<p>Many times the kids do not want to disappoint the parent and will trivialize alcohol use and deny ever experimenting with drugs.</p>
<p>^^^I don’t doubt this is true. But I also don’t doubt that many kids really don’t do much experimenting. Maybe even none. And sometimes it has nothing to do with religion or some notion of morality. Not everyone is a partier. </p>
<p>(Sorry if ‘partier’ is spelled wrong, as my spell checker insists. How the heck else do you spell it?)</p>
<p>Didn’t read the whole thread.
I am a student, I have 3 siblings, my mom drinks (once or twice a year and never heavy) smokes and thats it, my dad doesnt drink (has never drinked) and doesnt smoke. Me and my siblings grew up in a heavy enviroment and very permissive, my parents have always trusted in us.
Turned out, my sister is super extra healthy, might drink a beer or two once in a year or never, doesnt smoke, excercises, watches her weight, only eats organic blah blah (21)
My sister drinks 2-3 times a week and gets drunk most of the times. (19)
My brother (16) is super healthy too, more nerdy, doesnt excercise, got drunk three years ago and decided he would never drink again and so far its been like that.
Me, I do drugs on a regular basis, when I go out I use fun drugs since I got bored of getting drunk.
Out of all of us, my parents and siblings think Im the healthiest, I do very good at school, I have great ec’s, I write, paint, do great in scports etc etc…I have great friends who look as good and innocent as I do. Seriously my parents swear Im an awesome kid. I feel blessed with my parents and I love them and respect them and I wouldnt like them knowing what I do, although I would feel relieved I rather leaving this like that. Sometimes I don’t go out because Im depressed or rather stay and enjoy the poison of the day by myself.
I fool my parents, they swear I am the happiest person in the world, with a great imagination, super funny, super friendly, witty, great kid, role model, oh but they are so wrong. If they knew about CC they would say “I know where my kids are and what they do, I have a kid who drinks, my other kids are super healthy and drugs, sex or alcohol are out of their mind”</p>
<p><a href=“Sorry%20if%20’partier’%20is%20spelled%20wrong,%20as%20my%20spell%20checker%20insists.%20How%20the%20heck%20else%20do%20you%20spell%20it?”>b</a> **</p>
<p>lol…i just hope i get close enough for “spell check” to realize what i am trying to spell.</p>
<p>Sometimes I don’t go out because Im depressed or rather stay and enjoy the poison of the day by myself.</p>
<p>hey sketchpad
i know how you feel. you would be much happier off the alcohol and drugs. I know it kills the pain and drowns the feelings. Try to think of what triggers you to do drugs and drink.
Is it anger, anxiety, social unease? There are many things that can trigger the feeling. Once you know the trigger you will have a much better chance of dealing with it.
There are several ways to combat the feelings. In order to clear your mind, it is necessary to stop all alcohol and drug use for at least one month.
There are others who find themselves in a similar situation. Seek out a campus AA meeting.
There are many good medications available to help with the emotional trigger
Do yourself a big favor and address the issue now.
your self esteem will rise and you will feel fundamentally better about yourself inside. </p>
<p>PM me if you want</p>
<p>I think it’s a good question, OP, thank you for bringing it up. </p>
<p>When D was a freshman last year, I would have sworn that she was a non-drinker until she brought it up herself during spring break. That’s when I ran smack into the Naive Parent wall. I don’t know why I was shocked; I drank when I was a freshman, but somehow I just didn’t think she would. This is another one of those areas that I’m going to have to be at peace knowing that I don’t know everything. But here’s what I do know:</p>
<p>She doesn’t drink at home.
Her schoolwork hasn’t suffered.
She feels like she can talk to me about it.
I have talked with her since middle school about my own alcoholism (sober 25 years).
She’s aware of family history.
She is militant on the subject of drunk driving. (Two separate fatal accidents during HS involving kids she knew)</p>
<p>So – does she drink? Yes. How much? I don’t know. I feel like I’ve armed her as well as I possibly can against the harm that alcohol can do, and the rest is up to her. Hopefully she’ll use good judgment and remember what I’ve tried to teach her.</p>
<p>Unless they are joined at the hip, there is no way that anyone can know for certain if and how much their child drinks.</p>
<p>I assume both my kids do, since I’m around HS students every day and have insight into what goes on. I would never be so naive as to say “my kids don’t do that”.</p>
<p>My hope is that they don’t drive. We’ve always told them to call us and we will pick them up, no questions asked and no punishment. This is also why they don’t have cars at school. It also saves a lot of money by taking the insurance off for the school year.</p>
<p>Why they should not party? At some point in their lives they have to learn how they can drink safely, unless they have something against drinking all together. As of now dringking is legal for 21+.<br>
Not having cars also means that they are asking others to take them places. Do you trust others more than your own kid? I made sure that my D. drove while in HS after she got license, I did not want others driving her. It has changed since then, I obviously cannot make many decisions for a 21 years old, but I prefer her to drive, not be driven by others. Also they still need insurance when they come home for breaks even if they do not have a car at college.</p>
<p>Coley, you are absolutely right about cars. I think one thing parents should look into in the college selection process is does the college facilitate not having a car – both getting there and once they are there. Now the college may not be able to help it if it not near an airport, train station, etc. but it is what it is. My insurance gives a break on insurance if kid attends college more than 100 miles away.</p>
<p>MiamiD - to answer your question, both my kids are in cities with plenty of public transportation and no need for cars except to get them home during breaks - it’s worth the price of Amtrak and me taking them at the beginning and end of the school year. Having cars is discouraged, expensive and unnecessary, which is just how I like it.</p>
<p>There is no need at either of their schools for anyone to drive, they either walk or take public transportation/taxis. I sleep a lot better at night with this knowledge. I don’t trust other kids more than I trust them, but no one drives unless it’s to the grocery store.</p>
