<p>^Yes, but I propose that they are different discomforts. “There’s going to be a guy I don’t know sleeping in the same room for three nights!” and “I can’t sleep with my boyfriend for three nights!” seem like very different “inconveniences” to ME, but I’m a guy or a dude whichever you prefer : )</p>
<p>Also, if I were a girl, I wouldn’t be pleased with a simple curtain. I would want a wall and a door that I could lock.</p>
<p>This is the boyfriend. Shoot any questions you may have my way.</p>
<p>I am an assault victim, and would still be cool with my roommate bringing her boyfriend over-- and have, many times in the past, even when said boy was a complete stranger. OP, I think you have every right to bring your long term boyfriend over for the weekend. Not every weekend - not every night - but once in a while, sure. </p>
<p>Living your life in fear, just because someone could hurt you-- that’s the saddest way to exist there is. What good is that to you? Trust people; assume that they’re good if you have indication to believe that they are, especially if you’ll only have to sleep next to them for a couple hours each night for one weekend. </p>
<p>It’s easy to assume that people are evil and will do bad **** to you. That’s what socially impaired people do because they’re unsure how to deal with people and don’t know how to defend themselves. So they just block everyone out. That takes almost no effort.</p>
<p>This might be a good learning experience for both of you - for you in learning to deal with women like this, and for her in learning that-- hey! You’re 23-- and boys no longer have cooties.</p>
<p>If she really can’t stand people, she probably should’ve pitched in the extra cash for a single apartment. Or should do so now.</p>
<p>“I’ve had plenty of roommates over the years and plenty of their boyfriends/flings hanging around. If I can’t even trust a roommate not to bring sketchy men into the apartment, I really have no business living with that person in the first place.”</p>
<p>The OP’s roommate probably was assigned by NYU.</p>
<p>it’s very different sharing having a roommate’s boyfriend staying over for a couple of days when you’re living in an apartment in which your room is separate from your roommate’s than having the roommate’s boyfriend share the bedroom that you share with your roommate.</p>
<p>I spent a couple of weeks living in a studio apartment at Columbia university a few years ago. I wouldn’t want to share that with a roommate and her boyfriend. There would be no privacy except for the bathroom.</p>
<p>If the boyfriend has a job making good money as the OP has said, and she and her boyfriend will only be able to see each other once during the school year or semester, seems they could find a way of splurging for a hotel room or house sitting another student’s room over Thanksgiving break.</p>
<p>This rate for a one bedroom, 2 bed hostel room in NYC seems doable if they plan ahead:</p>
<p>“2 Bed Small Dormitory Room shared Bathroom…$ 40.00” per person</p>
<p>[Chelsea</a> Hostel Rates - Rates for Chelsea Hostel in NYC - NYC Hostel](<a href=“http://www.chelseahostel.com/rates.html]Chelsea”>http://www.chelseahostel.com/rates.html)</p>
<p>Here’s another NY hostel with beds at $29 a person.</p>
<p>Seems that making the effort and/or spending the money to have privacy would be important for the OP, too. What’s fun about sleeping with your long term boyfriend with your roommate in the same room. Don’t you want to be able to have sex and talk in private?</p>
<p>I also assume that you’d want to have sex particularly after being apart for so long. The roommate may never leave the apartment, so you may not have any chance to have sex without having her around. That doesn’t sound like a fun time for any of you.</p>
<p>Seriously, the OP is completely right here and the roommate needs to suck up, and anyone who thinks otherwise is naive and selfish. I would want my roommate to be happy if he said his girlfriend was visiting for 3 days out of an entire year and I would do what it would take so he’s happy and I would hope he would do the same, which incidently he already has. Seriously…</p>
<p>"I would want my roommate to be happy if he said his girlfriend was visiting for 3 days out of an entire year and I would do what it would take so he’s happy and I would hope he would do the same, "</p>
<p>Why wouldn’t the OP want her roommate to be happy and not inconvenienced? Anyway, the OP and her roommate are not friends: They were people randomly paired by housing. The roommate has every right to want to be comfortable in her own room.</p>
<p>Perhaps if the roommate met the BF, then if would ease her worries (?). Maybe the OP can “introduce” them to each other through webcam so she gets an idea of how he looks like, what he does, what he likes to do, etc–then they can get to know each other and it won’t be as impersonal. </p>
<p>I’m feeling ambivalent on this issue and can see it going both ways. For me, if I knew the person that the roommate was going to bring over for the night I would be more quickly willing to allow it than if I never seen/met the person–but this is just me.</p>
<p>So were my roommate and I. Live by the golden rule and treat people how you would want to be treated. I would hope the roommate would want the OP to accomodate her in a similar situation, but apparently the roommate is a naive girl thats gonna have a lot of trouble in the real world</p>
<p>"but apparently the roommate is a naive girl thats gonna have a lot of trouble in the real world "</p>
<p>There really are people who don’t have sex until marriage and who are conservative about things such as sleeping in the same room as an unrelated man. This doesn’t mean they will experience a lot of trouble in the real world. They probably will have friends who are similar to themselves.</p>
<p>Just because you and your friends think/act differently doesn’t mean that everyone else is a loser.</p>
<p>If I were in grad school, I wouldn’t have wanted to have been in the situation the OP wants to be in. I would have wanted privacy – real privacy – for me and a boyfriend whom I didn’t get to see very much. I wouldn’t want to be in a position to have a roommate hear our conversations. I would have wanted to have sex whenever I wanted to. I would be doing what was necessary to find a room where my boyfriend and I could be private.</p>
