<p>great advice--getting the paper version of the paper.</p>
<p>"Go ahead, put that decal on the car. Read the online student paper. Follow the athletic teams, and cheer them on. Learn the history and culture of the college."</p>
<p>I've even started wearing her school colors in public...I'm working up to a sweatshirt with the college emblem. I'm sure by the time her bedroom sits empty I'll go into a blank stare, don the full college regalia, step out on to the porch and wait for the season to change.</p>
<p>Went to Starbucks the other day and the woman at the register asked my name to write it on the cup. When I told her she started to tear up and said "That's my daughter's name. She left for college this morning."</p>
<p>Sigh. She looked so sad and vacant.</p>
<p>This afternoon I went to the hospital to visit a friend. Her baby had been born five hours earlier. And it was strange how clearly I could remember, even feel, the way it was 18 years ago with newborn S. I can picture him in my mind from that first day so clearly, down to the shape of his head. And I thought how could it be that he's leaving home already? I drove home excited for her new adventure but a little sad about mine (though the rediscovering romance part sounds pretty great!)</p>
<p>Each week, as part of the Sabbath service, Jews read a different chapter of the Torah (Old Testament). Starting with Genesis at the beginning of the Jewish year and continuing on until the end of the year, we read the whole Torah. This week's portion is Devarim, the first portion of the book known in English as Deuteronomy. In it, knowing that he cannot go with them and will soon no longer be with there to lead and guide them, Moses begins to tell the people about themselves and all the things that he thinks they need to know once they cross over into the Promised Land.</p>
<p>Listening today, I marveled at the timeliness, and recalled how during the entire two past months, whenever I could, I've been telling my daughter all the things I think she should know and remember and do and not do, when she crosses the (Hudson) River and begins her life at college.... without me.</p>
<p>But there are so many!! All I could do today was just tell him that soon he'll be the only person in the world who will be able to take care of my only child, so he HAS to do it well!</p>
<p>What a desperate feeling...expressed succinctly if not elegantly by his father, who then added, "Yeah, and if you don't, she'll come down there and smack you one!"</p>
<p>But his father has tears in HIS eyes, too, when I catch him thinking about all this.</p>
<p>I always refused bumper stickers and decals, but I've got one now. Got the sweatshirt too. I even have a mug. Got the worries about the big city and such, and the whole mish-mash of feelings. Even a twinge of jealousy - nobody's mentioned that yet.</p>
<p>But what I really want to know is how on earth I'm going to deal with a host of practical matters without this only child of ours. Who will make sure my TV shows get recorded? Granted, most of the shows I watch are ones she introduced me to, but I'm hooked just the same. </p>
<p>How will I know which movies are playing? And the music - what about music? I have to be told twenty or thirty times which band is which, but much of what she listens to is really good. With no CD's, will the car radio bounce back and forth between the oldies channel and NPR forever without end?</p>
<p>Speaking of the car, will there still be a hairbrush and tissues in there? Sunglasses? </p>
<p>And how will I keep from embarrassing myself in outdated or stained clothing? Will I have to start looking in the mirror? Who will tell me if I have ugly hairs sprouting from odd places. Not my husband - he's far sighted and couldn't care less about such things. Also, at some point, I'll run out of bath products. When I finally catch up and finish the last rejected bottle of shampoo, what will I buy? I have no clue.</p>
<p>Then there's the chores. Okay, I had to fuss, but eventually they did get done. Did I ever tell her she sweeps, and puts away clothes and dishes because I hate those chores most? </p>
<p>I have a husband and a life. I won't lack for things to do. I won't pout, at least not for long. But that's still one whopping hole she'll leave.</p>
<p>My husband is overseas until November. When S leaves in less than 2 weeks, I'll be without Mr. Fix-it and Mr. Fix-it Jr. and will need to be even more self-reliant. (S2 will still be home, but he's not very handy. He'll move heavy objects if asked, but doesn't have the "fix it up" touch.) Not sure how I'll get myself to set the traps in the garage (more accurately, how I'll get myself to <em>dump</em> them after they're sprung), but I guess I have some growing up to do, too.</p>
<p>I hope I remember to eat.</p>
<p>S stuffed his new monstrously-huge duffel bag last night with all his pillows and blankets to see how big he could get it. I laughed. I don't think I'll be laughing on the 27th... although I'll be happy for him. I'll get over it.</p>