<p>Re: the insurance, they drive our cars during breaks but if need be, we can put the insurance back on their cars for a few weeks then take it off again. This saves us well over a thousand dollars a year which more than pays for their train fare and gas money if they share a ride home.</p>
<p>Interesting question. Of course I don’t “know” for sure, since D isn’t with me but I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t drink. Why? Her ongoing disdain for roommates that come stumbling in every Thursday, Friday & Sunday; her response to me about it not being a horrible thing to have a drink once in a while: “I tried your rum drink in Jamaica and didn’t like it;” her statement that when she is doing Study Abroad this summer that she’ll have her first beer in a pub frequented by some of her favorite authors (srsly?)</p>
<p>DH & I have told both our kids that they probably wouldn’t have liked us if they knew us back in HS and college 
I am way more loosey goosey than either of my kids are. I’m not that naive and I remember the “tricks” that I used to do to keep my parents in the dark. I’m just not seeing it with my kids. And I actually do wish they would loosen up a little bit. D’s said to me that she doesn’t have a problem with drinking, but that the kids who drink at her school get plastered every weekend & then are hungover. I think she’s more opposed to the binge drinking than the thought of an occasional beer, but there’s not a lot of moderate drinking behavior modeled on campuses, KWIM? </p>
<p>Oh and I hate DARE too. Both girls gave my DH a hard time about his 2 beers a weekend. Sigh.</p>
<p>All parents think their kids don’t drink or do drugs…</p>
<p>
Look around - there are plenty of threads written by parents whose kids had their rooms searched or are under academic suspension or just got expelled, and the parents are asking for advice about what to do. Do you really think that partying & binging are something to brag about?</p>
<p>“the insurance, they drive our cars during breaks but if need be”</p>
<p>-Huge warning against it based on our personal trouble after S. who is a very good driver, got into accident driving our car during break. Our D.'s car is in her name although we paid for it. </p>
<p>“but I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t drink. Why? Her ongoing disdain for roommates that come stumbling in every Thursday, Friday & Sunday;”</p>
<p>-This was exactly what I was trying to say. I want my D. to know how much she can drink so that she does NOT stumble after that. There are people who have decided that they will never drink, which is fine. However, others who decided otherwise should know how to do it responsibly.</p>
<p>I’m under no illusion that my kid won’t party occasionally at school. He’s not a big partier now as he works part time often on Saturday nights and has XC or track meets almost every Saturday so he rarely goes out on Friday night. We’ve also allowed him to drink wine with dinner when we serve it and sometimes he has a glass and other times he passes. We have let him drink pretty much as he wanted at weddings and after drinking and mixing too much at the first one (he wasn’t a happy camper on the two hour ride home.) he has learned how to handle alcohol. </p>
<p>I have no idea if he smokes pot. I only know that if he is doing anything it certainly isn’t affecting his grades or his other activities.</p>
<p>“-Huge warning against it based on our personal trouble after S. who is a very good driver, got into accident driving our car during break. Our D.'s car is in her name although we paid for it.”</p>
<p>We double checked with our ins. company, they’re still covered.</p>
<p>RoxSox, your question was thoughtful and respectful. I think the CC community is skewed toward parents of serious kids who don’t party much, at least not yet. I know where I live, in an affluent community thick with private college-prep high schools, there’s a whole lot of drinking going on, and this is with achievers.</p>
<p>Like other posters, I’ve worried that my D2, a HS senior, is almost too uptight and judgmental about drinkers and smokers. I’ve almost wanted to tell her to lighten up and have a beer! I was drinking almost every weekend at her age… but I actually got a lot of that out of my system in HS and drank less in college. Ah, the '70s…</p>
<p>She didn’t tell me, but I know my D1 experimented a little in high school, but she has a medical condition that makes “real” drinking extremely dangerous. Freshman year in college was hard for her, because she said most of the girls on her floor went out to party and get wasted on weekends, and she couldn’t do that, and a couple of the clubs she initially got involved with also involved a lot of drinking/smoking. Eventually she found her people. She’s 21 now and has an occasional drink, but she’s temperate by nature, thank god, since it really would be dangerous for her to drink college-style.</p>
<p>I am not naive about D2. She really does not party, and neither does her posse of friends. Their idea of a fun Saturday night is making brownies and watching Criminal Minds. I think they’re particularly critical of it because they’re scared. I have no doubt that most of these girls will give it a whirl in college, including my D.</p>
<p>I have always wondered about this question regarding the parents on cc. I know the drinking habits of my children and whether I agree with them or not it is what it is. I have tried to counsel them on the negatives etc. so they are fully aware and responsible for their actions. Every time I see a post that a son or daughter doesn’t drink because they don’t like the taste, I cringe, because that is the biggest lie that most students use so their parents won’t question them. Of course there are the students that just don’t drink because they don’t want to but I am finding that this is the extreme minority unfortunately. I have a friend that is always saying how hard her child works in school and that she definitely does not drink or do drugs and looks down at other parents as failures if their kids do. Little does this parent know what a lush her daughter is. Her daughter is just good at acting when her parents are around. She knows what to say and they totally believe her. She is the perfect young lady when at home with the parents.</p>
<p>"We double checked with our ins. company, they’re still covered. "</p>
<p>-If they get into accident in their car, it is strictly thier fault (after certain age). If they get into accident in your car, it will be your fault in addition to their fault, because you gave them your keys to drive. While you might have a different situation, we made sure that D’s car is in her name after having bad experience with our S’s accident.</p>
<p>Also, partying somewhat sensibly and drinking somewhat sensibly does not have anything to do with thier grades. They work hard and get good GPA, they let it slide and get poor GPA.</p>