<p>I’m with Northstarmom. I appreciate that the OP seems like a nice person with good judgment, and I really, really doubt that her boyfriend would be any danger to her roommate. But as an assault victim, I would not be comfortable with a guy I didn’t know sleeping in the same room as me. Period. That doesn’t make me naive, it makes me cautious – perhaps overly so, but I’d much rather be the girl who’s too careful than the girl who’s not careful enough. Again, I don’t think that the OP’s boyfriend is the kind of guy who would do anything to hurt her roommate. I also have no idea whether the roommate has an assault history – and that’s kind of the point. No one but the roommate knows that. And if she does, and finds the idea of the OP’s boyfriend sleeping in the same room as her triggering, she’s doing right by herself to speak up.</p>
<p>Whatever the roommate’s reasons for being uncomfortable with the situation, I do think it’s her right to refuse. That sucks for the OP, and I sympathize, particularly since this is Thanksgiving weekend in NYC and I know the hotel rates are insane. One thought, and it may be a worthless thought: have you considered renting a car and driving an hour or two out of the city to a hotel? You could still make day trips into the city to sight-see or do whatever you want, but staying a ways away would probably bring hotel rates down significantly and might make it more affordable. It would be a pain for you to have to make the drive, but it’s one possibility.</p>
<p>It’s not the OP’s responsibility to “stay a ways away” for the days leading up to the roommate leaving. It was kind of the OP to notify the roommate, but, that’s all she was responsible for. The roommate knew what she was signing up for when she signed the lease; and if she wasn’t aware that’s how the world works…then, maybe she is just naive.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, I actually do agree with you. I don’t think the roommate is a loser, but she should be able to accept this. Silversaline, I understand that you were assaulted, and I empathize with you, but I think that in this case I would trust the boyfriend. Your situation is rare, and it seems a waste to live life too cautiously.</p>
<p>caseyfromorlando, I wholeheartedly agree with you. If I were in your situation I’d be very upset with how the OP’s roommate is handling this</p>
<p>"The roommate knew what she was signing up for when she signed the lease; and if she wasn’t aware that’s how the world works…then, maybe she is just naive. "</p>
<p>Actually what the OP wants and expects is not the “way the world works.” Many people – including college students in this country" would not feel comfortable having an unrelated stranger of the opposite sex share their studio apartment.</p>
<p>Just because you and the OP have friends that think this is the way the world works doesn’t mean that everyone agrees with you. There are people whose morals/culture/personality is different than yours, and that doesn’t make them rude, naive or immature.</p>
<p>The OP’s roommate probably has friends who agree with her and think that’s the way the world works.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine for you to visit your girlfriend and to sleep together and presumably have sex. I don’t think, however, it’s fine for you to include someone else in this by insisting on staying in a studio apartment with your girlfriend’s roommate.</p>
<p>The roommate did not sign up for this by agreeing to share a room while in graduate school any more than she signed up for, for example, having to share a room for 3 days with a colicy baby, visiting drug addict or recently released felon. Just because under dorm rules it’s OK for visitors to stay a few days doesn’t mean the roommate automatically has to agree to this.</p>
<p>As for the idea that somehow the roommate is immature or naive by not wanting you to stay with her, I say you are immature and naive to desire to impose your relationship on a stranger. Most full fledged adults I know would cringe at sharing a studio apartment with their visiting longterm romantic partner and their partner’s roommate, a stranger.</p>
<p>Many mature adults would do whatever is needed to have full privacy, including the privacy to have sexual relations and private conversations whenever they chose without having a stranger in the room with them.</p>
<p>And this may be possible by looking for low cost or even free (i.e. house sitting or borrowing the place of another student who’s on vacation) options. You also could take a train or a bus to a place where the hotel prices are affordable to you, and you could have a nice, romantic 3 days together.</p>
<p>Society kind of stumbled upon the “I’m uncomfortable with that” response as a way to shut down the conversation. So big deal, she’s uncomfortable! She’s living in 21st century New York, the OP is presenting a herself as a reasonable woman and the roommate will just have to be uncomfortable for a short time during the mornings and bedtime for 3 lousy days.</p>
<p>I think the other girl has an absolute right to refuse to have a strange man sleeping in her bedroom.</p>
<p>I also don’t like how the strange man himself, Casey from Orlando, is sounding rather confrontational and self-entitled about it:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I agree. I think she has that right. That pastor had the right to burn korans. This is about more than rights.</p>
<p>Well, I think you have an absolute right to pray from a koran, and a rather dubious right to burn one. I think she has an absolute right to refuse to share her bedroom, and he has a rather dubious right to muscle in anyway.</p>
<p>I think someone who is a graduate with a well-respected engineering job should be able to afford a hotel for the nights when roommate is home. He has 2 months to save his money. I realize the NY is expensive, but it’s 8 weeks away. And who says the hotel must be in the city, itself. Maybe a little farther out would be more reasonable.</p>
<p>“I think someone who is a graduate with a well-respected engineering job should be able to afford a hotel for the nights when roommate is home. He has 2 months to save his money.”</p>
<p>I agree. That’s what adults would do. The last thing any mature adult man would want to do would be spending the night with his girlfriend in a studio apartment shared by another person. A mature adult male with a good job wouldn’t be posting on College Confidential to justify his right to spend the night with his girlfriend and her roommate in one room.</p>
<p>He’d be busting butt to earn the money or make the arrangements for a real romantic few days with his long distance girlfriend whom he gets to see only rarely.</p>
<p>When I was a college senior, I dated a law student who lived hours away and was several years older than me. I invited him to visit me and stay a few days with me in my dorm room, which was a single.</p>
<p>He declined that offer, explaining that he was a grown man and would not feel comfortable visiting/romancing his girlfriend in her dorm.</p>