Please learn from our very sad story,dont' think it can't happen to you.

Parents Forum
101

<p>
[quote]
I did not say that EVERY parent is a competant parent, or that it impossible to fail as a parent, did I? Your are making this into too much of an "all or nothing-black or white" issue to try and justify your opinions. There is a lot a gray in the world. And just because there are some bad parents, does not mean that the words of advise from veteran, experienced parents on THIS particular forum are therefore suspect or faulty or not as worthy of respect as yours. You simply do not know as much about the experience of being a parent of a child that has a addiction as some of the parents on THIS forum.

[/quote]

I am not trying to prevent any parents from posting in this forum. The way I see it, the more participants, the better the discussion. Is this such a wrong belief?</p>

<p>
[quote]
Parents- we need to be patient with the obnoxious students (others?) posting here and just ignore their lack of maturity- skip their posts and continue the discussion despite the know-it-all children.

[/quote]

I repeat:</p>

<p>Lack of communication has been the greatest cause of misunderstanding and suffering in this world, and it’s people like you, who are willing to shut out the opinions of those with whom you don’t agree with, that are responsible for this.</p>

<p>Secondly, I am no more a "know-it-all child" then you are a "know-it-all parent". Please do not embrace a double standard. Ageism is every bit as disgusting as racism or sexism.</p>

<p>Again, you people are absolutely misinterpreting me. I feel like I'm Oskar Schindler being ostracized by the Jews.</p>

102

<p>Addiction</a> experts say video games not an addiction | Science & Health | Reuters</p>

103

<p>BBC</a> NEWS | Technology | Compulsive gamers 'not addicts'</p>

104

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<p>I've never used the function on CC before. This is my first time. I love it!</p>

105

<p>Yawn- read my post more carefully! I was responding to your post, in which you were the one who made the false assumption that I was talking about EVERY parent, which I was not and would not. I know better than to make sweeping assumptions. I was responding to this post of yours:
"your argument rests on the faulty assumption that every every parent is a competent parent, and that it is impossible for a parent to fail in properly nurturing his or her child."</p>

<p>And as for this:</p>

<p>"The way I see it, the more participants, the better the discussion. Is this such a wrong belief?"
Well obviously there are those on this forum who disagree with that statement, aren't there? For the following reasons:
1] this is a PARENTS forum. You don't have the qualifications to call yourself a parent. Sorry, but that's a fact.
2]If the OP or a parent wanted the opinion of college age students, they could post on the CC cafe. But they didn't.
3]This is not a BLOG. The premise" the more the better" applies to blogs.</p>

106

<p>Yawn, I think your anger needs to be addressed toward your brother, not your parents. It is HIS addiction, and while they may be enabling it, they CANNOT control it. He has to, and only he can take responsibility for his recovery. </p>

<p>I have also found in my many years of participating in 12-step programs that the people most likely to be in denial about the destruction of addiction, are often some sort of addict themselves in denial. I can't tell you how many people who intially attend Al-Anon and ACOA meetings, eventually realize they themselves are addicts to something.</p>

<p>Akhman - you are confusing different behaviors that are TOTALLY unrelated. Yes, there are lazy, unmotivated kids (which as others have said, certainly doesn't describe the OP's son because he obviously was motivated enough throughout high school to get into this Ivy league school) who have no ambition. But there are others for whom they cannot imagine life without their 'thing' or substance. Everything else comes to a standstill for that one thing or substance. It's an insult to say that people with addictive behaviors are unmotivated to change. We're not talking about someone who spends 3-4 hours a day in front of a video game for distraction and relaxation. We're probably talking about a kid who's spending 10+ hours a day, if it has impacted his life this horrifically. Big difference, and not comparable. </p>

<p>Menloparkmom has it 100% correct. And she never stated anywhere that years spent raising children guarantees someone has all the answers. I would say look at all the 'perfect' parents who have destructive kids; and look at all the most dysfunctional parents you know who had kids that somehow escaped the dysfunction to be successful, contributing, generous, compassionate citizens of the world. You cannot so easily explain away outcomes of people by their parents. I hope to God none of you someday have children, follow all these guidelines you are so sure are the answers to creating emotionally healthy children, then have one of those children come down with a behavioral/emotional disorder</p>

