<p>I read the post again, I agree that the OP is NOT looking for a solution. I think she understands that there is a long period of work ahead for her family, and she acknowledges that they will seek professional guidance. It seems her primary reason for posting was to share the warning signs so that parents can try to head off this problem in the future. A very noble thing to do...and well targeted to the audience here (with some exceptions). Thank you OP for taking the time to share your story.
Other than that, as parents, I think most of us read the post and feel her pain. And we know that it could happen to any one of us. And so we give our encouragement and support. And that's OK.
The younger non-parent posts do upset me. But it's another view I suppose, and should be taken for what it is. At that stage, it's not easy to have empathy for what parents go through. I keep that in mind with my own son. And I may be way off base here, but I think males need a LOT of seasoning before they figure things out. The one I married was over 30...and there was good reason for that.</p>
<p>Hi and thanks so very much for the literal outpouring of support and kind words (well most of them) I was terribly hurt and offended by some of the negative posts but figured they are coming from young inexperienced minds, (ones that do have the scars as well as joys of being a parent:) I understand you cannot possibly understand my life in the last year and a half, the struggles we have faced, the physical and emotional challenges I have had to stay strong through. I so wish I had the time required to read all the posts right now, but that will have to wait until tomorrow when I am off, I look forward to going through each and every one however. Your words of encouragement and support moved me to tears so I thank each of you for your kind and meaningful words and the many private messages I received as well.</p>
<p>A few things to clear up:
1 We did not give my son money to buy another game, he got a part time job and unbeknownst to us earned the money. He is on a very tight leash because we know of the tremendous temptations to buy another. So we give him 10-15 dollars at a time.
2. He is actually lean and in great shape, very healthy eater and until about 18 months ago a great athlete on the track and tennis court.
3. He was a very motivated and accomplished student, if he hid behind the games and was lazy, he would never have been able to get into the kinds of schools he did. Not an opinion just a mere fact.</p>
<p>I DO blame the video game manufacturers and of course I blame my son for not having the control, self motivation and willpower to recognize his addictive nature, but I know at 17 many do not possess the maturity they need to manifest itself into controlling such situations that can veer out of control so fast. That said, hindsight is 20/20 and I am sure admittedly there are things that I could have done early on, but I have never experienced anything like this and was totally ill equipped to deal with such a problem. I don't wish it upon anyone, it has turned my normally pretty stable life upside down. (and my sons though I truly feel like this will be temporary and he will recover from this and realize one day that this is pointless and that he should take advantage of the bright mind that he has been blessed with)</p>
<p>That said, I know we have a long rocky road ahead.............I am bracing myself because I know there is not a quick fix or easy answers. I will have to deal with all the speculation that will come from neighbors, friends and people from school. It is embarrassing and sad, but I want something redeeming to come of this and if I can raise awareness and help a potential situation not happen then I feel telling this story is the best thing I can do right now.</p>
<p>I will naturally continue to keep you posted as this has been a fantastic support system and excellent resource. I can't thank you enough.:)</p>
<p>Thank you so much for the update, 4boyz1gal. My best wishes and hopes to you and your family in making it through all of this successfully.</p>
<p>After seeing threads such as this, I'm a bit surprised nobody has started one concerning alchohol or drug addiction.</p>
<p>Last post by me because it still seems as though the main point is being ignored by the OP. Get rid of the denial---blame the video game manufacturers, blame the son? Worried about what the neighbors will think about your situation? </p>
<p>Your main concern right now should be having your son's mental health evaluated. What is the underlying cause for his current obsession of video games, his lack of social contact with peers, his shutting out of being a productive part of society? Again, the symptom is his video game obsession. What the psychologist/psychiatrist will do is to help figure out what the underlying issues are with your son. Please do not think that the solution is to take away video games or to send him on some sort of outback adventure to change his environment. There will be no solution until his mental health issues are diagnosed and addressed.</p>
