<p>
[quote]
yawn, let me put this another way. Imagine, if you can, that you have gathered a bunch of your friends into your dorm, and you are discussing a problem that one of you is having. Suddenly, a number of parents, unknown to any of you, come in uninvited, plunk themselves down, and start to diss what ever you or your friends are saying, as if they know what they are talking about or have personally experienced the same thing as the friend in trouble. No matter what you do or say, they continue to stay and argue, and won't take the hint that their opinions or presence are not welcome. Get the hint?
[/quote]
So what you're saying is that my assertions that removing the video game console, preventing him from purchasing a new video console, having him pick up a healthier hobby such as playing piano, avoiding prescription drugs, and encouraging him to pursue healthy diet and exercise...are all completely useless advice?</p>
<p>If that's your thought, then what <em>is</em> the solution? I've offered a handful; how many have you offered?</p>
<p>No, that's useful advice, you are just a jerk when you give it.</p>
<p>Are you planning on being a surgeon? - I've met many who had your same blunt way of "treating" people. Nothing worse than sitting with your cancer filled Mom and having some completely callous and emotionally cold monster come in to tell her the "truth".</p>
<p>Disclaimer - many surgeons are wonderful, thoughtful and kind, I've just run across quite of few of the bad apples in the last few years.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap: College students go to a child psychiatrist?</p>
<p>Not necessarily, but all board certified child psychiatrist must also be board certified in adult and adolescent psychiatry, so most of us see young adults, particularly when the complaintant is often a family member (as is often the case with addiction). With regard to use of psychotropics in "addiction " as always, practice patterns vary. Also there is no "addiction " diagnosis in "evidence based" psychiatry ( as opposed to anecdotal practices; " I tried this and it seemed to work") , only "abuse" , "intoxication", "withdrawal" and "dependence'; so I really can't respond in an informed way about folks you know. I can say that the evidence supports use of medications specific to the abuse of specific substance dependence or intoxication or withdrawel syndromes, but for the most part they are not interchangeable (for example naltrexone for opiates might work for alcohol but not for stimulants). </p>
<p>And diagnosis and treatment of "depression", even if associated with substance abuse, deserves a whole 'nother thread. Please don't get me started. This is not the place!</p>
<p>Do you think young adults of this age are puppets? Should we take our college students to obedience school at PetSmart? You can't FORCE someone to take up a healthier hobby. And, gee, I wonder why the parent didn't think of these solutions over the years! Wow- thanks so much for enlightening us.</p>
<p>
[quote]
No, that's useful advice, you are just a jerk when you give it./quote]
No, this is just a myth that has been aggravated by the plethora of hateful responses I've received. It is true that I didn't pad my advice with "pity words", but honesty is the best policy. I would never, ever want a surgeon to "tone things down" to make me "feel better" if my health was at risk.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Do you think young adults of this age are puppets? Should we take our college students to obedience school at PetSmart? You can't FORCE someone to take up a healthier hobby. And, gee, I wonder why the parent didn't think of these solutions over the years! Wow- thanks so much for enlightening us.
[/quote]
I didn't say "force". I said "encourage". There is a massive difference between the two. It doesn't take much to encourage someone to pick up something "fun" like playing guitar. Maybe the kid could learn some of the theme songs in his video games on guitar or piano. I know of many others who like video games and extend this passion into their musicianship. And going outside to enjoy nature, be it a hike in the mountains or a trip to the beach, really does wonders for someone who's used to spending most of his time inside his bedroom.</p>
<p>I honestly don't know why I'm receiving such hatred for such "radical" ideas.</p>
<p>Oh, NOW I get it. The OP should "encourage" her son. That's going to work really well. And this is something I CAN tell you with certainty. Someone with issues such as these- whether or not you want to call it an addiction- is NOT going to be "encouraged" to change his behavior or pick up a new hobby. You are so wrong that it is frightening that you really are saying these things.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I would never, ever want a surgeon to "tone things down" to make me "feel better" if my health was at risk.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Yeah, I used to think that too. It's funny how being close to death makes you wish people could be a bit more considerate in their discourse with you. Sometimes showing a little pity is the most humane thing you can do.</p>
<p>But, hey, karma's a b*tch - so watch yourself.</p>
<p>Because you ARE being a jerk in how your present your solutions. Not a myth. Fact - plain and simple. So are some of the other younger folks who posted. Go back and reread ALL of your posts on this thread, not just the ones you did over the past 3 or 4 pages. I was appalled at the callousness of some of you guys. Hope you never have to walk a mile AS A PARENT (it's far different than when it's a sibling like your brother - your emotional investment doesn't even come close, sorry to say) in the OP's mocassins and deal with the heartache.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Oh, NOW I get it. The OP should "encourage" her son. That's going to work really well. And this is something I CAN tell you with certainty. Someone with issues such as these- whether or not you want to call it an addiction- is NOT going to be "encouraged" to change his behavior or pick up a new hobby. You are so wrong that it is frightening that you really are saying these things.
