<p>rockymtnhigh, perhaps on your next visit, you could take her to visit the local Post Office and/or Social Security office, and see what they have to say. Having the two of you together, along with the POA, might make things go more smoothly.</p>
<p>eddie, I’m so sorry. This road is hard enough when everyone is pulling in the same direction. When they’re pushing back, or in denial, it makes everything 100 times harder.</p>
<p>Chuckle, thanks for the reminder. A year or two ago, I started talking with my parents about final arrangements and then we got sidetracked by some emergency or other and never came back to it. Time to get it done, with the brothers brought into the process so that there are no surprises for them when the time comes.</p>
<p>Just wanted to check in and offer well wishes to Montegut and family.</p>
<p>Three weeks ago we had the scattering of MIL’s ashes (she passed away almost a year ago.) It was good to get family and her old friends together for this. And we got to meet her “oldest” friend, from grade-school days! She lives across the country and is a spry little lady…such a pleasure to have her there. Anyway, this friend just sent a lovely poem she wrote in memory of my MIL. </p>
<p>So touching, and an example of what people can do when they feel they can’t do “anything.”</p>
<p>Montegut, hugs from your cyber friends, I am so glad your Mom passed and has peace. That was quite a struggle you had between doing what you knew she wanted and doing what others (who were in a position to argue!) wanted. Your situation gives me a new appreciation for my siblings who leave everything to me!</p>
<p>Just popping in to this thread after some time; visited parents’ condo and realizing (again) both parents’ death in last year and three quarters…life goes along and then emptiness for a time then on again in to the mystery of life. Montegut, hugs to you. And to you all. Peace.</p>
<p>I’m in the middle of having mail forwarded and trying to change adddresses also. For social security and medicare, I was able to create an on-line account and then change the info there. Getting POA’s and change of addresses to companies has been quite a chore and I’m still working on it. Every time I get a piece of mail forwarded to me, I try to go ahead and get the address changed. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but after a few months of a temporary forwarding, I changed to permanent. Seems like not all things are being forwarded now. Checking our mail each day is quite an adventure now.</p>
<p>My mother has been in assisted living now for 6 months. LTC has kicked in, so that has been a huge relief. As she improves physically, I’m afraid she will no longer qualify under the ADL clause, but we sent in her neuro report and hope to qualify her under cognitive. She scored a 20 on the MMSE - on the dividing line of mild/moderate I think. </p>
<p>I’m only able to visit about every 2 weeks because I’m 4 hours away, but my brother and aunt and various friends also visit, so she is looked after well in that respect. She still seems a bit depressed even though she is on a dose of Elavil (because of migraines). At a loss of what else we can do. Thinking of sitting her down and asking her to try to make a new life for herself and what can I do to help her do that considering her limitations. Her expressive ablity is getting quite limited - comes and goes. There’s only so much she can still do but she tries to participate in some of the activities at the center and still reads a lot. I’ve been working simple jigsaws with her and she likes that, but the simple crosswords and word searches the speech therapist recommended are very frustrating.</p>
<p>Montegut, my deep condolences. Passing peacefully is what I imagine we all hope for (eventually) both for ourselves and our loved ones. Thank you for letting us know.</p>
<p>preironic, I recently forwarded all of my mother’s mail to me, despite the fact that she hasn’t moved. This created some temporary havoc with some tax exemptions as well as home insurance because they assumed she no longer resided in the house. I’m still tracking down the new problems I’ve created (while trying to solve others). Sigh
I’m glad that your mother tries to participate in the offered activities. I wish my mother would consent to assisted living.</p>
<p>jasmom, yeah I’m running into some of those problems as well. The insurance people are people I grew up with, but I’m worried about her senior home tax exemption so I haven’t changed that address and I’m not sure how. As far as consenting to AL, she broke her hip and we took her straight there from rehab. I think sometimes you just have to wait for that “event” to happen. I don’t know how we would have gotten her there otherwise.</p>
<p>Spent the morning trying to call both Social Security and VA, as Mom got benefits from both, but told to call back because of long wait times. I don’t want to wait too long to inform them, and things will get hectic planning the funeral and relatives coming in, so wondering if any of you know of any easy tricks/phone numbers/internet sites, that I can inform appropriate agencies of her passing. I called her health insurance to cancel the policy. Have to wait on the death certificate for paperwork for the banks. Luckily, my name is also on the accounts, but some refunds will come in in her name, and since power of attorney ceases on death, I will have to do legal stuff to take care of those funds. Her phone was in my name, so that refund will come to me. I wrote all the bills, so most were in my name, other than the health insurance. Anyway, I’m sure VA and SS will take back their payments for this month, but don’t want any penalties for not informing them, so if y’all know of an online way to do that, or a more direct phone number, I’d appreciate that info. And thank you again all of you for all your support over the years. You have been wonderful.</p>
<p>Montegut, I am so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I know its been hard on you. My dad passed away several weeks ago and I am also dealing with notifying all the appropriate agencies. As for Social Security, the funeral home contacted them. SS then notified my mother about the changes in her benefits and payments. The new changes haven’t taken effect yet, so I’ll wait to see if these changes did actually occur {fingers crossed}. Perhaps you could see if the funeral home could help you out.</p>
<p>preironic- is there a way to say mailing address but not physical address for social security/medicare ? i was afraid that the SS/Medicare may be state related…I found you could forward for total 12 months, wait 45 days and start over with 6 months…I have a PO box and thought that might be an option not to be confused with a mailing address vs physical address.</p>
<p>Rocky - that is a good question. I am in the same state, so I didn’t think about it, but as far as I know, SS and Medicare are in no way state related. I believe Medicaid is. I think your best bet might to be to make an appointment with the SS office and go to the meeting with POA in hand. I’m sure they deal with this constantly. Good luck. It’s especially hard dealing with all of this from a distance, but I’m finding although every institution has to follow the rules, most people are kind and helpful when they know what you are up against. I also got a form from the IRS and filed a POA with them.</p>
<p>I tried looking on the website for a form and FAQ for Social Security but it just said if you move…-the handout I have from my Mom’s Medicare said change the address in social security first then contact us. I tried calling but just got an automated circle. There is no state listed but I wonder if her secondary would have issues…Thanks for the info and help. I am going to wait for now and keep forwarding for a while. I sent off all the letters today to her doctors to send the mail to C/O me. I am guessing social security and medicare are the last agencies I want to mess up inadvertently.</p>
<p>Montegut, my condolences.