107

<p>I'm back but it looks like someone beat me too it. Yet another opinion, this one</p>

<p>From The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.</p>

<p>Child</a> and Adolescent Psychiatrists React to AMA Recommendation on Video Games | American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry</p>

<p>"Washington, D.C., June 28, 2007-- The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) welcomes the American Medical Association's recommendation that leaders in the psychiatric community should carefully review current research on video games before potentially defining excessive video gaming as an addiction in the upcoming edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The DSM is a manual commonly used by mental health professionals that categorizes psychiatric diagnoses for all mental illnesses. Video game addiction is not listed in the current edition.</p>

<p>Child and adolescent psychiatrists are concerned about children who spend more than 2 hours playing video games each day. Chair of AACAP's TV and Media Committee, Michael Brody, M.D., said, "This is a type of media where players become a part of the game. However, there is not enough research on whether or not video games are addictive. For many children and adolescents, playing video games is integrated into their lives in a balanced, healthy manner. For others, it displaces physical activity and time spent on studies, with friends, and even with family."</p>

<p>The AACAP cautions that exposure to violent video games can elevate aggressive feelings and thoughts, especially in children and adolescents. In addition, spending large amounts of time playing these games can create problems and lead to:</p>

<pre><code>* Poor social skills
* Time away from family, school-work, and other hobbies
* Lower grades and reading less
* Lack of exercise and obesity
</code></pre>

<p>"The world of gaming is Darwinian and lacking compassion as many games are violent with the players winning by killing. The games are often sexist and racist." said Dr. Brody. "The AACAP recommends that the rating of these games be more reliable and the raters be independent of the gaming industry."</p>

<p>The AACAP suggests that if parents are concerned that their child is spending too much time playing video games or appears preoccupied or obsessed with aggressive or violent video games, they should first set some limits (for example - playing the games for one hour after all homework is done) and try to encourage the child to participate in other activities. If there is continued concern about their child's behavior or the effects of video games, a consultation with a qualified mental health professional may be helpful. "</p>

108

<p>"They are interchanged and mixed, DocT. How effective they are when done that way is another question. There are many folks here who are going AA though they should be going to NA. More AA available here. I know that the counseling groups for teens in our area at a local hospital does mix the groups."</p>

<p>My experience is that this is not the best way of handling these issues.</p>

109

<p>Of course, video games can be treated as an addiction and it can have a significant impact on one's life, but it isn't a matter of life and death.</p>

110

<p>
[quote]
I've never used the function on CC before. This is my first time. I love it!

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</p>

<p><em>sigh</em></p>

<p>Such a shame. I can assure all of you folks that I will never, ever use the “Ignore Function” on any one of you. I’m not surprised though; I’ve long understood the terrible roles close-mindedness and miscommunication have played in basic human nature.</p>

<p>
[quote]
1] this is a PARENTS forum. You don't have the qualifications to call yourself a parent. Sorry, but that's a fact.
2]If the OP or a parent wanted the opinion of college age students, they could post on the CC cafe. But they didn't.
3]This is not a BLOG. The premise" the more the better" applies to blogs.

[/quote]

When someone offers help, you don’t reject it based on who’s offering. I am not offering you any help, but I am offering the threadstarter some common-sense ways to help her son. You’re simply getting in the way of this process. I'm not telling you to leave, but I am requesting that you stop ostracizing me for offering such common-sense, logical ways to resolve this problem.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Yawn, I think your anger needs to be addressed toward your brother, not your parents. It is HIS addiction, and while they may be enabling it, they CANNOT control it. He has to, and only he can take responsibility for his recovery.