<p>Very interesting thread, with many good points. I am forwarding it to my sons, who are among the 90+ that play video games. I certainly wish they would use that video-game time more productively!</p>
<p>I thought it was a good point that we haven't seen any drug or alcohol addiction threads. My kids tell me about the college kids who drink every night, miss exams, and otherwise crash & burn. Do the parents of those party-animals not know that alcohol is the true reason for problems in school? Just wondering, based on DocT's posting.</p>
<p>While ultimately this is always going to come down to personal responsiblity, I do think that there is a basis to be angry at the video game companies. Let's face it, WOW issued the Lich King expansion pack in November, not at the beginning of a summer vacation. Presumably students weren't going to just play it for three days over Thanksgiving and then drop it to go back to their studies and preparation for finals. Until the game developers have to deal with their own kids' choosing to play instead of study, they may not understand a parents' perspective on their products.</p>
<p>Games should come with a warning that excessive gaming can be hazardous to your future (and your sex life), just like alcohol or cigarettes come with warnings. Of course the warnings will be ignored, just like most of Mom's & Dad's warnings.</p>
<p>It's is difficult for young people to be sympathetic with the OP's son because at some point in our lives our grades have dropped due to video games. We probably resent the fact that despite being "heavily addicted" to games, he was able to go to a "top tier ivy league" school. Why is he even in there? How come he's not reaching for the goals stated in his application essay? </p>
<p>I was addicted to games too, but I was also able to stop. Now, because I know I will have to work hard for a high GPA for grad school, I play 20 minutes per day.</p>
<p>Plus, many people are not only addicted to games. What about those who surf youtube for hours? Facebook? MySpace? Text messaging? Aren't those equally as destructive as games? At least, games are free for download (in Canada and especially Antigua). Antigua</a> threatens to allow piracy - Entertainment News, Chasing Pirates, Media - Variety</p>
<p>"What about those who surf youtube for hours? Facebook? MySpace? Text messaging? "</p>
<p>Or college confidential? My H and kids are ready to do an intervention....it makes my procrastination SO much more acceptable....</p>
<p>Any time ANY activity is pursued to the extent that it interferes with a person's responsibilities, it becomes a problem. Whether it is watching TV, surfing the web, playing computer games, video games, texting, yakking on the phone, reading, shopping. I do not blame the activities, nor do I blame the person who gets stuck in that rut. Blame tends to waste time. Better to focus on fixing the problem. Since eliminating the availability of these activities is not possible when it comes to a free living adult who can get his hands on any of these things, the focus should be on the person with the problem.</p>
<p>I have a child who was pretty much hospitalized for two years. The many hours in the outpatient clinics, hospital bed, stuck at home were made more enjoyable through video games. That is how they crept into our house after I was successful in keeping them out with the first two kids. TV, computer, video became acceptable activities. Yes, he also read a lot,played board games, wrote, played with toys, but suddenly I was not as opposed to these electronic games as I was. Later, I did worry that any of my kids would be addicted. So far, so good, but I am wary. It's this generation's couch potato with his remote, watching tv, I'm afraid, not that there aren't those around as well. </p>
<p>I don't know what causes the fixation on an activity that it takes over someone's mind and time to the extent it harms him. Hopefully, the OP finds someone who knows how to deal with this issue. </p>
<p>Shrinkrap, let's don't let our H's and kids get together.</p>
<p>After reading this thread, all I could think of is how many hours a day I spend reading posts on CC. Although I so do feel for the Op, I don't blame anyone but myself for the hours and the pleasure I gain from the time I spend on this site. </p>
<p>Addiction to video games is serious business and requires REAL therapy and a wake up call to recognize your son's immaturity. My S1 spent many hours doing what he should not have done, playing video games and partying, as well. We eventually told him he was done with his high priced LAC and brought him home. After a semester working and then another re-applying to schools, he was back in action. He is happily at another school finishing a degree and playing video games(and partying when his work is all done) on the side. He has learned to manage his time properly.</p>
