<p>Friend’s D was able to take a leave of absence from Berkeley, attend CC for a year, and then go right back to Berkeley – this was just a couple of years ago, and she even kept her Regent’s scholarship when she went back.</p>
<p>Thanks so much to everyone for all the thoughtful replies. Yesterday, my H and I got out of town for the day to watch the solar eclipse in California! It was a great way to get our minds off all of this.</p>
<p>Talked to son a bit more last night. I will post more later this evening, but everyone’s replies so far have been so very insightful and I am so appreciative.</p>
<p>crizello – give yourself a pat on the back that you’ve raised such a thoughtful, mature kid who knows when to reach out and who knows he’ll find parents who will listen and understand. I think so many kids limp along, terrified of parents’ reaction if they don’t follow the path set out for them. He will encounter many bumps in the road of life – (I was going to say potholes, but I don’t think you have them in California) – relationships that sour, jobs that dead end – being able to evaluate and regroup is a terrific skill. Keep us posted.</p>
<p>If he does want to leave his four year school, he should check what withdrawal or leave of absence paperwork needs to be done in order to be able to be readmitted later with minimum hurdles. Many four year schools will easily readmit students who have properly withdrawn while in good academic standing.</p>
<p>If community college is under consideration, he should check the course availability – community colleges seem to have the worst problems with the budget cuts causing course offering cutbacks, with the down economy inducing more people to attend them to retrain for different jobs.</p>
<p>I would have him go ahead and register for fall classes (just gen eds) at the UC. I would concerned that what is causing his unhappiness is a combination of things (wrong major, didn’t form relationships because he was heavily invested in hs girlfriend) and these are things that won’t be fixed by coming home, necessarily. I’d be afraid he’d get home for the summer, realize it’s just “not the same” and be stuck. </p>
<p>Have him take some cc classes over the summer. See how he feels about them and about living at home. If that does seem to be the solution for him, then go ahead and request a LOA or withdraw from the UC. You’re not saying no to his plans, just telling him to keep the UC as a backup. </p>
<p>Many student development experts point out that first years, even those who outwardly seem to be having a great experience, are lonely, feeling like the don’t fit in, etc.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This crossed my mind also. There’s nothing wrong with transferring to another school if this one’s not working out, but encourage your son to make changes that move him forward, not backward. There is no turning back time.</p>
<p>I also agree with the poster who mentioned that a HS relationship can be a hindrance that keeps students from throwing themselves into college life fully. </p>
<p>Why not suggest that your son look at other 4-year schools for transfer? He could consider a spring 2013 transfer after looking at options. I also recommend that he register for Fall 2012 at his current school in case he changes his mind. Don’t burn bridges.</p>
<p>
Unless he’s decided he no longer wants the mechEng major he likely needs to register for some of his engineering major courses since an engineering major schedule is usually packed full in order to get it done in 4 years - he likely doesn’t have the luxury of enrolling in only GEs unless he’s decided to switch out of engineering or doesn’t mind going over 4 years at the UC.</p>
<p>I know that ‘taking a leave’ can sometimes work out. </p>
<p>One of my best friends from prep school got into a big U and took her local boyfriend along when she started as a freshman. (boyfriend was not enrolled, was older and just ‘hung out’) At any rate, she didn’t socialize, didn’t make friends because she was always with older boyfriend. Sometime after her first semester (maybe after 1st year,) she decided to leave. The school ‘wasn’t for her.’ She moved back home, but unbeknownst to her, her parents filled out all of the forms for her to take a ‘leave.’ How they did this without her signature I don’t know, but they did. </p>
<p>6 months later, she had broken up with the boyfriend and was working in a factory. The person next to her was just marveling that she had left the Big School she had attended and was going on and on about ‘her’ son’s FUN experience at the Big School. My friend realized that she hadn’t even given the Big School any chance and she suddenly wanted to return and do some of the things that her co-worker’s son was doing (namely making friends! lol.) She went back, joined a sorority, got a great education, and graduated. She’s happily married (to a guy she met when she went back 