SSA offers a call back service. It should be an option they offer, on their recorded message about wait times. Worked like a charm for me, the two times I took advantage.</p>
<p>If you call the secondary and explain the situation, they should have no problem sending mail to you. They will probably want the POA and maybe send you a form for your mother to sign. They really want to get paid in a timely manner and want to get the bills to the right person. They will probably be easier than SS and I would go ahead and get that done first.</p>
<p>Have you set up an on-line access account with SS? Inside of there is where I changed the address and set up my mother’s checks to be deposited into her checking account. Even if you need to speak with someone at SS, it’s good to have that set up. I’m pretty sure when you change the address for SS it also changes for Medicare automatically. They are tied together.</p>
<p>An interesting experience re seniors driving beyond their expiration date:</p>
<p>I called the DMV and they told me I could send a letter advising them a person should not be driving and was a danger to him/herself and to others. After much deliberation, I did this, thinking they would look into it somehow. I was told the complaint would remain anonymous. (And this was 5 months ago.)</p>
<p>Well, I just got a call from the DMV saying due to privacy regulations, such an action could only originate with their physician. Otherwise, they can do nothing. OR I could be party to a complaint letter that would have MY name on it (so I wouldn’t be anonymous) and the person would know who had ratted them out. Well, if their children (who are in town) won’t do the dirty deed, I’m sure not going to. Does this make sense to anyone?</p>
<p>If the person ran over my lawn or my dog or something, then it would be police actionable and I’d happily sign a complaint, but as it is, I feel my hands are tied. And so, apparently, are the DMV’s.</p>
<p>Edit: This probably varies from state to state. I wonder what the law is in Florida, where there are many many more seniors? Of course, you can’t do as much damage with a golf cart…</p>
<p>Because of my Mom living in an assisted living, then skilled nursing, I went to the Social Security office in her state while I was still living there. I brought my POA and filled out appropriate paperwork to become her Representative Payee. After a while, I got a letter saying I was granted Representative Payee status and went to my bank with that paper. We set up a bank account titled My Name for My Mother’s Name. Subsequently, Mom’s Social Security checks were direct deposited into that account. I could write checks from that account to pay for her assisted living facility. Every year, I have to file report stating what I did with the funds. I receive the mail from CMS, the place that reports what medical claims were filed. It will have doctor’s name, date, charge, adjusted charge, and what I may be billed. My Mother had both Medicare Part A and Part B. On her card, there will be a date when that started, and you will need that date as well for some paperwork. I also had my mother’s actual driver’s license. Even though she no longer lived at that address, I have had to present it for identification purposes. In fact, I am using it now to take care of her remains, so I’m glad I’ve always kept it in my possession. My mother was wheelchair bound, didn’t drive, lived in a community, so she never needed her driver’s license. </p>
<p>I would like to urge all of you to get a good Medicare Supplement for your parents. My mother had a Blue Cross Medicare Supplement Part B, that took care of most of the charges that Medicare didn’t pay. However, when it came time for her to go into skilled care after a hospitalization, it only paid for 20 days. After that, facilities found her amazingly healthy enough to be discharged. Following her second hospitalization and move to a skilled nursing facility, and after not being able to get her approved by Blue Cross and even AARP for Medicare Supplement F because of her recent hospital stays, I went to my homeowners/automobile insurance company to ask them to write her a policy. It was quite expensive, almost double what I paid for her Plan B supplement, but so worth it when she needed extended care. Good luck.</p>
<p>My wonderful husband is great at copying and pasting, and he took my mother’s driver’s license, her Medicare card, her Social Security, and made them a standard paper size color document. He printed me several copies of this, which I keep in my “Mom tote” and bring with me every time I take care of Mom. It is always my purse/carry on when I fly to Mom’s city. I also carry a True Copy of my Power of Attorney and her original driver’s license. Yes, it’s a pain to lug it all around, but I’d hate to have to fly back on another trip just because I left an important document at home.</p>
<p>You also want to have copied her insurance card for her Medicare supplement, and her prescription insurance card, too. If your mom has to go to an assisted living and skilled nursing facility, they will need those.</p>
<p>Went to my folks house today with the task of stopping automatic payments after the move to things such as utils, cable, insurance that they forgot/didn’t get around to cancelling. Initially dad said, “I don’t think anyone can help me, I just need to gather the information and do it.” Finally, after I insisted we do it now, it became clear that he “forgot” about on-line banking, didn’t know how to look at his account, has no idea of his password, and had no idea of what bills he has and how they are getting paid! The good news is that I now have a password in my possession and I can look at their accounts! Next week, bank visit to add me to the account and take a look at CC payments in which another group of auto pays are coming from. </p>
<p>It is now clear that when my dad tells me that he needs to handle it on his own it’s a code for “I don’t know how to do this and hope I can figure it out before my daughter (or myself) notices I can’t do it.” Of course, the task is too overwhelming to even start.</p>