AD!
To all of you talking about the eating or not, my mother and I had the talk long ago, no forced feeding, no tubes, none of that. The sad thing is with Lewy Body Dementia she has worsened dramatically the past year and yet, even on days when she sleeps all day, she still gets up once, twice, even three times to eat! And munches cookies. She absolutely would not want to live this way, she has asked us to help her die, but does not have the presence of mind to willfully stop eating. I think if a senior chooses to stop eating, i would respect that, especially in poor health, frail, or demented. I wish my Mum could stop eating as she has so little quality of life. LBD features bad dreams and hallucinations- she constantly thinks bad things are happening and it is so sad.