Please learn from our very sad story,dont' think it can't happen to you.

Parents Forum
81

<p>"I have read that there is an addictive personality that has trouble with activities that hit the right sport"</p>

<p>Do you remember where? Here is a link to AMA's take on it as of a little while ago.</p>

<p>Video</a> Game Addiction: A Medical Disorder?, American Medical Association Seeks To Have Obsessive Game Playing Declared A Psychiatric Disorder - CBS News</p>

<p>There's a more recent decision but I've got to go....</p>

82

<p>In the long term, I agree, DocT. But someone who is horribly addicted to something that is immediately very harmful, may benefit from getting off that addiction as quickly as possible. I know that there are a lot of problems with substituting one addiction for another. Issues with methadone have shown that. But many solutions are flawed that are used because it is the least harmful path available at the time. I can tell you that I hate the stomach stapling and other weight loss surgeries that I am hearing so much about. They do not address the addiction part of the situation. However, it does happen that folks are in more danger of dying from the extra weight and eating than the procedure. The time bought by doing it can give them a chance to deal with the fundamental problem.</p>

83

<p>Actually, looking back at your post, I misinterpreted it to mean that alcohol and drug treatment programs can be interchanged.</p>

84

<p>Doc, I don't know if they can or cannot be interchanged. There is a place near us where kids go if they have alcohol or drug problems. It also treats mental disorders. From what I understand, they can all be commingled. A lot of the therapy has mixed groups of kids; some there for drug abuse, some for alcohol abuse. Many if not most have some psychological counseling as well. I don't know what the best ways are to attack these problems and from the recovery stats I have seen, neither do those who concentrate in this field. I would think that anyone who is stuck on any activity can use psychological counseling and that it would help them from other addictions as well, by alerting them to the warning signs and giving them a place to go if the problems commence.</p>

<p>I worried that my kids would be addicted to video games, computer games. I certainly did not give them any tvs or game systems when they went to school, and I tried to keep computer games out of our house. But it's the FAcebook and IMs that seem to have taken their interest as they got older. No one addicted to the stuff at this point, but I do not encourage any of it. I would say I am the closest to being addicted to computers, with CC at the top of the list!</p>

85

<p>I don't think that they can be interchanged. First, let's look at AA and NA. Frequently, AA members do not look favorably on NA people. For many, drugs has a very different connotation than alcohol - probably due to drugs being illegal. Secondly, many youthful drug addicts are involved in drugs because of the thrill of doing something illegal particularly if they are dealing.</p>

86

<p>They are interchanged and mixed, DocT. How effective they are when done that way is another question. There are many folks here who are going AA though they should be going to NA. More AA available here. I know that the counseling groups for teens in our area at a local hospital does mix the groups.</p>

87

<p>akhman24 is another student poster who has no appeciation for the gravity of this situation.<br>
The OP's son had the motivation to get into an Ivy League college, so I suspect he at least has the potential for getting to class and passing classes. Addictive behavior can take many forms, and this problem is very real.</p>

88

<p>+1
I don't understand why people are reporting yawn and the other "troll'.
The op said she didn't want symphathy ?? :S ??</p>

89

<p>Yawn, there are a number of kids who are welcomed on the parent's boards. Apparently your opinion of how relevant and valuable your advice is does not agree with a number of parents'. Maybe we need to put it to a vote.</p>

<p>Most of us parents are very much aware that the video games are not the primary culprit here. That isn't the main point of the thread. As parents, we know how we feel when our kids are in trouble, and what sometimes flies out. The issue is really the addiction that is heavy enough to warrant removal from school. How that should be treated. That is can be treated. That this happens. That it happening now while on parent's insurance and still sort of under parent's care still being a college student is probably good in terms of timing as it could be a more difficult situation when the student is out of school and supposed to be on his own. That is a much more difficult situation, as I have too often seen. Kids mess up at college a lot, and often can find their way back. Something a college forum for parents would know and understand.</p>

90

<p>Your advice is not only not relevant, it is wrong and very uninformed. Go back to bed.</p>

<p>(Not sure what happened- this post of mine was supposed to follow Yawn's long missive)</p>

91

<p>This is long, but please read each and every single word. Misunderstanding is the greatest cause of human suffering, and this thread has taken the turn of embracing such a thing:</p>

<p>

Please don’t make the insulting assumption that I would post in a thread before reading the OP. Yes, I read the OP, and as I’ve already stated before, he should not have been trusted with enough money to buy a new console in the first place. There is nothing “insulting” about providing genuine advice for how to combat this problem. It’s sure been more helpful than any of the pity posts in this thread.</p>

<p>

Why does one’s status as a parent or not a parent make one’s words any more or less true? I can assure you, being a parent is no prerequisite for maturity, and indeed the only prerequisite for being a parent is engaging in unprotected sex. This discriminatory practice of attacking who I am instead of the merits of what I’m saying is certainly not appreciated. Please don’t discredit the words of someone just because you see yourself as superior to him or her. This has caused more than enough problems throughout history. </p>

