<p>football100 - do you not get that even if she had taken the games away, he would have found something else to get addicted to? It's not about who allowed access to what, when, or with whose money.</p>
<p>I understand he might have got addicted to something else.</p>
<p>The parents shouldn't have let their son go away to college knowing he had an addiction. On top of that, they were paying $40,000 a year for his education.</p>
<p>The son should have taken a year off, should have gotten help, and then went to school.</p>
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yawn... let it be clearly stated - taking away the source of ones addiction does not make the addictive disorder go away. It's not that easily preventable. People almost always substitute one addiction for another unless they go through a recovery program. If you can just take a game away and there are no feelings of loss or grief that the item is gone, then there was never a true addiction to begin with. The manner by which the addiction is manifest might be gone, but they will discover other things to get addicted to... exercise, gambling, sex, food, etc. A person is addicted to something when their need for that 'thing' supercedes most everything else in their life to the detriment of their health, ability to function in life, and relationships. If taking the 'thing' away was the cure-all for addictions, we could cure alcoholism by removing it from an addict's house. You also have to realize that addictions don't necessarily need a 'thing' to manifest themselves. People can be addicted to excitement, rage, etc. to the point where, in choosing it over healthy behaviors, they isolate themselves from their families and loved ones.</p>
<p>This is not as easy to recover from as some of you are suggesting, and once an addict, you're always at risk for relapse, but not necessarily with the same addiction you practiced before. Ever hear the term 'dry drunk'? It is not the parent's fault, and it is not the video gaming industry's fault.
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teriwitt, if a video game addict has no access to video games, he's going to stop playing video games. He might get addicted to exercise? Good, let him. Nothing wrong with being healthy. He wants something more sedentary? Give him a piano.</p>
<p>Alcoholism is completely different from addiction to video games. Alcoholism is distinctly biological; addiction to video games is psychological, which CAN be treated with therapy (doesn't need to expensive; indeed, it doesn't need to cost anything). Alcoholism mainly affects adults. You can't just TAKE AWAY an adult's alcoholism and prevent him or her from buying more. But this kid isn't an adult. A parent shouldn't have difficulty in simply taking away the console, and making sure he doesn't have enough money to buy a new one.</p>
<p>If you let your child's addiction persist into adulthood, then you've really screwed up.</p>
<p>Do your parents monitor you 24 hours a day? How 'bout your friends parents? Addicts will lie, cheat, steal, etc. to feed their addiction, no matter how much monitoring is being provided. </p>
<p>While there's often a certain amount of enabling going on within families where addiction is an issue, it doesn't mean that the person doing the enabling is at fault for addiction.</p>
<p>Parents should know when their child has an addiction. Plain and simple. </p>
<p>The mother already admitted that her son had an addiction in high school, but still sent him away to college.</p>
<p>Taking away the video games is certainly a good first step. Plus, like I said, it shouldn't even get to the point where the addiction is a reality.</p>
<p>While I think labeling mental health problems (i.e. as addictions or "chemical imbalances") erodes some of the empowerment I'd like to see, I don't see where "fault" finding is useful at this point. I also think the distinction between alcohol abuse and other "behavioral health" issues is fairly arbitrary, as is the distinction between an adult and a child. Isn't the OP talking about an 18 year old?</p>
<p>yawn... you are SO wrong on so many issues there. Haven't you heard of addicts who take up exercise to the point where they work out 4-5 and more hours a day? That is sick, not healthy (unless you're a professional athlete in training).</p>
<p>Addiction is biological. If you take away the 'thing', they WILL find something else to substitute the addiction with.</p>
<p>And actually, this kid IS an adult now, and needs to be held accountable for his own actions. If he is truly addicted, despite their taking away his game and not providing money for potential new purposes, he WILL find another way to play. Maybe he'll steal from friends or his family, but removing the games will not fix the problem if it's a true addiction.</p>
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He might get addicted to exercise? Good, let him. Nothing wrong with being healthy.
