Please Help

Parents Forum
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<p>Your H may be useless but that could be because he sees the entire problem in psychological terms. I think you need to lay it on the line for your H that your son has a medical issue; your son seems to be willfully ignoring the need to follow a well tested protocol to stay healthy (it’s not like there is an iota of medical evidence to suggest that being overweight, inactive, and NOT checking insulin is GOOD for his condition). So would your H agree that if your kid was hearing impaired he shouldn’t wear a hearing aid? Or that god forbid, he would decline chemo for a treatable cancer because he didn’t like needles?</p>

<p>I think your H needs to get on board for a more activist approach to your son’s illness. The emotional issues may or may not be related; may or may not resolve once the physical issues are addressed; may or may not be serious enough to prevent your son from going off to college. But both parents need a united front- and if your son’s doctor has been unwilling to take the bull by the horns, find another doctor.</p>

<p>Diabetes is bad stuff. There are thousands of adults who can talk to your son about what they wish they’d done or known or not done.</p>

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<p>Blossom</p>

<p>I have made those exact comparisons…I even said, would you give alcohol to a drunk, would you say no chemo if he had cancer…H says he’s 17 and we cannot force him to do anything – b/c he will be leaving and we will not have the ability to control him away from school either. and so you see my original post- should I drag him off against his will to a hospital-- I cannot- i have no legal right to get him tested at 17…i can only lock him up if he is a danger to himself or others and have a psych exam - but that would involve the police and it’s making the situation more drastic than it really is…or maybe not…consensus was the pysch issues may resolve once he’s out on his own- but the insulin/blood sugar complicates all that is here and no easy answer.
Son plays the two parents against one another…
If I push too hard just to talk calmly – the kid becomes enraged and hostile-- and I am frankly tired of the confrontations. I can’t handle it anymore. I hope that with the end of high school – it can sit until early June and then we can focus on his emotional and physical well being without the distraction/stress of APs and high school…</p>

<p>It is a pathetic situation…
It will be my H’s fault if my S’s condition worsens or even worse, he does something terribly drastic to himself once out of our home and under our watch.
Our closest friends have similar thoughts…</p>

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<p>Over- another cyber hug and maybe kiss on the forehead.</p>

<p>I agree that you sound played out over your son’s issues and health.</p>

<p>If I can make a tiny suggestion (you are being so patient with a bunch of strangers as we try and diagnose over the internet so I mean this in a loving, not critical way…)</p>

<p>Try to back off from the apocalyptic thinking if at all possible. This isn’t about whose fault it is, what will happen if god forbid your son does something terrible, etc. Assigning blame is only going to make your H dig in deeper, validate your son’s belief that he is in charge and nobody can make him do what he doesn’t want to do, and make you feel even more isolated and exhausted from carrying all of this responsibility.</p>

<p>Your son needs a full physical and a physician who is prepared to refer him to a nutritionist and a diabetes educator to develop a “Life Plan”, i.e. managing his illness. I don’t believe it is realistic to think that your son can manage college by himself without getting his insulin, weight, and eating habits under control. College students eat granola bars, brownies, and doritos for breakfast almost without thinking. And forget regular sleep and exercise. Throw beer into the mix… you get the picture.</p>

<p>So if you can handle backing off until the school year ends (whether he passes or not- at least June will come eventually) and then get your H on board with starting with a clean slate to help your son develop the tools to manage his illness- that sounds like a fine plan. You may or may not be shocked at how quickly your son “gets back to himself” once the diabetes is under control- I wish for you that a few weeks of healthy living gets you results on the emotional issues. But if not, at least you’ve tackled the primary physical issue.</p>

<p>I know a few adults with diabetes. Their behavior was so erratic prior to diagnosis that family members assumed the worst- early onset alzheimer’s, bi-polar, brain tumor. The actual diagnosis was such a relief. Diabetes is a pain in the neck to manage. But with good intervention, it is a pain in the neck- nothing more.</p>