<p>LOL about the TV programs! My dd keeps telling me that I have to learn to program the DVR, because she's leaving in two weeks and her younger sister isn't going to around forever. And do I still have an excuse to tune in the non-oldies stations? We haven't put the stickers on the car yet, but these messages have motivated me to do so. </p>
<p>We have a 17 hour drive there and back, and I'm thinking it's going to be a long trip back after the drop-off.</p>
<p>My oldest, DS, is leaving Wed (2 days!). He will be accompanied on the 12 hour drive by H, me and DS2. Oh, what a long ride home it will be! No matter how much I try I cannot fathom coming home without him or generally, not having my DS around. I find my self weepy everywhere I go! I just can't imagine leaving this kid in another state, a plane ride, not a subway ride, away. In some weird thinking I scheduled eye surgery for the day after I return from dropping him off. I realized I might have irritated eyes so called the doc's office to see if that would be a problem. No, said the NP but you can't be sad after the surgery. Well, that would be day #2 - any thoughts???? I doubt that I will be done crying by then!!!</p>
<p>Mootmom, my boys have a relationship very similar to yours. DS2 is ADHD and has been an itch to DS1 pretty much always so it will be interesting to see how things go. DS2 did reveal that he was sad one day on the phone - I was surprised to hear him say that - despite their bickering there is apparently some depth of feeling there - some ownership of having a big brother - or maybe enough memories of StarWars figures.......I would love to hear any suggestions for helping the remaining sibling or maybe it turns out not to be an issue as they head into the limelight!</p>
<p>Tonight we had about 30 kids here - a last gathering/BBQ of friends before he leaves. The kids were so grateful and I realized I will also miss all of his friends!!!! He is the first of his crowd to go, after that someone leaves every 3 days. They are very aware of their vulnerability right now - each revealed anxieties about something - roommates, distance, whether or not they made the right school decision, fear of homesickness, professors, how to find their lecture halls, etc. What a difficult time it is for them as well.</p>
<p>I said goodbye to DS today at his college. After the hugs came the tears. My cellphone is standing by for a call; I know he's busy with a new roommate and orientation. The waiting is hard!</p>
<p>As DS moves from campus dorm to an off campus apartment soph year, talking of internship/ug research next summer, we are dealing with the final extended period when he will be "home" this summer. The students in his apartment seem to have made a commitment for the next three years, so the likelihood that he will be returning next summer is slight at best.</p>
<p>We (DD#2 the middle child and I) leave this afternoon, flying from east coast to west. Have much luggage, orientation stuff, a gazillion flip-flops and swim suits. The boys (3 of them) have been her constant shadow for the past 3 weeks. They had her bake THEM a cake last night plus a going-away dinner. They will miss her. She has already mailed them letters from here to here (!!) just to let them know she will be thinking of them. Her big sis has been helping her pack and keep her stuff leaving to a limited amount.</p>
<p>Having 5 of them has kept me (single mom over-tired!, and lost my sense of humor last week) too busy to be sad, just mindful of all she (DD) does and how she is the one that keeps the boys in line. Her big bro has been back for the summer so that has helped quite a bit. He has been trying to explain how to cope with being away from all our chaos, but says she will understand better in a month or two.</p>
<p>She will have a hectic practice/meet schedule with a ton of travel including international training sessions so she will be also kept busy. And of course her classes!!</p>
<p>She says she will miss the dogs and cats and Mr. Rabbit, but maybe not so much the noise that comes with that many animals and a houseful of kids. Her older sister (college senior) begins classes at the end of the week and older brother in a couple of weeks. Little brothers start high school next week. With one being a senior, his schedule is already looking crazy. </p>
<p>We have 2 layovers, 11 hours. UGH. I know I wil be sad once I get back. I am too tired just yet. </p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>ps With the older ones going so far away I hope Mr. Cranky-Pants (DS the hs senior) goes to UNC-CH or Duke. I can always hope!!!</p>
<p>Wow - you really are in the throes of this transition with kids in all phases of this adventure. I think you should be too exhausted to be sad right now!!!! How sweet that DD made her brothers a good bye cake, and thought to right letters.</p>
<p>I've been finally able to (I think) let go this summer. Son was away most of the time - although I did talk to him 3-4 times a week. My husband may be having a harder time than I.</p>