) and she’s a very proud alumna of the Big School! </p>
<p>So, taking a leave can work out, I wouldn’t close the door on where he is now just yet…</p>
<p>^If only he could get a factory job…</p>
<p>First of all, let me say how grateful I am at the comments and insights. There were so many things posted that made me think of things in new ways. This forum is amazing, and I can’t say how much all the advice has meant to me.</p>
<p>As I mentioned, my H and I talked with our S last night. He is still convinced that he isn’t a good fit for his current school, but he agreed to do the following:
–talk to his academic advisor there about whether this is a good major for him, whether he could take a leave of absence, etc. We have encouraged our S to be brutally honest with his advisor about the challenges he is facing in his major, etc
–talk to a counselor about his feelings of loneliness and depression, especially after the breakup</p>
<p>My S continues to emphasize that he isn’t quitting school, he just needs a year to figure out exactly what he wants, and a year at the community college will really help. Like others, my concern is that the CA budget mess here is so terrible, that getting the courses he needs will be quite a challenge. I like the idea of enrolling for a summer course and getting a feel for it. Our challenge is that the UC spring Q ends just a few days after the summer session at the community college starts.</p>
<p>My S is convinced that he will be better off right now with his friends from HS that ‘know him’. He will only be convinced that one can’t go back in time with HS friendships by spending some time here this summer and seeing how even these friends have moved on some to their new lives.</p>
<p>I think there is some truth to the fact that his long-distance relationship with his GF affected his ability to make friends at school. He definitely spent lots of time skyping with her.</p>
<p>However, it is a fact that he was in the ‘engineering dorm’ (it’s structured as a learning community), and in reality, my S really is not the typical engineer. If you saw him, you would not see him as an engineer, with his long hair, piercings, etc. He likes engineering because he loves to create, and to build, and he is fascinated by how things work. But he has said he also dreams of becoming a pilot.</p>
<p>I have a business trip in that area next week, and I may try to find some time to see him. Or it may just be a good idea to wait until he comes home in a month. </p>
<p>Everyone is right that this is his decision. We may be financing his education, but it is ultimately his future. We are concentrating on just giving him the love and support he needs right now, as I know this is a big decision for him. </p>
<p>If there is more advice, I’d love to hear it!</p>
<p>OP, a very similar scenario happened with our D at the end of her freshman year. She was also miserable due largely to a distant boyfriend and yes, she spent more time on facebook and skype than she did with the people around her. Her plan was to take soph year at the local community college and then transfer to a UC. </p>
<p>We were so exhausted from a year of trying to convince her to stay where she was that we accepted her community college/UC plan. Our only requirement was that, since she would be walking away from a good aid package, she had to figure out how the rest of her college was going to be funded, which she did. The smartest thing she did was to decide not the slam the door on her college by disenrolling; she took a leave instead. But when she got home for the summer she was 90% sure she wouldn’t be returning. </p>
<p>But she did go back after one semester off. Over the summer, she found that she missed a few people at college more than she thought she would; she also discovered that things weren’t the same with her old high school buddies, and she and the boyfriend broke up almost immediately once they got home for the summer. Once he was out of the picture, she stopped seeing her college as the enemy who was keeping her away from Mr. Wonderful.</p>
<p>We were glad she decided to go back, but somewhere along the line we made peace with her Plan B. Life was easier for us once we crossed that bridge.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>May depend on what kind of engineer. If he were in computer science or computer engineering, long hair, piercings, etc. would not be out of place in a Silicon Valley computer company. On the other hand, long hair may be a hazard if he is working in a machine shop making prototypes for a mechanical engineering design.</p>
<p>Just an update on the situation: any further input much appreciated.</p>
