Parents, how many of you are sure your students don't party?

Parents Forum
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<p>Shrinkrap</p>

<p>[sketchpad</p>

<p>“I fool my parents, they swear I am the happiest person in the world, with a great imagination, super funny, super friendly, witty, great kid, role model, oh but they are so wrong.”</p>

<p>That sounds so sad. Are they wrong about EVERYTHING?]</p>

<p>I’m happy but I pretend I’m super happy, I have a great imagination but most of my thoughts are negative or obscure, I only share the pink and pretty ones, I’m funny, not super funny and sometimes would like to be more bitter, I am super friendly but just because I hate being lonely (unless I have a puprouse) I don’t like being with someone 24/7 Im very unstable, I am witty and is my best weapon to manipulate, great kid and role model…I don’t think so, yes I am a good kid since I try to please my parents and help out etc… But I have the best mask in the world and I am the only one who knows my thoughts and feelings. They are right and wrong lol. Sad? perhaps a little…</p>

<p>To the parents who think that wrinking the nose and saying : “eww” means your kid doesnt drink, is kind of wrong, I use that with people (including parents) A LOT, I say how much I hate the bitter taste of beer or the strong taste of wine, or the awful smell of rum, sometimes I say Ive never tried them and pretend is my first time. Since at home alcohol is unusual I use the expression mostly at family meeting and stuff like that.
If alcohol, sex and drugs come up to the conversation I wear the good mask, where I am “open” and try to handle the conversation openly with a bit of prudity (is that a word? lol), if I feel like they are doubting of my excellence I share “my friends experiences” like:
“Oh I know, how disgusting, the other day at A’s party B was acting like a crazy animal” “Yeah, C almost passed out” “Sure sure, I had to help her getting to the bathroom” “Really, I was so scared!” “I swear I felt so bad for him OMG”, most of those “experiences” where mine, I was the wasted/gone one, or I was with them with a little bit more or a little bit less intoxication…</p>

<p>I am pretty sure my parents wouldn’t mind if I get home wasted (like my sister) but I can’t. There have been times when I rather sleeping at someone elses than at home because I don’t want to get home wasted or high, everytime we get back home we must tell our parents. That is why lately I rather using drugs than alcohol, because drugs don’t smell and there isnt a hangover, the effect varies from 4-8 hours so it can be calculated.
I am not saying everyone who says eww drinks like a thristy animal, but I bet I am not the only one.
With sharing this, perhaps some of the blind parents will wake up and realize that kids like to experiment, and while its not ok to say “go ahead and get hammered while I watch because you are oh so cute” it isnt ok either to say “go to hell if you ever drink you are losing everything”
Personally, my parents are so proud of me that that is the reason why I hide everything from them. Double edge knife.
And I would say (from experience) that it isnt a "forbiden fruit"kinda thing, as I said, my parents are open and permissive, my mom drinks twice a year and never gets drunk, my dad naturally hates the taste of alcohol and still, out of 4 Two consumers and two non consumers.</p>

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<p>I have one who does and one who doesn’t. The one who doesn’t would not have bothered to lie to me if she did party. Basically, nobody ever goes to the trouble of lying to me. I’m not intimidating enough. :(</p>

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<p>I think it’s interesting how many parents report that their kids say they don’t drink because they (the kids) are control freaks. It’s almost as if the kids were reading from some kind of script…or I guess it could be true.</p>

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<p>It seems to be an essential part of some people’s personalities. My daughter is like that, and I would have thought that it was bizarre except that her father is exactly the same way.</p>

<p>I don’t understand it myself, but I don’t have to. They’re adults making a perfectly reasonable choice; they don’t have to justify it.</p>

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<p>I know mine hasn’t. I know where he is nights. Here on my couch. Geeks don’t have beer drinking, pot smoking friends.</p>

<p>I told him he can wait until we go to Germany, and have a beer there. Then he will be spoiled, because everything here will taste like crap to him. ;)</p>

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<p>YabbaDabbaDude,</p>

<p>Some of the craziest parties I remember in both high school and college were with the engineer types…</p>

