Parents: how do you feel about fraternities?

<p>CC is not the place to discuss greek life. The people here don't seem to get it and don't demonstrate a full understanding of everything that's involved. Let your "D" or "S" figure it out for himself/herself.</p>

<p>My biggest complaint with frats at UCLA was that none of them served even remotely good beer during Rush!</p>

<p>What good is fraternizing if everyone is drinking Dutch pee or American deer spit?</p>

<p>Beyond hazing and drinking, recently I found another problem of being in some frats: the overnight formal parties. In WUSTL one of the frats has overnight formals far away from campus (in other state) where the brothers have to room with their dates, they don’t have a choice to spend the night in separate room even if the newly frat has a girlfriend at home. After a night of partying and heaving drinking, any behaviors are acceptable. Why they do that? There is not hotel in St, Louis to do the gathering? Is it necessary to make the events far from the campus so the overnight stay is obligated? What happens is there is a serious problem, which is responsible? They say that the frats follow the slogan of Las Vegas “what happens in the frat, stays in the frat”…</p>

<p>and there is the lack of maturity and judgement involved. After all, most college kids are still teenagers. I read somewhere that brains don't mature (re: judgement) until something like age 22. I'm just saying that kids that age who are thinking of joining a frat are still so impressionable. Peer pressure is still strong for some.</p>

<p>Many moons ago, I joined a very "tony" sorority, from which I deactivated after one year.</p>

<p>I don't like Greek life, or respect it. Emphasis on all the wrong things. Even a lot of the friendships are contrived. How are you supposed to become best buddies with a bunch of strangers?</p>

<p>I hope my kids don't joing the Greek life, and actually would prefer they go to schools where this isn't the empahsis of the social life. There is more to college than drinking and nonsense.</p>

<p>I used to work with a woman who'd gone to Tulane, and she was bragging about being a "little sister" at a frat. Coming from a womens' college, I thought it sounded incredibly chauvinistic. Who'd want to be someone's "little" anything, I thought. My feminism rears its head at the funniest times for me.</p>

<p>One way to stop the hazing is to require frats to have several older alums present during all initiations. </p>

<p>Just wondering..... these days.... are cell phones taken away from pledges during the "initiation" process?</p>

<p>I was a "little sister" (chi delphia) for delta chi. It was a huge honor. They were very particular about who they selected (no, it wasn't a "beauty" contest). I wasn't the least bit offended by being called "little sis".</p>

<p>allmusic: the purpose of rush week is to find a house which has people that you have similar interests. You will not like everybody equally. Some, you may not like at all. The friendships are not "contrived". </p>

<p>It has been 30 years since I pledged and I still keep in touch with several sisters, especially my "big sis" until she was tragically killed in a car crash last summer. She was a fabulous women -- AP Calculus teacher, mom of 4 (probably the only AP Cal teacher in Calif that had a 100% passing rate of the AP exam for over 15 years & encouraged girls to take the class.) I don't mind sororities..... It's the frats that are a bad influence and are out of control. I do think that the campuses that don't allow them to have their own houses are probably wise. At some universities, each frat & sorority is given a floor on different dorms. Probably more control that way.</p>

<p>Sororities have more security on a dedicated dorm floor, too. </p>

<p>I was just thinking, my brother's fraternity was really alot like the Animal House movie!</p>

<p>Not all fraternities are created equal. My S belongs to a fraternity with a dry house...yes, they do exist. Campus security conducts frequent random inspections so they can keep the dry designation. I'm not naive enough to think that they don't go to to the off campus apt of a brother to drink, but the situation is definitely not out of control. </p>

<p>I had all the same reservations :eek: when he first mentioned pledging, but it has really turned out ot be a very positive experience. He had no intention of joining a faternity until he met the kids in this one and learned the frat's personality. He has gotten involved in lots of community service, campus leadership and most of their activities are centered around sports. Initiation was on campus and alumni were involved. </p>

<p>I think it is very important for kids to know the characteristics of any fraternity they wish to join. I agree that many, many frats have very few redeeming qualities, but not all. The key is to choose wisely, which may mean choosing not to join if the environment is not right.</p>

