<p>I suppose that we can never know what goes on behind closed doors (neighbor is an ax murderer?) and what goes on at a college campus far away (kid parties and takes drugs every weekend?). </p>
<p>Still, I’m hoping for the best and will live with my maybe-illusory beliefs until I get the call from her to bail her out of jail…</p>
<p>^^^^^^ PLease toss salt over your left shoulder quickly. :eek:</p>
<p>I, too, think the OP asks a fair question. I think “My kid would never do that” probably belongs on the list of famous last words.
But there really are kids who don’t drink at all, ever.
There are also kids who never drank in high school, and who go to college saying they won’t drink there, either–but do.
There are some kids who have been drinking all along, whose parents just don’t know about it.
I’ll bet you that just about all of you (I should say we) parents who are sure our kids aren’t drinking know some other parents who think the same thing, but who we know are wrong about it.</p>
<p>“The puritanism expressed in some of these posts can actually result in alcoholism.”</p>
<p>I wonder if you could post some links to a peer reviewed paper that shows that? Just curious, since I work in that field as well.</p>
<p>sketchpad</p>
<p>"I fool my parents, they swear I am the happiest person in the world, with a great imagination, super funny, super friendly, witty, great kid, role model, oh but they are so wrong. "</p>
<p>That sounds so sad. Are they wrong about EVERYTHING?</p>
<p>Interesting thought about who I trust to drive. My senior in HS son has been bugging us about a car on campus, and based on a lot of what I read here I have been saying no, at least first semester. but i trust him more to drive than anybody I could imagine except maybe my husband, but definately including myself.</p>
<p>I don’t think he drinks or does drugs, but whatever. He is still a great kid with better judgement than I had at his age. </p>
<p>I certainly don’t want to share personal and family details here, but surfice it to say, God watches over fools!</p>
<p>Oh man…I’m just remebering the last thread with this theme. I said the same thing, and it became a whole religion thing…</p>
<p>I don’t think either of my kids parties * a lot*- not like their mom- who lived with someone who sold drugs on the side when she was 17( but he encouraged me to get my GED & go to college) or like their dad whose family has a long history of alcohol addiction.</p>
<p>My oldest was at a school which had a reputation for wildness, but if they really lived up to the rep, there is no way they could put in the time & effort needed to graduate.</p>
<p>My youngest is at a school where I wonder if more of the students " party" than not, which explains her very slow social life, but she is learning to cope with it.</p>
<p>However, I expect she already got alot out of her system, or at least had the opportunity to do so during her gap year travels, unlike students who go to college immediately after high school.</p>
<p>My D1 probably drank a bit more than she should have when she first went away to college. As a result, she gained some weight, which drove her nuts, so I do believe that she drinks only in small amounts now (she is over 21) and, since she is finishing up college at home and commuting, I see her every night when she comes in. She’s a mature, responsible, employed, college senior and if she wants some wine with her dinner or a beer at the baseball game, that’s all good. She is aware of possible consequences for her future teaching license if she ever does something bad, so I believe she is careful. D2 drinks some, but I have no reason to believe it’s a lot. Perhaps I’m blind, but I haven’t seen her gain weight, so I’m thinking her calorie count isn’t huge.</p>
<p>I am a high school teacher with children who are in high school. I hear about all the parties and “who did what” or “what they did” as the kids don’t seem to have any shame in talking about illegal behaviors. And yes, I keep in mind that some of these “stories” may be fabricated. </p>
<p>I know of many kids that party whose parents swear they don’t (even fellow teachers). Many of the reasons listed in this post are the same reasons the parents give. The bottom line for the majority of high school kids is that many of them are starting to keep certain things private and not sharing with their parents (especially anything they know we would not approve of). We need to keep this in mind when we swear we know what our kids are actually doing.</p>
<p>I can’t tell you how many times a parent will be up on their soapbox about how “moral” Johnny is and it is common knowledge among other adults that he isn’t. Not that Johnny is so horrible, just not quite the kid mom and dad think he is.</p>
<p>I’m just saying…</p>
<p>“The puritanism expressed in some of these posts can actually result in alcoholism.”</p>
<p>I wonder if you could post some links to a peer reviewed paper that shows that? Just curious, since I work in that field as well."</p>
<p>Yup. We know that’s false, and there are dozens and dozens of papers on the positive impacts (in terms of alcohol and drug use) of preaching an abstinence message. (I would note that we didn’t - I’m just citing the research.)</p>
<p>It is always interesting to hear of parents who think their kids drink only in moderation. For white kids, and especially for white males, at non-religious colleges, they are in fact ever-shrinking exceptions to the rule (binge drinkers or tee-totalers). </p>
<p>It’s also a myth that kids drink more in their first year.</p>
<p>I always assumed that my kids would go to parties in college…just like I did. I talked to them about never drinking and driving and other safety behaviors (such as never drinking from some odd mix of drinks that someone has concocted.)</p>
<p>I am not getting the “puritan” or “moral” vibe at all. Maybe when I said my kid lectured me, I implied I thought she was more moral than I? </p>
<p>Also, I didn’t mean to suggest in my response that I was “sure” of anything, but I thought it was an anecdote that gave me some insight into my daughter. </p>
