Readmission Appeal Critique, Please please help me!

Hello everyone, so I got rejected from my top school (SDSU) and it shattered me. However I got accepted into Cal Poly SLO and SJSU. I have been working towards getting into this school for a long time and I know my GPA was just barely not enough to par with the others. Considering I got on the waitlist. Anyways I am writing an appeal because my GPA was low to extreme circumstances, so I am begging those that are willing to help me to correct this appeal and make it the best appeal it can be. Any help is greatly appreciated!

To whom it may concern:

I am writing this letter of appeal due to my academic dismissal from San Diego State University. I was unsurprised by this, but very upset receiving a letter of dismissal of admission this past week. I would like to urge reinstatement on my behalf for this fall 2016 semester.

The year of 2014, I had faced the most difficult semester during fall 2014. As a consequence my grades and academic performance suffered as a result. This is no means to excuse my poor academic performance, but I would like to disclose and explain the extenuating circumstances I faced. I was aware that registering for 14 credit hours and a total of five classes to take on would require work and help to continue my graduation on time. I had done well in the first few months until that November then my father suddenly died from a induced diabetic type one seizure. I had helped and manage taking care of my father for as long as I can remember. Due to his death, I had to leave Santa Barbara and go back to my hometown in the Santa Cruz County and organize his funeral and deal with a abundance of legal issues, since my father had remarried. I had been only absent from my classes for a total of two weeks. Because of the ill-timed circumstance I had missed too much school that I took two classes as “in-completes" to finish after the semester had been over. The following time during the spring semester of 2015 I completed these “incomplete” classes added to the units I had that semester. Needless to say this hindered my grades I believe I would have achieved if this unforeseen life event had not happened. I did everything in my power to try and make up the lost work and had spoken to my teachers the day I found out. My mental state was a challenge in itself to overcome but I had professional help and continue to with therapists.

I have wished and worked my best to receive a chance to attend San Diego State University. If I can be reinstated, I know that I will be able to handle my course load, manage my time by working on school assignments in advance, and take the amount of units I can handle. I hope that this explanation gives reason to indicate that I am not a terrible student due to the low GPA that continued for those times. I hope that it is possible that I can be given reconsideration and admission. Thank you for the consideration of my appeal.

Sincerely,

Did you get REJECTED or DISMISSED? DISMISSED means you were in and they kicked you out. The letter seems to address a different problem than your summary above.

I was rejected admission into the school of SDSU @bodangles

… then you should substitute “denial of admission” for “academic dismissal.” Are you a transfer student?

So then why does your letter say that you want REadmission and were dismissed? Did you use someone else’s letter as the basis for yours or something? Your letter is not addressing the problem that you have.

@lkbeck93 I think it might help people offer suggestions if you shared more specifics, such as are you a transfer student from a community college, what’s your overall GPA, what was your GPA per each semester at your CC, were you denied or waitlisted by SDSU, etc. because the letter you posted for review sounds as if you are a current student at SDSU, and were expelled from SDSU due to poor grades.

Also, SDSU’s Office of the Ombudsman has great tips on how to write an effective appeal. Though the samples given are not for appealing a denial/waitlist, by reviewing their tips, you’ll get an idea of what SDSU expects in an appeal. I wouldn’t put my SSN (this was listed on one of the samples on the Ombudsman page) on an appeal letter though unless they specifically required it. Usually, your Red ID number will suffice.

http://go.sdsu.edu/student_affairs/ombudsman/writingletter.aspx

Too much detail either way. Explaining that your father passed away and you missed a considerable amount of class due to that seems to be the gist of it. If you had one bad semester and this explains your low grades that senester, just tell them that. All the details about cause of death, your mental state, etc are extraneous.

Ok here are the specifics:
I am a transferring student at Santa Barbara City College trying to transfer from this spring 2015 to fall 2016 to a state school. As a result, I applied to state school this year because I am a graphic design major. Which is not offered at UC’s. My overall transferable GPA is 3.36. I was denied and waitlisted to be accepted admittance to SDSU.
@bodangles Yes I realize that so I will correct that just bad terminology. So I am a transfer student.
@Fish125 Here are the details^^^^^
@intparent No I need the details because it is an appeal letter to hopfully get a chance at SDSU to consider my app again to be accepted to study at SDSU since I am transfer student from a CC.

You applied to SDSU for fall 2016 and were rejected? If that’s true, then you weren’t “dismissed.” Your letter needs to say that you’re writing to appeal your rejection.