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</p>
<p>I don't have much to add to the topic of this thread other than sympathy for the OP, but I am really horrified by the idea that you think addiction to exercise is good. Wanting to be healthy? That's great. Working out until you throw up or until you become too thin? Really terrible for you. What you just said is like saying anorexia is good because most people eat too much bad food (and, indeed, unhealthy gym habits can by linked to anorexia and obsessive calorie counting).</p>
<p>Considering he's currently addicted to video games, I doubt substituting that for exercise for a while - until he gets off his addiction altogether - would be very "destructive".</p>
<p>I agree yawn. If he is addicted to video games, then I can bet that he is overweight and is unhealthy.</p>
<p>He probably needs to exercise.</p>
<p>OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you find your son the help he needs so he can kick this once and for all.</p>
<p>If he used exercise as a healthy activity to take care of himself in appropriate ways, it wouldn't be destructive. But if someone starts to use exercise as a means of avoidance of life's responsibilities, spending 4-5 + hours a day at a gym, it would be destructive. Substituting one addiction for another is not the answer, even if the substituted activity can be considered healthy when engaged in, in more moderate, appropriate ways, not addictive ways.</p>
<p>People (parents included) are in denial all the time regarding a family member's behavior. Sometimes it's just a matter of education and information. When we know better, we usually do better. Some people, because of their own upbringings, recognize addictive behaviors more quickly than others (and some are overly sensitive to certain behaviors, often thinking because someone they know has a few drinks on a weekend, that they are an alcoholic). Others, don't have the slightest clue that addiction can mean more than just alcohol or drugs. It absolutely does not mean that this mother has failed. She's not a victim, he's not a victim; he's an addict and needs an appropriate recovery program.</p>
<p>Addiction to exercise is generally the least of concerns for a guy who's spent the past year inside sitting on his gluteus maximus playing video games all day. -_-</p>
<p>To the OP, you have my sympathy and my understanding. My son was deep into WOW and we did everything we could to get him to stop playing including putting a timer on the modem so it shut down at night when he was in HS. Fortunately, he stopped playing when he was in College. I'm not sure if we would have been able to do anything if he had not stopped.</p>
<p>Yawn and football, It would be helpful if you actually read the OP before you start insulting the poster. The game system was taken away two or three times by the parents. Actually, it would be more helpful if you stayed off the parents board.</p>
<p>Yawn and Football- Just wait till you are a parent...or just wait till you find yourself in a situation where you cannot just pull up the bootstraps!! And it will happen- it's life...but rest assured when it does, you can come here and we will treat you with the love and understanding that you have not shown. Oh- and by the way your immaturity is the only thing you are revealing at this time!</p>
<p>OP- whether it is the game system or someother addiction, it is an escape and he is depressed- our prayers are with you and please know that we all know that we do our best with what we have at the time. This doesn't reflect on your parenting- it is simply somthing you must figure out how to deal with now, there has been some good advice on this thread- though I hope you quit reading it awhile ago.</p>
<p>Best of luck and thank you for sharing as I know that others will helped by your story.</p>
<p>Yawn, just wait til you're a parent. Parenting isn't as easy as you think it is. Bad things happen to 'good families' who have worked hard at doing all the right things and have always had their children's best interests at heart. It must be tempting when you are 20 or 21 to think that parents have 100% control over how their children turn out, but it's not true. Just you wait. Til you grow up.</p>
<p>I'm 52 . I admit that what I "know" for certain keeps getting smaller, while what my un-educated dad "knew" keeps getting larger. And he's been dead for a good long while. Funny how that works.</p>
<p>OP- Thanks for the warning. I am going to have my son read your original post and use it as a talking point with him because he would rather play games than do homework (currently in hs).</p>
<p>I have a child who has had to take time away from college, so I understand and sympathize with your disappointment and concern (especially when you read on these boards about all the super successful kids). </p>
<p>I congratulate you for recognizing that your family needs professional help and for seeking such help considering how expensive it is during a time when the economic scene is tight for many of us.</p>
<p>I second the suggestion of al alon/aa because the 12 step approach to life can be really helpful. Your son doesn't have to give up video games for life, just for today. </p>
<p>You can not change him (and I'm sure he is a great kid and you don't want to change him), he will have to recognize for himself that the games prevented him from being successful in school. Until he has a proven track record of understanding the problem and the solution and acting accordingly, I would not pay for another expensive semester of college because it may be money wasted (as much as you will want to see him back in school).</p>
<p>Lots of blame being thrown around in the responses, it is hard to understand the angst unless you have lived it. Best wishes.</p>
<p>I think the children (ok, ok, <em>young adults</em>) on here need a time out, and should go sit in the corner and think about how their hurtful and rash comments might feel to the OP.</p>
<p>Yes, we know the video industry is not really to blame for her son's problem, but this woman is hurting, and you respond by being harsh and nasty. Guess you are too young to understand empathy....</p>