<p>And to be perfectly honest, the guys at the engineering frat at my undergrad campus were pretty comfortable with the Mary Jane.</p>

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<p>lol he’s not that kind of geek…</p>

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<p>Look: 12% of Duke students (mostly white) had an alcohol blackout in the past year (according to Duke Medical Center), and I am sure the numbers aren’t much different at other fine schools attended by CC kids. Yet, in 6 years, I have yet to hear a single CC parent talk about their dd or ds who ever had one.</p>

<p>What’s wrong with this picture?</p>

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<p>What kind of geek is he, then?</p>

<p>I mean, my friends who played video games (we’re talking nerdy RPG stuff) also drank a fair bit.</p>

<p>I’m just skeptical that no geeks party at all. My own somewhat recent experience tells me otherwise.</p>

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<p>I’m just going to pop into the parents forums to say, all the parents who think their kids don’t drink because they say the don’t like the taste of alcohol, or wrinkle their noses, or even gag on it when offered: These are the types of stories my friends tell over shots on Friday nights, especially the friends who think they can’t be honest with their parents. Some have even practiced their gagging on beer and other alcohol so they could perfect it for their parents over breaks.</p>

<p>To the parents who don’t think their kids drink because of family problems, unless the problem has effected them directly (and even then usually not) : If they do drink they will be terrified of telling you.</p>

<p>To the parents who’s kids didn’t drink in high school: Leaving home changes everything.</p>

<p>Personally, I’ve never hidden my drinking from my mom. I started in college, but she trusts me to be responsible, and as a result I tell her things. My father doesn’t trust me, I don’t tell him anything. Honestly I could go through the thread and almost pinpoint which parents kids spent their Saturday night drunk out of their minds.</p>

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<p>"Honestly I could go through the thread and almost pinpoint which parents kids spent their Saturday night drunk out of their minds. "</p>

<p>Please do. It could save your government a lot of dollars.</p>

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<p>It’s actually quite easy among residential college students. Eliminate the total abstainers, eliminate Asians, African American, and Hispanics, and point at everyone else at random. You’ll be correct about 70-75% of the time. White guys - add 5-10%. Add a little more for fraternity/sorority members, and a little more for certain kinds of athletes. (I’m not kidding or cynical - that’s what the numbers show.)</p>

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<p>Yeah, my daughter quit her sorrority because she said the drunkenness was extremely boring and ruined everything. As for asians, she knows plenty of asians who drink, I should say east asians, just to be completely clear, and they don’t drink well, btw. Binge drinking among Hispanics is on the rise, right now, probably not the mainstream habits the parents were hoping the kids would pick up.</p>

<p>My daughter drinks. I don’t know if she’s ever had a blackout. I don’t think she would tell me if she had, anyway. I don’t think she does drugs, but who knows? </p>

<p>The biggest rising 'problem" we are seeing in treatment centers, right now, is abuse of prescription pain relevers and stimulants, sometimes called “smart drugs…”</p>

<p>But, I mean, who asks their kids? “Did you do any adderal this week?” “Did you take any of Jeremies vicodin?”</p>

<p>No. We have no idea. We can only hope.</p>

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<p>Sketchpad:</p>

<p>You should consider going in to be evaluated for addiction. You don’t have to live the way you are, and it is quite possible you are self-medicating for something else and could be a lot “happier” going a different route. PM me if you want to talk more privately.</p>

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<p>“The biggest rising 'problem” we are seeing in treatment centers, right now, is abuse of prescription pain relevers and stimulants, sometimes called “smart drugs…”</p>

<p>Among 18-24 years receiving publicly funded treatment in my state, 24% are now for addiction to prescription-type opiates, and now we are seeing heroin (yes, among college students) significantly on the rise.</p>

<p>(I didn’t mean to imply that only white students binge drink - only that it is easier to pinpoint them.)</p>

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<p>ginab, “all”. Really, “all”? Gosh, its been decades since I’ve been that sure that I know everything about everyone. Omniscience is so comforting. I guess.</p>