<p>I can't tell you what was the light bulb moment for him. Probably the embarrassment of explaining to EVERYONE that his parents pulled him out of school for a 2.01 GPA and he had to get a job and change schools and live at home, with ALL of my rules. It was not pretty for his mom, but we made it. Two more semesters and this kid is graduated and happy and has outgrown the games and immature behavior, learning there is a time for everything fun.</p>
<p>I wish the OP good things and I truly know what your are going through.</p>
<p>Twokids, I congratulate you for having the guts to pull your kid out though he was not failing. My older ones have been bottom feeding at school, and I am just glad they are eking by. Don't have the stomach to pull them out. Also have seen this done and it did not work out. </p>
<p>Video games are not the only activity that can cut into school work and responsibility. More kids flunk out because they find themselves enjoying other things more than school work than because they cannot do the work. Those accepted to college generally are capable of the task at hand. The distractions are the problem most of the time.</p>
<p>I have a concern about certain college students who are NOT getting bad grades- who in fact are getting top grades, working at paid internships and otherwise gaining acclaim- but who abuse alcohol and live on the edge. These young adults don't see that they have any problem, and it's hard to convince them that they do, because they are so high functioning. (Actually, there are many adults in the same situation) I don't have the answers.</p>
<p>There were several students in my kids' high school who abused drugs and ended up at Stanford and Cal Tech. Then there were others who ended up as addicts. Unfortunately, it isn't obvious who will turn out to be the addicts.</p>
<p>My sympathies to the OP and others who have children with video game issues. </p>
<p>And like the other well versed parents, I will agree that our younger contributors here know not of what they speak when they give their "simple" soulution.</p>
<p>I don't often talk about my non-goalie Asperger's son. He just torched his first semester at community college due to the World of Warcrack (intentionally spelled that way). For those unfamilar with Aspergers, it is also know as high functioning autism. And as any other autistic, my son gets easily fixated on things. They also lack the self-awareness to recognize their addictive behavior as well except in an academic way.</p>
<p>Getting back to him... Along in high school, he developed a fixation on computers, which is quite common for Aspies and in fact was at community college in a program for learning network administration. Turning lemons into lemonade (a good career).</p>
<p>Unfortunatly, with plenty of internet time spent learning necessary stuff, comes the full access to WoW'crack and he could not pull himself away from it. His grades suffered and he ended up withdrawing this term. We are currently reassesing his future plans. Unfortunately, he is not really grasping that WoW'crack is a problem yet. Not really wanting to discuss it with therapist either.</p>
<p>He also has another Aspie friend (from HS) who I believe also just finished his first semester. The betting line between his parents and us is that is GPA is 1.0 or less. Also a WoW'crack addict (plays with my son). Also does not recognize the problem.</p>
<p>So to our fine younger members, there are many reasons that a person can become addicted to a videogame. Many do not posess the ability to control themselves. We (as a species) are still struggling to understand why people become fixated on such things, but there are plenty who make big money selling to the vulnerable fixated folks. And while I understand that these people are not out to destroy my son (and his friend), I can't say as I feel the video game manufacturers have accomplished anything great for society, when you look at those who have damaged so much in their lives using these products.</p>
<p>Peace</p>
<p>Wow, what a thread. </p>
<p>The kids on here - and yes, you are kids - do not, I believe, intend to be hurtful, they just carry the arrogance of youth. Life teaches adults that we don't have all the answers, that everybody screws up, that "there, but for the grace of God, go I," and that the last thing any of us has the right to do is judge others. Wrinkles and the effects of gravity are small prices to pay for the wisdom life brings.</p>
<p>OP, try to get perspective that your son will make it through all of this. He's obviously a bright young man with a loving family, he's just having a painful time growing up. Whether it's addiction or not, he will survive it. I certainly don't want to diminish the pain you're living with (again, a 20 year old cannot begin to comprehend the pain of seeing your child suffer), but a dear friend of mine recently lost her 25 year old son to a heroin overdose. Your son is taking a difficult and self-destructive path, but he WILL be okay. </p>