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<p>Thanks Blossom.</p>

<p>My plan is to indeed back off…
I’m hopeful once high school ends-- he can spend two months devoting attention to his well being…which right now he doesn’t see as a problem. (well, at least is not willing to admit it out loud to us).
If he doesn’t, he is under 17 and we do not have to sign any forms for him to leave the house.At least my H agrees with me there-- he does not believe he is ready to go to college - but wants our S to realize that on his own though failure…bizarre logic.
Our S believe he will borrow the shortfall that his merit scholarships didn’t meet (as I noted-- after merit packages- he could manage without a dime from us), work and then he’s leaving…he misses the point…he cannot sign the contract for housing being under 17 and he doesn’t have a physician willing to sign off until the blood work is done.<br>
So come June-- we shall try once again…
My H does agree that if he doesn’t graduate high school and/or his acceptance is rescinded, we would have to insist on his getting help or he is no longer living under our roof.</p>

<p>Must admit- -very hard to watch him play video games rather than study for the AP exams…but that may be his intent-- crumble through passive inertia…</p>

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<p>2 things -
“love the kid on the couch”, in other words, try to look past ALL the stuff going on, and remember your little guy and LOVE HIM! (very hard sometimes, I know!!)</p>

<p>BUY TUITION INSURANCE for college. Call the admissions office or the student accounts dept and find out how to get tuition insurance. Our daughter got very sick 1st semester freshman year, and had to withdraw and take a medical leave of absence. I lost all the money (except for a small tuition refund, but very small). If I had bought the insurance, I would have gotten back every penny. Our cost is about $350 a year. I will buy it every year (you can also buy it by the semester) for both kids. You just never know what will happen…mono, menangitis, pneumonia, car accident, etc… WORTH EVERY PENNY!</p>

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<p>I decided to post an update rather than a new thread. (some of you can see I posted a few issues on another thread someone else started about “freshman turning it around”).</p>

<p>When I left this thread last April, S was barely getting out of high school.
He decided to pull it together last minute. He took three AP exams - got a 5 in two of them and a 4 in AP Physics C (he self studied through March and then stopped abruptly-- took the exam on a whim - so he should have kicked himself-- had he finished the book he most certainly would have earned the 5–) He aced the English finals to get out of high school with a pile of B- grades and an A in calculus.
He won an external scholarship and with financial aid for our middle class EFC in the high 20s-- we ended up needing only to pay a little less than room and board this year at a top 10 STEM program at pricey U. About $11k out of pocket- -so cannot complain. (Plus alot more for older sibling who is a senior at another pricey U)</p>

<p>Well – the bad news.
S started strong with high hopes! With AP credits and summer college credits – he came in with a year and half of college credit and was eager to succeed!
As/Bs first third-half of semester. By Thanksgiving he was at B/C (or at least this was the story we heard when we did manage to catch him on the phone.)
He called H during finals week-- had a panic attack the night before the last two exams. Aced one of them - failed the other two that week.
His GPA for the first semester was below a 2.0 and he’s now on academic probation. (The external scholarship and the financial aid at school place him on probation - but the monies continue for spring).</p>

<p>He tells us he wants to return – clearly he isn’t thinking very clearly or in denial.
We told him he has to pay for the entirety of his bursar bill but advised him not to return unless he can enroll himself in academic help and regular ongoing emotional support through the school’s counseling service.
He refuses-- b/c he says that he doesn’t want a “mental health” record in case he wants to work for a top government agency in the future.
He also tells us he received the grades he did b/c mid way through the semester he simply stopped going to classes and did absolutely nothing- no classes, no projects, no research, no clubs-- zero, nadda. He just hung with friends, played video games, and had a grand time. He refuses to tell us why. Much more of the same from high school-- depression? (possibly), immature jerk (probably), growing pains (understatement).
The only good thing- he’s physically healthy-- eating great, lost more weight, working out (in a new sport), learning a new instrument for fun-- but as far as his required classes in his intended STEM major- zip!
Said he still loves his major-- but he simply doesn’t think he should have gone to school this year (although tells us he is still certain he made the right choice graduating high school a year early).<br>
Mixed message-- says he wants to return in the spring and then the next time we attempt a discussion he says maybe I’ll go abroad for a few months and find a gap year project ( a bit late).</p>