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<p>Yes. They addict to the opiates and then heroin is less expensive and easier to get than prescription drugs, because they are regulated. It isn’t who you’d “assume,” either, if you didn’t see it. It’s the kid down the street, not the kid from the street.</p>

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<p>Shrinkrap–How exactly does that save the government money? And why exactly would I want to save the government money?</p>

<p>Midmo–If you look, I addressed it to all parents, but did not say all of these kids drank. I do love that you’re so quick to attribute what you perceive as an error in diction to age though, it really shows that you’re better than me because you’re older.</p>

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<p>gina, I so much prefer “more experienced” than “older”, but no, I don’t think I’m better than you younguns. However, your entire post is a lecture to parents who have the nerve to think we know our own kids. I know it’s hard to get this concept, but one of the advantages of advanced mileage is that we have been where you are, but you have not been where we are. Since I’m not yet senile, and have a very good memory, I think that gives me a bit more perspective. On the other hand, I readily admit that the biggest surprise to me as a parent is how much I learned, and continue to learn, from my kids.</p>

<p>And what I have learned from this thread is how many parents think every one else’s kids are liars and Academy Award level actors, and that a lot of parents have difficulty fathoming that other people may have a different kind of relationship with their children than they have.</p>

<p>We each have our own answer for the original poster, based on our own children and our knowledge of our own children. I don’t presume to tell other people they don’t know their own children, and I sure don’t appreciate other people suggesting that I don’t know my own children. And I really don’t care how many of you “know” or “have heard about” or “know someone who knows someone whose kid is a pretender”.</p>

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<p>Shrinkwrap, the materials I have concerning drinking in abstinent subcultures, which is often excessive (those who do drink, are going against the norm, and therefore overdo, suffer guild, overdo more) mainly pertain to religious subcultures. My information is on paper, not online, and in a closet somewhere, to be honest.</p>

<p>Here is a link that resembles that info, with a quick search. If I have time, I will seek out more. [JSTOR:</a> An Error Occurred Setting Your User Cookie](<a href=“http://www.jstor.org/pss/2575904]JSTOR:”>http://www.jstor.org/pss/2575904)</p>

<p>I guess the idea I was trying to express is that black and white thinking about alcohol, which seems to be common, results in extremes (abstinence or bingeing), and kids never learn to deal in a gray area, or learn to “use” alcohol in moderation for pleasant social experiences. Also, making it “forbidden fruit” makes alcohol more attractive for some, as a vehicle for rebellion (the article in the link also expresses this).</p>

<p>I always wondered what would happen if kids in our school had been taught that alcohol was a benign substance, even healthy, in moderation. As it was, when a third grade teacher asked a class if it was ever possible to drink responsibly, not a single child raised a hand to say yes.</p>

<p>I guess I also had a problem with DARE because it taught that abusers of substances, alcohol and others, were stupid. I felt there should be more understanding taught, because many who abuse substances are in pain. I worked for a lot of years in a very large homeless shelter, where many guests were alcoholics, and saw the way they were treated firsthand. I feel the same way about some students,some of whom are “a mess” due to some deep trouble that lies underneath their drinking habits.</p>

<p>Interesting that bingeing peaks at 24. I have seen many graduate from college, get a job, settle down a bit, and drink when they go out after work. So it may be a function of age and development, not legal status. I know that college presidents might have a vested interest in lowering the age: this would decrease their liability and the pains that have to be taken to monitor and keep students safe. But I think it is possible that lowering the age for drinking might lessen bingeing. I have heard that since alcohol is illegal, kids feel they have to finish it up so as to avoid having to throw it out and waste it.</p>

<p>This is all kind of off track. For the original poster’s question, I just feel that we are more likely to hear the truth from our kids when we are not so absolute about alcohol. I have told my kids it is illegal, counseled them against going to big parties or getting in cars, during their teens. But also that alcohol can be a nice thing that has always been around for rituals and celebrations, and if used properly, can even be healthy. </p>

<p>I think we have had good discussions about all this over the years, but honestly, there are no easy answers for any of us.</p>