<p>

I’d imagine that the threadstarter’s top concern is helping her son, not collecting pity. I’ve offered genuine advice (get him into exercising or playing piano, and certainly place restrictions on his ability to access video games). Just because I’m offering legitimate help instead of empty sobs doesn’t mean I’m an “unloving” person who “doesn’t understand”. </p>

<p>

Did I say parenting is easy? No.</p>

<p>

It doesn’t take 100% of anyone to get them interested in a new hobby, or prevent them from having enough money to buy a new console, or engage them in sports activities as a healthy alternative. Accountability has been sorely lacking from this “feel good” generation of parenting.</p>

<p>

I would never want anyone to lie to me in order to make me “feel better”. Excuse me for assuming everyone else has a similar respect for logic and reality over pity parties and fruitless condolences. If the truth is “hurtful” or “rash”, the messenger ought not to be the one condemned. This isn’t a matter of “children vs. adults”, this is a matter of facing reality vs. evading it. It’s bad enough that I’m being ridiculed for offering legitimate proposals of resolving the son’s addiction.</p>

<p>

This “nonsense” is the only way the kid’s addiction will ever be ended. It’s really quite frustrating to offer advice that could actually help reverse this kid’s situation, only to be met with ridicule and condemnation for not playing the empty pity game. I’m not looking for a “reaction”; you’re just misinterpreting gravely.</p>

<p>

You wouldn’t believe how unbelievably frustrating it is to offer authentic advice that is relevant to this thread, only to be labeled a “troll” by those who would prefer not to face reality. Secondly, lack of communication has been the greatest cause of misunderstanding and suffering in this world, and it’s people like you, who are willing to shut out the opinions of those with whom you don’t agree with, that are responsible for this.</p>

<p>Please, criticize my words, not the person I am. I could be a parent if I really wanted to, but I choose not to, and I shouldn’t have to suffer ad hominem attacks for such a choice.</p>

92

<p>
[quote]
Yawn, there are a number of kids who are welcomed on the parent's boards. Apparently your opinion of how relevant and valuable your advice is does not agree with a number of parents'. Maybe we need to put it to a vote.</p>

<p>Most of us parents are very much aware that the video games are not the primary culprit here. That isn't the main point of the thread. As parents, we know how we feel when our kids are in trouble, and what sometimes flies out. The issue is really the addiction that is heavy enough to warrant removal from school. How that should be treated. That is can be treated. That this happens. That it happening now while on parent's insurance and still sort of under parent's care still being a college student is probably good in terms of timing as it could be a more difficult situation when the student is out of school and supposed to be on his own. That is a much more difficult situation, as I have too often seen. Kids mess up at college a lot, and often can find their way back. Something a college forum for parents would know and understand.

[/quote]

The way to resolve this addiction issue is to combat the addiction itself. Therefore any proposed method of combating the addiction is very relevant. If you’d like dispute the merits of any of my proposals, please do so. I welcome it fully.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Your advice is not only not relevant, it is wrong and very uninformed. Go back to bed.

[/quote]

Please state what I have said that is “wrong and very uninformed”. Again, making a claim without backing it up is not conducive to discussion in the least bit.</p>

<p>I understand you people feel pity for the threadstarter, but you are all allowing it to let yourselves completely misjudge me and my intentions. This topic is very near and dear to me, because my own brother's life will likely be destroyed by his addiction with computer games. I am rightfully frustrated that my parents refuse to address the problem (and they won't let me do anything about it), so I'm hoping to raise a little awareness about how to actually effectively address this problem. This resistance against taking accountability for the outcome of one's children is destructive and needs to end. I do not think that believing this makes me "immature" or a "troll".</p>

93

<p>Yawn, you are mixing up the "act" of becoming a parent- siring a child- with the experience of nurturing a child and raising it to adulthood over the course of 20 years. The two experiences are not comparable. A parent does not learn wisdom from siring a child. That wisdom comes only with the passage of time and the accumulation of experiences learned over the course of many years. No young person has the inherent knowledge of someone who has spent 20 years actually parenting.
You would not be so naive to suggest that a young person, who is just starting a job , would know as much about that job as someone who has been doing it for 20 years would you? So why would you demand or expect the same respect for your opinions from mature, experienced parents, especially since you have NOT actually raised a child with an addiction problem. You don't know enough yet to know that you don't know it all!</p>

<p>"I could be a parent if I really wanted to, but I choose not to, and I shouldn’t have to suffer ad hominem attacks for such a choice."
In CC terms- being a parent means raising a child from birth to adulthood. It is only those who have not "been" a parent who claim than they have as much to offer, or should be considered to "be" a parent just by the act of successfully siring a child. You still have a lot to learn.</p>

94

<p>
[quote]
Yawn, you are mixing up the "act" of becoming a parent- siring a child- with the experience of nurturing a child and raising it to adulthood over the course of 20 years. The two experiences are not comparable. A parent does not learn wisdom from siring a child. That wisdom comes only with the passage of time and the accumulation of experiences learned over the course of many years. No young person has the inherent knowledge of someone who has spent 20 years actually parenting.
You would not be so naive to suggest that a young person, who is just starting a job , would know as much about that job as someone who has been doing it for 20 years would you? So why would you demand or expect the same respect for your opinions from mature, experienced parents, since you have NOT actually raised a child with an addiction problem. You don't know enough yet to know that you don't know it all!