<p>Even if he does borrow a few thousand on his watch for spring-- we can I suppose contact the school and refuse to sign off -he is a minor mid way into the semester. But I don’t even remember having to sign anything past fall when he enrolled - I guess plenty of freshman don’t turn 18 before september of freshman year anyways-- so it’s not a concern.</p>

<p>Our conversations last 3 minutes if that…he wants no advice, no suggestions, to be left alone and insists he is returning to school in a few weeks.
I anticipate a last minute change of heart – but don’t want a free loader either – regardless if he is suffering. He’s an adult and needs to seek out help.</p>

<p>Advice? Inputs?</p>

<p>For once H and I on same page-- we both agree, no more additional funds from us and that we would only encourage him to return if he’s seeking some counseling.<br>
My best guest is that his wonderful opportunity with this outstanding school is lost. He has Ds on a transcript. Our older child felt if he has documented panic attacks we should have the grades expunged.</p>

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<p>It’s better to have a disability (such as depression, panic attacks) registered with the disabilities ahead of time. Seeing a counselor while on campus can also afford protection and gain some accommodations from the school. (In fact, if he had a panic attack, he could postpone the exam.). Tell your son that more than 50% of college students seek counseling and mental health treatment.</p>

<p>It’s hard to tell if there is an emerging mental health disorder here, or if there are simply emotional factors such as immaturity, being swayed by peers, low motivation, trouble leaving home, etc. or possibly some drinking and drugs.</p>

<p>In the case of a mental health problem, after a full evaluation, which would be a priority, I don’t think tough love is the best answer, personally. It may also be that a term or year off would help in this situation, regardless: working at an internship, a non-academic program, or even a regular job, while living at home.</p>

<p>I second the poster who said to make sure you have tuition refund insurance, if your son does return.</p>

<p>One other thing: I have a 21 year-old who has type 1 diabetes (diagnosed at age 4), which is a very different disease than what your son has. However, the two disorders share blood sugar fluctuations, which have a dramatic effect on mood and energy. We know one boy who cannot read when his blood sugars are high. Our daughter used to throw things after a bagel shot her blood sugars up, or act high as a kite. The body and psyche get used to this after awhile, but it could be that the diabetes is causing some problems- high or low blood sugars.</p>

<p>Does your son have an excellent diabetologist and does he check in frequently? How is is HgA1C? How many times/day does he check his blood sugars, and how steady are they, how close to normal? I would not minimize the impact of such a diagnosis while in high school and early college.</p>

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<p>CompMom and everyone</p>

<p>Whatever emerging diabetes or insulin issues he had last fall/early spring are “gone” as he never received any additional follow up blood work - he refused. He lost 45 pounds eats VERY healthy on his own,& works out irregularly but does get moving. He had elevated insulin levels and was told he would become a diabetic if things didn’t change-- we assumed he was a diabetic for a while - but the physician isn’t concerned at this point given that he really is at a normal weight – the issue was likely brought about when he had abrupt weight gain following a sports accident that rendered him a slug for close to two years. At this point, he’s a hair away from turning 18 and has refused any medical follow up on this issue. Pediatrician has had numerous conversations- -he’s not interested, but physician assures us it’s very likely not a concern. My S is deathly afraid of needles – he doesn’t even get a flu shot!</p>

<p>Ok - back to turning off video games-- um, that’s how he wastes his time-- whether he’s addicted or not , not much relevancy–one vice would be replaced with another, whether he spends time watching music videos, comics, old movies-- it’s all the same-- he is wasting time. I don’t have any clout to take away a computer he paid for with his own monies nor am I going to micro-manage his time. He knows it’s dysfunctional - that in one of his clear moments. The issue is what will he do to regain functionality in his life and do whatever “job” he has – from the simple – my laundry, to the complex, my assignments for my classes.</p>

