<p>^ Agree :) I welcome young persons' participation in the parent forum and some are truly amazing kids who have added a lot to the discussions and I've learned from them. But lately threads have become infected with a handful of several trolls (or maybe just one poster by multiple aliases since they write the same way with the same basic thoughts on any issue with the same level of immaturity which is not typical of the hundreds off students I know).</p>
<p>Parents seeking the support of other parents don't need to be subjected to this nonsense (uninformed personal opinion based on neither experience nor knowledge of what's been learned about addiction, whose sole purpose seems to be to get a reaction). Knowledge and personal opinion are not the same thing.</p>
<p>To the OP: My sympathies. This must be a very hard time for you and your family right now. You need help and support and I wish you the best. Don't take the harsh words on this board to heart. There are many of us with many years of life experience who understand and are sending positive energy your way.
I read a book recently that talked about male/female differences in approaching problems. Many males want to analyze and solve the problem and don't understand when people reach out to vent and get support. OP, I hope you can find people in your life to give you the emotional support and understanding you need. And I also hope you can find competent professionals who can help get your son on the right track. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>I know how hurt and betrayed you must feel towards your son. You are doing the right thing by assisting him get help.
We, as parents, somehow buy into the delusion that when our kids turn 18 they will be <em>adults</em> and our parenting days are over. We gush over their high school accomplishments and glow in their successes. Not every parent has a kid who gets into a top tier college right? Yeah - the "Best of the Best" and all that hogwash.
Sometimes we even make their accomplishments our own - and when they fail we take it hard. Like a punch in the gut.
It would be ok for you to get counseling as well, IMO.</p>
<p>Now - please do not think his life is doomed or that he is destined to fail at everything. Au Contraire. Many young adults stumble and fall. Even those who fall pretty hard can find a way back on their feet. Your son may even be better for it - in the long run.</p>
<p>Please don't let this spoil your holiday season with him - this is not the end of the world, it could have been worse. Much worse.
So he fell off his pedestal. Big deal. This is life. Help his get back up and try to keep him grounded, that way when/if he loses his balance he won't fall so hard.</p>
<p>Hang in there - we are here with you. </p>
<p>PS - When you get those Holiday cards with the "family letters" in them from those <em>perfect</em> families you know - don't even read them! Just throw them away!</p>
<p>OP: I am coming in late on this thread, and I can see that some of my favorite brilliant people have been here already.</p>
<p>I, too, want to extend my sympathy and say I truly empathize with your pain.</p>
<p>I know it is raw now, but soon, the focus will be on the future.</p>
<p>Your son has amazing assets. He wouldn't have been admitted to the school he was unless he was truly gifted.</p>
<p>Enormous potential can sometimes be a burden.</p>
<p>I think you are doing the right thing to offer unconditional support. You seem to waver in your post, but addictions are very often out of our power to cure. That's what makes them addictions.</p>
<p>Keep taking the right steps. All is not lost. There are so many potential happy endings here.</p>
<p>vicariousparent - let it be clear that I think a couple of the posters here are just trying to provoke the conversation and don't really have a vested interest in what the OP is going through; but I'm also assuming the OP is in a very fragile state right now emotionally, and I don't want her to, for a nanosecond, believe anything they're trying to suggest. Those kinds of messages to someone whose psyche is so raw right now can be destructive. And that's the last thing she needs right now, or any other CC member who chances upon this thread with a similar situation.</p>
<p>MOWC, I would love to see your Christmas letters! From your posts here, I can imagine how they read! You are a real treasure.</p>
<p>OP, I am so sorry that the game addiction has cropped up again. Do not kick yourself for having sent him to college. It was reasonable to think that there was a chance that being away, in a different and stimulating environment, might have been enough to keep him away from the games. Now you know that you are dealing with a true addiction, and that your son needs professional help. I hope that you are able to arrange this for him as soon as possible. Please keep us posted. And I have seen allusions to an "ignore" capability here - I suggest that you find it and apply it to certain posters!</p>
<p>I sent a request to the moderators to consider "asking" certain posters to refrain from posting on the parents' forums since the posts are disrespectful and disruptive.</p>
<p>teriwtt, We cross-posted. You are so right. I have two sons. The older is "high-maintenance," to put it mildly. The younger is a ray of sunshine, an absolute delight, loved by all. If I only had S2, I might be in danger of being one of those smug parents who thinks being a parent is easy, and that if you do everything right your kids will be perfect. We can't take credit for S2's near-perfection any more than we deserve blame for S1's problems!</p>