<p>my 3 sons: I know how to make a few different smilies..... but how do you make the one you did above?</p>

<p>jlauer, I went through rush week, along with everyone else (granted, this was 25 years ago), so had no better or worse opportunity to look for people with similar interests. It just wasn't really possible with all those silly little parties.</p>

<p>Really, those are a big crush of polite small talk, mingling with women who you might like or not, (but couldn't tell under those contrived settings), and sizing up...on both sides.</p>

<p>I think I made a bad sororoity choice, in retrospect, but truthfully, in retrospect, there isn't a choice that would have suited me better. I think I was just better as an independent, despite how much of campus life focused on Greek life. I liked it better not being affiliated, and liked the non-Greek people better too.</p>

<p>JL,</p>

<p>here is a listing.. have fun :)</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/misc.php?do=showsmilies%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/misc.php?do=showsmilies&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>sybbie, I like the listing :) I'll be :mad: if I can't learn it</p>

<p>To everybody, nice posts about fraternities, I didn't know before how they work :confused:</p>

<p>Our son didn't want a college with a big Greek scene; the eating clubs at Princeton turned him off; he chose an urban school with tons to do; and, in the Spring of his first year, in spite of our concerns, joined a fraternity.:confused: His explanation was that he didn't set out to join a frat, he just rushed the one his friends already belonged to. Further arguments: that not all frats are the same, that he is the same person with the same values he's always had, that these are nice guys, that this gives him more options for social life on campus. He pays his own dues. Far from outgrowing it, he's been elected to several offices in the frat. I can only say he that he does well in his classes and that this seems to be his way of forming the kind of close circle of male friends ( his "crew") that he had in high school. </p>

<p>It's not all bad. He is happy at his school. He and some of the "brothers" are together now down in New Orleans for alternative Spring Break, doing a combination, I'm sure, of partying and rebuilding. And, he is a nice guy, so I assume that at least some of the others are as well. I do continue to have concerns about group mentality.</p>

<p>But the fact is that this is his college experience, the one he's chosen. I've figured out that the more we express our disapproval, the more "his" experience it becomes.;) :confused:</p>

<p>Sac, did he tell you about parties? I'm still have the issue with a formal from a WUSTL's fraternity. They do their parties in another state, and the "brothers" don't have the choice but rooming alone with their dates. Most parents don't care, but having a teenager daughter, I do care.</p>

<p>Cressmom -- He has told me about formals. He goes to school in New York City and they have mixers with sororities from other colleges, and sometimes rent clubs for dances. As far as I know, they've never rented a hotel -- but, then, my impression is that these dances pretty much go most of the night. But we only know what he chooses to tell us, of course. </p>

<p>I would have issue with anything that people are forced to do, which is the implication of what you describe. If the girls don't want to spend the night alone in a room with a date, can't they switch rooms? If she's concerned that her date is someone who will force her into a situation she finds uncomfortable, she should not go. I don't agree with you that most parents don't care (I have a daughter, too, who has already graduated college, and she had no interest in sororities or fraternities even though her university had a large Greek scene.) It's just that I think our role changes, and that beyond responding to their concerns and being clear about our own, they will make their decisions.</p>

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It's just that I think our role changes, and that beyond responding to their concerns and being clear about our own, they will make their decisions.

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<p>Wow, a parent on CC treating their child like an adult?</p>

<p>How novel.</p>

<p>UCLAri and Fendergirl, what I think you're missing is that you are both really arguing for lack of personal responsibility. Let's face it - there's no question the person drinking is responsible for his actions. But other people who encourage or facilitate that behavior have responsibility for their actions, and the predictable consequences of them, as well. UCLAri seems to think that if one person "is responsible" then no one else has any responsibility at all. That's wrong. If I hand a loaded gun to a drunk and he shoots himself (or someone else) with it I have a hefty share of personal responsibility, even if I didn't pull the trigger myself. Don't be simplistic. Assessing blame to all of the responsible parties doesn't make the one person who suffers the consequences not responsible, it just means that the other people who are also responsible have to face that as well.</p>