<p>I agree- he may (and I’m not a trained psychologist) have an emerging mental health issue, or it can be an emotional/behavioral issue adjusting-- with therapy, long term effects should be positive. He refuses any type of medication-- pediatrician suggested anxiety and/or depression meds last year. There’s no drinking or drugs-- positive of that, he refuses a motrin for a headache, cough syrup for a cough, antibotics for a sinus infection and as noted in another thread, he’s a house monitor for underage drinking - he has assisted his RA handling the drunk-- he despises those who engage in drinking. That’s not the issue.
I count my blessings-- drug addiction would be awful and clearly this is not our family’s issue.</p>

<p>I would like not to be in the “tough love mode”-- but I cannot enable him and pay several thousand dollars and send him back to college to enjoy himself (I realize he’s not really happy). One moment he’s passionate and interested in discussing his future- the classes, the major and what excites him about the niche in technology he wants to pursue. He has high goals. The next momemt, he sits and does nothing. Maybe stress, inertia or yes, depression. But a depressed person wouldn’t be out with friends, engaging with others, involved in music and sports – he lives the half of the life that successful engaged and happy college students live just fine-- it’s the academic stressful responsible part that he has set aside – that may be immaturity - -but it could be a serious emotional imbalance. One moment he is excited about the internships he applied for and the next moment he says he doesn’t want to work anywhere b/c it’s stressful (from camp counselor to potential google internship (yes they emailedhim to set up a prescreen). One moment he says he will not seek counseling b/c that would damage his future if he decides to pursue an interest in the CIA - the next moment, he doesn’t reply to voice and email messages from a contact person about his application for a summer job-- b/c he’s gripped with fear. Yes, they emailed him too. He had a STELLAR record entering college – he has a year and half of AP credits and college credits from taking summer classes at another institution in our city for two summers. This is why he’s getting called as a freshman for jobs he applied to back in September (he was on the ball then with high hopes).<br>
The conversations are with one person who is sane and clear – these last 3-10 minutes, and then when the conversation gets tough-- reaching issues he’s uncomfortable with, he either ends the conversation irritated or he gets belligerent. </p>

<p>The bottom line, i cannot drag him to counseling and can only suggest the options he has through school or offer to find him a private therapist/pyschiatrist (if needed) wherever he lives and which is funded by our health insurance. But it makes no sense to return to school and expect any behavioral changes on his own-- the pattern is now over a year old - from HS to college. It is a waste of $9k to return simply to live in the dorm and eat food. If it’s his money that might spark something in hiim to get help.</p>

<p>Thanks for listening to my rambling. Once he admits he has the problem aloud he may get himself to seek help.</p>

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<p>He’s in a tough spot. It’s “safe” for him emotionally to return to school. It’s familiar and there’s a bed and food and friends. But something tells me he’s not totally into being a student. If the college permits him to take a break and return in the fall, six months on his own (or more) might just be what he needs to figure out what is important to him. Doesn’t matter how good students were in high school kids know that college is optional and until they get their heads wrapped around many more years of studying with no one prodding them but themselves they just won’t be successful. You can blame video games, or physical or mental illness…you can blame many things, but the bottom line is what that kid is thinking and what that kid is willing to do – all the other things are distractions and ways to avoid confronting a decision whether it’s to go to college, or get up for classes or go to the library to study or any of those other hour by hour decisions.</p>

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<p>I found this thread fascinating-- in the College Life Thread written by a student.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1055540-i-got-suspended-stanford-one-year.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1055540-i-got-suspended-stanford-one-year.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Could have been written by my S in two years from now.</p>

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<p>A few more things about the diabetes, after looking at some of the thread…you might want to read a couple of books on the subject, of join a support group for families (Americans Diabetes Association).</p>

<p>One, even if his diabetes was very active, most likely he would take pills, not do insulin shots, because he has type 2. </p>

<p>Second, if he does have a blood draw (HgA1c) it will show a 3 month average, and there could still be some fluctuations in blood sugar, especially if he is eating fast-acting foods like sweets, bananas, rice, bread, potatoes. Believe me, and I have been networking with other families dealing with diabetes for 17 years now, these fluctuations cause mood changes, even violence.</p>

<p>Third, weight gain does not cause diabetes, in and of itself: plenty of people can gain weight and not develop diabetes. The corollary is that his diabetes may not entirely disappear at a lower weight, though obviously there have been improvements.</p>