<p>While I think it's probably true that a person with an addictive personality will likely get addicted to something until his underlying issues are addressed, I think it's obvious that some things are more addictive than others. Video games are designed to be highly immersive and engaging, and are often set up to "reward" long periods of play. I don't think this means that you can blame the game designers for addiction, any more than you can blame the makers of really tasty food for overeating. But parents need to understand that certain types of addictive behavior eat up tremendous amounts of time, and that's what causes the biggest problems for game addicts. An addiction to tobacco may wreck your health in the long run, but it's probably not going to make you drop out of college.</p>
<p>I just skip those posts from trolls--don't feed the trolls, as another poster said. I believe there is a way to re-jigger your preferences to delete those posters from even showing up in your threads.</p>
<p>OP, my sympathies too. I have a household of video game junkies. Don't like it and I am always afraid that they'll get hooked and decide to "hide" in video world. </p>
<p>There are so many temptations out there. As I look for things to get my kids, I am struck with all sorts of neat, funny, useful things that I don't want to get for them because they can be abused and I would be contributing to the temptation. No, I don't blame the items. There are those who can drink, play pranks, play poker, without getting into trouble, but they are not activities that I can feel comfortable encouraging my kids' involvements. You just hope that they can stay at a happy medium.</p>
<p>It's good that your son is getting help for his addiction while he is still on your insurance and still of age to go home under parental care. There are many adults who have addictive problems never addressed and they surface later in life with terrible consequences. I am hopeful that he will learn coping techniques and realize how destructive addictive behavior to anything can be. He has gotten an immediate consequence to a problem that he has that is not going to be life threatening. It can be so, so much worse. You are getting an issue addressed while he is still young. Hopes, prayers, and good wishes.</p>
<p>OP - You have my sincere sympathy. We had a taste of the dangerous addictive possibilities of video games (especially the online virtual reality type) with our younger son. Even when he was living at home it was very difficult to control. Fortunately he somehow came to his senses and stopped on his own, but I can certainly see how difficult this can be for some.</p>
<p>
[quote]
While I think it's probably true that a person with an addictive personality will likely get addicted to something until his underlying issues are addressed,
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Hunt - couldn't agree more. The timing here may actually be a blessing in disguise.
This young man has a great opportunity to learn alot about himself and grow as a person before he goes back to academia. This is preferable to spending 4 years, just getting by with C+'s in college and graduating with addiction intact.</p>
<p>MOWC - Thanks for making me laugh. I love your posts - they make my kids seem so <em>normal</em> - LOL.</p>
<p>I have a major problem with putting something like playing video games together with alcoholism and drug addiction. They are not the same thing, and not remotely close.</p>
<p>There is a good chance that the kid isn't even addicted to videogames. Almost every male in college plays videogames. About 1/2 of them play 3+ hours a day. Playing videogames is an activity that the majority of males find very entertaining, and have found it that way since they were little kids. The majority of males in college are the type who can easily do marthon plays through new games like Gears of War or Halo in their campaign modes. Also, hours go by playing sports games as well, game after game after game, as well as multiplayer in games like Halo and Call of Duty. That is just a normal part of college life.</p>
<p>It sounds like the kid here just lacks maturity and doesn't want to do his homework or go to class. What do people want to do in their free time? (or in this case, newly created free time that shouldn't be free...?) They do something they find enjoyable and entertaining, and videogames fit that bill. </p>
<p>It's most likely that the problem is with the kid not wanting to go to class or do his homework. The kid is probably lacks motivation to do his work, so he originally procrastinated with activities he found enjoyable, such as videogames, and then he put himself in a hole that he couldn't recover from because of his procrastination, so he stopped doing the work altogether.</p>
<p>This is pretty common. This is just a lack of maturity, not video game addiction. There is a reason why 40% of the kids at a lot of public high schools drop out. It's because they don't want to do the work...which looks like the reason why this kid is going to have to drop out of college, or at the very least, take a leave. The kid just needs to gain in maturity and learn how to set his priorities straight. Blaming it on videogames or addiction is only going to enable his laziness and lack of maturity.</p>
<p>I have read that there is an addictive personality that has trouble with activities that hit the right sport. It can be drugs, drinking, sex, company, sleep, web surfing, theft, video games, gambling, etc. It may be a lack of maturity, but it is a sort of maturity that does not naturally kick in for some people. It has to be addressed specifically in order to keep it from hurting some folks' lives. </p>
<p>I know that many alcohol, drug programs do substitute one addiction for another. You can see many, many smokers around any of these centers, more than you will see in most places. A family member who went through such a program said that cigarette smoking is encouraged as a way to shift from drinking. I know that gum chewing, eating is a way smokers try to get off the cigarettes. Hopefully the focus can go to the need for an addiction, but sometimes it is deflected rather than addressed.</p>
<p>I agree that it does not always happen. There are some who get caught up in a singular addictive activity and not anything else.</p>