Positive Effects of Helicoptering on College Students

<p>Todays Washington's Post noted that despite the negative connotation of "helicopter parents," they actually have been very beneficial. See the article:</p>

<hr>

<p>New Study Gives Hovering College Parents Extra Credit</p>

<p>By Jay Mathews
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, November 5, 2007; Page A01 </p>

<p>Despite the negative reputation of "helicopter parents," those moms and dads who hover over children in college and swoop into their academic affairs appear to be doing plenty of good. </p>

<p>That's the conclusion of one of the nation's most respected college surveys in a report, to be released today, that experts call the first to examine the effects of helicopter parenting. </p>

<p>Students with helicopter parents "trumped their peers on every measure we use," says Indiana University's George D. Kuh, survey director. (By Steven L. Raymer For The Washington Post)....</p>

<p>Jay Mathews, Washington Post Education Writer (you may know him from High School Rankings based on APs) has an article in this morning's Post based on a new report (to be released today) from the National Survey of Student Engagement. It shows college students with hovering parents often have better measures of engagement and satisfaction!
Didn't appear to correlate with better grades, however.</p>

<p>washingtonpost.com</a> - nation, world, technology and Washington area news and headlines</p>

<p>This link is more direct:</p>

<p>[url=<a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/04/AR2007110401754.html?hpid=topnews%5Dwashingtonpost.com%5B/url"&gt;http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/04/AR2007110401754.html?hpid=topnews]washingtonpost.com[/url&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/p>

<p>I think, at least with my S so far, I've found a niche that works for both of us -- advisor. My S has sent me emails, asking me to look at his undergrad catalog and help him go in with at least a rudimentary understanding when he speaks with an academic advisor. This works because he's gotten some bum advice before, and now he can say ... "well, wait a minute, I thought ..." based on our explorations. Also, when he had trouble getting registered for a Calc class for this spring (long, convoluted story related to bum advice and over-rides that shouldn't have been needed), I helped advise him on how to navigate up the chain of command and the whole "squeaky wheel premise." He handled all of it on his own, talked to everyone on his own, but at least he had a handle on what to expect and how to approach people because we discussed it. After several days and many aborted trips to buildings and floors that don't exist, he's now in his Calc class, and he's had a taste of "welcome to the world of hurry up and wait." I like this new job title that I have, and I like that he respects and values my opinion. We're feeling out this new relationship pretty well, I think. My jaw almost dropped a month ago when he told his sister that she needed to pay more attention to some of the things I was trying to tell her about college admissions, that my research had ACTUALLY helped him. :)</p>

<p>zebes</p>

<p>my mom helicopters my sister so much that it's not even funny. However she has backed off a bit now that she's in college and not in high school anymore.</p>

<p>Well, this is really interesting. My belief is that I helicoptered when my son needed me to. A lot in K-4, a fair amount in 5-8, much less in HS and not at all in college--I don't consider a daily e-mail and a weekly phone call to be hovering. Some of my friend's kids have needed some parental intervention in college--about terrible roommate situations, for example. Some young adults may need continuing support after college--I'm thinking about those with mental health issues or autism spectrum disorders, maybe some physical challenges. Thanks for the link.</p>

<p>I have always thought that a close relationship with parents is beneficial to children at any age. Not all kids are the same maturity level when they go off to college and some need more nurturing than others. It's not as if you raise them for 18 years and then the day they go off to college you say "OK, I'm done now." I see nothing wrong with continuing to be support, communicate often and stay involved in your child's life. This is a time of growth and seperation, but it can be a gradual one with parents helping from the sidelines to a certain extent as their child learns to do for himself.</p>

<p>I imagine that the kid that stays in close contact with parents would be less likely to get involved in destructive activities.</p>

<p>Well when I was in college I still needed some guidance. I had a roommate who thought she was setting up a permanent home. She wanted me to chip in for curtains, matching bedspreads, pots and pans, etc. My mother just laughed and explained that this was a place to live for a year or two. I resented it at the time, but mom was right. Also, I went to the dentist on my own for the first time. He saw what he thought was a rich (wrong), inexperienced kid and tried to tell me that all of my fillings were old and needed replacing. I called home because I needed the money to replace said fillings, and because I was upset at the news. My parents saw through this, and asked that I seek a second opinion. Naturally, my fillings were just fine and required nothing.</p>