<p>You keep mentioning high insulin levels. Didn’t the MD tell you the average blood sugars? High insulin levels cause lows, not highs…I don’t know but I would imagine the highs of type 2 would bring higher insulin levels (and sometimes some low blood sugars), but it is strange that you never mention “high blood sugars,” only “high insulin levels.” Did he have hyperglycemia at all?</p>

<p>He should be testing his blood sugar periodically, no matter what. For the couple of years that he has been under 18, and had diabetes issues, you as parents have to make sure this happens. An anesthetic cream like Emla can be used with needles, and there are treatments like hypnosis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and desensitization, that help with phobias. The diabetes will become an issue again, and once he is 18, you have lost all legal clout. Buy a meter, and tell him that if he wants to live with you, he has to deal with testing - and provide any help and support to enable him to do that.</p>

<p>The fluctuations in mood, if not due to blood sugars, combined with the fluctuations in interest, the irritability and the rages, might indicate bipolar illness. Is there any of that in your family? This is way overdiagnosed, yes, but it does emerge at this age.</p>

<p>He is still under 18 and you can force him into treatment if he threatens to or does hurt himself or others. Destructive rages qualify, if he is still having them. You can make an appointment with a psychiatrist or clinic (some hospitals have free studies which screen people very thoroughly, so if they say he is bipolar, it would be meaningful), and tell him that his going to college is conditional, based on whether or not he goes to the evaluation and cooperates.</p>

<p>The main problem sounds like he is in control. If you do not pay for his school, will he live with you? What will happen then?</p>

<p>You won’t have much more time to intervene. Once your son is 18, you can only tell him that he needs to leave the house and live elsewhere until he agrees to therapy, health care, and working toward some goal, which might or might not be college right now. You have no legal right to do much of anything, including talking to docs. It is hard to kick a struggling kid out.</p>

<p>Anything I’ve written has been hard-earned through experience, unfortunately, though our situation has turned itself around thank heavens. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Compmom
He was legally able to refuse medical treatment at age 16. Pediatrician and lab both explained to him all the options for fast draw. He eats none of the items noted. He is very disciplined about healthy eating.
This is not the problem. He’s most certainly not bi-polar.
He saw a counselor for a few sessions last year-at best, it was an adjustment issues-- psycho babble for immaturity.
At worst, it’s depression -the bottom line, he needs some behavioral counseling and at this point lacks the maturity and clarity of thinking jump in.
No-- he most certainly is not living here when winter break is up-- not even if he was in counseling and working. He is an adult and will work - either in a paying job or as a full time student.
The update in the thread is for thoughts from others who might have witnessed similar. I can clearly see many threads of students and parents with bad grades or other life changing events.</p>

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<p>Forgive me, as I have not read your most recent posts in full detail. I was subscribed to this thread and just got an email that there was an update, so have just quickly glanced at it. </p>

<p>I have personal experience with a similiar situation with our daughter, so will respond.</p>

<p>If your son has had a panic attack, chances are he has anxiety. You have to realize that anxiety is a TRUE DISABILITY and the anxiety prevents your son from being able to do many things that the rest of us do without thinking. It is really hard for us to understand, when we do not have the disability. Your son should seek counseling and help from his schools Disability Services Center. Your grades or academic record are not as important as your health, in this case mental health, short term to get through school and then life. Your son probably needs therapy to help him handle various every day situations that can paralyze him and negatively affect his academics. School, and life, are very stressful and he NEEDS PROFESSIONAL help immediately. Rules, punishments, threats will do nothing. He needs COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY in order to help him learn the ropes of dealing with life with anxiety. </p>

<p>Our daughter had major problems her first year and was on academic probation. But, it was not until she had a major breakdown over the summer that we sought professional help and discovered she has pretty severe anxiety. She took a semester off, went to therapy, and went back in the Spring, with a much reduced load. She took a full load this semester and did pretty well. She is much much improved, but still struggles. </p>