No, you do NOT need all those details. You just distract the person considering your appeal – the diagnosis doesn’t matter, and it does not help your case to say that you have been getting professional help. Do you have more than just that one bad semester? I know YOU are wrapped up in the details, but they are honestly not helpful to your case. You can write a much briefer letter. IF it is true that you had ONE bad semester due to this, then it is enough info to say that your father died and you missed a lot of class because of it, which affected your grades.

I’m sure we all feel sympathetic for your loss, but this is about the letter.
In general, you don’t get positive attention for a detailed explanation of how, when the chips are down, you sink. And not from a vague, “did everything within my power.” And it’s tricky to explain your mental state. Ask yourself what positive impression you think you are are creating by telling them so much about what tanked. What they would need to see is turnaround.

I still don’t understand two things: a) what led you to produce a letter for a school dismissal? Did you not realize what you were writing? And b) if you made up the incompletes, are you saying you didn’t do well in those classes?

Because all SDSU can go on is what is. They can’t guess. And if your record isn’t strong enough, you may need to find an alternative plan.

@intparent What you recommend exactly I say and exactly i admit?

@lookingforward so omit everything? I just want to communicate the circumstances
i was looking at appeal example letters online because i have never written one, yeah so when i made up the incompetes it affected my following gpa again that next semester because i was having to teach myself the classes since they were over for midterms and finals i had left.

yes i am! and submitted it

@lkbeck93 I am so sorry about your father’s passing. I know what it is like to have a parent pass away, and most of us walk in a fog for quite some time afterward. The fact that you went back to school shows your dedication to your education.

The reason why other posters are saying to greatly edit your letter is because we know that those who are reading your appeal are also reading thousands of other ones, and if the letter is too dramatic or wordy, it probably won’t go to the next level. SDSU denied approximately 60,000 applicants this year, and many are appealing. That is a lot of appeal letters to read.

Though SDSU doesn’t accept many from their waitlist, the fact that you aren’t a local community college student and weren’t flat out denied, does give a bit of hope. What SDSU probably wants to see in appeals is that the applicant has the maturity to handle upper division courses right away at a very large public university. They expect transfer students to be able to handle the workload, and if something bad happens in their lives that they know how to navigate through the situation promptly and efficiently. So to them, it is not so much about what happened or your emotions at the time, but what you learned from the experience and what steps you are taking to make sure in the future when/if bad things happen, you have the ability to handle it, or have a plan in place to get the resources you need to deal with the situation. Read the link I provided earlier, which describes what SDSU wants in appeal letters. They give some great examples of the tone they expect to see in appeals.

Also, if your GPA has always been a high one, and was only low during the 2014-15 school term, call that out in your appeal. That is the type of background they are looking for when they are considering your appeal.

I am sorry for your loss.

However your narrative is really hard to follow. You write “Considering I got on the waitlist”. So which is it? Did they turn you down for admission, or put you on the waitlist?

Next, you seem to have chosen the wrong term. I guess in a sense it does kinda sound like putting “re” in front works in the sense of “re” meaning “try again”. If something comes unattached you reattach it, if you don’t like the decorations you redecorate, and so on. So maybe you’re thinking the way to try again for admission is “readmission”. However, as pointed out above, that is not what the term means.

You are appealing either being placed on the waitlist or being denied admission altogether; its hard to tell from what you have posted. You need to get this clear otherwise the school is not going to understand what you are asking and will ignore your letter.

@lkbeck93:

  1. Are you on the waitlist? If you are, I am pretty sure you cannot file an appeal if you are waitlisted.
  2. If you were denied admission, then you can file an appeal for your denial. I assume you have documentation related to your father’s passing along with a brief explanation. I agree with the above posters that you need to change the terminology in your appeal and keep to the facts, short and sweet.

I wish you best of luck.

@Fish125 Thanks so much yeah its hard to have many people to relate to with that, because not only did my Father pass but my Mother had passed away when I was in middle school so im pretty much alone with my sisters and if it werent for my aunt and uncle I do not know where I would be. Yeah I am pretty shocked that I didn’t get completely denied admission. I just do not know the odds of the waitlist I feel like its so little that people will get picked from them. Oh yeah your definitely right the rest of the time it was mostly high, should I mention that I was on the CC’s presidents honor roll twice?

@mikemac Yeah I know its confusing but I did get denied admission but I also got waitlisted so like If there is enough people deciding they do not want to attend SDSU then they go to the waitlist and picked someone but if there is not many that do not decline the offer of attending than its really low that I would picked and even denied fully without chance of admission at all. yeah I totally agree I messed up with the exact terms, yeah definitely needs more clarity