<p>There are students out there with complex situations. There are students with addictions, anorexia, those that will be diagnosed with chronic conditions such as diabetes. Nothing is wrong with family support.</p>

<p>My daughter has both learning issues and chronic illness, and I need to keep hovering on those issues. When we talked last night, I had to remind her she still needed to go to the health center for blood tests. Academically--she was in constant contact with me about her first semester course choices. But last night she told me what she had selected for second semester. I wasn't thrilled, but she explained exactly why she was taking each course, and I had to admit she made sense. I think I was more chagrined that she hadn't asked my advice than with what she plans to take!</p>

<p>Helicoptering long distance is a lot harder than when she lived under the same roof!</p>

<p>I agree northeastmom-- I would start hovering again in a heartbeat if I thought he needed me and I have been supportive of my friends when they've needed to intervene or advocate. There are times to step back and let kids handle things themselves, but if that's not working, they may need help.</p>

<p>There's another thread going on this. Maybe they can be merged.</p>

<p>Way to go zebes!</p>

<p>Correlation does not equal causation.</p>

<p>Once again, people seem to have this idea that a helicopter parent is just a name for an involved or close parent, whereas whenever I've heard the term off of this board, it means something excessive.</p>

<p>
[quote]
"You do not take on your children's problems," Johnson said, "but you talk to them about it."

[/quote]
</p>

<p>This sounds like a good level of involvement to me. And, you know, staying in contact with the student is not being a helicopter parent. Demanding that the student call you once a day, otherwise you're going to call the cops, is.</p>

<p>
[quote]
The study found no evidence that helicopter parenting produces better grades. In fact, students with very-involved parents had lower grades than those whose parents were not so involved

[/quote]
</p>

<p>
[quote]
Kuh, the survey director, said students with helicopter parents "trumped their peers on every measure we use

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Um...so which is it?</p>

<p>I noticed that too--maybe they didn't use grades as a measure.</p>

<p>The parents who try to buy their kids into college or choose all their kid's classes or try to get their grades changed--that I consider inappropriate involvement.</p>

<p>Jessiehl, I noticed that discrepancy too. I am surprised that Washington Post Editors allowed that mixed message.</p>

<p>bethievt, and sometimes they just need to talk with you, or you can advise and then they can handle the situation. One does not need to necessarily take action for the student.</p>

<p>smdur, if she is doing well, that is all that matters. She is lucky to have your support.</p>

<p>I agree with the above posts. Other than illness or disability issues, I can't imagine too many college situations where I would need to directly intervene. But we parents can and should serve as sources of advice and worldly wisdom, sounding boards, and sometimes the nagging voice of conscience or duty. For example, S was being diligent about studies and involvements, but had been putting off finding that campus work-study job included in his FA. When I asked about it very sweetly, that was all that was required to get him motivated to visit the student employment office the next day. I do think most well-adjusted kids really want to prove to their parents that they are mature and capable of handling their independence. Therefore, they respond very well to subtle hints. It's the principle of accountability and I think we all need that! I wouldn't label it hovering.</p>

<p>A parent should be like a libarary for a college student.. an experience resource to tap when questions arise from everything from laundry to boyfriends/girlfriends...</p>

<p>Now we can offer psa's (public service announcements) without being asked... like go look around for storage for summer, check the oil everytime you fill up.. etc.. </p>

<p>Am I going to call the school administration about something? I plan never to, but you never know what can happen... just had a dinner with friends and found out d missed out on a possible Rhodes Scholarship because of administration miscues and snobery by a department chair. Those parents have every right to helicopter with something like that. So I can't say never...</p>

<p>Basically the best thing a parent can do is share their mistakes with their kids. Our wisdom is often developed through a lifetime of mistakes. Something as simple as check your oil may really come from forgetting to do it yourself at that age and having to buy a new engine...</p>

<p>Hmmm. They spent research dollars to re-discover that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.</p>

<p>In teaching we learned a term that better captures what many of us are trying to do, I think: "Scaffolding." As each child is trying to learn to read, you sit beside them individually and ask them to read a text you've chosen as approximately their level but with a slight challenge. (SLIGHT challenge). </p>

<p>As you read below, think about your kid in a tough situation. Read this pedagogy as a metaphor on what we're to do when a kid is stumped by a troublesome decision (= a "tricky word" in this metaphor) is making a mistake, or is so concerned he might err that he's hesitant to even try.</p>