<p>With regard to the racial and gender differences abong binge drinkers; any links to insights about that? I went to an HBCU in the seventies, and cannabis was definately the substance of choice.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I’ve got one who drinks often (and I know drank in HS) but now that he’s passed the age of majority seems to be slowing down and often calls on a Friday or Saturday night, one who is a living breathing white male moderate drinker (I suspect he has other vices) and one who I won’t know until next year, right now he doesn’t drink (3 season athlete) and he’s alittle young next year will be the “test”…</p>
<p>Never confirmed but the couple of times I suspected that she was hung over I made her clean the bathrooms…on hands and knees. She never once complained.</p>
<p>So, that is my strategy. If I suspect that she is hung over, I am giving her a dirty job to do. If it happens soon, she is spreading compost with her hands.</p>
<p>“With regard to the racial and gender differences abong binge drinkers; any links to insights about that? I went to an HBCU in the seventies, and cannabis was definately the substance of choice.”</p>
<p>There’s lots of data in Monitoring the Future (the archives - 1975-2009 - are available on-line.) Drug use is not lower, and often higher, among African-Americans (especially cocaine) and Hispanics. Alcohol use is lower among Hispanics, and much lower among African-Americans. There is binge drinking among both communities, but at significantly lower levels. </p>
<p>There are special situations as well. Women at all women’s colleges, matched with students of similar demographics at coed colleges, have binge drinking rates about 40-45% lower, and same in drug use rates. It would be interesting to see if there are studies of HBCU students, matched to their peer groups at other colleges. (I bet there are, but I’ve never had the opportunity to look for them.)</p>
<p>^^ thanks for the good laugh!</p>
<p>Oh I would never say “my kid would never do that.” Uh uh. Any kid could do almost anything given the right circumstances (although I’m pretty sure that my girls will never dismember a cat with a chainsaw.) </p>
<p>I find myself saying “I kind of wish they would” because I have a theory that everyone has to have a wild period in their life (now one person’s wild period might be someone else’s regular Friday night, but I digress) and midlife crises are ugly.</p>
<p>I never saw the fascination with drinking; I wasn’t morally against it, but didn’t much like the taste and didn’t need a lubricant as a reason to do silly stuff along with others at a party. It wasn’t long before I became the de facto designated driver and then couldn’t drink (because I not developed a tolerance).</p>
<p>My younger son (17) has been encouraged to try drinking, at least a sip of wine or beer or brandy. He wrinkles his face and says no, thanks. My older son, 21, has tried alcohol a few times, and probably pot, but it doesn’t really interest him. There are people like me and my sons that want conscious control of their decisions and most certainly do not wish to wake up the next morning not remembering what they had done in front of a group of friends and perhaps strangers.</p>
<p>In my experience, drinking especially appeals to the young when it’s been made into a forbidden fruit. If you present your kids with the view that “it’s fine, you should try it to understand it, but I personally found it rather boring and over-rated,” you take a lot of incentive out of the process.</p>
<p>I’m with the “I sort of wish they would” camp- mine don’t - well ok it’s too early to tell for the younger 2 although I know my almost 16yo D does not (and has found herself shut out of her social groups at times because she can be very honest in her disproval) but I know my D in her 1st year at college doesn’t, though she spends many weekend hours making sure a couple of her suitemates survive their escapades. She just doesn’t like the taste of alcohol or see the appeal - perhaps that will changes but with her personality and interests in isn’t likely.</p>
<p>Given my own teenage predilections I am surprised my apples have fallen so far from my tree 
but I also don’t want them to be quite as wild as I was! Maybe let loose a little although my own kids’ ways of letting loose may simply be different than mine and that’s ok! Well provided it isn’t something else more harmful :)</p>
<p>Let me just say that in my close knit community I have heard many parents claim that their children are not partiers, never drink, etc. My kid’s friend’s parents are a great example. Two years ago when my DD was a junior in high school we were at a party with many of her friend’s parents and we kept hearing about how their kids never partied. I had to bite my tongue because two of the couples’ daughters had spent the previous weekend throwing up in their basement during a sleepover. My DD held one of the girl’s hair back. </p>
<p>Those two girls were A students and very much involved in Students Against Destructive Decisions, a club in our community. They weren’t bad kids, they didn’t party every weekend, but they did let loose once in a while. However, they were excellent at covering their tracks.</p>
<p>My community is a high achieving one and the pressure to succeed here is huge. Consciously or unconsciously, the high expectations of parents contribute to their kid’s stress.</p>
<p>Fortunately my kids have never given me a reason to suspect that they had been drinking or doing drugs. They came home at curfew, sat down and talked to us at the end of the night, and thank God, never got arrested! But, I’m not naive, I know that they have probably had a drink here and there, especially on the nights that they wanted their friends to drive. </p>
<p>Now that my oldest is finishing her freshman year of college I can honestly tell you that she drinks a little. Her major requires her to study most of the time and she has told me that she’s too much of a control freak to drink to the point of feeling out of control. At some point she learned her limits. </p>
<p>My youngest is in high school and he will be the one who tests the limits. He’s a carefree, fun-loving kid. So far I feel blessed that he hasn’t gotten into any trouble and I continue to pray that it stays that way. </p>
<p>The truth is, my husband and I partied a lot in high school and college and we turned out to be responsible, successful, balanced, healthy adults. Having fun in the teen and early twenties is important, otherwise that mid-life crisis might be pretty ugly!</p>
<p>RobD- We are definitely on the same wavelength in regards to this topic. I just read your post after posting mine. I swear I didn’t copy you!! :)</p>