<p>Got a call this morning from our S letting us know that he was in town without our knowledge, had been staying at a friend’s house. He wanted to come home and was sorry for not telling us that he was home. (this is an 8 hour bus ride home for him.)</p>
<p>We went to pick him up. He is very distraught still over the breakup with the GF and really doesn’t know that he can finish the quarter. His attention is not on classes at all. </p>
<p>We don’t know what to do short of sending him back for finishing the quarter, and hoping he passes his classes. It is too late to withdraw, and this doesn’t really qualify as a medical emergency.</p>
<p>He is admitting that he may have a general problem with anxiety and focus, and our first order of business this summer is probably to get him in to see someone. </p>
<p>I just feel so bad for him right now as he is really raw from the breakup. It is hard to tell him he has to suck it up for a few more weeks and focus on his classes. We have let him know that he needs to find a tutor for the math class, and not to worry that it will cost some money. </p>
<p>Any other ideas?</p>
<p>When my son was miserable at the beginning of his spring semester, the counselor at the school made it sound like it wouldn’t be difficult to medically withdraw him for the semester. I would look into that so you know your options. My son didn’t wind up coming home, and after a few counseling sessions, he was doing much better, but I know it took some pressure off to know he wasn’t trapped there.</p>
<p>It sounds like it may be a medical emergency. I would have him talk to someone ASAP, either at home or at school.</p>
<p>Oh for heavens sake he got dumped. People get dumped allll the time, and manage to get through it. He could lose the whole semester if he doesn’t just get through it.</p>
<p>No one died, he has all his body parts. If this was my kid, I would tell him to get it together and have him tallk to someone. But to leave school because of a girl is beyond stupid. His heart is broken well, gee, too bad.</p>
<p>Maybe I sound harsh, but it’s a breakup. If this was my daughter, I would say stay there talk to someone, but don’t be a fool to lose so much because of a boy.</p>
<p>Do people in the army leave because they got dumped. Would we suggest someone quit a job because they got dumped? </p>
<p>Yes school may not have been a fit, but it now appears it was all about this girl, and very likely she was smart to step backmif this is how the man is handling the breakup.</p>
<p>It sounds like the decision about leaving the school will need to wait.</p>
<p>Right now, he probably needs your intervention and support on campus, to rescue the situation. I think you should contact a dean or advisor, with your son’s permission, and introduce the situation. Then your son can meet with them about taking incompletes, or whatever way he can finish. If that is truly impossible, the school would probably wipe the semester clean. Is there a professional who can see him and attest to the fact that he is having a legitimate problem?</p>
<p>This summer,the heartache from the breakup may clear up some but it would probably help to get at the real source of this reaction.</p>
<p>I think the stress at the end of a semester could also be a factor. One of my kids called today and said that instead of going back to school in the fall, she may travel and work with a friend.She has three papers and several performances, all within just a few days, and I know she is stressed. Honestly for now, I paid no attention at all to her plans. I realize that it may be a problem, but am not going to worry about it until I clearly have to.</p>
<p>I wonder if your son has ADHD, anxiety or depression in general, and the breakup just tipped the balance. Loneliness is hard to deal with too. Is there a school he could transfer to that is closer to home? I don’t think that cc’s are a good answer for everyone.</p>
<p>I also wonder if he is thinking of being closer to home because of the girl…</p>
<p>At my kids schools, a student could take incompletes… With the permission of the professors…and complete the course work at a later date. Is this possible?</p>
<p>If I heard a professor gave a kid a chance to make up work later because the student broke up with a bf or gf, I would be pretty irked. Seriously? </p>
<p>What legitimate problem? He didn’t fit in and his girlfriend broke up with him?</p>
<p>These are not legitimate issues at all. They are normal life happenings. Son made choices to have his life T college be about this girl and he made choices to not do his work. </p>
<p>Iif they gave breaks to every kid who got dumped in college, then every kid would go asking to be able to turn in papers late. Hey, gf left me, so need to turn in paper in a few weeks, that okay?</p>
<p>You really think that going to happen?</p>