[/quote]
Well then what do you propose be done? What do you think the psychologist is going to do? Work miracles? Black magic? I've taken psychology courses in childhood development and adolescence, as well as abnormal behavior (which covers illnesses such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is symptomatically quite similar in nature to addiction). I used to be a psychology major, so I'm not the absolute retard you think I am.</p>
<p>Tell me what you think ought to be done.</p>
<p>If you guys really want to put the temporary "e-feelings" of the threadstarter over her own child's chance for success at life, fine. You people clearly don't care about the child; you all are just concerned about boosting your own egos by inflating your nobility at the expense of those who are trying in earnest of offer real answers. Unless someone here can address my proposals as relavent to the thread topic, instead of spouting more ad hominem attacks, I'm through. It's a shame you arrogant people can't grow up and act your age.</p>
<p>Its interesting to see how various people are responding on this thread with different opinions. Somebody I commute with, continuously complains about his high school senior spending all his time playing video games. What did he buy his son for Christmas this year? an X-box.</p>
<p>Those of us on this forum don't have a solution. The fact that you think YOU do shows your immaturity. We know nothing of this young man's background and what could be driving his need to medicate by excessive video game playing.</p>
<p>What I DO know is that by the time a problem has reached this point, the parents have lost control and are not going to have much impact without professional help of some kind. This is not a criticism of this family- I have been there myself. That is why I absolutely can guarantee that no "having him take up a hobby" or "encouraging him" will have the slightest bit of impact. What WILL is the combination of hitting bottom (having to leave school) and some professional help.</p>
<p>When my daughter, while a high school student, went to visit a friend at an Ivy, she was astonished at the number of guys spending their time playing video games. I suspect this must be a common problem and for some reason it seems to occur much more with guys.</p>
<p>I wish there was a little icon attached to threads in the parent forum that have turned into dialogues with prolific (but clueless) student posters.</p>
<p>No one here is diagnosing. What we are doing is recommending and strongly encouraging this Mom to call the professionals (psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor) so that a proper diagnosis and appropriate treatment program can begin. For the understanding and healing to begin, it's important for her to understand that the video gaming is only one symptom of something larger. </p>
<p>yawn, an excellent mental health professional can indeed "perform miracles."</p>
<p>"Really, it's failure enough to even let your child get to the point where he or she is addicted to video games"</p>
<p>yawn, you came on board this forum with the hubris of youth, a complete lack of tact and a sad lack of understanding of how complex and hard it is can be to a parent, as is evidenced by your above posts. You wrote this, even after a PSYCHIATRIST [ Shrinkrap] tried to tactfully imply that what you suggested is not to easy[ see post #34] </p>
<p>You seem to want to solve the OP's problem by FIXING BLAME for who was responsible for allowing this to happen. You've got a younger brother with a similar problem, and you're very angry about it. But at this point, for the OP, fixing blame will not solve the problem. I suggest that you need to direct your considerable energy , anger and frustration at your own brothers gaming addiction on your parents. But realize that maybe it's possible that they aren't complete wimps after all, and maybe you'll come to the realization that it is harder to be a parent than you think. You're "just take the console away" suggestion sounds very much like Nancy Reagan's "Just say No" Campaign against drug addiction. That wasn't very effective either.</p>
<p>And if you can, really listen to MOWC's statement:
"Those of us on this forum don't have a solution. The fact that you think YOU do shows your immaturity. "
She does know what she's taking about.</p>
<p>Parents often come to the parents forum at CC to get advise or vent. They don't expect they will have their problems solved by strangers.</p>
<p>I am a frequent reader and infrequent poster here. Have been here since my oldest S graduated from HS in 04. Looking at a similar situation. Oldest S has just most likely failed all of his courses (first semester senior year) and dropped out of school a few course short (provided that he had passed all of his courses) of graduation. Plan is to pursue a career in music perhaps. He was an engineering major. Involved in music in HS, but no particular talent. Looking at singing and/or composing. Stopped going to class/doing work in early Oct.</p>
<p>Problems with video games/computers in HS, not sure if that is really the issue. Certainly bright enought but doesn't do the required work. GPA first semester freshman year was horrible, but we sent him back. Should have kept him home then and looked into some sort of counseling. Spends a lot of time on-line reading political web sites and playing games. Seemed ok when he went back in Sept., seems to have had some sort of breakdown this semester.</p>
<p>H went out to see him before Thanksgiving when he wasn't returning calls. With S's permission, talked to professors and tried to get him to see the counselor at school. S doesn't see a problem and doesn't think he needs help. Plan is to stay in his apt. and get a job and support himself (in this economy). Not sure he has the skills to navigate a job search/keep a job. Has enough savings for two to three months.</p>
<p>OP is lucky in some ways that things came to a head early and her S will get some help. I am worried and concerned and angry. H is losing his job - last day is tommorrow and we have another to put through school. Glad we haven't borrowed any money.</p>
<p>Parenting is a crap shoot - hindsight is 20/20. There are no guarantees.</p>
<p>I'm sorry to hear of your S's issues but I'm glad to hear he can possibly go back to the college next fall. I hope you'll be able to determine a good action plan to get him treatment in the meantime.</p>