<p>(I'm not quoting a source here, so no plagiarism, this is all from my memory): </p>

<p>When they don't know a word and pause silently before it, don't jump in immediately to provide it. Rather, wait to see if they'll correct it themselves.</p>

<p>Sometimes they even go back 3 words and re-approach it for a second try. If you know the child well, you might even suggest, "Try that again.,." but you don't give them the answer. </p>

<p>If they self-correct, you might compliment quickly, "good fixing!" but not make a big fanfare to interrupt or slow down their forward progress.</p>

<p>If they are hopelessly stuck, and stop completely, and look at you for help (that's called an "appeal"). At that point you give them a prompt, chosen based upon what they did say, for example: "Does that make sense?" "Do you know another word like it?" Would "xxxx" work?" But you always ask, don't tell.</p>

<p>You want the kid to learn and practice the process of self-monitoring and self-corrrecting as much as possible, to learn to become an accurate, independent reader at each new level of difficulty. </p>

<p>If none of this is helping, then you know you have to provide the word xxx (=swoop in) so they can keep moving forward and make sense of the text. Even then, phrase it as a question that they have to answer themself: "Does xxx sound right?" </p>

<p>If there are 3 appeals on a page, you can assume the material is over their head and you offer them the next easiest book, saying, "Here, try this instead" so they can read fluently.</p>

<p>What matters is that they work independently with reasonable accuracy than that they read every word with perfect accuracy. You are also trying to teach them to use the context of the rest of the text to figure out or "solve" the tricky word. </p>

<p>If you jump in with a tricky word too soon, you might undo their process of thinking it over and self-correcting. OTOH, you do need to give them help after they've indicated complete inability at that level, or have appealed repeatedly for help. Don't just leave them hanging without help, or else after a while they get frustrated, discouraged. The material stops making sense to them and they give up completely or conclude they can't read very well after all.</p>

<p>IF THEY READ a word inaccurately, either the first or repeat try, do not comment at that moment. Wait until they finish the entire paragraph or story section. Then go back and talk over with them how they did. You can say,
"That was a tricky word for you.." and then explain/reteach etc. any principles that will help them better understand their mistake. Only pick one or two words to address in each setting. Above all, you want them to conclude that they are making progress, even if it wasn't a perfect performance.</p>

<p>You need to know enough about the books in your room that you can level them to understand which is the next harder, next easier text (=lifestage). If they fall apart, move to the next easier text. If they did read fluently (steadily, not haltingly) with only 2-3 errors per paragraph, they need more practice at the same level next time. If they read fluently and with perfect or near-perfect accuracy, then the work is too easy and next time they can try at a higher level of difficulty.</p>

<p>Before they read a new text, you might have to introduce them to the text, but do not tell them the entire plot. Just motivate them enough to want to figure it out. De-bug a tricky word in advance that you're SURE would halt them, so you pre-teach rather than post-teach. After the reading, post-teach their most important inaccuracies that you noticed during the reading but didn't stop them over because you didn't want to interrupt their fluency.</p>

<p>It's called "scaffolding" because you are sitting beside the child, ready to provide appropriate support when needed as s/he does all the work. As you perceive mastery, you are still nearby but stay silent so the child can experience the mastery. </p>

<p>Be positive and say "good reading!" at the end of their work, because no matter what you can see they've been working hard to make meaning of the text. That is what reading is. It's not perfect accuracy; it's finding the place where you can proceed fluently with reasonable accuracy, and use your context to make sense of the spots that are troublesome.</p>

<p>Eventually, a scaffold can be removed from a worksite but your primary concern is for the safety of the individual at work. Don't leave too soon or they'll fall. When you perceive they're doing well, then back off slowly.</p>

<p>Kind of off topic but...My D backed up into a teammate's car one night recently and caused some minor damage. By the time I found out about it she had already spoken to her friend and the girls parents as well as her insurance agent... who is also her dad :-). I was impressed...This is the first time she didn't come to me first and it is gratifying.</p>

<p>I helicoptered in decreasing amounts as my kids have grown up and it was so cool to see that now, as Jr. in hs my D has learned what to do and how to handle a situation like this. A year ago she would have thought that talking to an adult and admitting she had screwed up would kill her. I think if the helicopter is a model that guides rather than takes over and does things for their kids it is a positive.</p>