<p>One of the biggest lessons we have all learned through this is to re-evaluate our expectations of her, and to be realistic as to what she can handle. She has a disability. As her therapist told us, if she broke her leg and was on crutches, she could not get to back to back classes cross campus, there is just no physical way, so you would have to adjust her schedule to be do-able. Same thing if you have anxiety. There is no sense is setting her up with something that is too much for her, and having her fail - setting her up for failure. So, we take it a semester at a time and make adjustments along the way.</p>

<p>But, professional therapy the the KEY.</p>

<p>Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you would like any info about our experiences.</p>

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<p>Anyone have any experience with getting grades expunged if we can retro-actively document anxiety/stress disorders?</p>

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<p>one word: “gap” year. ideally working abroad. if not abroad then home with no video games and 40 hours a week at a real job. Stanford has 75 admitted freshman on a gap year right now. bright kids like yours are sometimes not ready for college, but almost all kids who take a gap year do well when they go to college.</p>

<p>travel and work that’s the correct medicine! </p>

<p>life is long, he’ll do great!</p>

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<p>Overachieversmom, I mean no disrespect in what I am about to say, but I see a number of problems with the idea of providing retroactive documentation of an anxiety disorder to get failed grades expunged or a D changed to a P. First of all, in the absence of any evaluation by a mental health professional during the semester who now would be willing to document anxiety and panic attacks, you would not only have a retroactive request for accomodation, but also would have to find a mental health professional retroactively explain why the grades should be changed. It will be difficult to find an ethical mental health professional who did not know the student during the semester willing to make a statement that the failing grades were caused by an anxiety/panic disorder. Especially if the part about not going to classes, having fun with friends, playing videogames, watching movies, learning a new instrument, playing a new sport, etc is mentioned to the mental health professional. The fact is, people who dig themselves into a hole through procrastination and lack of effort often do feel major panic when the day of reckoning - exam day - occurs. And imagine the panic potential of a student who has to take an exam after blowing off half a semester of class attendance? That may be very different from having a diagnosable panic disorder. Aside from that, most schools have stated policies about retroactive requests for accomodations. I do not mean to say that your son does not have any mental health concerns, but I think you would have a hard time finding a professional willing to document them as reason his grades should be changed and having the school accept the documentation retroactively. Your son sounds very immature as you describe him, but he also sounds like he is able to invest himself in things he enjoys, make friends, etc. I also would be concerned about the long-term consequences for him of rescuing him in such a manner. I think the idea of going to a community college to get the gen ed requirements out of the way and bring up his gpa is a good way for him to demonstrate that he has the maturity and motivation to return to a program such as the one he just “failed”. But maybe with all those AP credits he might not have so many gen ed requirements? Still, you have no evidence that he will not behave exactly the same way next semester if he is able to go back to his current school. One last thing, I am uncomfortable with the ease with which parents on this forum diagnose other people’s kids. But the way you describe him, just wonder if anyone considered that he might be a very bright person with an undiagnosed attention deficit disorder? Sounds like it fits his described behavior better than the explanations of depression or anxiety. Take that suggestion with a grain of salt but do what you can to get him a professional mental health evaluation by an expert in this population (college students) so you will know what you are dealing with, even if it turns out to be immaturity.</p>