<p>Please continue to vent here as you get help for yourself and your boy.</p>
<p>goaliedad- thanks for sharing that. The Aspie kids have a tough road to navigate, and the high IQs serve them well in many areas, but they struggle, too. I had (and have) some Aspie friends while I was growing up, and every day was a challenge for them. I can certainly see, now that you pointed it out, how video games can be a really destructive influence for them.</p>
<p>To the OP, we read months ago of the dangers of the WOW, thanks to you, and I did caution my student to stay away (others in her school play it during free time.) So sorry for your son. Best of luck with recovery.</p>
<p>I have seen addiction problems in family and friends over the years, and it is very difficult to overcome,but it can be done. God be with you and yours.</p>
<p>To the students who say things like "just take away the game", I doubt it will make a dent, but here goes. Taking away the pacifier works for a baby. The baby will cry, but eventually he will find another way to calm himself. This withdrawal technique stops working as children get older. How many people sneak out after "curfew" or buy alcohol underage, even though they have been "told" not to? Telling people to just stop, does not work. Period, end of discussion. To equate a few psychology courses to a trained psychiatrist's training is laughable. Go get your license if you are so qualified (NOT). And yes, a good therapist can help make life altering changes. However, the patient must work at it too. Oh, and BTW, if manufacturers (of Alcohol, tobacco, video games, casino games, heroin et al) don't try to get people addicted in order to buy their products, then there must be no Santa! Duh, haven't tobacco companies been successfully sued for millions, despite the "surgeon general's warnings"? Just because everyone doesn't become an addict does not mean that these things did not of themselves harm people, sorry. However, in order to recover, it is the patient that must do the heavy lifting.</p>
<p>Peace out.</p>
<p>"
The kids on here - and yes, you are kids - do not, I believe, intend to be hurtful, they just carry the arrogance of youth. Life teaches adults that we don't have all the answers, that everybody screws up, that "there, but for the grace of God, go I," and that the last thing any of us has the right to do is judge others. Wrinkles and the effects of gravity are small prices to pay for the wisdom life brings."</p>
<p>I agree. I also think that the kids are entitled to post their opinions within TOS, which is what the posts from them that I've seen have been doing. Just because they bluntly state their opinions and lack the empathy that many parents have doesn't mean that they aren't entitled to post. Maybe, too, by posting here, they are learning some things that will help them with their lives now and in the future when they are parents.</p>
<p>How do you know if your child has an addictive personality or could become addicted to the games to that point? Reading this and other threads that are similar worry me about my own son, who is a Freshman in high school. He is a overly conscientious (worries about his grades/rank too much but has straight A's) student who plays sports and does community service on the weekends. He also will play video games all day if he has the time (weekends, school vacations). How much is crossing the line? He plays Call of Duty and Halo with many neighborhood kids (tho no WOW yet). So, how much is too much and how do I know when it is becoming a problem? When and how should a parent intervene to prevent a nightmare from happening when they get to college?</p>
<p>A close family member of mine successfully overcame a video game "addiction." Like the OP's son, he was forced to leave college because of poor grades. His parents got him into counseling, where it was determined his problem wasn't actually an addiction to video games but was instead a symptom of depression and anxiety. His treatment plan included talk therapy and meds. The counselor also suggested a full-time job to keep him busy. </p>
<p>The kid showed almost immediate improvement. The job was especially helpful as it involved sitting at a computer all day. By the time the kid got home from work, he was so sick of looking at a computer screen that he didn't even want to see a computer.</p>
<p>His therapist supported his re-enrollment in college six months later. He did well, graduated, and found a good job (still on meds and under the supervision of his therapist.) Today, the kid has NO interest in video games. He no longer takes meds or sees a therapist. He himself says it's because he's in a happier place in his life.</p>
<p>OP, I realize depression and anxiety probably aren't the cause of every video game addiction, but I hope you'll at least explore the possibility that they might be an underlying factor. Best of luck to you and your son.</p>