[/quote]

Thank you for the thoughtful response, but your argument rests on the faulty assumption that every every parent is a competent parent, and that it is impossible for a parent to fail in properly nurturing his or her child. I can assure you, there are enough messed-up kids in the world to suggest otherwise. As I said, while parenting can provide wisdom, it is not a prerequisite for such. There are billions of parents in the world who have spent 20 years raising their children, and they didn't all do a perfect job.</p>

<p>Again, I ask that we focus on the topic of this thread, rather than who is or isn't eligible for offering their input.</p>

95

<p>I did not say that EVERY parent is a competant parent, or that it impossible to fail as a parent, did I? Your are making this into too much of an "all or nothing-black or white" issue to try and justify your opinions. There is a lot a gray in the world. And just because there are some bad parents, does not mean that the words of advise from veteran, experienced parents on THIS particular forum are therefore suspect or faulty or not as worthy of respect as yours. You simply do not know as much about the experience of being a parent of a child that has a addiction as some of the parents on THIS forum.</p>

96

<p>
[QUOTE]
akhman24 is another student poster who has no appeciation for the gravity of this situation.
The OP's son had the motivation to get into an Ivy League college, so I suspect he at least has the potential for getting to class and passing classes. Addictive behavior can take many forms, and this problem is very real.

[/QUOTE]
</p>

<p>Is there something to appreciate about a kid sitting in his dorm playing videogames instead of going to class?</p>

<p>The OP's son is no different than those millions of kids that drop out of high school because all they do is skip school to play videogames, play guitar, playing basketball, watch TV, or stand in the parking lot playing hackysack. They don't care enough about their schoolwork, so they do activities that they do care about instead.</p>

<p>Just because a person has the potential to do something does not mean that there is a good chance that they will do that. A lot of people lack motivation. People can go through spells of lack of motivation, and go through periods where they're extremely motivated. For some people, motivation erodes over time.</p>

<p>Treating playing videogames as an addiction is silly. It won't get anywhere, it is just making excuses for laziness and a lack of caring. Unless you treat it as what it is, an immature kid not caring about his school work, you won't get anywhere.</p>

97

<p>Parents- we need to be patient with the obnoxious students (others?) posting here and just ignore their lack of maturity- skip their posts and continue the discussion despite the know-it-all children. I remember my gifted son spending most of his fall of senior year gaming and running instead of doing the easy-for-him homework (I don't want to discuss him here, he's doing a terrific job in college). Seeing other parents' problems in this forum I feel lucky his stumble was minor and an elite college for grad school may be in his future (his choice). </p>

<p>I can see how things happened to the OP's son. Be thankful he is now forced to get professional help- and do it. He is lucky he can learn now, instead of when he is out on his own without access to helping hands. With the proper help he has a good chance of getting to the roots of his problems and dealing with the behaviors.</p>

<p>Yawn- stop wasting your time, you don't get it. We parents understand the fine lines we fall on both sides of with every parenting decision. Probably the hardest part of parenting is letting go- and realizing that we are not able to mold our children despite all of our efforts to. Teenagers are not controllable, nor should they be (or some posters would not be able to access their computers to comment).</p>

<p>OP- you have our support. We realize you knew there were problems and couldn't successfully do anything about them until they got bad enough for the system to react. Analogies to hopefully make you feel better: Glasses when a child's vision is finally poor enough they can't do well in school. Fixing a bad hip/knee when the limp becomes sufficiently debilitating instead of a nuisance. Many frustrated parents out here waiting for the consequences of their child's actions to force them to change or intervention to kick in. Waiting for the disease to become recognizable so it can be treated (physician part of me here, hindsight means there are finally enough puzzle pieces to solve the problem).</p>

<p>Look forward. Be relieved you finally have a way to get your son the help you knew he needed. Continue the hard work of getting him professional help- we know he's no longer the two year old you can physically pick up and put where he needs to be, so hang in there. And, give yourself a huge pat on the back for being aware of the problem despite being unable to solve it yourself- some parents would have been oblivious. So much more to say but just a final thanks for sharing- you will help other parents.</p>

98

<p>There are many instances where good parents or imperfect parents (of which I am one) raise multiple kids and only one winds up with addictions or emotional growth issues. I guess the parents of those kids better get their $h1t together and get that wayward kid back in line!
akhman24- You have an astonishing lack of intelligence on this particular subject. I think I better use the Ignore function now.</p>

99

<p>"Treating playing videogames as an addiction is silly. "
Oh really?The American Medical Association disagrees. What psychological studies can you point refer us to to substantiate your claim?</p>

100

<p>Bravo, Wis75. Wise words. Hard to ignore the obnoxious know-it-alls lacking empathy and experience, but I'm gonna try.</p>

<p>OP, I wish you and your family nothing but good wishes in getting through this struggle. We are all one step away from "being there" in one form of misfortune or another. We will continue to be here for you, so let us know how things are going.</p>