<p>But don’t all the kids who are selected at top schools work hard and make sacrifices? :)</p>
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<p>Was that weighted an unweighted?? :)</p>
<p>I agree SteveMA, once you say “Susie got into Harvard” you really don’t have to say anything more!</p>
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<p>I guess I just don’t see someone else’s sensitivity as my problem. If someone had experienced a true tragedy I would certainly want to be sensitive. But not about college acceptance. If someone is overly sensitive that just isn’t everyone else’s problem.</p>
<p>When my son got into Harvard, I didn’t post anything, but there were so many newspaper articles that people starting asking me about it in person and on Facebook. I kept it really toned down, though, so no one could accuse me of bragging.</p>
<p>gourmetmom…exactly!
I went back and read my post on FB to see if it sounded braggy…LOL…I didn’t even say the name of her school…I just said we were so excited to announce she was going to school with her sister! So unless people knew where D1 went, it wasn’t really a big deal to anyone. Too funny!</p>
<p>It’s all a matter of perspective, in Michigan these days there’s more whooping, hollering and backslapping and FB posting when your kid gets into UofM.</p>
<p>I seem to remember a thread on CC within the past few years where (in an unprecidented outburst of honesty) parents of kids admitted to “elite” schools admitted that they were positively thrilled to be able to display the window sticker of said school on their cars. There was absolutely an “in your face” gleefulness about it and it was actually kind of refreshing for once to not see the usual humble bragging which is epidemic on here.</p>
<p>Garland- I read your link (re:MCM dream homes) and it was too funny! I also loved the comments…reminded me of the “thread that shall not be name” that was recently locked.</p>
<p>I remember that thread about bumper stickers. The urge to brag is strong…only the very toughest parents can maintain their composure! I had to physically restrain my husband when he attempted to apply said sticker.</p>
<p>This is a topic I feel pretty deeply about. We didn’t “brag” about where our kids got in except to my sister, who was impressed, and to my parents, who weren’t. Even if I had wanted to brag to others, I wouldn’t have, because I already know where I live college admissions is a hot button topic which inspires almost as much emotion as views on gay marriage or gun laws. If anyone asked where our children will attend or are attending, we answered the question.</p>
<p>However, the problem is that to the insecure parents, just answering the question is seen as bragging if the school is a really good one. In fact, it’s almost more difficult for them to take if you are humble about it, because then they can’t comfort themselves by saying your kids are successful but you’re snobby and conceited so that evens the score. So what I see people doing if they can’t accuse us of being full of ourselves, is attempting other ways to bring us or the schools down.</p>
<p>So, my one friend started texting me any unfavorable news or opinion about D’s university. If their football team lost, she rejoiced. If their football team won, she criticized the interview with the QB and said he was inarticulate. She’d warn about geographic issues like potential droughts or earthquakes, economic issues like housing costs and state budgets, and would generally comment on how she doesn’t understand why anyone would want to live where the university is. Other people have done similar things like tell me D or S should have gone elsewhere for whatever reason, like X school is better for his major, why didn’t he go there? One man said he felt sorry D chose the school she did because he thought she’d have been more successful in her sport elsewhere.</p>
<p>So just like you have to consider the source in the teller, I think you have to consider the source in the hearer. What they think is bragging may really be their own disappointment.</p>
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<p>This… while I know a lot of people who are my FB friends would be interested in D2’s acceptance list, it would feel like bragging to us to post them. She had great results (in fact, they turned out to be the best in her HS class). Although she has let her friends know her results, and I have also had some private chats on FB with a few people about it that I know would understand and be excited for her – or provide valuable feedback in the decision process – neither of us felt it was appropriate to post her acceptances. I have plenty of FB friends whose kids are very happy with directional state Us, community colleges, and technical school plans their kids have, and might indeed see it as bragging. And she has some friends who were disappointed with their admissions results this year… no need to rub their noses in it.</p>
<p>Now, when she makes a final decision, that becomes “news” because she is going off somewhere to actually study for 4 years. I will probably post a picture of her in a college t-shirt when her decision is finalized – possibly via coin toss the way this month is going. :eek: In fact, will also email the photo to her grandparents, who we have not included in the process in recent months due to too much interference early on.</p>
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This was your friend?
Or do you mean more like an acquaintance?
Geez, I’d hate to see how your enemies behave.</p>
<p>I think bragging, subtle or overt, is sort of obnoxious. But everyone does it including myself. I think over the years I’ve cut down, maybe because I find less to brag about, or maybe because I figured out it isn’t really that satisfying.</p>
<p>Of course, bragging only really works when you brag about something the other person actually cares about and when you can agree on what is worthy of bragging about. I suspect on some hacker webstite being able to break into Harvard admissions computer system is far more brag-worthy than being accepted there.</p>
<p>I missed the thread about the bumper stickers? What was the upshot of it? Bumper stickers bad, good?</p>
<p>Frankly, I’m all about the bumper stickers and the shirts. My husband and I see it as an expression of support and pride in our kids, without actually explicitly announcing it to everybody. And I certainly don’t think the schools names are the kind that elicit the “oh they’re such braggarts” response. I’m just into the parent school spirit thing, I guess.</p>
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I think it started to break down when some presumptuous Cornell parent attemted to commiserate with the exalted HYP posters. THe gall! :)</p>
<p>Seriously speaking, I found half the posters amusing and the other half pretty barf inducing.</p>
<p>And, did something change or can anyone still buy a Harvard window sticker? I always assumed I could just send away for one and they would gladly take my money. But maybe they ask for student ID now.</p>
<p>I am very proud of my son’s accomplishments and his acceptances and I was the first one to post when he committed with his school. That not what I am talking about. A large number of kids in his school go to Ivy’s so I do appreciate good news. I think there is a thin line between pride and boast. Some people see some people never see it.</p>
<p>BTW I support stickers and shirts. Just bought a few.</p>
<p>No, bovertine, this was a friend. That is what has been so hurtful about this, is that even friends got jealous–and friends whose kids are doing quite well too. The worst offender was a lady whose older two kids had attended an Ivy. Her youngest, who was the same age as my middle child, didn’t get in and that stung. However, I’m a woman and these are women and moms perhaps have a tougher time with jealousy and self esteem issues. My husband has experienced some milder reactions, like “YOUR kid?” which in the context of those people he took to mean “how is that possible when clearly I am wealthier, more successful, and smarter than you and so are my kids, and yet they got in and mine didn’t.”</p>
<p>I am not trying to compete with any other parent, but some people are trying to compete with me. That’s why I felt the need to point out that the problem isn’t always bragging on the one side, but envy on the receiving end.</p>
<p>And that’s why on the threads about college T-shirts and bumper stickers, posters have pointed out that wearing a Rutgers or U Mass shirt or attaching those stickers to your car is seen as normal school pride. But wearing a Princeton or Harvard shirt, or attaching those bumper stickers to your car, would be seen as bragging. And they asked why is there a double standard?</p>
<p>The bragging is only part of the issue. The more insidious part is the idea that parents are using college acceptances as a way to measure themselves, usually in other people’s eyes.</p>
<p>A knee-jerk reaction is: I don’t do that. But I think all of us have to look within, honestly. It is a time to reflect on how we feel about our kids. Are they a reflection of ourselves or are they their own people? For many people the relationship is complex, we do both things, and this article could be a means of coming to terms with oneself, rather than to bash other people who drive you crazy because they are the one’s depicted in this article.</p>