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<p>Rigaudon- I think you are right on target and I don’t see your points as disrespectful at all.
He did see a psychologist and his physician in senior year of high school and had 1 panic attack previously. When it came time to fill out the health forms for college-- S didn’t check the boxes he should have checked to disclose underlying issues. He still sees a stigma with mental health issues and fears the impact on potential future employment- my S wants to work for the CIA. I made a mistake, I should have insisted he disclose the underlying issues but since he was 17 I felt it was his form to complete - not mine. - his only previous diagnosis from the psychologist was “adjustment disorder” and the pediatrician wrote 'stress" on his charts - but wasn’t a trained person to conduct a pysch eval and therefore could not write ‘anxiety’…whether that is sufficient to dig out his mess, I don’t know, but it’s worth a second chance? I don’t know. I suppose pediatrician would write a note / rx if necessary. Several close family friends mentioned this option as they are college students who know of others in similar breakdown mode who managed to get rid of grades.
Regarding his AP credits- they weren’t for humanities - they were for Physics, Chem, Calculus, Stats, Computer Science-- all the first year classes for CS/Engineering majors-- so S is now done with core requirements in those and taking the next level of math and CS classes. He also took two summers of college courses and has more engineering weeders out of the way as well. He has lots of STEM credit on his transcript. There would be absolutely nothing he could take at our community college - nothing. And the school he attends wouldn’t even accept the humanities classes from a community college- -he’s at a very prestigious school – very little transfers in and the AP credits only counted if they were 5s -which all of his were.
His only viable options are Leave of Absence-- work/travel abroad/volunteer (IMHO no option includes living at home even if he works and pays rent-- he needs to do his own dishes, take public transportation and see what it’s like to live in housing on the salary of a non-college grad -he doesn’t need to live in our beautiful home – b/c you don’t get to live in homes like ours without an education and plenty of hard work) or return to school with COUNSELING a mandatory part of the process.</p>

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<p>CIA perfect! he should go to <a href=“https://www.cia.gov/careers/student-opportunities/index.html[/url]”>https://www.cia.gov/careers/student-opportunities/index.html&lt;/a&gt; and apply for an internship now. Hopefully Langley and other facilities are not close to your home so he can live on his own. Although he will need a car and an apartment most likely. Although I believe he can be set up with other interns for living arrangements. The CIA is hiring and they are looking to recruit smart people via their student intern programs so there is opportunity. </p>

<p>an internship there would be very exciting for him, even though he wouldn’t see much in the way of classified just the comings and goings would be very cool for a young man. </p>

<p>Not sure it’s a career he wants though, it is not as exciting as the movies make it out to be, at the end of the day it’s a civil service job…just like the post office:)</p>

<p>p.s. it can help a lot to have family or close friend references who are in the CIA or military, like Naval intel.</p>

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<p>pacheight</p>

<p>Way ahead of you - but thanks-- this is the webpage he found last summer. He applied to CIA and NSA back in September. He’s been contacted by both for interviews. He’s a bit scared to call back-- his gpa is below the preferred 3.0. Been two weeks of email phone tag with the contact people-- he practically sh***s his pants when he phones</p>

<p>He’s convinced that if he has any paperwork of a mental health issue or even treatment in the school’s counseling center he would never pass the security screen at either institution - he would be considered unstable. I think that is an enormous stretch of logic on his part.</p>

<p>These are his dream jobs-- CS work for either organization. he’s not interested in working in silicon valley writing mobile aps-- he wants to do the hard core CS/math stuff and pursue a phd… of course this is inconsistent with skipping classes at the prestigious institution to which he’s been accepted and with the prestigious external scholarship he was awarded-- hence the problem.</p>

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<p>I agree with Bayareamom–sounds like anxiety. Your son is a very high achiever and this often comes with a mental health price-tag. Have you considered OCD? In the beginning this disorder can prove quite handy, people are often able to do quite amazing things (because they are obsessed with perfection). Add a little anxiety on top of that and S is sure to achieve. The problem is the brain gets worn out. Eventually the anxiety gets out of control and people become almost paralyzed (its just too much effort). If they can’t get the best grade then what’s the point (in their eyes).</p>

<p>S is worried about his future jobs and a mental health record? Sounds like he is very anxious to me. Can an older sibling talk with him? Sometimes they will open up a little more with them. Have you expressed to S that it is OK to not be perfect? That you are OK with B’s and C’s? He may need to have it spelled out that being an “average” student at a prestigious university is extremely impressive. He may need to know that you are very proud of his achievements but that you also value balance.</p>

<p>If he truly has OCD or generalized anxiety, he may need to hit bottom before he realizes he needs help. It’s hard for a perfectionist to realize they can’t always be perfect. </p>

<p>As for the poster who claimed people seem so willing to diagnose other’s kids–this is just one thing you might research to see if it sounds like something your S may have. I don’t think any of the posters think they are qualified to make a diagnosis, they (and I) are just offering suggestions for the OP.</p>