[/quote]

Sometimes you have to force someone for his or her own good. If parents aren’t going to parent their children, who are? It is quite ludicrous to expect an addict to simply recover without a little “nudging”. It is even more so when the addict is young. I’ve told my brother many, many times good it would be for him to spend his time learning guitar, learning a foreign language, going outside to exercise, writing a story, or even doing homework, but without some parental authority, this falls on apathetic ears.</p>

111

<p>Back to the topic--This has been an ongoing problem. This problem and OP's asking for advice has been going on for at least a year. Many have suggested that she seek out professional counseling for her son via psychiatrist or psychologist. Many have also suggested that the counseling extend to her in learning how to deal with her son's problem. Consistently, advice from the past has been ignored because she felt that the problem was centered around playing video games and that the problem is with the games rather than with her son. There is no shame in accepting the idea that psychological/mental illness may be playing a part in this situation with the video game obsession being just a symptom of the problem. Until the OP can accept the fact that her son is in need of psychological help rather than detox from playing video games, the root of his problems will continue to cause problems in his life. Blame is not helpful right now. In my opinion, the most loving and productive action for Mom to do is to call now and make an appointment with a very good psychiatrist to have her son thoroughly evaluated. The video game playing is a symptom of something much more going on in her son's psyche.<br>
Once again, I wish her luck and I hope she makes the call to a psychiatrist so her son and the family can get on the appropriate track for wellness.</p>

112

<p>
[quote]
Until the OP can accept the fact that her son is in need of psychological help rather than detox from playing video games, the root of his problems will continue to cause problems in his life.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Wish I could have said it that way. </p>

<p>Also wanted to add that most psychiatrists these days just do prescription writing; they don't do therapy. Medications are not always indicated in addictions, and I would be hesitant to solely go for meds alone. Both psychologists and psychiatrists have referrral lists for the other discipline. I guess I just feel strongly about excluding either profession from the solution.</p>

113

<p>
[quote]
Also wanted to add that most psychiatrists these days just do prescription writing; they don't do therapy. Medications are not always indicated in addictions, and I would be hesitant to solely go for meds alone. Both psychologists and psychiatrists have referrral lists for the other discipline. I guess I just feel strongly about excluding either profession from the solution.

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I certainly agree. The healthiest countries in the world are not those that are dependent on prescription drugs. Healthy diet and exercise are grossly underrated as a way to facilitate good health - both physically and psychologically.</p>

114

<p>I would start with a psychologist and not a psychiatrist since they do seem to rely on medications quite a bit. There are medications that are being used for addictions (I think they may still be considered experimental and are not always covered in some insurance policies)</p>

115

<p>Oh I do like that ignore function - thanks for reminding me of it!!! This thread just became readable again.</p>

116

<p>This elitist arrogance is disheartening. I can just imagine how angry people would get if I were to reciprocate this behavior. If anyone disputes my post #114, please let me know why.</p>

117

<p>Ahem... I know this is may not be the point of the current thread, but the OP has heard all this before, as you can see from the linked thread, including opinions about what various mental health providers are known for. Their practice patterns are NOT universal, and I (a child Psychiatrist) do not think first of medications. I think of taking some time to figure out ALL the forces at play, and then mobilizing the strengths of all the invested parties. The problem with labels, like "addiction", (a label which is not recognized by the DSM), is that it sometimes makes things appear simpler than they are. This, in my opinion, is why the Academy of Child Psychiatry is not advocating another label, or diagnosis for this concern, until we understand more about it. So far, the symptom does not seem exclusive to one specific disorder or syndrome. I would not hold out hope for defining excessive gaming as a "chemical imbalance" to be remedied with a pill. I for one, think we should be careful not to make it any easier for posters to avoid seeking help from a more reliable source than us.</p>

118

<p>yawn, let me put this another way. Imagine, if you can, that you have gathered a bunch of your friends into your dorm, and you are discussing a problem that one of you is having. Suddenly, a number of parents, unknown to any of you, come in uninvited, plunk themselves down, and start to diss what ever you or your friends are saying, as if they know what they are talking about or have personally experienced the same thing as the friend in trouble. No matter what you do or say, they continue to stay and argue, and won't take the hint that their opinions or presence are not welcome. Get the hint?</p>

119

<p>Shrinkrap: College students go to a child psychiatrist? The people I know > age of 18 who have been to psychiatrists for drug addiction issues have all been prescribed medications. As far as video games, I would expect that the same treatments are not necessary or prescribed.</p>

120

<p>Frequently, there is depression along with addiction and prescription meds can be helpful.</p>